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DIY C@ck-ups
fat man on a moped
Posts: 945
I've had a search and although I can find a few general DIY threads I couldn't see one that focussed purely on errors, so here's a few of mine....
Repainted a couple of walls in the kitchen about 6 months ago to cover some marks. Was standing in the kitchen this morning and realised that I'd actually painted them a slightly different colour to the others.
Managed to drill through a live electric cable whilst fitting a radiator
Drilled through a central heating pipe when installing an electric cable on a Sunday afternoon when all the DIY shops had shut
I'm sure others will have better (more amusing) ones......
Repainted a couple of walls in the kitchen about 6 months ago to cover some marks. Was standing in the kitchen this morning and realised that I'd actually painted them a slightly different colour to the others.
Managed to drill through a live electric cable whilst fitting a radiator
Drilled through a central heating pipe when installing an electric cable on a Sunday afternoon when all the DIY shops had shut
I'm sure others will have better (more amusing) ones......
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Comments
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I thought this was another thread based on THAT article @Lordflashheart posted about......😂😂😂0
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Flat packs say no more.
I've probably used every swear word known to man while attempting to put the fuckers together.
They are the work of the devil.8 -
Started a long planned project in the bathroom. When we moved in there was only room for a short bath tub because there was a tiled wall projecting too far out. Decided to remove this false wall, rebuild it further back allowing room for a full length bath. Removed the tiles, then the false wall, disconnected taps etc, removed the old bath, installed the new false wall, installed and plumbed in the new bath. By now I had been working for 8 hours solid, and was knackered. My wife calls up " Teas up" , I answered "just knocking in one last nail"...............
Shortly Wife asks "Why is there water coming from the hall ceiling light fitting?!"........ Swear!, Turn Off water, remove new wall.............etc, etc4 -
One of my own efforts from a few years ago. Took me a while to work out why my missus was laughing. I took umbrage at the picture being taken
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Years ago I had to strip wood chip paper off in the hallway. it was a right pain in the arse, so I had the bright idea to put wall paper stripping solution into a wallpaper steamer. Mrs GA was expecting and was out shopping with her mum.
So after working on Saturday morning, I went home to start the job. I put the steamer on as well as the kettle and made myself a cup of tea, as I was walking into the front room, the steamer began to boil over, so with a cup of tea in one hand, I unscrewed the cap of the steamer, which resulted in Old Faithful in the hallway, burning all of my left arm & face.
ALL I said was FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK which everyone in the street heard. Phoned Mrs GA and left a message for her to come home. Spent the 45 minutes waiting for her under a cold shower. When she returned she took me to Greenwich A&E, straight in, no waiting, bypassing everyone where they dressed my wounds with a very loose bandage and told me to return the next day. The following day, my arm had swollen up and I had a blister the size of a carry bag full of what looked like piss. I was off work for a couple of months and the scar isn't too bad considering, however I do have to to sun block even if I'm in the sun for 5 minutes.
Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid, just didn't think and I also know how lucky I was.0 -
That wasn’t me - Mr Dick posted that !!!golfaddick said:I thought this was another thread based on THAT article @Lordflashheart posted about......😂😂😂0 -
I once boarded up an internal door with plasterboard (because the front and back downstairs rooms had been knocked through) - skimmed it with plaster, and it was ready to be wallpapered - bent down to pick up my toolbox, lost my balance, crashed straight through the plaster boards into the hallway
Suffice to say my kids learned some new words that day20 -
Can we split this thread into two - one half with amusing pictures of wonky shelves and the other ones that you are planning to LOL until you get towards the end....blimey - DIY is bloody dangerous...guinnessaddick said:Years ago I had to strip wood chip paper off in the hallway. it was a right pain in the arse, so I had the bright idea to put wall paper stripping solution into a wallpaper steamer. Mrs GA was expecting and was out shopping with her mum.
So after working on Saturday morning, I went home to start the job. I put the steamer on as well as the kettle and made myself a cup of tea, as I was walking into the front room, the steamer began to boil over, so with a cup of tea in one hand, I unscrewed the cap of the steamer, which resulted in Old Faithful in the hallway, burning all of my left arm & face.
