About 73-74 I was at the Valley with dad and brothers, my little brother was about 5-6 and needed a pee at HT so I was asked to take him to the loos behind the covered end! It was rammed but I managed to find a space for him next to two fellas, I stood the other side of these blokes, anyway we were all pissing away I looked over to see if little bro was ok, this bloke yells at me 'oi kid you're pissing on my DMs' !!!! We left the khazi at a brisk pace!
I guy I used to know in the City always used to tell the story of when he was playing he used to keep his syrup on until one day when he went up for a corner, headed the ball, the ball went one way and the syrup went the other. The keeper saved the syrup by mistake and the ball went in. He reckons he got a letter from the fa telling him he could no longer wear the syrup when playing football.
slightly off topic, but I was playing for Tonbridge Angels Youth in a pre-season and one of my teamates took a corner and by an absolute fluke it went in at the back post. He then turned round to celebrate by punching the corner flag. The corner flag didnt take the punch lightly and it rebounded hitting him square on the nose.
Spurs v Man U late 80s. Went with a male friend from work. Was getting a bit tasty on Seven Sisters Road after the match, so we headed down a side street. A milk float laden with crates of empties was trundling towards the junction, and then stopped in the traffic. Of course, the Man U mob pounced and started grabbing and lobbing the bottles. I stood there watching and in my best school ma'am tone indignantly shouting, "Hey, stop it, you mustn't do that!" Took my work pal to grab me and get me to run away from the trouble...He still ribs me about it now (even after nearly 24 years of married life).
Back in the nineties I started getting a stomach ache during my pre match pint. By the time I'd sat next to my brother in the covered end I was in agony and said that I might have to go for a crap in the ground. My brother was telling me to wait, no one goes for a crap in a football stadium, the toilets are rank and best to leave it.
I took his advice but after ten minutes I couldn't bare it any more and had to run to the toilets and sat down in the first trap I could find. About a minute later some geezer came in to take a leak and started shouting 'f-- me, some c-- is having a f--ing shit, what kind of animal f--ing shits in a football ground' he then started booting the door, hammering on the partition wall shouting and screaming about me being a dirty f--ing animal and so on.
I sat in there literally and figuratively cacking myself. After a while he left and once my guts had settled down enough I went back and sat with my brother and told him what had happened. Instead of showing me shocked sympathy he was really enjoying hearing about it, laughing away. It was then I realised, he'd followed me down, put on his best South London hard man's voice and had subjected me to a minutes worth of grief.
Not a football match but a minor league baseball game in the US many years ago. I was standing at the front with my cousin and uncle. The ball came flying towards us and I instinctively reached out and caught it one handed in full flight just taking it out of the reach of the advancing fielder. I was subjected to a torrent of abuse from the fielder and the crowd. Someone screamed "What the hell is he doing?" My cousin standing a few yards away seemingly nothing to do with me, saved the day crying back "It's OK he's English".
about 10 years ago I went to Portsmouth away. as I was entering the away end a couple of minutes into the game one of our players had just kicked the ball (probably aiming for the goal) right up the stairs to where I was making my way down. I picked it up and tried to throw it back. halfway through the motion of throwing the ball back I stumbled and collapsed in slow motion on top of the ball. cue all our fans laughing and taking the piss out of me.
went to a pre season friendly away to Palarse on my own. At the end of the game i let rip a massive yawn and dislocated my jaw! Looking like the 'Scream mask' i had to seek the assistance of the St Johns ambulance who then led me around the pitch to the first aid hut at the Sainsburys end right past the players doing their warm down. some of whom were pointing and laughing!
Saw a bloke catch the football because he thought it had gone out for a throw and as it hadn't the ref gave handball. That was pretty embarrassing for him. Was sent home from his loan 2 days early as a punishment too.
February 2007, Charlton played West Ham. At the time my eldest son and I had season tickets in the NE family stand. Coming from Essex, we know loads of West Ham fans and I had agreed to drive three of them back to Wanstead afterwards. Giving lifts to the opposition is always a risky thing to do because you don't want to be sitting in the car afterwards with them ripping the piss if you've lost, and somehow if they are nice and polite and say nothing it just makes matters worse. Anyway, I needn't have worried, Charlton were on fire that night and hammered the Hamsters 4-0.
