Life's Great Mysteries

NorthheathAddick

Stig said:

What is it with the city of Lancaster? I'm here for the evening and people keep giving me funny looks. I was in a pub (The Cow?) earlier and a guy walked out giving me the absolute evils as he walked past my table. Now I'm in spoons and a bloke at the bar, looking like Yul Brynner (no joke), was staring me out like he fancied himself as some sort of barroom gunslinger. The 'waiter' - a youthful MungoJerryalike has been overly attentive whilst the bloke at the next table who's supposed to be chatting with his girlfriend keeps throwing glances at me. Is it just a strange town or am I a doppelgänger for the local gangster?

U still wearing your helmet...;)

Covered End

Why is it that 90% of the time when watching football, as soon as I step outside the room there's a goal ?
Same happens with cricket. As soon as I step outside there's a wicket.
It's been going on for years - weird.

Six-a-bag-of-nuts

Infinity

heckington_reds

Stig said:

What is it with the city of Lancaster? I'm here for the evening and people keep giving me funny looks. I was in a pub (The Cow?) earlier and a guy walked out giving me the absolute evils as he walked past my table. Now I'm in spoons and a bloke at the bar, looking like Yul Brynner (no joke), was staring me out like he fancied himself as some sort of barroom gunslinger. The 'waiter' - a youthful MungoJerryalike has been overly attentive whilst the bloke at the next table who's supposed to be chatting with his girlfriend keeps throwing glances at me. Is it just a strange town or am I a doppelgänger for the local gangster?

Words got out that you asked for an en-suite room.....Yes an indoor kharzie .

Brown Bear

Covered End said:

Why is it that 90% of the time when watching football, as soon as I step outside the room there's a goal ?
Same happens with cricket. As soon as I step outside there's a wicket.
It's been going on for years - weird.

I kid you not, whenever I sit down to watch England play cricket, something in the Universe dictates that we start to do shite.

Case in point, last ODI in Sri Lanka, I finally sit down with a beer as Morgan and Root, work the ball around nicely. TWO balls later, and Root has chipped one to midwicket.

Then when we were bowling, I managed to miss the early clatter of wickets, and was tortured by watching the Sri Lankans struggle from 30-4 to 130-5.

My jinxing of things is so bad that I couldn’t even watch Broad’s 8-15 live, as I knew if I switched it on Nathan Lyon and James Pattinson would both have made tons!!

oohaahmortimer

Carter said:

StigThundercock said:

Raith_C_Chattonell said:

Why do old people hurry on Zebra crossings and young people dawdle?

It's a common decency/respect for others thing. Some older folk retain some consideration for anyone other than themselves; sadly we are 2 or 3 generations into total self-absorption seasoned by furious indignation at the prospect that someone might be inconvenienced by your doing whateverthefuck you like wheneverthefuck you feel howeverthefuck you choose.

Any self obsessed loathsomely inconsiderate arsehole who dawdles across a zebra, pelican, etc without indicating any gratitude whatsoever is fair game for the corner of the bull bars on an errant speeding 4x4, that's just natural selection and karma.

You say that, but I've just come back from a holiday resort where I must have held 50 doors open for my elders and didn't get one thank you.

Russians fact.

guinnessaddick

Stig said:

How comes so much fluff gets collected in my tumble drier filter without my clothes totally disintegrating. I reckon in a good month I could collect enough to insulate my loft.

Why is it always blue?

MartinCAFC

Covered End said:

Why is it that 90% of the time when watching football, as soon as I step outside the room there's a goal ?
Same happens with cricket. As soon as I step outside there's a wicket.
It's been going on for years - weird.

Quite often as soon as I turn the cricket on if it's mid innings or so there's a wicket first ball I see bowled quite a few times.

paulbaconsarnie

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

guinnessaddick

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Just to prove the saying "a watched kettle never boils" is wrong?

ShootersHillGuru

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Never use just boiled water for tea. Tut tut tut.

