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Am I being selfish?

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    My secretary married a Tunisian, and although she was half Italian, she has been here in the uk since she was 2.
    We all had doubts,but they are in love and still together 5 years later.
    She does talk about a big culture difference, Sometimes I am amazed that woman find it so hard to find love from men in the UK, in an honest relationship.
    Good luck to your mother, whatever you do I am sure you will not be able to win...... you can only advise.
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    A friend of mine, his daughter (40's) met Madjid (20's) in a Tunisian disco and fell for him. Evidently, he was a good dancer. They are now married and live in Folkestone. he lives on benefits. They have a daughter but she isn't allowed to speak English only Arabic and he has 'banned' her from seeing her family. But the twist to the story is that he has to spend 9 months of the year in Tunisa to run the family business but she isn't allowed to go with him. She is watched over by his cousin whilst he's away. Me thinks he has another family.
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    edited April 2012
    Sadie, try looking for him on here.

    http://www.tunisianloverats.com/forums/hotel-infestations.15/

    The term SoundAs was looking for is 'Bezness'. Cost a friend of ours £12k despite the warnings and protestations from her good freinds. She got out three weeks before the wedding.
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    Oh my god Valley Mac. That is dreadful.
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    That website looks interesting Nick.
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    A friend of mine has worked as a private investigator and done a couple of cases like this, used contacts overseas to find waiters etc with other women. Costs a few quid though so maybe not appropriate.
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    Update:

    My mother is in the process of applying for a 'fiance visa' which if granted would entitle him to come he for upto 6 months during which he would need to get married to stay.

    I give up, she's a lost cause can only hope it gets denied but she said if she gets turned down she will have no choice but to marry him out there and apply for a marriage visa instead. Not bad considering they have spent exactly 9 days in each others company. She is going back out there on 29th may.

    Thanks for all the advice though guys, brentfordaddick I wish I could afford it.
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    Will you have to call him 'daddy' ? :-))
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    I also need to point out that she is a rather attractive 50 year old, would be a perfect 'would ya?' lol

    Seen that, done that and got the Tee shirt but it was when she was a lot younger!
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    Lol
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    Your mum wont be watching any football out there. The Tuisians had to stop taking their wives to matches. It was banned in Tunis in 1983
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    That's ok shes a wet spam supporter lol
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    good luck sadie and just be there to support your mum if things go tits up
    and try and bite your tongue from saying i told you so

    although they could live happily ever after........................................................................................
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    Just giving an update for everyone who kindly gave me advice, she is getting married out there in 4 weeks I'm afraid :((
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    You're not losing a Mummy .. you're gaining a Daddy :-)
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    ugh! he was 11 days old when I was born.
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    edited August 2012
    Oh dear....this isn't looking good!
    I know 'exactly' what I'd do in your position....unfortunately I can't say so on here as I'd most likely get banned for life!
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    :-(( I know what I'd like to do, but it's in her hands now she'll have to face the consequences herself.
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    Oh dear. Good luck Sadie.....
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    Sorry to read this Sadie - can't see it ending well.
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    Sorry to hear it sadie but she is her own person

    Now your brothers are their own people and should let this fella know in no uncertain terms the fate he can expect if your mum get's hurt

    Good luck sadies mum
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    Good luck Sadie.

    Would be good to have some ooh aah percentages on this :-)
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    It seems as though some role reversal may be needed, with you being there to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong.

    I hope it does work out - for the sake of you and your mum.
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    Sadie, going to be working with a team of Tunisians over the next few months so if there is anything language, culture wise etc, happy to get help.
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    SJ. Sorry to hear this. I was thinking of you only the other day. Whatever she says it isn't normal after spending only 9 days in each other's company. What's the hurry? Why did he apply for a fiance visa if there isn't a motive to get to the UK? If he's been refused a fiance visa, he may not get the spouse visa either. It depends on why he was refused the fiance visa. I can PM you with some advice. Do you know why he lost his job? Think that is a concern and wonder why
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    edited August 2012
    Be super aware if he looks likely to walk off with the family fortune (which is not unheard of in these situations)...it is after all your rightfull inheritance.
    Sounds daft but I'm sitting here planning/thinking what I could do to help you and I'd gladly do so.....but at the end of the day it's down to you and your family.
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    SJ, I've PM'ed you
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    @AFKABartram it would be interesting to know what they might think of the situation lol.

    @Soundasa£ there is no family fortune luckily I think he thinks she has more money than she does, her last dodgy ex falsed her to lose her house and spent all of the proceeds for her. I don't think he knows that she is now in a council house, she knows that she has a law degree and probably assumes she has a better job than she does too.
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    Another update out of courtesy for you fine folks, My mother is in Tunisia she has all the paper work they are getting married tomorrow, she has applied for a bank loan to pay for his visa and has all visa applications ready to send off as soon as she gets home.

    I have also found out by snooping (logging into her facebook) that she has giving him at least 1 mobile phone possibly 2 as he conveniently lost his in taxis. she has bought him at least 2 pairs of jeans and some trainers, some sun glasses and some work shoes. That is just what I found out there may be more. he also asked her to send him money by western union (she didn't) I also think she has been lying to me about his age think he may be younger.

    Anyway nothing I or anyone else can do now, out of my hands. God bless you all and thanks for all of your advice.
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