With every goal, my excited son jumped on his seat and clapped and cheered. With every goal, a nasty smell that seemed to be hanging around The Valley all day grew worse and worse. It wasn't until Jerome Thomas fired in our final goal that I released what the problem was: We had parked on the industrial estate and as we got to the bottom of the lane my son declared that he urgently needed a pee. He said he couldn't wait, so I ushered him into that little wooded area just past the crossing and told him to go behind a tree. It's there that he must have trod in the biggest smelliest dog log ever. Every time we scored the fetid ginger mush that had stuck to his sole was daubed onto his seat. Every time he sat down it was smeared across his backside and his coat. By the time the free-wheeling Addicks had finished, his back looked like he was the canvas for a Jackson-Pollock style dirty protest.
It some how took the edge off the victory when we got back to the car to meet my hamster mates and he was stinking like Andy Dufresne on getting out of Shawshank. I did manage one quip though, "Sorry about the stink, I thought it was West Ham then I realised Cliff had sat in shit". I did feel sorry for them though, losing 4-0 and having to sit in a stinking car all the way home. I don't think we've played West Ham since; not in the league anyway. We can't have, they haven't asked for a lift.
Going to watch Bromley late 80s there was an up and under that was heading straight for us behind the goal. My brother and I were small so dad was trying so hard to protect us from getting squashed he lost his footing and whacked his head on the concrete. Just to compound matters the physio came running over as he was bleeding. School on Monday, "anyone see that geezer at Bromley on Saturday hit his head?"
I was playing Sunday morning football. In a lightweight team, I was what you might call the old fashioned rugged defender.
Within 5 minutes I had spotted that the other team had a ringer who was already showing far too much class. Fortunately, he was wearing yellow socks whereas the rest of the team wore blue socks. I decided next time he got the ball, I would let him know I was there.
Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, I spot the yellow socks running across me. I clattered the yellow socks spectacularly in that old fashioned way. Then, I look down at a 40 year old bloke in yellow socks who is shaking his head and saying "what the heck was that about?" I look around and see another guy with yellow socks waiting to take the free kick. I hadn't realised there were two players in yellow socks and the referee had made it clear it was my last foul of the match.
Standing in the away end when we were getting crowds of about three/four thousand. I leant forward to hurl abuse at the ref; however, the forward momentum sent me trotting down the steps. I did not stop until I came to rest at the crash barrier. Unfortunately, there was a chap in between us and I virtually ended up buggering him. Nearly a case of "morning judge". If you post on here my friend I humbly apologise, albeit belatedly.
Was only 11-years old when I went to my first Charlton match, was with my Primary School and was a 0-0 result against Stoke City, at one point the crowd went wild and I thought we'd scored so jumped up yelling going crazy, turned to my mate and started cheering in his face only for him to tell me that we hadnt scored and that we'd shot wide... Que me instantly sitting down sheepishly
On Saturday I was so determined to catch the protest on video and get it on the BBC London Twitter feed that I didn't finish writing my match preview for the show and when I came back to my headset I was told I was on in 30 seconds. Halfway through, got to the end of what I had written and waffled for the rest, it was awful.
On Saturday I was so determined to catch the protest on video and get it on the BBC London Twitter feed that I didn't finish writing my match preview for the show and when I came back to my headset I was told I was on in 30 seconds. Halfway through, got to the end of what I had written and waffled for the rest, it was awful.
I remember a pre season game at Bournemouth about ten years ago. Was sat right down the front near the corner when Bryan Hughes lazily swung a leg at a corner which was easily dealt with at the near post and knocked away. I then launched into a fairly inoffensive rant at Hughes' ability/application when someone (could have been Matt Holland) who was lurking on the edge of the area volleyed the clearance straight into the corner of the net. Which prompted Hughes to turn round, look me in the eye and shrug with a smile on his face. I decided to shut up.
One involving me the other involving another poster.
Colchester away 2007/08 we'd just scored in front of us away fans and I'd procured a bog roll for the purpose of jovially lobbing it on the pitch if we scored. We did and I did the girliest throw of my life. Like a thalidomide. The bog roll didn't even unfurl as it nestled unseen on the white paint of the six yard box and stayed there unnoticed for the rest of the match.
The other was my mate @Gumbo at ipswich the same season started the chant 'give me a C' so we all shouted 'CEEEEE' the dingbat then forgot the 'h' and went straight to 'a'. Twunt! At the same game @Stu_of_Kunming jumped up thinking we had scored and properly smacked his head into a joist. It sounded incredibly painful
One involving me the other involving another poster.
Colchester away 2007/08 we'd just scored in front of us away fans and I'd procured a bog roll for the purpose of jovially lobbing it on the pitch if we scored. We did and I did the girliest throw of my life. Like a thalidomide. The bog roll didn't even unfurl as it nestled unseen on the white paint of the six yard box and stayed there unnoticed for the rest of the match.
