My father in law unfortunately has no short term memory. He recognises us but only lives in the moment - he gets angry and confused very easily and can't converse beyond going round in a loop! I suppose it is a question of how bad the dementia is. There are people in my father in law's home who have lost the power of speech!
The only good thing is that he doesn't realise his wife and son passed away recently, so actually not having the illness would have been more painful for him. I only know that I and most people (including him) would rather not be here if they were able to make a choice before the effects of the illness set in.
Thank god Jimmy Hill's children have used this tragedy to highlight how important it is for people to think about the need to plan ahead.
I don't know the ins and outs but I think that they will have to go to the Court of Protection and apply for Deputyship or an order amending the original Enduring Power of Attorney if they haven't done so already, to see if they can get some form of input for their father.
It seems a daunting process but it's not and the Court is well able to deal with any case.
I wish them well and hope the family come to some sort of peace and that Jimmy is allowed to spend his last days in peace and comfort.
I had to go through the court of protection with my mother a couple of years ago. It isn't that difficult but I had good people like BDL and my solicitor helping me. It is worth the time as it makes everything so much easy to manage before and after they die.
As some of you know my mother died two weeks ago today, cause of death being end stage dementia. It was heartbreaking not being able to properly communicate with your mother near the end. Thankfully the end was quick and relatively painless for her.
I am very sorry to hear this Ben, and if it is of any comfort you can never be sure what is getting through. Your efforts to communicate may have been working better than you think.
I have been watching my mother go through this for the last eleven years, and it is a sad fate for anybody. I find even now that singing old musical hall songs, old Irish songs, children's songs, and saying traditional prayers does seem to elicit a flicker, although a lot less lately.
After eleven years I think nature will take it's course sooner rather than later for my mother, and quick and relatively painless is what I hope for.
My father in law unfortunately has no short term memory. He recognises us but only lives in the moment - he gets angry and confused very easily and can't converse beyond going round in a loop! I suppose it is a question of how bad the dementia is. There are people in my father in law's home who have lost the power of speech!
Sounds just like my Dad. He doesn't speak now but he still gets a visit every day.
My father in law unfortunately has no short term memory. He recognises us but only lives in the moment - he gets angry and confused very easily and can't converse beyond going round in a loop! I suppose it is a question of how bad the dementia is. There are people in my father in law's home who have lost the power of speech!
Sounds just like my Dad. He doesn't speak now but he still gets a visit every day.
We still visit him once a week, but more to see he is ok and for our benefit as he forgets we have been there 15 -30 seconds after we have left! I think a lot of people are afraid of death, but getting this frightens me much more!
My father in law unfortunately has no short term memory. He recognises us but only lives in the moment - he gets angry and confused very easily and can't converse beyond going round in a loop! I suppose it is a question of how bad the dementia is. There are people in my father in law's home who have lost the power of speech!
Sounds just like my Dad. He doesn't speak now but he still gets a visit every day.
We still visit him once a week, but more to see he is ok and for our benefit as he forgets we have been there 15 -30 seconds after we have left! I think a lot of people are afraid of death, but getting this frightens me much more!
Indeed. I won't go into detail for the faint of heart but watching your dad have his nappy changed certainly brings home how cruel life can be.
I think Jimmy Hill became a bit of a figure of fun in later years but we shouldn't forget what influence the man had on the development of football in England. Very sad to hear of his problems. Best wishes Jim.
My wife says she started grieving for her dad a few years ago when she lost him. When he does pass she will be happy for him and pleased he has found peace at last. The thought of him getting even worse to the point ably described by others on this thread, which will happen is very hard for her. It sounds terrible hoping for your father to pass but really you have to walk in the shoes of others who are affected.
I don't know how bad his dementia is, but would imagine it must be quite advanced if he is in a home. People with advanced dementia are still alive to us, but are dead to their families and loved ones. Another aspect of this terrible illness that is not fully appreciated.
Affects different people in different ways. My M-I-L suffered from Alzheimers for just over 3 years, and also suffered associated minor strokes. Lost her speech very early, but continued to recognize all of us up until the end. Baldybonces's Dad (my brother) is entirely different but the suffering is still the same and painful to watch.
I don't know how bad his dementia is, but would imagine it must be quite advanced if he is in a home. People with advanced dementia are still alive to us, but are dead to their families and loved ones. Another aspect of this terrible illness that is not fully appreciated.
