Attention: Please take a moment to consider our terms and conditions before posting.

Bad relationships

2

Comments

  • edited August 2014
    me and the missus have had blazing rows, but 99.99% of the time we are sickeningly in love with each other. The blazing rows come from her being very strong willed and doesn't care who hears what when shes really angry, which winds me up because i hate that and i get even angrier and results in a shouting match. This has only happened once in the 2ish years we've been going out, but it was a very public row on the street and you'd probably think that they could never be happy together but we are. The thing is we know we love each other and despite our anger we can sit down and talk about it and work it all out. Nothing is too big a problem that can't be solved just by talking it through with each other. Communication is key, a lot of couples forget that.
  • I think we're losing the concept of working at relationships. So many bail when things start to go wrong.

    My parents are coming up to their golden wedding and in-laws aren't far behind. Can't tell you how much respect I have for them, and trust me, they've all had some tough stuff to get through. My father-in-law said to me last week that his marriage has changed roughly every 7 years. It works if you can go with the flow.

    I think there's something in what Leroy said above about romantic love not being able to hold relationships together. A lot of arranged marriages work because they decide from the off, "I will love you", and that sense of will sustains long and successful marriages. We watch movies and think that's real life - jump to the next one that you feel something for.

    All that said, my divorce from the nutcase I was with for the best part of 10 years was the best thing I ever did. But she was a proper nutcase, only in it for what she could get out of it, and it was an awful awful marriage pretty much from the off.
  • I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 3 years and we've not had a single row. There's been times when we've disagreed over things, but never fallen out or resulted into a screaming match.

    Probably helps that we don't actually live together full-time.............
  • I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 3 years and we've not had a single row. There's been times when we've disagreed over things, but never fallen out or resulted into a screaming match.

    Probably helps that we don't actually live together full-time.............

    couples are different and some couple dynamics might mean that they have an arguement once in a while, i really couldn't imagine being with some one i'd never argue with. Where's the challenge? I'd be so bored... maybe i'm one of those crazy people.
  • It's our 27th Wedding Anniversary today. We hardly ever row but if we do it's normally forgotten about in five minutes.
  • The wife and I have some absolute bastard rows, mainly because she is completely incapable of discussing something calmly and goes straight into screeching and shouting. I love her to bits but when she's going off on one I do find myself punching doors and walls to vent.
  • The missus can sulk a bit when I haven't "read the signs", other than that we get on really well. We have a lot of the same interests, we tend to dislike the same things and we are happy to tolerate the few things the other isn't that keen on.
  • I've learnt to 'read the signs' and then I just ignore her.....which funnily enough seems to wind her up even more!
  • My missus is the most stubborn person in the world, so in the end i say sorry but don't even really know what I'm apologising for. Anything for an easy life.
  • One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?
  • Sponsored links:


  • I've learnt to 'read the signs' and then I just ignore her.....which funnily enough seems to wind her up even more!

    Ignoring her until she gets over it works okay with us... :-)
  • colthe3rd said:

    One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?


    Just make sure she supports Charlton and you won't go far wrong.
  • colthe3rd said:

    One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?


    Just make sure she supports Charlton and you won't go far wrong.
    Worked for me...
  • I've learnt to 'read the signs' and then I just ignore her.....which funnily enough seems to wind her up even more!

    Ignoring her until she gets over it works okay with us... :-)
    Turn it up Algarve, that's the moment when you up the stakes with a cheeky, "Any chance.....?"
  • I row with my girlfriend a fair bit, but only over the really big stuff like forgetting to empty the tumble drier or not changing the bed sheets often enough for my liking.
  • It's nice to know that I'm not alone when it comes to living with psycho partners. Never really had much luck on that front. My son and Charlton are the only things that keep me going ... I could write a book on the nutty women I've lived with. My view is if you meet a good 'un, stick with it. Otherwise, stay single.
  • colthe3rd said:

    One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?


    Just make sure she supports Charlton and you won't go far wrong.
    I do have standards
  • The secret of marriage is give and take.

    You give and she takes.

    Seriously, speaking from 30 plus years experience of married life, you need to be united on your attitude to the important things and let the little things take care of themselves.

    There are two things we both agreed on from the off. Firstly, having both seen the ripples in a pond effect on the family of our parents being divorced, we were adamant that we were not going to put our own children through that trauma. Secondly we both agreed that, having had children, the needs of the children were more important than our own wishes and desires if there was conflict.

