Day 1086 and 1087. It is Saturday morning and The Least Stupid Owner Of A Football Club Ever is in the tv studio about to be interviewed. His PR team are going through things one final time. "Right," says Mr. PR, " now try and stay nice and relaxed, big happy smile, and try not to say anything stu-....er.....anything derogatory about the... fans....or anything, ok?" Mr. B.O nods. He gets the signal the interview is ready to start. The TV host and B.O. settle into their seats, and the host turns confidently to address the camera. "Good morning." he says. "YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" yells the B.O. The host looks at him aghast. "What?" Mr. PR steps forward. "Sorry, is there any chance, we could just start that again?" he says. He turns to the B.O. " Er, Boss.." " What?" says The B.O. " Did he muff his line?" Mr. PR rubs his hand over his chin. "No, do you remember, we weren't going to call anyone stupid, were we?....or anything like that....this time...yes?" he says patiently. The B.O looks at him. "Oh......did one slip out?." says the B.O. "I'm afraid it did." replies Mr PR. The B.O turns to the host. "Oh...erm... sorry.." says The B.O. " I was just ...er..clearing my throat." The host gives him a look and turns back to the camera. "Right..ok....let's go again.." he composes himself and turns to the camera. "Hello. Well, this morning, we are joined by-" "YOU FUCKING ACTIVIST!!" The host looks up at the ceiling and stops. There is a pause. The B.O looks round. " I did it again, didn't I.." he says. "Could we dub in a sneeze or something over it?" The host lets out a sigh. "Right. Let's try it ONE more time...on the count of three....one...two-" " EVERYONE'S A FUCKING IDIOT EXCEPT ME!!" yells The B.O. Mr PR puts his head in his hands. The host looks at B.O. " What?" he says. The B.O looks at him, and glances round at the PR team, who are all staring at the floor. " Well, there's one, for a start!" he says defensively, pointing at someone off screen. "Look at him! Look! He keeps staring at me, like some sort of thick twat! The host turns round. " That's the cameraman." he says. "Oh." says the B.O. He looks round and points somewhere else. " Well, what about her, over there? She looks like a cretin! " That's the producer!" says the host. " She has two degrees and speaks 12 languages fluently. She built her own enigma machine out of cardboard." " Huh! She might be a member of CARD though. Whatever that is." says the B.O. The host stares at him, with a small smile. " Yes," he says, "Tell us about CARD." " No, boss no!" yells Mr PR from off stage. But it is too late. The B.O. is off. "Well, they are black ants who have assumed human form! Fiends! Devil worshipping activists! Infidels! Ingrates! Hideous CARDashian monsters! And they are everywhere!" The B.O suddenly stares at the host in a strange way. "WHY... YOU'RE....ONE OF THEM TOO!!" he yells. And with that he suddenly leaps at the host and grabs him by the throat. " Quick, get that....pilchard off the stage!" shouts Mr PR. Security steps in ( they are wearing proper identity passes you'll be pleased to hear) and there is an unseemly scuffle. As he is carried away to have a "rest, because he is rather tired", an emotional B.O can be heard yelling : " MIND THE BLOODY DUCK TAPED SHOES, YOU STUPID ANT BASTARDS!" Let's leave him hopefully to calm down and let's all give a hearty Christmas wish that he will soon be resting.......in peace and quiet. It IS the season of goodwill to all men, after all. (But in his case, I think we can make an exception.) Anyway, Merry Christmas, even though he's still here. Oh fuck.....
Got quite a funny little Ladybird spoof book called The Shed, and I was flicking through it and was surprised to suddenly see this little section about our man. It's even got the hair right! ( well sort of) <
Got quite a funny little Ladybird spoof book called The Shed, and I was flicking through it and was surprised to suddenly see this little section about our man. It's even got the hair right! ( well sort of) <</p>
With the brilliant Xmas posts making me smile I have been brought back to reality with 4 consecutive 'oh fucks'. A stark reminder that he's still here.
With the brilliant Xmas posts making me smile I have been brought back to reality with 4 consecutive 'oh fucks'. A stark reminder that he's still here.
Oh fuck
Yes, he is, like Monty Burns with hair. I know when there WILL be some dancing tho ...
