To be honest as a child I loved, absolutely loved Christmas and everything about it. Now having lost some very close relatives around the festive period and spending Christmas without them on a selfish level makes me incredibly sad. I'm very lucky to have my parents and each year without the people lost doesn't get easier I think I just cope a bit better however I then get down thinking about people on there own. People who are unwell and spending Christmas in hospital, people on the streets. And the commercialisation of it which has always been there just more intense now with the amount of media channels to make the most of it really rubs your nose in it if you are sensitive to this time of year or are going to be on your own. Also the thought of a child being poorly at Christmas on its own is enough for me to stick my fists in my ears, lock myself in a room and get upset.
Something I've never understood is thinking of happy memories makes me very sad as I know that's all they are. Memories. My wife adores this time of year and I try to go along with it but I'm just so indifferent I invariably look miserable or awkward.
I do love boxing day football however, and if I'm off work I like being able to sit round someone's house and have a drink and eat all the shit they will have bought in for Christmas. Same with people sat round mine.
Something I actually hate is Christmas songs and how they are played so early on. I like the Pogues fairytale of new York but once I've heard it 12,000 times in 30 days I become murderous listening to it. This in turn makes me more angry because I know I'm being a grumpy cunt.
The once a year drinkers also fuck me off in the local.
Just booked a couple of days in France coming back on late the 23rd. Wife and I decided that would be a nice present we could get each other. Looking forward to Christmas now!
My dislike is the demise of the Tunis Cake. Over the years it really has suffered the "wagon wheel" effect. One didn't even have the marzipan fruits or the coloured icing on top of the chocolate.
Everyone knows who has got who and I have to ruin part of my day today buying some junk then wrap it up tonight and bring it on the train tomorrow all for the sake of present nobody will want.
Everyone knows who has got who and I have to ruin part of my day today buying some junk then wrap it up tonight and bring it on the train tomorrow all for the sake of present nobody will want.
£10 note in an envelope. Bosh. Sorted. More useful than a plastic jumping willy n'all.
I like Christmas, essentially for the family togetherness (i have a very small one!). But increasingly can't be bothered with all the palaver. We now eat what we like on the day rather than make a huge roast dinner that no one really wants. Sorry @Essex_Al, but Christmas cards do my head in. The routine of sending a card to distant relative people who I know I'll never see again in my life nor would I recognise if they walked past me and the cards themselves cluttering up the place. Just can't be bothered with it any more and there are so many immediate ways to keep in touch these days. It's the only day of the year when I drink before lunchtime! Hic.
No problem mate, I understand your position actually, we receive cards and feel obliged to send one back, but sometimes a card can help cheer someone up, especially some of our lonely, elderly population.
Here's an astonishing fact for you:-
In 2015 an estimated 900 million Christmas cards were sold in the UK in boxes and packs worth around £200m, as well as millions of cards bought from online operators, such as Moonpig.
The market is massive, and that's just at Christmas!
My favourite thing about Christmas is all the food.
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
My favourite thing about Christmas is all the food.
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I've noticed that you've explained what happened to the plastic fish and the nativity scene but you seem to be keeping quiet about the fate of the sparkly thong.
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I've noticed that you've explained what happened to the plastic fish and the nativity scene but you seem to be keeping quiet about the fate of the sparkly thong.
When I joined my Company 3 years ago I was asked in the build up to my first Christmas there whether I would like to partake in Secret Santa. I said no and it was up there with the best decisions I've made. About 1/4 of the (26) office don't bother so I'm not the only 'boring' one.
I actually liked it some years at my old Company, where we had a real laugh with it, but (like a lot of things) it became very sanitised as time went on - no pink fluffy slippers for our gay boss etc. FWIW he loved them as he had a sense of humour.
Everyone knows who has got who and I have to ruin part of my day today buying some junk then wrap it up tonight and bring it on the train tomorrow all for the sake of present nobody will want.
I hit the jackpot last year - By chance I drew my own name out of the Secret Santa hat but kept quiet about it. The budget was £10 max. so I promptly went out and bought myself a £25 bottle of whisky, wrapped it and left it under the work Christmas tree with all the other presents.
Safe to say I was the envy of every other bloke in the office who ended up with a Lynx deodorant and shower gel set, or similar... and they still can't work out who splashed out 25 quid on me!
when the gyms goer's in january start moaning about all the new members Get over yourselves. You didn't see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I've noticed that you've explained what happened to the plastic fish and the nativity scene but you seem to be keeping quiet about the fate of the sparkly thong.
Well, obviously, that gift was not SO bad and has enlivened many an evening in the 3blokes household, and if that thought doesn't thoroughly put you off your afternoon coffee, Dave, nothing will
My favourite thing about Christmas is all the food.
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
Well maybe I'd keep the open fire.
You should get together with Miranda on the TV, the thing she likes about Christmas is FOOD
My favourite thing about Christmas is all the food.
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
Well maybe I'd keep the open fire.
You should get together with Miranda on the TV, the thing she likes about Christmas is FOOD
My favourite thing about Christmas is all the food.
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
Well maybe I'd keep the open fire.