SuedeAdidas

ShootersHillGuru said:

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Never use just boiled water for tea. Tut tut tut.

I’m staying out of this. I got called a “nonce” by a mate because I put the milk in first.

ShootersHillGuru

SuedeAdidas said:

ShootersHillGuru said:

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Never use just boiled water for tea. Tut tut tut.

I’m staying out of this. I got called a “nonce” by a mate because I put the milk in first.

Now this is important. Are you saying you put the milk in the cup before pouring in the tea from a teapot or milk first with a teabag in a cup before pouring on hot water ? If it’s the latter your mate is right. If it’s the former then you have nothing to worry about ;0)

The Red Robin

ShootersHillGuru said:

SuedeAdidas said:

ShootersHillGuru said:

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Never use just boiled water for tea. Tut tut tut.

I’m staying out of this. I got called a “nonce” by a mate because I put the milk in first.

Now this is important. Are you saying you put the milk in the cup before pouring in the tea from a teapot or milk first with a teabag in a cup before pouring on hot water ? If it’s the latter your mate is right. If it’s the former then you have nothing to worry about ;0)

Both are nonce-like behaviour.

ForeverAddickted

I dont drink tea myself yet when I make someone a cup its

Milk > Teabag > Water > Sugar

SuedeAdidas

ShootersHillGuru said:

SuedeAdidas said:

ShootersHillGuru said:

paulbaconsarnie said:

Not one of life’s mysteries but why do I have to witness a kettle reach boiling point to make a cup of tea?
If it happens in the 10 seconds that I have left the kitchen, I have to push the button back down when returning.

Never use just boiled water for tea. Tut tut tut.

I’m staying out of this. I got called a “nonce” by a mate because I put the milk in first.

Now this is important. Are you saying you put the milk in the cup before pouring in the tea from a teapot or milk first with a teabag in a cup before pouring on hot water ? If it’s the latter your mate is right. If it’s the former then you have nothing to worry about ;0)

My mate is rarely wrong

SuedeAdidas

ForeverAddickted said:

I dont drink tea myself yet when I make someone a cup its

Milk > Teabag > Water > Sugar

You Nonce.......

Milk > Teabag > Sugar > Water

Pelling1993

If you're putting sugar in you've gone wrong for starters!

Rizzo

Why is it that the size of the gap in traffic that someone will pull out of a sideroad into is directly proportionate to the speed at which they then travel?

kentaddick

oohaahmortimer said:

Carter said:

StigThundercock said:

Raith_C_Chattonell said:

Why do old people hurry on Zebra crossings and young people dawdle?

It's a common decency/respect for others thing. Some older folk retain some consideration for anyone other than themselves; sadly we are 2 or 3 generations into total self-absorption seasoned by furious indignation at the prospect that someone might be inconvenienced by your doing whateverthefuck you like wheneverthefuck you feel howeverthefuck you choose.

Any self obsessed loathsomely inconsiderate arsehole who dawdles across a zebra, pelican, etc without indicating any gratitude whatsoever is fair game for the corner of the bull bars on an errant speeding 4x4, that's just natural selection and karma.

You say that, but I've just come back from a holiday resort where I must have held 50 doors open for my elders and didn't get one thank you.

Russians fact.

came back from holiday a month ago, great hotel and lovely holiday, just two incidents that wound me up. One: A nice quiet day by the pool, everyone sunbathing and relaxing, an old russian woman proceeds to get out her phone and ring some one, proceeds to spend the next 40 minutes talking/shouting on the phone in russian to a friend, presumably describing how their holiday is going. Couple of days later, a young russian couple come by the pool, again, dead quiet, everyones relaxing, they then proceed to start jumping into, pushing each other into the pool, shouting and screaming and generally being loud cunts.

What the fuck is wrong with them, it's like as a nation they have in built social retardation.

SuedeAdidas

Pelling1993 said:

If you're putting sugar in you've gone wrong for starters!