Affects different people in different ways. My M-I-L suffered from Alzheimers for just over 3 years, and also suffered associated minor strokes. Lost her speech very early, but continued to recognize all of us up until the end. Baldybonces's Dad (my brother) is entirely different but the suffering is still the same and painful to watch.
One of the worst illnesses on the planet.
Both of my in laws suffered from this, dreadful. An ex Royal navy seviceman reduced to tears.
Jimmy loved football, and had a great knowledge of the game. I did not always agree with his views but someone who had great vision of the game, and the future of football. Sorry to her of this news.
I don't know how bad his dementia is, but would imagine it must be quite advanced if he is in a home. People with advanced dementia are still alive to us, but are dead to their families and loved ones. Another aspect of this terrible illness that is not fully appreciated.
Affects different people in different ways. My M-I-L suffered from Alzheimers for just over 3 years, and also suffered associated minor strokes. Lost her speech very early, but continued to recognize all of us up until the end. Baldybonces's Dad (my brother) is entirely different but the suffering is still the same and painful to watch.
One of the worst illnesses on the planet.
Both of my in laws suffered from this, dreadful. An ex Royal navy seviceman reduced to tears.
Jimmy loved football, and had a great knowledge of the game. I did not always agree with his views but someone who had great vision of the game, and the future of football. Sorry to hear of this news.
My mother has been in a nursing home for 7 years. She was knocked down 50 yards from her home after having been up to London to see my sister. The accident nearly killed her, but she had sustained a significant head injury and was unable to look after herself. The accident hastened the onset of dementia and she now lives in a twilight world. She always knows I am someone significant to her, and she mostly gets my name right but sometimes I have been her brother and once or twice her dad! Her sentences are mostly incoherent interspersed with familiar old phrases and gestures that show she is still in essence part of the person she once was. But one of the saddest things is that, as a woman who loved children and her family, she has 3 new grandchildren and great grandchildren and she does not know or ever will. I do think everyone should go and spend some time in a nursing home environment. You see another side to the human condition. A lot of the people seem like walking ghosts, living without rhyme or reason, and yet there are moments of staggering dignity that can move you to tears. And sometimes there are moments of lucidity in amongst the despair and isolation, that leave you with just a hint of what you once had with that person. Whenever I leave the nursing home, I always have a huge sense that life should be lived to the full. Once you get in a home like that, that's it, it's game over. It's a pretty tragic way for life to slip away, and particularly for those who watch it happening to those people who have been major figures in their lives.
Thanks NLA. The other thing I meant to mention was the carers and nurses who run these homes. You only ever seem to hear about them when something has gone wrong or there's abuse of some sort, but that leaves unsung all those who do an amazing job with caring for elderly people who can no longer look after themselves. That's also what I mean when I said about everyone visiting nursing homes - in the midst of some pretty bleak moments, the compassion and humanity of some of the nurse and carers is truly uplifting and inspiring. They are genuinely some of the finest people I have ever met.
Agree 3blokes. Easy to knock these people but these women (and it is most likely a woman and a 1st or 2nd gen immigrant on a low wage) give some wonderful care.
What a sad thread. Condolences to Henry and all who are having first hand experience of this terrible illness. I guess the best we can all do is eat a healthy diet, stop smoking and don't drink too much. Exercising the brain as much as possible is also said to keep it at bay. In answer to ATHLETICO CHARLTON I believe Jimmy was a good mate of Derek Ufton and it was he who persuaded Jimmy to come to the club.
Athletico; just read Lennie Lawrence's autobiography which covered the time when Jimmy Hill became acting Chairman. He talks positively about JH and explains that he was effective cover for the then-chairman (John Sunley) who was absent for a period following a serious illness/operation. I sense that we would kill to have someone as decent as JH at the club now, eh?!
A horrible illness, and so sad to read some of the stories on this thread. I've raised money for Alzheimer's charities in the past as it's something that genuinely saddens and scares me.
Only thing I don't get with the Jimmy Hill story is why his children think they should have power of attorney - as far as I can see he chose otherwise when still fully of sound mind? Two sides to every story, but he wanted his wife to have it.