    We have had our ups and downs and still do but those foundation stones have stood us in good stead.
  • Sponsored links:


  • Another Ive been using recently is to tell her she looks great 2-3 days in a row. Hair, clothes or whatever, it doesn't really matter. It gets you a disproportionate number of brownie points. Use no more than once a fortnight for best results
  • A tip I picked up from a Project Manager that I dated for a while...just say "I'm sorry" whether you mean it or not, no matter what has happened, whether it was your fault or not. Its stops the ranting in their tracks and they've got nowhere to go and thats the end of it.

    Whether that works or not is another matter lol

  • Huskaris said:

    I row with my girlfriend a fair bit, but only over the really big stuff like forgetting to empty the tumble drier or not changing the bed sheets often enough for my liking.

    Well you could always change the sheets yourself if you're not happy.

  • edited August 2014
    The only problem with saying sorry just to keep the peace is that the resentment builds up under the surface and next time you have a disagreement it is there behind whatever the row is about this time, and your anger can get closer and closer to the surface. Also you end up losing respect for them for two reasons: 1 They buy it that you are sorry when you aren't, 2 They don't apologise because it is always you that does.

    My ex and I separated for the second time last year - we met, I moved in and lived with her for 18 months, argued a lot, we were apart for a year, got back together but lived apart for another year, lived together for 2 years and then I moved out last November. I don't think anyone could accuse us of not trying, and we both were in bits when I moved out. 9 months later we are good friends, see a fair amount of each other and have learned a lot about each other we didn't know because we aren't in a permanent competition for who gets their own way, because it doesn't matter so much any more. I occasionally think about us getting back together, but frankly I'm way too selfish to make the day to day compromises you have to make for it to work.
  • The only problem with saying sorry just to keep the peace is that the resentment builds up under the surface and next time you have a disagreement it is there behind whatever the row is about this time, and your anger can get closer and closer to the surface. Also you end up losing respect for them for two reasons: 1 They buy it that you are sorry when you aren't, 2 They don't apologise because it is always you that does.

    Thats very true thinking about it. It may have worked for her being a tall blonde, mind you.
  • colthe3rd said:

    One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?

    Mine doesn't like football, old cars, my music, military documentaries, gardening. I'm not a fan of dance shows, her music, shopping or buying cushions but we get on like a house on fire.
  • edited August 2014
    Plaaayer said:

    I entered into a relationship about a year and a half ago after a long term relationship broke up.

    It was hard at first, the other half has some strange ways, we had a few rows at the start mainly when we were both drunk. Now we see eachother nearly every day, cook for eachother occasionally and we even got to Charlton together every now and then.

    Doyley is an alright fella once you get to know him.

    Lolololol
  • colthe3rd said:

    One thing I have to ask you oldies maturer folk. How important is it to have a lot of similar interests with your partner?

    Mine doesn't like football, old cars, my music, military documentaries, gardening. I'm not a fan of dance shows, her music, shopping or buying cushions but we get on like a house on fire.
    That's because you only see each other for meals and a bit hows yer father... ;-)
  • Plaaayer said:

    I entered into a relationship about a year and a half ago after a long term relationship broke up.

    It was hard at first, the other half has some strange ways, we had a few rows at the start mainly when we were both drunk. Now we see eachother nearly every day, cook for eachother occasionally and we even got to Charlton together every now and then.

    Doyley is an alright fella once you get to know him.

    He'll break your heart eventually
  • the art of arguing is something me and my GF havent mastered, even after 14 years. We separated for a while and i had a relationship with a girl that was awesome at it, having an argument with someone that has mastered the art of arguing is bliss.

    Love my gf but when we are having misunderstandings or a row she can get me crazy furious, the kind of fury that makes you hurt your hands because you smashed through the door out of frustration. Never hit her though, she has but she really hits like a girl and thats so funny that i cant even be mad at her. Would just love to find a way to disagree about things and finding a more zen way of dealing with it. Come from a long line of broken homes and i cant stand shouting and arguing, cant see the need to lose your head over trivial things but she ... disagrees :)

    for you & gf, if i might live up to my cl rep a bit, and recommend downloading "non-violent communication" written/read by marshall rosenberg. it truly requires a rewiring of virtually our entire way of feeling/thinking/speaking/acting, but there are ENORMOUS dividends when nvc is considered/practiced... still trying myself, and know it will be a (rest of) life work...
Sign In or Register to comment.

Roland Out!