ALL I said was FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK which everyone in the street heard. Phoned Mrs GA and left a message for her to come home. Spent the 45 minutes waiting for her under a cold shower. When she returned she took me to Greenwich A&E, straight in, no waiting, bypassing everyone where they dressed my wounds with a very loose bandage and told me to return the next day. The following day, my arm had swollen up and I had a blister the size of a carry bag full of what looked like piss. I was off work for a couple of months and the scar isn't too bad considering, however I do have to to sun block even if I'm in the sun for 5 minutes.
Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid, just didn't think and I also know how lucky I was.
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Wow that is not a nice storyguinnessaddick said:Years ago I had to strip wood chip paper off in the hallway. it was a right pain in the arse, so I had the bright idea to put wall paper stripping solution into a wallpaper steamer. Mrs GA was expecting and was out shopping with her mum.
So after working on Saturday morning, I went home to start the job. I put the steamer on as well as the kettle and made myself a cup of tea, as I was walking into the front room, the steamer began to boil over, so with a cup of tea in one hand, I unscrewed the cap of the steamer, which resulted in Old Faithful in the hallway, burning all of my left arm & face.
ALL I said was FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK which everyone in the street heard. Phoned Mrs GA and left a message for her to come home. Spent the 45 minutes waiting for her under a cold shower. When she returned she took me to Greenwich A&E, straight in, no waiting, bypassing everyone where they dressed my wounds with a very loose bandage and told me to return the next day. The following day, my arm had swollen up and I had a blister the size of a carry bag full of what looked like piss. I was off work for a couple of months and the scar isn't too bad considering, however I do have to to sun block even if I'm in the sun for 5 minutes.
Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid, just didn't think and I also know how lucky I was.1 -
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After playing football Sunday morning, I proceeded to go the house to do some work as we were renovating it. Cue me missing the joist and going through the brand new plastered kitchen ceiling catching my bollocks on the joists.
Shouted fuck this and went to the pub.5 -
I hate DIY, I've done loads of it too and pretty much all my spare time throughout lockdown has been spent doing something I'd be much happier paying someone else to do
I'm genuinely in awe of my dads generation who would take a week off and just fit a bathroom, everything as if it was normal or when asked what they were doing at the weekend "laying a new floor" almost with glee. Dont get me wrong, I've fitted a kitchen and a bathroom, decorated countless rooms, done my share of electrical work but hated, I mean detested every second of it. Puts me in a really foul mood and makes me so resentful at how reliant we are on cheap shitty steel from China in fact everything from China, fittings, wood, slabs, tools. So much shite sold in B&Q that some poor prick like me has to fart about with and put up, hang, install, erect knowing it is shit quality high margin shite
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Take a breath and breath.............Carter said:I hate DIY, I've done loads of it too and pretty much all my spare time throughout lockdown has been spent doing something I'd be much happier paying someone else to do
I'm genuinely in awe of my dads generation who would take a week off and just fit a bathroom, everything as if it was normal or when asked what they were doing at the weekend "laying a new floor" almost with glee. Dont get me wrong, I've fitted a kitchen and a bathroom, decorated countless rooms, done my share of electrical work but hated, I mean detested every second of it. Puts me in a really foul mood and makes me so resentful at how reliant we are on cheap shitty steel from China in fact everything from China, fittings, wood, slabs, tools. So much shite sold in B&Q that some poor prick like me has to fart about with and put up, hang, install, erect knowing it is shit quality high margin shite
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Many years ago I wanted to replace a nasty bit of bathroom carpet with some lino.
Obviously it's a fiddly job but clever me realised I had the perfect template, so removed the carpet ready lay over the lino, mark out and cut...
(You may see where this is going).
Not so clever me decided that I didn't want to risk any Sharpie marks on the lino, so turned it over...
Needless to say on fitting time, the toilet and the sink were not where they were supposed to be....18 -
Always remember years ago me and a mate taking about 7 hours to put a wardrobe together. It was honestly painful. A couple of months later i bought an extra one so thought fuck it, i'll pay for their team to come and do it. Bloke turns up on his own and i've never seen anything like it, it was put together and done in about an hour.blackpool72 said:Flat packs say no more.
