This bloke and his wife are pure gold. When he says that sometimes he looks to the sky and says any chance of a break I really hope him and his family get more than one.
I read in another recent interview that the very next day after his daughter, the same was happening with his son and they were at the hospital again with him. Luckily he was ok.
I really hope he is with us for much longer than the six months contract he signed, as much for him as for us. I think we are very fortunate to have him as manager/head coach.
Wow, what can you say! His wife sounds equally amazing. They deserve the less than adequate ‘compensation’ of success. I hope his is with us but, if not, I wish DH the absolute best wherever he goes.
This is what he got in touch with me about! He was interested in doing a documentary piece on it, and wanted to put me in touch with his wife. I said I was interested but never heard back, which was a shame because it felt like something worth sharing.
Dean Holden: ‘I would never
have chosen this journey, but grief made me a better person and a better coach’
Holden, a self-confessed football
addict, speaks to Daniel Storey about his new job at Charlton and how immense
personal tragedy has shaped his career so far
In Dean Holden’s office, looking out over a frosty training pitch
at Charlton Athletic’s Sparrows Lane
training ground, two objects sit on the window sill to catch the manager’s eye:
an Adidas Tango football and a small green booklet. The football, Holden’s
all-time favourite, reminds him of the things that made him fall in love with
football when everything gets a little manic. The booklet is more personal – a
code of conduct given to, and signed by, his father when he played for
Macclesfield in the 1970s. Holden’s father gave up football to help raise his
kids. That reminder of family is crucial, too. It governs Dean’s life.
Holden is a football addict. He played more than 400 games as a
professional, despite breaking his leg three times. He holds the Uefa Pro
Licence for coaching and has worked as a first-team coach, assistant manager
and manager. He is a qualified referee. We meet on a Tuesday lunchtime because
that is his only window. Holden was at Port Vale on the Monday night, will
watch Charlton’s Under-21s that evening, going to Selhurst Park to watch his beloved Manchester United
on the Wednesday – he still has a season ticket at Old Trafford – and is taking
training every day.
The explanation for the workload, Holden explains, is a mix of
football obsession and a burning demand to improve players. In just a few weeks
at Charlton, he has spoken to psychology professors at the local University of
Greenwich about talking to the squad and is sitting down with two or three
players a day to learn their family situations.
“I’ve not got six weeks, there’s no pre-season,” Holden says. “So
we have to work quickly and I have to make myself vulnerable too, about my life
and about my career. That allows them to feel safe in that environment. I can’t
just say, ‘Trust me, I’m here for you’, because most of them don’t even know
me.”
It seems to be working pretty well. Holden took over with Charlton
18th in League One and haunted by the danger of relegation to the fourth tier
for the first time in the club’s history. After a draw against Peterborough and
defeat at Oxford, Charlton have won three straight league games to move clear
of trouble.
A six-month contract might have unnerved other managers; Holden
believes it made sense for every party. He stresses how grateful he is to be
back in this head coach role. But he also reflects on the great paradox of
working in football when you have a family. When you’re not employed, you crave
the game. When you are employed, football dominates. It’s a mighty difficult
balance.
“The first week or two is really difficult because you feel an
unfairness about leaving the last job. But you have the bonus of seeing the
family. I wouldn’t say I became a better Dad, but there were things I wanted to
do that I hadn’t been able to, like attending a parents’ evening with Danielle
rather than her reporting back on FaceTime. Maybe our family needs those
periods.”
We overlook – or at least underestimate – the familial balancing
acts that take place in these scenarios. Holden’s oldest son is doing his
GCSEs, so moving is not an option. Danielle is doing more work in London now,
so that is serendipitous. Dean repeats that his wife puts in the hardest yards,
but that this job is a huge opportunity for the family as a whole, not just
him.
“I’ve jumped in deep,” he says. “The football club, the area,
getting to know everyone. You see some managers, and six months after they take
a job they look 20 years older because of the pressure. You have to learn to
control that pressure and ease it.”
There’s no escaping the reasons for any longer as to why Holden is
able to be so candid about pressure and parental responsibility, so committed
to making the best of his career and so able to both immerse himself and yet
remain aware of what matters most. His and Danielle’s lives have been shaped by
personal tragedy.
In 2012, Holden had been released by Rochdale and was told to take
a two-week holiday before getting back into the game. He, Danielle and their
three children flew to Lanzarote. One evening, Cici Milly, the youngest of the
family, didn’t seem herself and so they put her to bed, presuming a cold. In
the morning, Cici is still not well. Her breathing begins to go shallow and her
lips begin to turn blue. They get a taxi to a local medical centre, where a
doctor checks Cici and immediately calls for an ambulance to take her to the
main hospital on the island.
Dean and Danielle follow the ambulance in a taxi, but see it has
stopped by a petrol station. When the taxi reverses and lets them out, a
policeman stops Dean from getting into the ambulance. It is too late. On the
journey to the hospital, Cici had passed away. She had contracted meningococcal
sepsis, a blood infection that had quickly spread to her brain. Cici was 17
months old.
I cannot – physically or emotionally – begin to understand the
devastation and the pain. Dean is talking but all I can think about is the
sense of darkness that washes over you when a person speaks about something so
horrific and beyond your comprehension or experience. And yet… he is talking
about it. How they literally survived the short term. The changes he and
Danielle needed to make to continue to be good parents, good spouses and
achieve in their careers.
