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Stupid Things People Say

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  • Friend of mines ex - "I've just seen that lass out of Rod, Jane and Freddy.....can't remember her name though"
  • At a barbecue a mate once asked 'what does BBQ stand for?'..
  • a lass i know always just puts "route to ...... " as her status instead of "en route to ......" it really annoys me
  • People who see that cricket is on TV with the score at 135-3 in the first innings of the game and ask "Who's winning?"
  • My Mum - "Where does the Mexican wave come from?"
    Actually more likely to have started in the States, so perhaps not so stupid ;)
  • My stepdad was as thick as pigshit, and constantly came out with them.

    Question on Blockbusters : "What 'I' is a middle-eastern religion".. he shouts out "Indu"..

    A News reports about Israeli soldiers filmed beating up Palestinian children. His comment : "Jesus. And these people call themselves Christians..."
  • People who see that cricket is on TV with the score at 135-3 in the first innings of the game and ask "Who's winning?"
    This
  • Mates missus when trying to say "it was a Mexican standoff" says "it was a Mexican hatstand"
  • Announcers on trains/at stations that tell you nothing - "All trains are running on time. There are no delays on any underground lines".
  • Don't worry, there's always someone worse off.

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  • Probably the most stupid thing my wife ever said was "Yes Russ, I'd love to marry you"
  • Probably the most stupid thing my wife ever said was "Yes Russ, I'd love to marry you"
    Especially as you names Dave?

    ; )
  • When playing golf:

    1) "Don't worry enjoy the walk"...if I wanted to go for a walk I would hump 25kg of golf clubs with me
    2) "Trees are 80% air"...really try hitiing 10 golf balls at a tree and see if 8 go straight through

    In certain circumstances murder should be legal
  • How about Rio Ferdinand when he took over as England captain from John Terry "It's my turn to pick up the mantlepiece"
  • An ex girlfriend of mine asked me who won in the end when we were watching Saving Private Ryan

    And also said "what does a football captain do? Does he ring all the other players and ask if they want to play?"

    Palm to head!
    image
  • Girl I know
    Me : Rome was great
    Girl : Rome? I thought you went to Italy....
  • Was watching us play Spurs at Selhurst Park one Christmas.

    Nico Classen was playing for Spurs, fan near us shouts out 'F*** off back to Holland you Belgian c***'
  • An American asking for directions to Shakespeare's house at Stratford station.
    I should add that this is Stratford, East London.
  • Girl I know
    Me : Rome was great
    Girl : Rome? I thought you went to Italy....
    It's a bit like Ian Rush who referred to living in Italy as "it's like living in a foreign country"
  • I heard a woman at the bus stop at Woolwich Arsenal the other day directions to somewhere, to which the American lady replied, "I'm sorry i dont know I only moved here to Greenwich yesterday"
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  • An American asking for directions to Shakespeare's house at Stratford station.
    I should add that this is Stratford, East London.
    Reminds me of trying to help a Japanese tourist in distress at Paddington station some years ago, almost in tears. Seems she'd spent most the day of the asking people how to get to Heathrow for a flight to Turkey, and had been taken by a taxi driver to Paddington, thinking she was trying to get to Torquay...

  • Heard some fans try and start a chant against Southampton " You dirty Northern B*****ds" and they weren't joking
  • Heard some fans try and start a chant against Southampton " You dirty Northern B*****ds" and they weren't joking
    Were they from the Isle of Wight?
  • I remember playing Trivial Persuit with the family at xmas one year, and I had my (now) ex-wife on my side. Asked to name a famous jockey, she replied.........

    Jockey Wilson.

    Similar to one I heard, some game at Christmas we were playing and one of the females in the room had the question "Name a famous Policeman" her response "John Constable".
  • That's brilliant. Must be a joke, surely. Hope not though.
  • Given my job as a military historian, my beautiful wife who I met at scholl still gets confused and occasionally calls it Napoleons Column in Trafalagar Square!

    More amusing is her incapacity to remember whether she likes dupiaza or dhansak when ordering a curry, in girls world one is a lot hotter than the other!
  • I love these. It also makes me thankful that my girlfriend is not a complete retard.
  • A few years ago a fella who works for me missing for a while one afternoon finally answers his phone.
    I asked " What's happened you've not been answering your phone?"

    He ans " Got a puncture"

    Me: " Well how did the tyre go down?"

    Deadly serious his ans was " WHOOOOOSSHH"

    My daughter 14 yrs old at the time listening on speakerphone went in hysterics.

    I said "Woosh?"

    He replied "Yer it came out the side of the tyre."

    Priceless!
  • At a barbecue a mate once asked 'what does BBQ stand for?'..
    Mine would say Bloody B & Q!!!
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