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Saying the wrong thing…
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Long time ago but was on a City power lunch in around 1986/7. We started talking about trips to Wall Street and I remarked that one of the things I liked about New York were the many street vendors where you buy Strepsils.
Of course I meant pretzels.5 -
Not one of mine but I still smile at the story of an old mate in the 70s. He went into the chemists to buy "something for the weekend" but the shop assistant was a middle aged woman who was a friend of his mums. Things weren't quite as relaxed about such things in those days and having waited a while in the hope of a male server, he finally whispered to her that he wanted "durex". After a couple of attempts at hearing him she handed over a bottle of Earax ear drops. He paid for them and exited without another word. Had great hearing for a week or two.9
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Jim Wicks the manager of the Cooper boxing twins was famous for Malapropisms.
He once told Henry Cooper not to be a shrinking violation.2 -
As a kid, going to the shop to get my dad some tobacco, should have asked for ready rubbed golden Virginia , instead asked for ready rubbed golden vagina.2
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Teacher at first day of secondary school taking the register, teacher Dyer (instant reply) ‘ere, whole class collapses.2
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As a kid my misses was sent by her mum to buy some beetroot. My wife can be a bit scatty and probably more so as a kid. On the way to the shops she kept repeating beetroot, beetroot beetroot, it gradually became rootbeet, rootboot, bootroot and eventually she went home without buying it.2
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I've got one about Mrs Stig deliberately using the wrong word. On holiday in Norway we took a short train ride. One of the other passengers, had a beautiful fluffy white husky. Straight away Mrs Stig started fussing it and asked the owner its name. "Cunty", came the reply. "Oh, County that's a beautiful name" responded Mrs S, who hates the c-bomb. "No no, it's Cunty" responded the owner. This exchange went on several times, neither side relenting on their version of the dog's name. Luckily it was a very short journey, because I thought I was going to have a fit of the giggles and didn't want to have to explain why that might be. As soon as we got off though I couldn't resist reminding Mrs Stig that, "You really ought to ask for permission before stroking somebody else's Cunty".thai malaysia addick said:I was demoing some software to audience of about 50. There’s a command in our software called COUNT. Unfortunately, I missed out the letter O. Realising my mistake, I rapidly backspaced and made the same mistake. The problem was the second time I didn’t realise my mistake. A Singaporean gentleman in the front row kindly pointed out that it should be COUNT not ****.17 -
When I was a kid, back in the days when newsagents would sell cigarettes to children, I was sent out by an aunt to buy her 20 Peter Stuyvesant Tipped.ShootersHillGuru said:As a kid my misses was sent by her mum to buy some beetroot. My wife can be a bit scatty and probably more so as a kid. On the way to the shops she kept repeating beetroot, beetroot beetroot, it gradually became rootbeet, rootboot, bootroot and eventually she went home without buying it.
God knows what I was asking for by the time I got to the newsagent, but by some fluke I came away with the correct item
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Of course, there was a taxi driver in Manila…
Stig said:
I've got one about Mrs Stig deliberately using the wrong word. On holiday in Norway we took a short train ride. One of the other passengers, had a beautiful fluffy white husky. Straight away Mrs Stig started fussing it and asked the owner its name. "Cunty", came the reply. "Oh, County that's a beautiful name" responded Mrs S, who hates the c-bomb. "No no, it's Cunty" responded the owner. This exchange went on several times, neither side relenting on their version of the dog's name. Luckily it was a very short journey, because I thought I was going to have a fit of the giggles and didn't want to have to explain why that might be. As soon as we got off though I couldn't resist reminding Mrs Stig that, "You really ought to ask for permission before stroking somebody else's Cunty".thai malaysia addick said:I was demoing some software to audience of about 50. There’s a command in our software called COUNT. Unfortunately, I missed out the letter O. Realising my mistake, I rapidly backspaced and made the same mistake. The problem was the second time I didn’t realise my mistake. A Singaporean gentleman in the front row kindly pointed out that it should be COUNT not ****.
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That’s cracked me up. I text my wife a question once while she was in a class of primary school kids. She discretely whispered back a reply into her watch. She meant to say ‘I’m ok’ but what the watch interpreted and I received was ‘I’m gay’.MrOneLung said:Or a text message - had had a bit of argument one morning with the missus, and stormed off to walk to station.
Felt bad, so sent a text that should have said 'Sorry, are you OK' but fat fingers me actually sent 'Sorry, are you on ?'7 -
I didn’t quite appreciate the context of this post until I saw it on the news … ‘Free the Sausages’ 🤣🤣🤣AFKABartram said:So in light of Starmer’s hilarious cock up today demanding the return of the sausages, what similar mess ups do we have within our ranks?
In a demo in work where I’m standing up front talking my way through a PowerPoint pack , I went to say ‘there are certain elements’ but instead said ‘there are certain elephants’.
Realised straight away and tried to ignore it. Quickly moved on and talked through the rest of the slide, in the silence waiting for the next slide to come up, someone just cracked up laughing and shouted ‘HE SAID ELEPHANTS’. Cue everyone then creasing up laughing.I feel ya Kier, I’ve been there.