Day 1093 and 1094. Now, it's almost the end of a great year, guys, and what have us stupid bastards learned? Well, mostly that football is not really about football at all, it is mainly about the dancing afterwards. Phew. Thank goodness someone finally had the vision to clear that one up for us. But there are some people out there who have been very critical of The B.O. this year. Yes, I'm talking about the Activists. Unbelievably, there are people out there who consider the B.O to be an arrogant, pompous, deluded old twat whose notion of himself as a visionary is utterly laughable. But I doubt any of them have ever experienced the joy of dancing after losing at home 0-2 to Peterborough, yes, another timeless memory for the old vault. So let's dance and move on. What of the B.O's plans for next year? We all know how important and busy he is. Let's look at some other community based projects this visionary might be bestowing his special attention upon this coming year:
The Best Ever Network Of Sewage Farms Ever! A natural move for our visionary. Yes. Crapulence, as we all know, he has a keen interest here. Almost every time he opens his mouth, he seems to want to talk shite! So, look forward to developments in this exciting new field for our shit shovelling leader.
The Best Movie Experience Ever! (As explained by the CEO, The B.O.'s next door neighbour's cat. Called Kat.) "Yes, a network of cinemas offering a unique experience where families can come and sit down together in a darkened room. We know that is the really important part of the cinematic experience! They are then shown trailers of films they can see at other really big cinemas and after that they can all then settle down to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on an endless cycle. And, of course refreshments are available, like our 14 piece packs of popcorn. Afterwards they get the chance to do a conga round the Slushee machine. And finally, in a unique, special twist to the cinema experience we film them!
The Best Travel Agency Ever. ( as explained by the CEO, the granddaughter's pet gerbil, Stan)
"Ever wanted to go somewhere really great with friends or family? Somewhere you might want to go to on a regular basis for years and years, down the generations? Well, finally here's your chance with our unique opportunity to visit far away lands and places by satellite stream! No more packing suitcases and endless travelling on network rail or shit things like that, no, now enjoy it all, the stadium, the beach, or that mountain retreat, from the comfort of your sofa! Or even pretend to be there, whilst sitting in your favourite restaurant! Because at The Best Travel Agency, you are King. 'King Fullofit. You can dip your big fat duck taped toe into whatever local culture you want to disregard! And afterwards when you've trashed it, you can dance!"
Well it just remains for me to wish you all a Happy New Year, whilst regrettably recording that he's still here. Oh fuck.....
@3blokes Thank you for the entertaining posts this year, proving that if you don't laugh, you can only cry (in our case maybe a bit of both). So rather than saying "long may they continue", let's hope they can stop very early in 2017, our objective achieved.
Day 1100 and 1101. It's another Saturday and The Best Owner Of A Dancing Club Ever is in his shed. He is very pleased. He has done some very good business this week. Yes, indeed, a whole box of garden fence 3" nails for just £1.99 direct from the supplier! " Fucking brilliant!" shouts The B.O and he punches the air. And misses. True, he has splashed out a bit, but at the moment, you see, he's a little flush with money. Because, yes, he has sold Unit 294B from the Player Farm for a VERY tidy amount. He smiles to himself. It makes football worthwhile! That's the true meaning of success! What a great sport to be involved in! He wonders if he should have a little dance at this point. Would it be a little weird? Thinking that it might be just a bit, he decides to do it. He is dancing the Riga Mortis shuffle when his wife appears at the door with his coffee and little amaretto biscuit.She drops them both in shock " OMG!! What's wrong!! What are you doing?" She screams " Have you been bitten by that rabid bat AGAIN!??" The B.O. stops and looks down at the broken cup and the amaretto biscuit laying in pieces on the floor. " YOU....YOU...BROKE MY FUCKING BISCUIT!!!!" he screams. " MY .......FUCKING AMARETTO BISCUIT!!" His wife looks at him. " Well, I'll just get you another one!" She says. The BO stares at her in disbelief. " HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH AMARETTO BISCUITS COST, YOU MAD COW!!!" he screams. " I'LL HAVE TO SELL ANOTHER PLAYER UNIT!! MY FUCKING BISCUITS!!" He turns to his wife. " Phone de cloob! Tell that chirpy new Robinsnest bloke he can forget the new midfield! My fucking biscuit!" And with that, he starts to hop from one foot to another in rage. Well it's lovely to see the B.O dancing in his shed once again, even if he is screaming a bit. Let's just hope the new year carries on in a similar vein. He's still here. Oh fuck.....
Comments
He's still here.
Oh fuck....
He's still here.
Oh fuck....
He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
Oh fuck
He's still here.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.......
Now, it's almost the end of a great year, guys, and what have us stupid bastards learned? Well, mostly that football is not really about football at all, it is mainly about the dancing afterwards.
Phew. Thank goodness someone finally had the vision to clear that one up for us.
But there are some people out there who have been very critical of The B.O. this year.
Yes, I'm talking about the Activists.