I've probably used every swear word known to man while attempting to put the fuckers together.
They are the work of the devil.
Smaller stuff i do myself but bigger stuff like that i don't think i'd ever do myself again, one of those things that's well worth paying someone else to do.1 -
I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove....The shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.20
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Just move the toilet and sink during half time of the next Charlton game.onthe99 said:Many years ago I wanted to replace a nasty bit of bathroom carpet with some lino.
Obviously it's a fiddly job but clever me realised I had the perfect template, so removed the carpet ready lay over the lino, mark out and cut...
(You may see where this is going).
Not so clever me decided that I didn't want to risk any Sharpie marks on the lino, so turned it over...
Needless to say on fitting time, the toilet and the sink were not where they were supposed to be....4 -
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.0 -
When moved into the house we live in now, I realised that we could have additional loft space in two parts of the roof which couldn’t be accessed through the loft hatch (due to water tank / trusses) - so I got up in the loft, squeezed through to the other part of the roof, cut the beams, and then started cutting the plaster board with a jab saw - all going well, until I got a fair way around the square I was cutting, and suddenly I plunged through down into my daughters bedroom - luckily her bed was below it - but I made a bloody great thud when I landed and broke some slats under her bed - realised when I was cutting the hole, I was leaning with my left arm on the square I was cutting out, rather than on the beam - sooner or later the combination of a weakening bit of plaster board and my weight was going to give !!What an idiotAmazingly, I dropped through hole without hitting my head or any scratches etc, and the plaster board broke off as a perfect square13
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If it's a four core cable, you will have a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.3 -
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It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.1 -
The brown (red depending on how old the cable is)should be the live for the light & the blue should be the live for the fan.ricky_otto said:
It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.1 -
Nice one mate. Thing is the are 4 different lots of wires coming out the ceiling. 4 earths, 4 red, 3 black and 1 blue.guinnessaddick said:
The brown (red depending on how old the cable is)should be the live for the light & the blue should be the live for the fan.ricky_otto said:
It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.0 -
Pull all the cables, if you hear a scream one isn't a cable.ricky_otto said:
Nice one mate. Thing is the are 4 different lots of wires coming out the ceiling. 4 earths, 4 red, 3 black and 1 blue.guinnessaddick said:
The brown (red depending on how old the cable is)should be the live for the light & the blue should be the live for the fan.ricky_otto said:
It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.3 -
ricky_otto said:
Nice one mate. Thing is the are 4 different lots of wires coming out the ceiling. 4 earths, 4 red, 3 black and 1 blue.guinnessaddick said:
The brown (red depending on how old the cable is)should be the live for the light & the blue should be the live for the fan.ricky_otto said:
It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.One of those reds is the live feed for your daughter’s bedroom. This and the blue need to connect to a red live feed cable.1 -
Cheers mate - I’ll give that a whirl.guinnessaddick said:ricky_otto said:
Nice one mate. Thing is the are 4 different lots of wires coming out the ceiling. 4 earths, 4 red, 3 black and 1 blue.guinnessaddick said:
The brown (red depending on how old the cable is)should be the live for the light & the blue should be the live for the fan.ricky_otto said:
It is indeed a four core cable. There is an electrician down the road who could easily sort it - thing is I can’t stand him. Plus the stench I give off after being on the throne is passing Mrs Otto off - i see no need to resolve the issue.guinnessaddick said:
If it's a four core cable, you will a switched live (light)and a permanent live (fan).eaststandmike said:
This might sound stupid as you already know the fan runs AFTER you turn the light off. The fan does not need 240v to run, it has a built in capacitor that runs the fan. If you can trace the wire back to the fan, leave it disconnected, get the light working then worry about the fan.ricky_otto said:I’ve recently gutted my bathroom and put a new one in by myself. The tiling looks great, the new vanity unit and tap are looking good and toilet fitted like a glove, the shower went in smoothly.... but the £ucking light! Stupidly I didn’t bother to take pictures of the wiring when I took the old light out. This bastard light is on the same circuit as the extractor fan. Ive spent the best part of a day up a ladder, and tried so many combinations that’s it’s untrue. Thought I’d cracked it, turned the light on - it worked. Would it switch off? Absolutely not. Even worse I’ve managed to stop the light in my daughters bedroom from working. 3 weeks later I still have a shiny new bathroom with a temporary light running in through the door. Can’t even have a dump in peace at the moment.One of those reds is the live feed for your daughter’s bedroom. This and the blue need to connect to a red live feed cable.0 -
@ricky_ottoguinnessaddick said:Years ago I had to strip wood chip paper off in the hallway. it was a right pain in the arse, so I had the bright idea to put wall paper stripping solution into a wallpaper steamer. Mrs GA was expecting and was out shopping with her mum.
