Sorry to hear of your family troubles, johnny73. You can choose your friends...etc etc.
Hopefully she'll appreciate by now how much she's let you and especially your little 'un down and is feeling guilty. Let her stew for a while - don't get in touch unless you really have to . People, especially family , need to realise how their actions impact on others.
A grovelling apology and maybe something for your daughter wouldn't go amiss IMHO.
I am Mr Mild Mannered but if she had thrown up some excuses but still confrimed she would do it and THEN failed to turn up I would go apeshit.
Hospital appointments are a ballache to organise at the best of times so for her to just not turn up is really bad form. Especially since it seems to have been a case of "What if" as opposed to anything real.
your predicament has actually angered me - I'd hope my family never did that to me
oh... she lives with you ... well thats not good at all mate ... she sounds cold hearted to me ... id tell her to sling her hook ... or get out yourself ...
from your posts it sounded like she was a stroppy teenager. which would be slightly easier to forgive because like most stroppy teenagers, selfishness and thoughtlessness tends to comes naturally. but there's no excuse for a grown women to act like that. if she didn't want to do it she should have just said so and given you the opportunity to make other arrangements.
I would call her, and ask her if she had forgot, and if she couldn't have made it would it not have been in the interests of her niece to call you to notify you that she was unable to take you, and you could have made alternative arrangements. if it is a lame excuse keep your cool, as one day she will need you again and then maybe you can in a civil manner tell her that you are unable to help her as you are doing something that day with your daughter.
Families, can be evil, and i am speaking from first hand experience, my father passed away last year, and you would not believe the amount of vile things that can be said from people who you thought so close to you when it comes to money and possessions, the reality is i couldn't give a monkies about the money or the things that he has left, i would give them all up in a heartbeat simply just to spend another day with the man. I have come to the conclusion money is the root of all evil and greed is a very nasty thing to experience first hand, especially when the people chasing things are two faced.
What compounded it is when they send nasty letters, in which you have to stand there and read, and at the same time try and keep your cool, not do anything drastic, or pick up the phone.
I would advise against a huge falling out with your sister - life is too short. I was very upset to hear that my Uncle John had passed away a YEAR after it happened because my mother had fallen out with him. Apparently, he specifically told his wife not to tell my mother. I sent a letter to my Aunt reminding her that I was his nephew and growing up he was my favourite Uncle. Never heard from her again, so didn't feel the need to inform her when my mother passed away. As a result of this I've lost touch with my cousins and will probably never see them again.
This has made me determined not to let anything come between me and my sister.
I would wait until she needs something from you and then tell her that you are of a mind to say no because she let you down. I'd probably do what she asks anyway for the reasons Saga Lout has given, but I'd make her realise what the impact would be for her if you didn't.
Sounds like your sister isn't very good at saying no or handling confrontation so perhaps did it this way (by text) to avoid what to her would be a difficult situation.
It has clearly distressed you and caused a problem in missing the appointment so you have every right to be unhappy.
Rather than never asking her again I would suggest you explain that you would much prefer if she said "no" straight way if she can't do something for you as that is less of a problem. Also that you won't be unhappy if she says "no" straight away but will be if she leaves it too late or changes her mind.
You could even add that you are still happy to do her favours despite her letting you down as you don't want this to come between you as brother and sister. That gets the message over but without conflict or ultimatums.
Rather than cutting her off and doing her no favours I would adopt the same policy. If you can do it then do, if not then say no. That way you don't feel you are forced to do something or that or being taken advantage of.
I feel that there's fault on both sides here? You should know your sister well by now and if she's hesitating then I'd make my own arrangements as it seems to me that you've pushed and pushed her making it impossible for her to say no? So I call it an equal fault on both of your parts so it's not worth falling out over this as she may say she did give you plenty of hints that were ignored, pushing her into a corner and this led to this situation? That's how I see this so please pardon me if there's something ive missed here?
I wouldn't bottle it up. Tell her you don't want to fall out with her but make clear how disappointed you are, ask her how she would feel in that situation?