The other was my mate @Gumbo at ipswich the same season started the chant 'give me a C' so we all shouted 'CEEEEE' the dingbat then forgot the 'h' and went straight to 'a'. Twunt! At the same game @Stu_of_Kunming jumped up thinking we had scored and properly smacked his head into a joist. It sounded incredibly painful
Remember them Joists at the 4-4 game, incredibly low down
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It was rammed but I managed to find a space for him next to two fellas, I stood the other side of these blokes, anyway we were all pissing away I looked over to see if little bro was ok, this bloke yells at me 'oi kid you're pissing on my DMs' !!!! We left the khazi at a brisk pace!
Comedy gold.
I took his advice but after ten minutes I couldn't bare it any more and had to run to the toilets and sat down in the first trap I could find. About a minute later some geezer came in to take a leak and started shouting 'f-- me, some c-- is having a f--ing shit, what kind of animal f--ing shits in a football ground' he then started booting the door, hammering on the partition wall shouting and screaming about me being a dirty f--ing animal and so on.
I sat in there literally and figuratively cacking myself. After a while he left and once my guts had settled down enough I went back and sat with my brother and told him what had happened. Instead of showing me shocked sympathy he was really enjoying hearing about it, laughing away. It was then I realised, he'd followed me down, put on his best South London hard man's voice and had subjected me to a minutes worth of grief.
about 10 years ago I went to Portsmouth away. as I was entering the away end a couple of minutes into the game one of our players had just kicked the ball (probably aiming for the goal) right up the stairs to where I was making my way down. I picked it up and tried to throw it back. halfway through the motion of throwing the ball back I stumbled and collapsed in slow motion on top of the ball. cue all our fans laughing and taking the piss out of me.
With every goal, my excited son jumped on his seat and clapped and cheered. With every goal, a nasty smell that seemed to be hanging around The Valley all day grew worse and worse. It wasn't until Jerome Thomas fired in our final goal that I released what the problem was: We had parked on the industrial estate and as we got to the bottom of the lane my son declared that he urgently needed a pee. He said he couldn't wait, so I ushered him into that little wooded area just past the crossing and told him to go behind a tree. It's there that he must have trod in the biggest smelliest dog log ever. Every time we scored the fetid ginger mush that had stuck to his sole was daubed onto his seat. Every time he sat down it was smeared across his backside and his coat. By the time the free-wheeling Addicks had finished, his back looked like he was the canvas for a Jackson-Pollock style dirty protest.
It some how took the edge off the victory when we got back to the car to meet my hamster mates and he was stinking like Andy Dufresne on getting out of Shawshank. I did manage one quip though, "Sorry about the stink, I thought it was West Ham then I realised Cliff had sat in shit". I did feel sorry for them though, losing 4-0 and having to sit in a stinking car all the way home. I don't think we've played West Ham since; not in the league anyway. We can't have, they haven't asked for a lift.
Within 5 minutes I had spotted that the other team had a ringer who was already showing far too much class. Fortunately, he was wearing yellow socks whereas the rest of the team wore blue socks. I decided next time he got the ball, I would let him know I was there.
Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, I spot the yellow socks running across me. I clattered the yellow socks spectacularly in that old fashioned way. Then, I look down at a 40 year old bloke in yellow socks who is shaking his head and saying "what the heck was that about?" I look around and see another guy with yellow socks waiting to take the free kick. I hadn't realised there were two players in yellow socks and the referee had made it clear it was my last foul of the match.
He says ' I like your ground, the pitch is between two hills it's like its in a valley'
I says 'You want to think about that'.
Slight pause, then he says 'Oh yeah'.
I leant forward to hurl abuse at the ref; however, the forward momentum sent me trotting down the steps.
I did not stop until I came to rest at the crash barrier. Unfortunately, there was a chap in between us and I virtually ended up buggering him.
Nearly a case of "morning judge".
If you post on here my friend I humbly apologise, albeit belatedly.
Acidlee's being one of my favourite at the moment.
absolutely cracked me up this morning!
I was cringing in my seat
Cleared the place out...
One involving me the other involving another poster.
Colchester away 2007/08 we'd just scored in front of us away fans and I'd procured a bog roll for the purpose of jovially lobbing it on the pitch if we scored. We did and I did the girliest throw of my life. Like a thalidomide. The bog roll didn't even unfurl as it nestled unseen on the white paint of the six yard box and stayed there unnoticed for the rest of the match.
The other was my mate @Gumbo at ipswich the same season started the chant 'give me a C' so we all shouted 'CEEEEE' the dingbat then forgot the 'h' and went straight to 'a'. Twunt! At the same game @Stu_of_Kunming jumped up thinking we had scored and properly smacked his head into a joist. It sounded incredibly painful