You should get together with Miranda on the TV, the thing she likes about Christmas is FOOD
Working in retail, I've had enough of Christmas by the beginning of October. The only good bit is putting out the first delivery of Easter Eggs on Christmas Eve just to see the reaction from the customers.
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I remember the year I met my missus I opened my Secret Santa and got a cock shaped bottle of lube from Ann Summers.
Left it in my coat pocket before making my way home from the office Christmas lunch to hers as I was staying round her parents place that night.
Lube ended up leaking in my pocket, and came downstairs the next morning to find a puddle of lube underneath the kitchen table where it has soaked through my pocket.
Secret Santa as people have already mentioned. It might have been called Tacky Prezzies ( ffs) or something where I worked. It was an excuse to give people utterly shit pointless presents because that was " funny" One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition. It was hilarious. In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin. Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh." Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I remember the year I met my missus I opened my Secret Santa and got a cock shaped bottle of lube from Ann Summers.
Left it in my coat pocket before making my way home from the office Christmas lunch to hers as I was staying round her parents place that night.
Lube ended up leaking in my pocket, and came downstairs the next morning to find a puddle of lube underneath the kitchen table where it has soaked through my pocket.
I didnt know what to say.
You should have said "sorry, I forgot to wrap your present" to her mum.
I recall one year it was decided we would take our secret santa presents unopened to the resteraunt to open there. I gave a colleague a box filled with logs , fire lighters and a box of matches - a make your own fire set. Just because it was hilarious watching them lug it to the meal. Well I found it funny!
Everyone knows who has got who and I have to ruin part of my day today buying some junk then wrap it up tonight and bring it on the train tomorrow all for the sake of present nobody will want.
You can buy almost anything in the pound shop nowadays.
Comments
Something I've never understood is thinking of happy memories makes me very sad as I know that's all they are. Memories. My wife adores this time of year and I try to go along with it but I'm just so indifferent I invariably look miserable or awkward.
I do love boxing day football however, and if I'm off work I like being able to sit round someone's house and have a drink and eat all the shit they will have bought in for Christmas. Same with people sat round mine.
Something I actually hate is Christmas songs and how they are played so early on. I like the Pogues fairytale of new York but once I've heard it 12,000 times in 30 days I become murderous listening to it. This in turn makes me more angry because I know I'm being a grumpy cunt.
The once a year drinkers also fuck me off in the local.
Over the years it really has suffered the "wagon wheel" effect.
One didn't even have the marzipan fruits or the coloured icing on top of the chocolate.
Everyone knows who has got who and I have to ruin part of my day today buying some junk then wrap it up tonight and bring it on the train tomorrow all for the sake of present nobody will want.
Here's an astonishing fact for you:-
In 2015 an estimated 900 million Christmas cards were sold in the UK in boxes and packs worth around £200m, as well as millions of cards bought from online operators, such as Moonpig.
The market is massive, and that's just at Christmas!
Cheese and crackers, home made sausage rolls and cheese straws. Twiglets, pringles the full works. And then there's the roast. We're having turkey, lamb and beef this year! Gonna be amazing! Parsnips in honey. Pigs in blankets. Bacon bits in the sprouts. Mmmm.
This year I'm timing it so I finish our roast at home. Then hop in the car to the girlfriends house just in time to get their roast!
Then there is the left over turkey going into a turkey and cranberry pie!
I can't wait!!
Gonna get slightly fat...
Frankly I could do away with everything else about Christmas and just have the food. That would be me happy.
Well maybe I'd keep the open fire.
Just soooo much food!!
One year I got a plastic model of the nativity scene. Then a sparkly thong. Then a plastic fish that sang "Merry Christmas" at me, till the battery died mid way through the first rendition.
It was hilarious.
In the end, as it was anonymous, I decided to buy completely unrelated non Christmas things. A sponge. A can of WD40. A bar of soap. There would be a slightly puzzled attempt at a laugh, but then the next present would be opened quickly. Yes, I was a miserable bastard about a bit of harmless fun, but you had no choice on it, we all had to do it, and you were seen as a miserable bastard if you didn't find it all hysterically funny. I thought at least the things I bought were a tiny bit useful, as opposed to a plastic model of a nativity scene, which was a straight in the bin.
Sometimes, it would be handy if you could just quietly hold up a little card that said " Sorry, I've had a Humour bypass, have a great time all of you, but just count me out, no hard feelings either way eh."
Actually, thinking about it, it would have to be a pretty large card to fit that all on!
I actually liked it some years at my old Company, where we had a real laugh with it, but (like a lot of things) it became very sanitised as time went on - no pink fluffy slippers for our gay boss etc. FWIW he loved them as he had a sense of humour.
Safe to say I was the envy of every other bloke in the office who ended up with a Lynx deodorant and shower gel set, or similar... and they still can't work out who splashed out 25 quid on me!
Went down like Santa coming down the chimney,drinking all your ale and pi55ing on the tree
when the gyms goer's in january start moaning about all the new members
Get over yourselves.
You didn't see us moaning when you came to use our pubs in December.
Left it in my coat pocket before making my way home from the office Christmas lunch to hers as I was staying round her parents place that night.
Lube ended up leaking in my pocket, and came downstairs the next morning to find a puddle of lube underneath the kitchen table where it has soaked through my pocket.
I didnt know what to say.