Things your other halves say

SmithyCAFC

Not tonight, im tired!

Joshuk87

Can you really see the fish when you go on the eurostar.

Crap I've forgotten my passport when going to Liverpool.

How long do we have to pay rent for before we own the house

Joshuk87

You never clean the house

After cleaning the house: you've done it all wrong that's gonna take me more time to Sort out!

Greenie

Not my wife, but a girl I know:

"I didn't realise pirates were real. I thought they were made up, like dinosaurs."

Beaten only by, "What was Hitler's surname?"

Legend.

Brilliant!

cedric winkleburger

I once tried telling a girl in the office the most dangerous insect/hepatitis B joke and the conversation went as follows:
What is the most dangerous insect in the world?
A frog;
A frog isn't an insect;
Oh, what is an insect?;
They have six legs;
Oh ok, a spider.

Plaaayer

I hope my brother James doesn't find out about this.

JollyRobin

'Is that it?'

nolly

"you disgust me"

LenGlover

Don't look at teletext / turn the car radio / find a television shop (depending on where we are) you'll only be in a bad mood when they're losing.... 

eaststandmike

When was the last time you did.................................. (insert anything you like in here)

Henry Irving

"Yes, we know X - Factor is fixed but you don't have to keep telling us"

ads

you look rough

O-Randy-Hunt

My missus said to me the other day.

'I'm starting to look like heather from eastenders'

I replied 'bit harsh on heather'

Didnt go down too well

olster

Not my other half...but a good friend.

Was telling her about Le Mans 24hr race and how they have more than one driver etc and take it in turns while the other drivers rest.

Her response?

"what? they nap in the back of the car?"

Not exactly...

Floyd Montana

You havent shaved....

Actually, we both say this to each other...

Wheresmeticket

"I'm fine"

Long pause.  (About 3 days).

Uboat

"Yes, we know X - Factor is fixed but you don't have to keep telling us"

Lol - been there many a time.