Then a little bit later ask her to move out our pay rent as you need the money to get a car. There is clearly a dependency here and it would be for her own good.
Thanks for the responses. A few hours have passed and I have calmed down.
My sister does not live with us (that thread brought a smile to my face). She is a good person in general but it appears she talks a good family (she says we are close, would do anything for each other etc) but when it matters doesn't come through.
My expectation of family has probably taken a beating today. A little bit more to this than missing a hospital appointment.
The hospital is QV in East Grinstead - they are brilliant and have been extremely understanding.
I think you're entitled to let her know your feelings, but try not to let it damage your relationship more than it has to. I once did that and I now effectively have no Brother who I once regarded as close, something I have and probably always will regret.
Some of you are a lot more forgiving than me. I'd do anything for my niece, can't for life of me understand how someone could be so selfish and unwilling. Kid attending a Burns Unit ? Unbelievable
Good luck johnny, hope your little girl is ok mate.
Mr F almost severed a finger with a circular saw he'd just been given as a birthday present .Was taken there in an ambulance and they did a great job in saving said digit and enabling him to have full mobility of it. Essential as he's an engineer & it was his right hand.
Comments
Hopefully she'll appreciate by now how much she's let you and especially your little 'un down and is feeling guilty. Let her stew for a while - don't get in touch unless you really have to . People, especially family , need to realise how their actions impact on others.
A grovelling apology and maybe something for your daughter wouldn't go amiss IMHO.
Hospital appointments are a ballache to organise at the best of times so for her to just not turn up is really bad form. Especially since it seems to have been a case of "What if" as opposed to anything real.
your predicament has actually angered me - I'd hope my family never did that to me
main focus must be your daughter and from what you've said, appears she's ok which is good.
family squabbles are really not worth the aggro, rise above it, you will feel better in the long run.
from your posts it sounded like she was a stroppy teenager. which would be slightly easier to forgive because like most stroppy teenagers, selfishness and thoughtlessness tends to comes naturally. but there's no excuse for a grown women to act like that. if she didn't want to do it she should have just said so and given you the opportunity to make other arrangements.
Families, can be evil, and i am speaking from first hand experience, my father passed away last year, and you would not believe the amount of vile things that can be said from people who you thought so close to you when it comes to money and possessions, the reality is i couldn't give a monkies about the money or the things that he has left, i would give them all up in a heartbeat simply just to spend another day with the man. I have come to the conclusion money is the root of all evil and greed is a very nasty thing to experience first hand, especially when the people chasing things are two faced.
What compounded it is when they send nasty letters, in which you have to stand there and read, and at the same time try and keep your cool, not do anything drastic, or pick up the phone.
This has made me determined not to let anything come between me and my sister.
It has clearly distressed you and caused a problem in missing the appointment so you have every right to be unhappy.
Rather than never asking her again I would suggest you explain that you would much prefer if she said "no" straight way if she can't do something for you as that is less of a problem. Also that you won't be unhappy if she says "no" straight away but will be if she leaves it too late or changes her mind.
You could even add that you are still happy to do her favours despite her letting you down as you don't want this to come between you as brother and sister. That gets the message over but without conflict or ultimatums.
Rather than cutting her off and doing her no favours I would adopt the same policy. If you can do it then do, if not then say no. That way you don't feel you are forced to do something or that or being taken advantage of.
The middle path is always the best when family are concerned.
No need for 'revenge' or increasing 'issues'
Then a little bit later ask her to move out our pay rent as you need the money to get a car. There is clearly a dependency here and it would be for her own good.
My sister does not live with us (that thread brought a smile to my face). She is a good person in general but it appears she talks a good family (she says we are close, would do anything for each other etc) but when it matters doesn't come through.
My expectation of family has probably taken a beating today. A little bit more to this than missing a hospital appointment.
The hospital is QV in East Grinstead - they are brilliant and have been extremely understanding.
Good luck johnny, hope your little girl is ok mate.
Great hospital, 3 friends have been treated there, not for burns but other specialist forms of surgery and always had a good experience of it.
Next time she asked me for a favour I would say yes and let her down at the last minute saying "now you know what it's like"