Any similar accounts?0 -
In my first week in a community education project in Lewisham I was talking to two women colleagues about diet and healthy eating. They were saying how much they loved broccoli. "It's like eating a bush" I said. Cue much hilarity.3
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Right the first time.Stig said:1 -
Oh god this just reminded me. Those of a certain age in London will remember Durex condoms did a promotion using mini cars covered in banners and logos with the Durex brand. I worked for them and occasionally used the pool car. On the way home i had to fil up with petrol, in the days hen it was not self service. I pulled into our local petrol station. As the woman came out to serve me I was very conscious of the car livery and instead of saying "Fill her up with petrol" I said "Fill her up with Durex!" - I wanted the ground to swallow me up.MrOneLung said:Getting a bus to Dartford station, the morning after a particularly heavy night, was waiting to pay and when the driver greeted me, instead of saying 'Station' please, I somehow came out with 'pint of Stella'4 -
I do this quite often but probably my worst habit is miss hearing what people say. It's to do with my odd hearing and dyslexia.
Recently I misheard my sister asking for calgon from the shops and instead of getting that I ended up buying a tube of Colgate.
My favourite for saying the wrong thing is when I was talking to the doctor about their receptionist asking me to book appointments. I said to the doctor "she won't stop ringing me about my bloody aubergines"1 -
One of my teachers at college was going on maternity leave and I said as she was leaving "have a nice baby"
The whole class looked at me like what a stupid thing to say.3 -
At a place I worked at some 40 years ago, there was a filing department that was run by quite a fierce lady by the name of Rose who was very close to retirement. One day Rose sent the brand new junior, Denise, across the road to buy a "box of teabags". Unfortunately, Denise, misheard her and returned with a box of tampax instead. Fortunately, Rose, in this particular instance, did see the funny side of things but duly sent Denise straight back across the road to exchange them to add to Denise's embarrassment.2
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Should have just popped one in a cup of boiling water, then said "no, these aren't working" and then sent her back.Addick Addict said:At a place I worked at some 40 years ago, there was a filing department that was run by quite a fierce lady by the name of Rose who was very close to retirement. One day Rose sent the brand new junior, Denise, across the road to buy a "box of teabags". Unfortunately, Denise, misheard her and returned with a box of tampax instead. Fortunately, Rose, in this particular instance, did see the funny side of things but duly sent Denise straight back across the road to exchange them to add to Denise's embarrassment.0 -
Brilliant thread. My sides hurt!0
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I was in a meeting and trying to wrap up on one topic I said “and all that Jizz”. I don’t know how I continued with the meeting without bursting out with laughter.1
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Ha, my hearing isn’t great too. Those not familiar with Parkrun, before the start they read out the names of those with milestones that day (25th, 50th, 100th Parkrun etc) and everyone gives them a round of applause.Karim_myBagheri said:I do this quite often but probably my worst habit is miss hearing what people say. It's to do with my odd hearing and dyslexia.
Recently I misheard my sister asking for calgon from the shops and instead of getting that I ended up buying a tube of Colgate.
My favourite for saying the wrong thing is when I was talking to the doctor about their receptionist asking me to book appointments. I said to the doctor "she won't stop ringing me about my bloody aubergines"
Last month the Race Director got to the milestones and said do we have x here? Silence. Is y here? Silence. He then said my sister in laws name. I shouted loudly ‘here’ pointed at her to highlight and started clapping energetically. 250 people then joined in the clapping at first but it soon tailed off with a lot of muttering.Sister in law looked mortified and rest of my family there were in pieces. Apparently the run director had said Matthew, not her (not even similar) name, I’m pointing her out and everyone whispering ‘she really doesn’t look a Matthew’.5 -
In a Spo#pons a while ago and they had a beer called Golden Summer, this bloke asked for a pint of Golden Showers.3
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A mate of mine was going out with this girl. He had been dating her for a few months and none of us had met her so we just thought he had made her up. Her name was Isabelle and from photos he showed us to prove she existed she looked rather short compared to him (though he is 6 foot) so we had a nickname for her to wind him up.
Anyway I eventually got introduced to Isabelle and without thinking I said "finally nice to meet you Tinkerbell"
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I so want to believe this is true. It was the winner of an Australian phone in competition for the most embarrassing moment.A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. She took it in her stride when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear. "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: “DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU KNOCK IN WITH A HAMMER?"9 -
Rang up my unisex hairdressers (it was the 70s) and asked for an appointment for a cut and blow-job, instead of a cut and blow-dry!2
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One would make your hair curl, the other your toes.Stuart_the_Red said:Rang up my unisex hairdressers (it was the 70s) and asked for an appointment for a cut and blow-job, instead of a cut and blow-dry!2 -
Never forget when Susan Boyle had a launch party for her new album they chose the rather unfortunate hashtag of #susanalbumparty12
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I remember in school writing an article on the National Trust and after reading saw a couple of times I wrote the National Front in the article by accident.
My mate at school once I remember mistaking the film Green Street and calling it Green Street Green. The area in Bromley. Although it's one of the worst films ever made, so not an issue imo.1 -
Ditto...housing dept IB 2NShootersHillGuru said:My very first job was for The GLC as a clerical officer. Long before e mails where letters were the way to communicate. One of my colleagues without fail used to start the correspondence Dear Sir or Madman (not madam). Nobody ever seemed to notice.
Reminds me of an internal handwritten memo from a personnel dept to wages dept " please adjust wages for t Smith he didn't take holiday on Wednesday he wanked instead" ...it was meant to say worked 😁
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