A horrible illness, and so sad to read some of the stories on this thread. I've raised money for Alzheimer's charities in the past as it's something that genuinely saddens and scares me.
Only thing I don't get with the Jimmy Hill story is why his children think they should have power of attorney - as far as I can see he chose otherwise when still fully of sound mind? Two sides to every story, but he wanted his wife to have it.
Without us knowing the details, we can't speculate on things like this. Somebody has to have it - that is for sure!
My mother has been in a nursing home for 7 years. She was knocked down 50 yards from her home after having been up to London to see my sister. The accident nearly killed her, but she had sustained a significant head injury and was unable to look after herself. The accident hastened the onset of dementia and she now lives in a twilight world. She always knows I am someone significant to her, and she mostly gets my name right but sometimes I have been her brother and once or twice her dad! Her sentences are mostly incoherent interspersed with familiar old phrases and gestures that show she is still in essence part of the person she once was. But one of the saddest things is that, as a woman who loved children and her family, she has 3 new grandchildren and great grandchildren and she does not know or ever will. I do think everyone should go and spend some time in a nursing home environment. You see another side to the human condition. A lot of the people seem like walking ghosts, living without rhyme or reason, and yet there are moments of staggering dignity that can move you to tears. And sometimes there are moments of lucidity in amongst the despair and isolation, that leave you with just a hint of what you once had with that person. Whenever I leave the nursing home, I always have a huge sense that life should be lived to the full. Once you get in a home like that, that's it, it's game over. It's a pretty tragic way for life to slip away, and particularly for those who watch it happening to those people who have been major figures in their lives.
I could not have summed that up better 3Blokes. Went through the same thing with my nan and granddad. My nan spent her final years in Sunbury lodge nursing home in Woolwich and the care workers there do the most wonderful job. Words can't express how much I think of them and how they cared for my nan.
A horrible illness, and so sad to read some of the stories on this thread. I've raised money for Alzheimer's charities in the past as it's something that genuinely saddens and scares me.
Only thing I don't get with the Jimmy Hill story is why his children think they should have power of attorney - as far as I can see he chose otherwise when still fully of sound mind? Two sides to every story, but he wanted his wife to have it.
Without us knowing the details, we can't speculate on things like this. Somebody has to have it - that is for sure!
Absolutely. Just confused me a bit, that's all, but as you say, that's without knowing the full details.
Thanks NLA. The other thing I meant to mention was the carers and nurses who run these homes. You only ever seem to hear about them when something has gone wrong or there's abuse of some sort, but that leaves unsung all those who do an amazing job with caring for elderly people who can no longer look after themselves. That's also what I mean when I said about everyone visiting nursing homes - in the midst of some pretty bleak moments, the compassion and humanity of some of the nurse and carers is truly uplifting and inspiring. They are genuinely some of the finest people I have ever met.
A few years ago I worked (for about 12 months) as building maintenence for a group of care/nursing homes in the north-east. Yes, there was some members of staff that left a bit to be desired, but for the main, they were dedicated professionals who went above and beyond the call of duty for the patients and their families. And they certainly don't do it for the money...................
Belatedly - may I send my condolences to you at this sad time, Henry.
One's grief and sense of loss is deeply personal and distinctly individual, yet I empathise with you because my own mother died last year from the effects of dementia. I moved in with her for her last three years, and together with the carers who made thrice-daily visits, we managed to keep Ma comfortable at home, where I knew she wanted to be.
The carers were absolutely wonderful and utterly humbling. Mandeq had looked after her younger siblings at home in Mogadishu in Somalia even as a child herself, then she moved from that desperate country as a young adult, settled here in south-east London and trained for her vocation. She was merely 21 when my mother died. While I was occasionally impatient or exasperated, Mandeq was always unflappable: unfailingly practical and considerate.
Good carers are saints, really. I asked a consultant I met in Sweden about dementia and she told me that the sufferer is not often much distressed: the decline of mental capacities is a long and gradual process, horizons lower slowly and the sufferer perceives little of the sense of loss. The consultant told me that the decline is most keenly felt by the loved ones, those blessedly still in charge of their faculties who watch from the outside. My family and friends who live far away and were able to visit Ma only occasionally were those who noticed the changes most of all.
My thoughts are with you, Henry, and I hope to meet you at a Bromley Addicks get-together soon.
