Get your cufflinks on, tie-bars neatly placed and your shoes polished up; get your hair done, make-up on fleek and squeeze into the highest stilletos you can; and, most importantly, get a seat in the front row, while the rest have to shuffle for places, looking uncomfortable, standing up behind you. It's the 2022 series of the UK's most tragic trainee social influencer game show, The Apprentice, making its sixteenth appearance on British television screens.
So, as the strains of
Prokofiev and
drone shots of London signal the start of the next series, here's a look at the sixteen contestants, none of whom we're likely ever to hear of again, once the series is over.
- Aaron, 38 year old flight instructor from Chorley. Former RAF, so gets a vote from me. (Wait? We're still not allowed to vote?)
- Akeem, 29 year old "strategy manager", which, obviously, rules him out, because that's a ridiculous title.
- Akshay, 28. Just when you were beginning to think we haven't had any "digital marketing agency owners" yet.
- Alex, 27. To make sure the inclusivity boxes have been checked, unusually, this cleaning company owner is male.
- Amy. 48. Born in a borough in New York. Now presents on QVC. From Yonkers to bonkers, you might say.
- Brittany, 25 year old front of house hotel manager. Bristol city's Britt's home. (Have to be careful when you say that).
- Conor is a 28 year old former professional rugby player. By the end of the series, he'll be better known as a 29 year old former professional rugby player.
- Francesca. 26. From Surrey. Posh. So won't win.
- Harry, 35, from the West Midlands. He describes himself as a "bad boy of the bath bomb world". Out loud. In public. Seriously.
- Harpreet, a 30 year old from West Yorkshire is probably one of the most famous dessert parlour owners ever to appear on the Apprentice this year.
- Kathryn. 29. You know that dream you have when someone famous comes up to you and asks you what you do for a living and your mind goes completely blank so you just blurt out the first few words that come into your head and hope - against hope - that they make some kind of sense? Kathryn owns an "online pyjama store".
- Navid is a 27 year old pharmacist. So, he's pretty much cleaned up before the series has started. Although he's a self-confessed Nicki Minaj superfan, whatever that is.
- Nick is a 31 year old finance manager. Because, you know, what Alan Sugar really needs is a finance manager that has decades less experience than him. Stands to reason.
- Sophie is 32 and comes from Cheltenham. She owns a cocktail bar. It's been suggested that, by the end of this series, she will still be from Cheltenham and still own a cocktail bar.
- Shama is a 41 year old mother of five and a children's day nursery owner. So, she's probably got plenty of spare time to work full-time in London with Alan Sugar.
- Stephanie, 28, from Kent, has broken tradition from previous Apprentice candidates by posting Instagram pictures of her scantily clad self on various beaches before she's appeared on the show.
His Lordship's two aides this year are Lady Brady, again, (the least said about her the better) and winner of the first series of The Apprentice, author and founder of Bright Ideas Trust, Tim Campbell MBE.
Please think about using the spoiler when posting stuff others might not have caught up on yet.
We're been without The Apprentice for two years now. So, it will be good to remind ourselves about how safe the UK economy will be, when these titans of business are finally let loose. Who will do well? Who won't last beyond the first task? Who deserves to stay the course? And, isn't Karren awful?
Over to you.
(It will be particularly good to see who refuses to watch it - and then posts during and after every episode).
Comments
Still enjoy reading their quotes though, here's some of the best -
Akshay Thakrar, 28
Owner, Digital Marketing Agency - London
“My friends call me AK47 because I’m a killer salesperson.”
Alex Short, 27
Owner, Commercial Cleaning Company - Hertford
“I would compare myself to a Ferrari, shiny on the outside but under the bonnet, there is a lot of fire and I’m coming for you.”
Amy Anzel, 48
Owner, Beauty Brand - London
“I can be nice when I need to be, but when I unfortunately have to be a b****, I will...”
Conor Gilsenan, 28
Sales Executive and former Professional Rugby Player - London
“I’m going to be the corporate panther in the boardroom, I’m going to get it done, and I’m going to be Lord Sugar’s perfect business partner.”
Nick Showering, 31
Finance Manager - London
“In business I’m a bit of a force to be reckoned with. I know what I’m talking about, I know how things work, and I’m extremely experienced. So, I’m a bit of an animal in the boardroom.”
https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/breaking-apprentice-2022-candidates-announced-25848432Please reconsider!
Agreed it's frustrating watching them these days, they are genuinely all so thick and lack so much self awareness.
But now it just makes Sir (Lord?) Alan look like a total pr*ck.
Struggle to take Claud seriously as well...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0b1klct
Will see if this keeps me entertained the same way otherwise I’ll be ducking out by episode 3
but I have actually met a few people like this. Absolute useless fucknuggets the lot of them.
I’ll look forward to shouting at my tv once a week for the forseeable
Of course this could well have been following an absolute shellacking he'd given himself because of how he had behaved albeit in small doses which then gives the editors all the material they need and the show editors are that cutting and cruel to tuck someone up like that but he was genuinely a lovely guy and I couldn't have been more surprised
Usuallt great viewing if nothing else but to see just how much like a bloke Karren Brady is looking these days. I'm sure she gets more masculine every year