You’ll be telling me I can’t dip buttered toast into it next

ShootersHillGuru

Another tea related mystery. Why the fcuk would anyone want to dunk a biscuit in a perfectly good cup of tea ? For what purpose ?

SuedeAdidas

It’s the best way to get the spunk off when you’ve lost a round of soggy biscuit at the rugby club.

ValleyGary

How anyone agrees with or relates to Lily Allen.

iainment

thai malaysia addick said:

Why can't you have your cake and eat it? Why would you want cake if you can't eat it?

Cake. Nom nom nom.

addick05

oohaahmortimer said:

Carter said:

StigThundercock said:

Raith_C_Chattonell said:

Why do old people hurry on Zebra crossings and young people dawdle?

It's a common decency/respect for others thing. Some older folk retain some consideration for anyone other than themselves; sadly we are 2 or 3 generations into total self-absorption seasoned by furious indignation at the prospect that someone might be inconvenienced by your doing whateverthefuck you like wheneverthefuck you feel howeverthefuck you choose.

Any self obsessed loathsomely inconsiderate arsehole who dawdles across a zebra, pelican, etc without indicating any gratitude whatsoever is fair game for the corner of the bull bars on an errant speeding 4x4, that's just natural selection and karma.

You say that, but I've just come back from a holiday resort where I must have held 50 doors open for my elders and didn't get one thank you.

Russians fact.

I have never encountered such rude, arrogant and objectionable people like Russian 'tourists'... ever. Just ask the Greek or Spanish hotel employees what they think of them.

Stu_of_Kunming

addick05 said:

oohaahmortimer said:

Carter said:

StigThundercock said:

Raith_C_Chattonell said:

Why do old people hurry on Zebra crossings and young people dawdle?

It's a common decency/respect for others thing. Some older folk retain some consideration for anyone other than themselves; sadly we are 2 or 3 generations into total self-absorption seasoned by furious indignation at the prospect that someone might be inconvenienced by your doing whateverthefuck you like wheneverthefuck you feel howeverthefuck you choose.

Any self obsessed loathsomely inconsiderate arsehole who dawdles across a zebra, pelican, etc without indicating any gratitude whatsoever is fair game for the corner of the bull bars on an errant speeding 4x4, that's just natural selection and karma.

You say that, but I've just come back from a holiday resort where I must have held 50 doors open for my elders and didn't get one thank you.

Russians fact.

I have never encountered such rude, arrogant and objectionable people like Russian 'tourists'... ever. Just ask the Greek or Spanish hotel employees what they think of them.

Wait till you meet a Chinese tourist.

ShootersHillGuru

I’ve stayed in two hotels that were predominantly full of Russian guests. One in Cuba and one in Egypt. I generally don’t subscribe to racial stereotyping but in this instance it’s hard not to. Loud, course and generally rude. I was once at the bar and was halfway being served my drinks order with the barman standing directly in front of me when a Russian man just started talking to the barman as if I didn’t exist. It was lucky for him that he was a good bit taller, wider and younger than me. I don’t engage in conflicts in those circumstances.

25May98

ShootersHillGuru said:

Another tea related mystery. Why the fcuk would anyone want to dunk a biscuit in a perfectly good cup of tea ? For what purpose ?

If I'm in the biscuit mood I'll make two cups of tea. A sacrificial dunking one and a perfect drinking cup. I'll easily eat more than 10 biscuits with a cup of tea and after all that dunking it's not drinkable. Especially if it's Bourbons or Custard creams.

I find biscuits to hard for my delicate palette.

ShootersHillGuru

25May98 said:

ShootersHillGuru said:

Another tea related mystery. Why the fcuk would anyone want to dunk a biscuit in a perfectly good cup of tea ? For what purpose ?

If I'm in the biscuit mood I'll make two cups of tea. A sacrificial dunking one and a perfect drinking cup. I'll easily eat more than 10 biscuits with a cup of tea and after all that dunking it's not drinkable. Especially if it's Bourbons or Custard creams.

I find biscuits to hard for my delicate palette.

Unbelievable Jeff