Following a weekend ruling by the Football League’s Dubious Records Committee, League One of the Football League is to be renamed the Huddersfield Town League, writes the Huddersfield Daily Chronicle.
The re-formed committee, consisting of Andy Booth, Dennis Law and the late Roy Goodall (RIP), voted unanimously to bestow the latest award upon Town. Panel Spokesman Booth told the Chronicle:
“Going 43 games unbeaten, including the impressive home draws with Bury, Orient and Walsall, shows not just how incredible this team have become, but also how blessed the fans of League One are to be witnessing this current crop of players. You expect the true great teams to be challenging for the Champions League or national titles, you don’t expect to be seeing it in the third tier.”
“However, after much consideration by the Dubious Records Committee, it was felt that despite the best efforts of the Football League, the BBC, Huddersfield Town, and in particular Lee Clark, the lads just aren’t getting the credit they deserve for their unrivalled football status. People point to Arsenal’s 49 games unbeaten and sure, that may well be a record, but it’s hardly a comparison. Up in that top league, they don’t get to face the challenges you have to negotiate in a tough trip to Oldham, or a cold midweek trip to Scunthorpe like Town have had to do. Additionally, Huddersfield can’t compete financially with Premiership clubs, so its grossly unfair they should have to compete with them for records either.”
Booth was equally scathing of those who point out that despite their strong record, Huddersfield remain unable to get promoted out of this league, lost their vital league play-off game (which doesn’t count, first ever ruling of the Dubious Records Committee), and remain five points off the top of the division. “Those charges are partly the reason we wish to bestow this fresh honour on Huddersfield Town”, retorted Booth.
“The loyalty they have shown to this division is unrivalled. They are the great invincibles; these trouble-makers, and i don't mean to stereotype but i bet they are cockneys, are just looking for an excuse to knock the Town.”
“Charlton may well have had an ok start to the season, but it’s nowt worth shouting about. If it was, then they wouldn’t have lost at Stevenage, would they ? What does Lord Bruce say, what do points make...? That’s right, prizes. I don’t see any mention of records. I don't see Clem or Carridge getting a lob-on at The Valley."
"No one in years to come will remember if Charlton, Sheffield Wednesday or MK Dons won the Huddersfield Town League 2011/12, but they will remember Huddersfield Town’s record (that’s not quite a record).”
The current uncertainty regarding the legitimacy of Huddersfield Town’s record (that’s not quite a record) has surprisingly divided the world of stand-up comedy.
Sparking a north / south divide, Peter Kay is backing his northern counterparts. Fresh from his ‘Tour that’s not a Tour Tour’, he said “a record ? give over, course it’s a bleedin record. Don’t listen to them daft cockneys, they know nowt. Arsenal were bloomin French anyway”.
Londoner Flanagan took time out of his 'The Out Out Tour' to hit back, “yeah, its a sort of record, but it ain’t a proper record like, is it ? It’s like gaan out for a coffee and getting home ‘arf hour later. You’ve been out, there’s no denying that, but you’ve not been out, out, 'ave ya? Arsenal went on a 72hr no-sleep stag do to Prague, while Huddersfield just drove daan the local Esso and bought a can of Dr Peppers”
Regardless of the controversy stoked by those who feel winning the league or at least getting promoted should be the priority, Town manager Lee Clark remained defiant of his invincible “We will enjoy the moment, you have to celebrate times like these”.
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In other exaggerated Huddersfield news......
Ethel Hemingway (22) of Lime St, Lockwood, this weekend become the first Huddersfield resident to win a prestigious Michelin Star. The chilli con carne she made her 24-year old husband Percy won critical acclaim from the panel, who were impressed but her determination to bring international cuisine to Yorkshire.
16-year old Earnest Sidebottom is in dreamland after being offered a five-year contract by Barcelona. Earnest was spotted at the weekend in Greenhead Park by a travelling Catalan scout, impressed by Earnest managing 23 keepy uppies, including 3 with his wrong foot and one with his head.
The Greatest Striker Whose Name Includes a Middle Eastern Country Award, announced last week by Booth's Dubious Records Committee and awarded to Town favourite Jordan Rhodes, has been amended to Greatest Striker Whose First Name Includes a Middle Eastern Country, following an objection from Joe Jordan.
Comments
Love it AFKA, as always.
Quite funny I guess.... I know Ethel by the way, her chilli con carne is quite something
It's only a bit of light hearted fun.
I heard that Chelsea are going to challenge this award on the basis that they once went 15 years without being beaten at home* and therefore feel they deserve more attention.
*except for that time they got beaten at home.
Yes, I did write it TT. I'm 98% miserable, 2% amusing, which is why you only see these pieces roughly once every three months....
(all reminiscent of Chelsea's "unbeaten at home in all competitions under Mourinho if you ignore losing to Charlton" record)
Brilliant stuff as always, AFKA .
Your talents are wasted on here......
I did add a smiley after my comment. I know what you are capable of writing and this article is up there with the best of them.
Well done sir
Cracking.......but would they have had all the hype if BBC had stayed where it should have done rather than being forced out of London and up north, Sky still broadcast from london and they don't seem to be churning up the none record.....Although if it had been Charlton I wouldn;t have stopped going on about it, it really is some feat...