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National Sperm bank is short on deposits.

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  • I have always said (to anyone bothered to listen) that my first w"nK after having the snip (to clear the pipes...) was the best to date. Made even more memorable by the look on my ex-wife's and the nurses faces.

    Another mate of mine is thinking its about time he had the op.
    How painful is it and how long is the recovery time?
  • I see masicat has gone back in time to flag a post I made months ago, even though a mod removed my flag here. Very petty.
  • On a side note, this morning I went to a meeting for my Premature Ejaculator's support group.

    But it turns out that it's tomorrow.

  • When I worked in the Civil Service, about 35 years ago, there was a bloke in our office - ugly, odious, pervy with no redeeming features. He used to give all the ladies the creeps
    He used to openly "boast" about being a sperm donor.
    I used to say to myself that if I ever shot blanks, I would urge my future wife to pull some fit bloke from a club rather than risk artificial insemination.
  • brogib said:

    brogib said:

    Serious Stupid question, honest....

    Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

    I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

    A mate used to donate about 20 years ago. You had to go to Harley street. They provided a private booth, a tube and what was by 1990's standards, top quality grot magazines. (Although for some reason every mag had off topic articles such as car reviews and interviews.)
    A 72 hour abstinence period and no smoking was insisted on. They paid £15 a donation .
    Cor, Jeremy Clarkeson learing back at you when youre full stroke is enough to give any bloke a puncture.


    Jokes aside though, that'd be around the 25 mark now, how many you allowed to do in one day? Reckon I could earn meself a 250 a day.......
    You really are a big wanker then?
  • edited September 2015

    I have always said (to anyone bothered to listen) that my first w"nK after having the snip (to clear the pipes...) was the best to date. Made even more memorable by the look on my ex-wife's and the nurses faces.

    Another mate of mine is thinking its about time he had the op.
    How painful is it and how long is the recovery time?
    No pain and little physical discomfort. But as any bloke will understand, when it comes to ones crown jewels, mentally it was a chastening experience. The worst part?

    Well that was the puff of smoke and the smell of your burning bolloxs as the wound gets quarterised...


    Still shudder over that 20+ years later.
  • Stig said:

    brogib said:

    Serious Stupid question, honest....

    Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

    I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

    It's all a bit more sophisticated than that these days, Rob. They have a machine that can do four blokes at a time.

    image
    Do they make em in XXL?
  • RobRob
    edited September 2015
    What's the point of depositing. They only spunk it away.

    That's a bit like in one hand and out the other.
  • Leuth said:

    I see masicat has gone back in time to flag a post I made months ago, even though a mod removed my flag here. Very petty.

    Yep, I'm embarrassed by it. Amazing how you can be dragged to the gutter by someone and act so childish.
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  • Dragged to the gutter!

    Let me remind everyone of the following:

    "I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters."
  • Was it the incorrect usage of "your" what offended you?
  • There's an apostrophe missing in 'ladies' as well. Count me scandalised.
  • brogib said:

    Stig said:

    brogib said:

    Serious Stupid question, honest....

    Do you literally need to masterbate to give em the donor seaman and if so is there porn etc, or do they get it out another way.

    I genuinely ain't given it any thought so what's the score?

    It's all a bit more sophisticated than that these days, Rob. They have a machine that can do four blokes at a time.

    image
    Do they make em in XXL?
    Yeah, this one can take a whole marching band.

    image

    Oh, that's not what you meant, is it.
  • Leuth said:

    There's an apostrophe missing in 'ladies' as well. Count me scandalised.

    We cannot all smell as good as you.
  • edited September 2015

    When I worked in the Civil Service, about 35 years ago, there was a bloke in our office - ugly, odious, pervy with no redeeming features. He used to give all the ladies the creeps
    He used to openly "boast" about being a sperm donor.
    I used to say to myself that if I ever shot blanks, I would urge my future wife to pull some fit bloke from a club rather than risk artificial insemination.

    Because of the above is the main reason the Bar was raised and modern young women are discerning with the profile and DNA of the donor.

    Handsome,Kind,University educated, Strong,brave,funny, has Empathy,Loyal, good cook,
    can use the washing machine, can iron and is great at DIY ?

    That would rule out 99% of the Male members of Charlton Life;

    Leaving only soapboxsam ?

    I forgot one thing ?

    Hung like a Donkey.

    That would rule out 100% of CL.



  • Leuth said:

    Dragged to the gutter!

    Let me remind everyone of the following:

    "I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters."

    What is wrong with it?
  • When I worked in the Civil Service, about 35 years ago, there was a bloke in our office - ugly, odious, pervy with no redeeming features. He used to give all the ladies the creeps
    He used to openly "boast" about being a sperm donor.
    I used to say to myself that if I ever shot blanks, I would urge my future wife to pull some fit bloke from a club rather than risk artificial insemination.

    Because of the above is the main reason the Bar was raised and modern young women are discerning with the profile and DNA of the donor.

    Handsome,Kind,University educated, Strong,brave,funny, has Empathy,Loyal, good cook,
    can use the washing machine, can iron and is great at DIY ?

    That would rule out 99% of the Male members of Charlton Life;

    Leaving only soapboxsam ?

    I forgot one thing ?

    Hung like a Donkey.

    That would rule out 100% of CL.



    Looks like I'm a 1 percenter
  • Hee-haw Brogib,
    You may well pass on the one hung low,
    But do you pass on the 301 other qualities that females are after ?
  • I think this should be banned. No more bottled stuff, just draught!
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  • Dazzler21 said:

    masicat said:

    I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

    Why did @Leuth flag this?
    Pretty obvious to me.
  • edited September 2015
    image<i></i>

    Dazzler21 said:

    masicat said:

    I used to be a donor. They asked what I needed to be able to deposit quickly and I said I need to watch ladies tennis. If you don't get done quickly your left with the Williams sisters.

    Why did @Leuth flag this?
    Pretty obvious to me.</

    Oh Jesus ! Jog on.
  • Hee-haw Brogib,
    You may well pass on the one hung low,
    But do you pass on the 301 other qualities that females are after ?

    Well they're gauranteed a gamon meal with pineapple and all the trimmings and a coffee back at mine to folla!?

    ; )
  • .....does anyone remember Kirk St Moritz off Dear John? Well, I'm like a modern day version of him, except I don't wear tanktops when I'm out the public eye
  • brogib said:

    Hee-haw Brogib,
    You may well pass on the one hung low,
    But do you pass on the 301 other qualities that females are after ?

    Well they're gauranteed a gamon meal with pineapple and all the trimmings and a coffee back at mine to folla!?

    ; )
    isn't that jammon over there?
  • Jam on pineapple ??
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