National Sperm bank is short on deposits.

soapboxsam

Having seen the sad news of only 9 people signed up, i offered my services, but was turned down on age.
They said the applicants would have to work a week in hand !
what is wrong with the younger generation ?
Don't they give a toss.
Are any CL's up for it ?

cafcdave123

Just get the palace ultras to spit in a cup

ricky_otto

Theres a fair few wankers down at millwall who could help out.

brogib

I've been in training for the last 20 odd years and i got the calluses to prove it

soapboxsam

Do we really want more Millwall and Palace fans ?

A bit of gravitas Please.

I want the National IQ to go up not down.

Brendan_O_Connell

How old is too old?

soapboxsam

Brendan_O_Connell said:

How old is too old?

Just like my horses in the grand national i couldn't get pass the first 4 hurdles ?

1. Age limit 35
2.When passing water, the urine shouldn't have a head on it (John smith smooth)
3.When out jogging, no Pensioners go pass you.
4.When you go upstairs you remember why,when you get there.

masicat

I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

To_Be_Franck

Of the 9 that signed up, 3 came on the bus and another missed the tube.

Dazzler21

masicat said:

I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

Why did @Leuth flag this?

Bubble

This is something Colin could get into now the transfer window has closed

Covered End

Dazzler21 said:

masicat said:

I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

Why did @Leuth flag this?

He doesn't like jokes.

man_at_milletts

I believe there is an abstention period before you can make your donation. That's probably putting some people off.

Brendan_O_Connell

man_at_milletts said:

I believe there is an abstention period before you can make your donation. That's probably putting some people off.

I reckon most married men wouldn't have any trouble with that though.

brogib

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

brogib

...also, what if you can't "get there" on just the porn and they are really desperate and there's a really pretty nurse there and no one else is looking?

Norman_Smith

There used to be thousands of doners in the Uk until Harriot Harmon changed the law stoping doners right to anonymity was told at the time it would be a disaster and ignored it.
Thought men wouldn't have a problem with kids turning up on the doorstep years later

Macronate

they should have based themselves at Sky HQ today.

Leuth

Covered End said:

Dazzler21 said:

masicat said:

I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

Why did @Leuth flag this?

He doesn't like jokes.

Didn't see my LOL under the next post then?

thai malaysia addick

soapboxsam said:

3.When out jogging, no Pensioners go pass you.

Off topic, I know, but I can recall one of my worst moments when I used to jog regularly. I saw a bloke of about 70+ a couple of hundred yards ahead, so I decided that I would catch him up and overtake him as a little challenge. I got within about 30 yards when suddenly he powered away and left me for dead. I think I gave up soon after that.

Bournemouth Addick

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

Not sure what he's doing these days but old "Safe Hands" himself might just pop along if you tell him it's for a good cause.

soapy_jones

Dazzler21 said:

masicat said:

I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

Why did @Leuth flag this?

Liked it for you to even it up.

smudge7946

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

A mate used to donate about 20 years ago. You had to go to Harley street. They provided a private booth, a tube and what was by 1990's standards, top quality grot magazines. (Although for some reason every mag had off topic articles such as car reviews and interviews.)
A 72 hour abstinence period and no smoking was insisted on. They paid £15 a donation .

soapy_jones

smudge7946 said:

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

A mate used to donate about 20 years ago. You had to go to Harley street. They provided a private booth, a tube and what was by 1990's standards, top quality grot magazines. (Although for some reason every mag had off topic articles such as car reviews and interviews.)
A 72 hour abstinence period and no smoking was insisted on. They paid £15 a donation .

Where's that business plan?

MrOneLung

when we were 18-20 saw an advert on back page of the Standard for the London Bridge Clinic

a few of us signed up and went once a week in our lunch hour.

Got 30 quid a time which was quite a lot back in 1990 when only earning 500 quid a month.

MrOneLung

brogib said:

...also, what if you can't "get there" on just the porn and they are really desperate and there's a really pretty nurse there and no one else is looking?

You only get the nurse if using BUPA.

brogib

smudge7946 said:

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

A mate used to donate about 20 years ago. You had to go to Harley street. They provided a private booth, a tube and what was by 1990's standards, top quality grot magazines. (Although for some reason every mag had off topic articles such as car reviews and interviews.)
A 72 hour abstinence period and no smoking was insisted on. They paid £15 a donation .

Cor, Jeremy Clarkeson learing back at you when youre full stroke is enough to give any bloke a puncture.


Jokes aside though, that'd be around the 25 mark now, how many you allowed to do in one day? Reckon I could earn meself a 250 a day.......

Stig

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

It's all a bit more sophisticated than that these days, Rob. They have a machine that can do four blokes at a time.

Raith_C_Chattonell

On a slightly different tack.

I was told to produce (at home) a second specimen a few weeks after being chopped in Greenwich hospital some 28 years ago. I delivered it via a small, crowded waiting room to the reception area where a matron checked the paper work. She wasted no time before announcing to me - and the entire waiting room - that it was ‘a complete waste of time, because as far as she was concerned, I was sterile - the first sample had proven that’.

When I turned round I’d never before witnessed so many people look at the ceiling at the same time. I may have walked into that room, but I slithered out of it.

In retrospect I just wished I had the balls courage to ask the crowd for three cheers and a rousing chorus of, ‘For he’s a jolly good fellow’.

soapy_jones

I have always said (to anyone bothered to listen) that my first w"nK after having the snip (to clear the pipes...) was the best to date. Made even more memorable by the look on my ex-wife's and the nurses faces.

smudge7946

brogib said:

smudge7946 said:

brogib said:

Serious Stupid question, honest....

Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

A mate used to donate about 20 years ago. You had to go to Harley street. They provided a private booth, a tube and what was by 1990's standards, top quality grot magazines. (Although for some reason every mag had off topic articles such as car reviews and interviews.)
A 72 hour abstinence period and no smoking was insisted on. They paid £15 a donation .

Cor, Jeremy Clarkeson learing back at you when youre full stroke is enough to give any bloke a puncture.


Jokes aside though, that'd be around the 25 mark now, how many you allowed to do in one day? Reckon I could earn meself a 250 a day.......

I guessed it was some sort of legal requirement to have an amount of off topic articles?
Does anyone know the reason why?