I once spent half an hour in a photography shop in rome trying to explain in english that I wanted to buy four rolls of film. It was like the worst performance of 'give us a clue' ever given. Eventually my brain kicked in and I pointed to the film and held up four fingers. They said 'quattro' and I replied 'yeah quattro'!
Until I was 15 I thought laurence olivier was pronounced laurence oliver!
I heard a woman at the bus stop at Woolwich Arsenal the other day directions to somewhere, to which the American lady replied, "I'm sorry i dont know I only moved here to Greenwich yesterday"
Kind of my own fault this one. Back in the day, my ex wife asked what is the first name of Schmeichel the ManU keeper. We told her it was Michael, I assume she still thinks his name is Michael Schmeichel.
I once told someone that I work in software. "Do you know software is?" asked someone to their mother. "Yes, of course, I do", she replied "cushions, toys and things like that".
Comments
Though it could be the same guy.
Charlton fan, name begins with J?
"Is an owl a bird? You know, because they do that head spin stuff"
"Do parrots breathe oxygen?" (justification for that question being that they are brightly coloured like plants, and plants don't breathe oxygen)
"These are the best pears you will ever taste, except I hate pears"
Until I was 15 I thought laurence olivier was pronounced laurence oliver!
Q: Who has won the most Liverpool-Everton derby matches?
A: Derby
Q: Name Bobby Charlton's brother?
A: Bobby Moore
Also, when my gf's scoliosis started to get worse she got smaller because her spine was becoming more curved.
My brother in-law also asked for un-rindless bacon in the supermarket once.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/chelsea/9395243/John-Terry-racism-trial-Chelsea-captain-only-too-pleased-to-follow-orders-in-courtroom-gaffe.html
What a thick tw@t!
The wife said
that's terrible all those homes lost and people killed who do you think sent it
Sent what I said
The tornado
What are you on about
What country sent the tornado
Eh I dont get it wtf are you on about
A tornado is a plane used in war she said
I fell on the floor and couldn't stop laughing it was then she realised that it was a tornado not a fighter jet
'Bangladesh' replies the waiter.
Bloke replies 'India, yeah I've been there'.
Name a famous Paul.
Gasgoine maybe, McCartney.
Brothers bird says: Elton Johns swimming pool.
Unbelievable Paul !!!
Was it a successful chat up line?
'Who is this guy, he deserves to be hung by the balls'
We asked her what what guy.
'Peter Villier'
Back in the day, my ex wife asked what is the first name of Schmeichel the ManU keeper.
We told her it was Michael, I assume she still thinks his name is Michael Schmeichel.
"What does Postie Dave do for a job?"
"Oh, I've no idea mate"
and in a cinema during The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film:
"Are they real Turtles or people dressed up as Turtles?"