Unbelievably, there are people out there who consider the B.O to be an arrogant, pompous, deluded old twat whose notion of himself as a visionary is utterly laughable.
But I doubt any of them have ever experienced the joy of dancing after losing at home 0-2 to Peterborough, yes, another timeless memory for the old vault.
So let's dance and move on.
What of the B.O's plans for next year?
We all know how important and busy he is. Let's look at some other community based projects this visionary might be bestowing his special attention upon this coming year:
The Best Ever Network Of Sewage Farms Ever!
A natural move for our visionary. Yes. Crapulence, as we all know, he has a keen interest here. Almost every time he opens his mouth, he seems to want to talk shite! So, look forward to developments in this exciting new field for our shit shovelling leader.
The Best Movie Experience Ever!
(As explained by the CEO, The B.O.'s next door neighbour's cat. Called Kat.)
"Yes, a network of cinemas offering a unique experience where families can come and sit down together in a darkened room. We know that is the really important part of the cinematic experience! They are then shown trailers of films they can see at other really big cinemas and after that they can all then settle down to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on an endless cycle. And, of course refreshments are available, like our 14 piece packs of popcorn. Afterwards they get the chance to do a conga round the Slushee machine.
And finally, in a unique, special twist to the cinema experience we film them!
The Best Travel Agency Ever.
( as explained by the CEO, the granddaughter's pet gerbil, Stan)
"Ever wanted to go somewhere really great with friends or family? Somewhere you might want to go to on a regular basis for years and years, down the generations?
Well, finally here's your chance
with our unique opportunity to visit far away lands and places by satellite stream! No more packing suitcases and endless travelling on network rail or shit things like that, no, now enjoy it all, the stadium, the beach, or that mountain retreat, from the comfort of your sofa! Or even pretend to be there, whilst sitting in your favourite restaurant!
Because at The Best Travel Agency, you are King. 'King Fullofit. You can dip your big fat duck taped toe into whatever local culture you want to disregard! And afterwards when you've trashed it, you can dance!"
Well it just remains for me to wish you all a Happy New Year, whilst regrettably recording that he's still here.
Oh fuck.....
Those ant-ivists will soon be seeing how they deal with boiling water Duchatelet style, oh yes.
And when the new forum goes live mwuhahahahaha.
Most not-stupid owner wanders off rubbing his hands together and cackling maniacally.
A new takeover thread on CL...
Norfolknchance... he's still here.
He's still here.
Oh fuck...
1905
He might sell up today!
Good result yesterday.
He's still here.
Oh fuck....
He's still here.
Oh fuck to the power of 10....
He's still here.
Oh fuck......
He's still here.
Oh fuck....
It's another Saturday and The Best Owner Of A Dancing Club Ever is in his shed.
He is very pleased. He has done some very good business this week.
Yes, indeed, a whole box of garden fence 3" nails for just £1.99 direct from the supplier!
" Fucking brilliant!" shouts The B.O and he punches the air. And misses.
True, he has splashed out a bit, but at the moment, you see, he's a little flush with money. Because, yes, he has sold Unit 294B from the Player Farm for a VERY tidy amount.
He smiles to himself. It makes football worthwhile! That's the true meaning of success! What a great sport to be involved in!
He wonders if he should have a little dance at this point. Would it be a little weird?
Thinking that it might be just a bit, he decides to do it.
He is dancing the Riga Mortis shuffle when his wife appears at the door with his coffee and little amaretto biscuit.She drops them both in shock
" OMG!! What's wrong!! What are you doing?" She screams " Have you been bitten by that rabid bat AGAIN!??"
The B.O. stops and looks down at the broken cup and the amaretto biscuit laying in pieces on the floor.
" YOU....YOU...BROKE MY FUCKING BISCUIT!!!!" he screams. " MY .......FUCKING AMARETTO BISCUIT!!"
His wife looks at him.
" Well, I'll just get you another one!" She says.
The BO stares at her in disbelief.
" HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW MUCH AMARETTO BISCUITS COST, YOU MAD COW!!!" he screams. " I'LL HAVE TO SELL ANOTHER PLAYER UNIT!! MY FUCKING BISCUITS!!"
He turns to his wife.
" Phone de cloob! Tell that chirpy new Robinsnest bloke he can forget the new midfield! My fucking biscuit!"
And with that, he starts to hop from one foot to another in rage.
Well it's lovely to see the B.O dancing in his shed once again, even if he is screaming a bit. Let's just hope the new year carries on in a similar vein.
He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
"owning a football club is never satisfactory in any way, shape or form. It’s a pure labour of love."
Perhaps RD loves CAFC ?