So after working on Saturday morning, I went home to start the job. I put the steamer on as well as the kettle and made myself a cup of tea, as I was walking into the front room, the steamer began to boil over, so with a cup of tea in one hand, I unscrewed the cap of the steamer, which resulted in Old Faithful in the hallway, burning all of my left arm & face.
ALL I said was FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK which everyone in the street heard. Phoned Mrs GA and left a message for her to come home. Spent the 45 minutes waiting for her under a cold shower. When she returned she took me to Greenwich A&E, straight in, no waiting, bypassing everyone where they dressed my wounds with a very loose bandage and told me to return the next day. The following day, my arm had swollen up and I had a blister the size of a carry bag full of what looked like piss. I was off work for a couple of months and the scar isn't too bad considering, however I do have to to sun block even if I'm in the sun for 5 minutes.
Looking back I can't believe I was so stupid, just didn't think and I also know how lucky I was.
i refer you to the above post !!4 -
I’ve done exactly the same was around 43 years ago we had just moved in our very first house and to say it was a dump would be understatement, I went off to cricket, future wife said my handy work had made an improvement, to be fair on inspection she was right. Still living there, must be on our 5th ceiling and bathroom.EricBanterna said:After playing football Sunday morning, I proceeded to go the house to do some work as we were renovating it. Cue me missing the joist and going through the brand new plastered kitchen ceiling catching my bollocks on the joists.
Shouted fuck this and went to the pub.1 -
My old man was exactly like this and so were our neighbours. They were always helping each other with fairly big projects.Carter said:I hate DIY, I've done loads of it too and pretty much all my spare time throughout lockdown has been spent doing something I'd be much happier paying someone else to do
I'm genuinely in awe of my dads generation who would take a week off and just fit a bathroom, everything as if it was normal or when asked what they were doing at the weekend "laying a new floor" almost with glee. Dont get me wrong, I've fitted a kitchen and a bathroom, decorated countless rooms, done my share of electrical work but hated, I mean detested every second of it. Puts me in a really foul mood and makes me so resentful at how reliant we are on cheap shitty steel from China in fact everything from China, fittings, wood, slabs, tools. So much shite sold in B&Q that some poor prick like me has to fart about with and put up, hang, install, erect knowing it is shit quality high margin shite
It was done through necessity as we just didn’t have the money to spend on professionals.We’re just about to have a couple of patios laid in out garden and my mate who’s in his 60’s said to me “don’t get anyone in Russ, we can do this”. I just looked at him and told him to fuck off. I’m fairly handy when it comes to general DIY & mechanics but dread to think the mess I’d make of levelling and laying patios.0 -
I moved out of mine and now on my second wifeCharltonKerry said:
I’ve done exactly the same was around 43 years ago we had just moved in our very first house and to say it was a dump would be understatement, I went off to cricket, future wife said my handy work had made an improvement, to be fair on inspection she was right. Still living there, must be on our 5th ceiling and bathroom.EricBanterna said:After playing football Sunday morning, I proceeded to go the house to do some work as we were renovating it. Cue me missing the joist and going through the brand new plastered kitchen ceiling catching my bollocks on the joists.
Shouted fuck this and went to the pub.2