Comments
The only good thing is that he doesn't realise his wife and son passed away recently, so actually not having the illness would have been more painful for him. I only know that I and most people (including him) would rather not be here if they were able to make a choice before the effects of the illness set in.
I have been watching my mother go through this for the last eleven years, and it is a sad fate for anybody. I find even now that singing old musical hall songs, old Irish songs, children's songs, and saying traditional prayers does seem to elicit a flicker, although a lot less lately.
After eleven years I think nature will take it's course sooner rather than later for my mother, and quick and relatively painless is what I hope for.
My sympathies Ben.
Indeed. I won't go into detail for the faint of heart but watching your dad have his nappy changed certainly brings home how cruel life can be.
Looking at old pictures was also a good trigger to memories and discussion but it was difficult and only got worse.
I think Jimmy Hill became a bit of a figure of fun in later years but we shouldn't forget what influence the man had on the development of football in England. Very sad to hear of his problems. Best wishes Jim.
Jimmy Hill book for a penny http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/0340712481/ref=sr_1_1_olp?ie=UTF8&qid=1380549254&sr=8-1&keywords=jimmy+hill+book&condition=used
One of the worst illnesses on the planet.
An ex Royal navy seviceman reduced to tears.
Jimmy loved football, and had a great knowledge of the game.
I did not always agree with his views but someone who had great vision of the game, and the future of football.
Sorry to her of this news.
The accident nearly killed her, but she had sustained a significant head injury and was unable to look after herself.
The accident hastened the onset of dementia and she now lives in a twilight world. She always knows I am someone significant to her, and she mostly gets my name right but sometimes I have been her brother and once or twice her dad!
Her sentences are mostly incoherent interspersed with familiar old phrases and gestures that show she is still in essence part of the person she once was.
But one of the saddest things is that, as a woman who loved children and her family, she has 3 new grandchildren and great grandchildren and she does not know or ever will.
I do think everyone should go and spend some time in a nursing home environment.
You see another side to the human condition. A lot of the people seem like walking ghosts, living without rhyme or reason, and yet there are moments of staggering dignity that can move you to tears. And sometimes there are moments of lucidity in amongst the despair and isolation, that leave you with just a hint of what you once had with that person.
Whenever I leave the nursing home, I always have a huge sense that life should be lived to the full. Once you get in a home like that, that's it, it's game over.
It's a pretty tragic way for life to slip away, and particularly for those who watch it happening to those people who have been major figures in their lives.
god bless
The other thing I meant to mention was the carers and nurses who run these homes. You only ever seem to hear about them when something has gone wrong or there's abuse of some sort, but that leaves unsung all those who do an amazing job with caring for elderly people who can no longer look after themselves. That's also what I mean when I said about everyone visiting nursing homes - in the midst of some pretty bleak moments, the compassion and humanity of some of the nurse and carers is truly uplifting and inspiring. They are genuinely some of the finest people I have ever met.
Not a job I could easily do.
Only thing I don't get with the Jimmy Hill story is why his children think they should have power of
attorney - as far as I can see he chose otherwise when still fully of sound mind? Two sides to every story, but he wanted his wife to have it.
One's grief and sense of loss is deeply personal and distinctly individual, yet I empathise with you because my own mother died last year from the effects of dementia. I moved in with her for her last three years, and together with the carers who made thrice-daily visits, we managed to keep Ma comfortable at home, where I knew she wanted to be.
The carers were absolutely wonderful and utterly humbling. Mandeq had looked after her younger siblings at home in Mogadishu in Somalia even as a child herself, then she moved from that desperate country as a young adult, settled here in south-east London and trained for her vocation. She was merely 21 when my mother died. While I was occasionally impatient or exasperated, Mandeq was always unflappable: unfailingly practical and considerate.
Good carers are saints, really. I asked a consultant I met in Sweden about dementia and she told me that the sufferer is not often much distressed: the decline of mental capacities is a long and gradual process, horizons lower slowly and the sufferer perceives little of the sense of loss. The consultant told me that the decline is most keenly felt by the loved ones, those blessedly still in charge of their faculties who watch from the outside. My family and friends who live far away and were able to visit Ma only occasionally were those who noticed the changes most of all.
My thoughts are with you, Henry, and I hope to meet you at a Bromley Addicks get-together soon.
RIP Jimmy