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The Random Facebook Status Thread.
Comments
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the next door neighbours kids invited me to a water fight, I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil.0
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Nunight see you all in the morning0
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Mmmm cooking Fajitas :P nom nom0
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Anyone over 18 that has a football team in their name like John CAFC Smith.
Straight red!0 -
"4 more sleeps till i take my new lil famley on holibobs X"0
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"Can't wait to spend the day with my Mummy, love you lots with Jelly Tots"
She is 35 years old!!!!!!0 -
That has a cringe rating that's off the scale.BowieAddick said:"Can't wait to spend the day with my Mummy, love you lots with Jelly Tots"
She is 35 years old!!!!!!
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I used to work with the woman and listen to vomit inducing comments like that all day, whenever she asked to anything she said "pretty please" with a voice like a two year old. Fortunately she left about a year ago!0
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BowieAddick said:
"Can't wait to spend the day with my Mummy, love you lots with Jelly Tots"
She is 35 years old!!!!!!
That is a red card surely. Delete.0 - Sponsored links:
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That one is truly sickening. If there's an award for the most vomit-inducing inanity on this thread, that's got to be on the shortlist.BowieAddick said:"Can't wait to spend the day with my Mummy, love you lots with Jelly Tots"
She is 35 years old!!!!!!
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"Women on my train is wearing a wooley bobble hat yikes!"0
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Completely agree. Or those stupid little hammers West Ham fans use.BIG_ROB said:Anyone over 18 that has a football team in their name like John CAFC Smith.
Straight red!
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Today should be a happy day. someone on my facebook feed has finally given birth (2 weeks late) after daily updates since she announced that she was pregnant. I now look forward to the '1 day old' '2 day old' 'baby did 3poo's today' updates and pics that are to come.....0
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'What's the best baby milk for your little one?'
Different person. Same boring topic.
Is it obvious i don't have children?0 -
I ain't got any knippers either but I can confirm.its straight from the breastsuzisausage said:'What's the best baby milk for your little one?'
Different person. Same boring topic.
Is it obvious i don't have children?0 -
XXXXXX has fkin ad enuff
Now that is the exact spelling, cue comments underneath of 'u ok hun? Xxx' 'whats up bbe xxx' then the immortal 'ill inbox u'
BLOCKED
Far too much Jeremy Kyle from girls I once bulled and picked up a facebook friend from. Hoodrats.0 -
Has anyone mentioned overdoing it with the selfies especially those ones where it looks like the same pic over and over but it's actually loads of ever so slightly different ones.
Grinning muppets.0 -
"someone skype me"
"Yeah sweet."
"Feeling sick!!!!!"
"All home and unpacked but not feeling to well. Think i had a dodgy sausage on the plane lol"
"Lol 6 jokers in an armed police van coming up to me on my own melts haha"0 -
An old friend of mine just posted a picture of me on a work trip to Barnsley several years ago.
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'X more sleeps to Magaluf/Ayia Napa/Lanzarote/
'sleeps'. wtf are you, 10?
Piss off.0 -
I must admit leroy I also use the term 'sleeps' I think its habit
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" SICK OF THIS, HE HAS BEEN OUT ON IT SINCE FRIDAY AFTERNOON AND JUST COME BACK HAVING SPENT HIS WAGES, NOW THE .... WANTS TO GO SLEEP HE CAN F... RIGHT OFF
you ok hun? inbox me , big hugs
"SAYS AFTER WORK HE WENT FISHING AND WAS ON ...... BOAT IN KENT AND LOST TRACK OF TIME, ITS OVER WHEN HE WAKES UP HE CAN .... OFF
thats rubbish hun, ...... sold the boat as could not afford the rent anymore, lying ....
this was on my kinda of mates facebook earlier, not looking good.0 -
With the greatest of respect - you're female. It's permitted.sadiejane1981 said:I must admit leroy I also use the term 'sleeps' I think its habit
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lol oh there is0
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That does sound like a good idea and solves my what to do during the international break dilemma. Cheers.ValleyGary said:'Pigs in Blankets for breakfast lol'
Oh you f*cking nutter
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As a dieter I absolutely hate statuses about food, I don't really care about how 'lush' your chocolate cake was, or how 'munch' your damn pizza is grrrr!0
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B&Q JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny....
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX:
Not lately, but 1 am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITON:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITON HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here'?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer,
so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job – no. On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. absolutely.
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After landing my new job as a B & Q “Greeter - a good find for many retirees. I lasted less than a day . .
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bognor babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to B & Q."
I then said,"Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "No, they ain't effin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, or just effin stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B & Q."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
***Old People Rock!***0
