My mum has been suffering from Alzheimer's now for the last 6 years, sadly this is coupled with vascular dementia. She is now 82, and for the last 3 years, has been living in a specialist home near New Eltham. I've not mentioned this before as she has been 'coping' (well as best a person can), but I drove down to see her today, and she has sadly deteriorated to beyond recognising she was my mum. During her lifetime she has raised 6 kids, mainly on her own as my old man worked away from home most of his life, he died 20 years ago, and she struggled to make ends meet. She was as hard as nails, and none of us crossed her, but we all had the uppermost respect for her. Today this sweet lady (never grew above 4' 11") was someone I didn't know, she hit out at me with her hands, swore at me with words I've never heard her say before in 60 years, and then became childlike asking for her mum like a 5 year old child.
As many of you know I breed and raise German Shepherds and when their time comes I'm allowed, by law, to stop their suffering. My mum is suffering, in her very few lucid moments she asks if she can go and be with the one love of her life...my old man....yet I cant help her. How sad do I feel where an old lady who never ever did anything wrong, in my eyes, had the strength to bring up 6 kids on her own during the 50's and 60's, encouraged me to go with my old man to The Valley to see the 'local' football team play after she had cooked sausage and mash for Saturday lunch is now reduced to not even a shadow of her former self? It's an emotive subject I know, but why do we have to see loved ones suffer that have no hope of cure or living any kind of life, I can only hope that this sweet lady is taken soon and allowed to die in her sleep. Thanks for reading and by the way, I love my mum xx We have made the arrangements with the home for her final hours, whenever they come, as we were asked to do, but now I wish that her final hours happen soon, her suffering is not dignified and she deserves better than this. Its a cruel world.
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I wish you and your mum some peace and relief to this situation.
Good luck Rm.
Unfortunately those with power have decided that people should continue to live, even when their situation is irreversible. Even when their lives are without meaning and value.
I hope I'm never in such a position. I hope when my time comes, I'll go quick. The thought of living on, when all true life has gone, appals me.
I hold no religous belief. I feel It's my right to end my life when i wish (assuming it doesn't happen suddenly)
No one has the right to force anyone else to live on. Sadly those with power refuse to acknowledge this.
It's not easy to see or deal with.
I agree with Daggs that we should be able to end our lives when we choose or when our loved ones see that the person inside has gone.
We can end our lives when we choose at our own hands (55 years ago that was still a crime!!) BUT your second point raises so many issues as, sadly, I can confirm from professional experience. This is not limited to Alzheimers but must include a range of devastating incurable illnesses such as CJD. What if all 'loved ones' don't agree? There is also a clear legal distinction between assisting someone to take their own life and actually doing the terminal act yourself 'on their behalf' although both are deemed criminal acts.
There are legal and moral issues but our Parliament chose to ignore the suffering of those afflicted and their families when recently given the opportunity to do so. Of course not everyone so afflicted wishes to be assisted to die but our present stance of a blanket 'no' is IMHO (a favourite CL acronym) parliamentary cowardice.
My mother-in-law had a stroke Sunday night/Monday morning and managed to call me after being on the floor for hours. I got from Bromley to Woolwich in 20 mins. The ambulance took 40 mins and it was stationed at the end of her road. Apparently 6.10 am is not a good time to call an ambulance, as they are just changing shifts.
Anyway, she's now in hospital mainly paralysed down her left hand side.
Like I say, difficult times.
I've worked with numerous people with dementia and it's a terrible illness - as a society we need to devote more resources to the treatment of the condition and to provide adequate care. My heart goes out to all those families affected by it - it's not something you can prepare for.
I watched an old girlfriend of mine die from throat cancer the beginning of last year and it was awful. I don't know where she got the strength to cope.
she was given a year and lived for 5.
I personally think it's undignified and unnecessary to prolong suffering even if the person is in no pain why prolong the inevitable? we should be allowed to choose how we die!
my thoughts are with you redmidland.
The more I think about it I did during that period wish something should be done to basically put her out of her misery, but now I realise that until the last few weeks she was not really suffering, she was actually quite happy in her little world.
It was me who hated seeing her like that, I was the one looking for an end to seeing her not being the person she once was.
What a do know is that this illness is affecting more and more people (just look at the numbers it's effected on this thread), yet there only seems to be one main charity while cancer has many................
I empathise totally with RedMidland here. She would have given her right arm to protect me and my sister, but there is very little we can do now the tables have turned and she needs help, and it's very distressing. However, I think a good part of the pain is actually suffered by the family , as it's a slow, inexorable road to death. At the minute, she's still with it, recognises me and my children, but every now and then, you get a jolt as a small comment reveals it's very much an ongoing process. If it happens to me, and I'm not in physical pain, I'll just sit in a chair and talk to the wall, and ask my family not to waste their time on someone who is'nt really there, but that's easier said than done. If you don't try, you feel like shit.
I think you tend to hope to pass on at 102, quietly in your sleep, after a fun filled and sexually exciting 95 years, but that's not going to happen for most of us. In the meantime, you have to hope for the best, live, laugh love and be happy. But it's a tough old world.
Sorry to read your post Red, dementia is such a cruel disease for those with it and their loved ones, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Of course since the suicide act we can all choose to end our own lives but as you said the issue is with those that don't have the physical capability or who have lost the mental capacity to realise where they are.
No easy answers.
My thoughts are with you.
The anti-euthenasia brigade have not got a clue and many of them have probably never been in the position of seeing loved ones suffer. Who are they to judge?
My granny suffered with Alzheimer's which was so traumatic for her and painful for all her loved ones to see, especially my mum.
I wish you and all your family well.
RM you are going through one of the hardest things any son could go through and you have my deepest sympathy, there's not much comfort I can offer you and I would hate to be in the same situation, but she may not recognise you 99% of the time but she is still in there deep behind the eyes and one day (they do have them sometimes even towards the end) she may be having a better day, you'll walk in and she'll say "hello son" I wish you all the best and pray for you for strength to get through this. God Bless x
About £1000 a week is the norm for Alzheimers care.