Heard this on the radio before. Have to sum up a film in a few lines that don’t necessarily do it justice or give real insight.
I’ll start ball rolling:
Dirty Dancing. Hotel worker grooms girl whilst doing the tango much to the annoyance of her dad.
Goodfellas… Man grasses his mates when he gets nicked.
Rocky… Man loses a couple of boxing matches then wins one.
Scum….Ray Winstone expresses paternal yearnings as he becomes Daddy to a group of young scallywags.
Pretty Woman….Curb crawler pays brass to be his girlfriend.
Top Gun… A touching insight into repressed homosexuality in the US Air Force
Shawshank Redemption… Financial wiz kid opens accountancy practice and plays hard to get in light- hearted prison comedy caper.
Wizard of Oz….Girl has a dream .
Quadrophenia…. Boy throws scooter off a cliff after rowing with his mum.
La Haine…. Parisian youths walk round the city at night speaking French.
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"Nothing's happening... Nothing's happening... Nothing's happening... Nothing's happening....... Something about a map... Nothing's happening... Nothing's happening...... It's over. A lot of people looked pissed"
He would have to summarise a film in two words. So, you have to imagine this geezer who watches a film (or doesn't even bother, of course) and then summarises it as 'Tense melodrama' or 'Detective saga'.
Piece of piss.
Cant get enough of family guy. Stewie and Brian spin off would be inspired. Love it when Stewie ribs Brian about his never- to- be finished book "so writing a novel...eh.."
The bit when he goes Robert De Niro from Goodfellas "where's my money" is great too.
Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels.... Danny Dyer tribute by Guy Ritchie
Snatch....as above with travellers.
Usual suspects....Kevin Spacey blags his way out of custody by pretenting to have limp
Quality!
Cassablanca - Humphrey Bogarts ex-bird comes back to ask a favour
Let it Be - Four musicians nearly at the point of killing each other
haha....''You got money for fake moustaches....Where's my money?!''
Brilliant when Stewie has been on the roids and Brian is trying to get passed him at the top of the stairs ''eh..oh...uh...eh....ahhhhh im just messing wit ya man''
James Bond - English man saves World.
Braveheart - Mel Gibson rewrites history.
Robin Hood - Men in tights help people who live in trees.
Star Wars - In a land far far away a dad tries to kill son before seeing error of his way.
Jurassic Park - Surprisingly a zoo filled with Dinosaurs doesn't go according to plan.
Home Alone - Parents leave kid at home, alone.
Goal - Crap Mexican gets contract at Newcastle.
Goal 2 - Crap Mexican gets contract at Real Madrid
Goal 3 - Mexico play in the World Cup. Crap Mexican nowhere to be seen.
Terminator - Robot man fucks everyone up.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Nonce drives flying car.
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - see above.
"So what's this, 3 hookers and their mum?"
Something About Mary....Four men stalk Cameron Diaz. One jizzes in her barnet.
American Pie....Horny teen bangs tube sock then pastry- based desert.
Karate Kid......young looking 24 year old consoles Japanese widower who teaches him to beat up school kids
Scarface.....Al Pacino shouts obscenties before being shot
Carlito's Way.... as above
Taxi Driver...Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces and gets violent
Goodfellas.... Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces and gets violent
Raging Bull..Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces and gets violent
Godfather Part Two...Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces and gets violent
Anaylyse This.......Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces comedy style
Meet the Parents ...Robert De Niro pulls menancing faces comedy style
Great Escape ......Steve McQueen throws baseball to pass time in solitary confinement
Pappillion.... Steve McQueen forgets to bring his baseball
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - fat german gets taken up the chocolate pipe
Nightmare on Elm Street - kids dream about pederast
The Invention of Lying - amusing idea is stretched out over 2 hours
Escape to Victory - how to solve England's goalkeeping crisis? A hammy American shortarse that has never played the game
EDIT - Pulp fiction should have been Boxer DOESN'T throw fight...
Jaws 1, 2,3,4 - sharks get progressively clever, and start taking it all a bit too personally. But they cannot outwit the humans unlike those clever monkeys.
Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind - American nutters make models out of mashed potato and feel compelled to meet anorexic aliens with limited musical ability.
Forest Gump....Odd bloke that you get on buses rambles on to wary people waiting at bus stop
Brokeback Mountains....Cowboys get it on
Passion of the Christ....Man claims to be the Messiah. Government don't believe him.
Life of Brian.....As above with jokes.
Honey I Blew up the Kids.....Dad blows up his kids
Genuinely, my wife overheard a teenange girl in the queue for Titanic getting angry at her mate for telling her the boat sinks and spoiling the ending for her!