Dean says spirituality helped – he still does deep-breathing
exercises and meditation twice a day – and says that has helped his mind to be
free. Somehow, he was able to take the most unspeakably awful event and use it
to allow him to heal.
“I would never have chosen our journey, never in a million years,”
he says. “But it helped me become a better person and a better coach too. I can
now walk out at Old Trafford and feel like I could be coaching my child’s
football team.
“I’m not trying to be a smart arse there, but I was so calm in the
moment. I have learned that I am able to take the emotion out of a situation
because I’ve already gone through the worst thing and I found solutions to them
to stop me having a nervous breakdown.”
This is a lot, by anyone’s measure. Talking about the need for a
positive mental attitude in the face of extreme adversity and actually having
that attitude are two different things, and none of this can be faked. You
cannot help but root for Holden, at Charlton and beyond football. It would have
been easier for him to use the game he loves as his escape from everything
else, to separate himself from the reminders.
And yet, for Danielle, his children, himself and even the players
he now works with, he has chosen the opposite because only by using tragedy to
grow stronger can he defeat it. On the other side of his office is a canvas
print of the whole family, with an image of Cici included. At the bottom, some
words are written: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about
learning how to dance in the rain.
“There’s a picture of me and Danielle in the apartment I’m living
in now,” he says. “We’re 19 and 20. I look at that picture and I almost feel sorry
for that couple. I can barely remember what they were like. I think of it like
a movie, a highlight reel of our lives someone might watch: got together at
school, started having a family, Danielle gave up work for me, then the
tragedy. You’d pause that film there, look at whoever was next to you and say,
‘These two are f**ked here’.
“It’s about not accepting your lot. There are times when you sit
down, look up to the sky and think, “Any chance of a break?” But you go on, for
the other kids, because failing to do so would be to give in.
“I would hate to hear one of my lads telling his mates, ‘Mum and
Dad were unbelievable when we were young but then something happened and they
just changed’. That would absolutely tear us apart. And so that was our shared
purpose, our pact: to make the best of the worst. Because it didn’t break us.”
Seems a proper decent bloke. I don't want to drag up any Bowyer debate but let's face it, he had a chequered past. Whilst I obviously want all our managers to be successful, I'm really beginning to want us to be successful under Holden for him too.
Of course it’s on the pitch that really matters but he’s certainly got the coaching badges and seems very well grounded. Remarkable interview and judging by the comments about him on both DH threads I think he’s winning us over. Can I feel a 100% Support banner coming on. He’s got a six month contract and working under difficult circumstances. 100% Support from me.
I posted this on the other thread but it’s probably more relevant here.
It’s very strange how things pan out. When Dean Holden was appointed I think it’s fair to say most of us thought “who” and most of us were underwhelmed. Only a few short weeks down the line DH has appeared to have had a positive impact on the performances and what’s even more impressive is that I think he’s won over most of the hardest of cynics. Seems like a genuinely decent and caring man who has a lot of surprises in his locker. UEFA Pro licence, Qualified referee and deep thinker both inside and outside of football and still a committed football fan himself. God only knows where the club is heading but for me at least I feel very confident that the playing side of things are with someone who is very much in the proper Charlton mould.
Well I liked the fella and hope he does well in the short time they have given him but after reading that I hope he exceeds expectations and gets a longer contract, hopefully under a better owner.
Good luck Dean, in both the job and life in general
I'd already read the Athletic interview where he told the story, but that is paywalled so I'm glad it got a run in a paper with a wider reach.
I so much wish him to be successful with us, for a long time. What a role model he would be for - well all of us, really. Of course this will mainly depend on what goes on with the ownership. But in the meantime, we can get behind him, and make sure we have his back.
There’s been a few articles along similar lines that have come out since Holden became our manager - good to see it perhaps getting a wider audience as Prague mentioned, as he really does seem like one of footballs good guys.
I like from day -1 he has looked to engage directly with the fan base, and he is clearly trying to make an effort with it - instead of using this a chance to pick up an easy 6 months wages before disappearing back into coaching.
My hope is that he is backed enough in this window to increase our squad depth, and can continue to get a tune out of us.
Was very, very sceptical when he was appointed, so far got it totally wrong. likeable character and seems to know what he’s doing… long may it continue. If we are anywhere near playoffs in the latter stages of the season, give him a 3 year contract as he deserves it.
I really hope that I'm not speaking out of turn but one of our own Lifers told me recently that Dean had contacted him as they had both suffered the tragedy of losing a child.
And that Dean had suggested they have a cup of tea & a chat together at some point.
Huge respect for the gaffer which I believe the players share.
Comments
Brilliant interview though, didnt realise he was a qualified referee
Cant think if he's been outspoken towards the officials in any of his games so far as our Manager?
Good luck in the job Dean.
I turned the page, started to read it, and quickly realised that this was like no other football manager interview I had ever encountered before.
Half-way through there was already a lump in my throat and a deep respect for this guy and his wife and what they have gone through together.
If anyone deserves success in this hard-nosed uncompromising profession it is this guy.
I think we are very fortunate to have him as manager/head coach.
Dean Holden: ‘I would never have chosen this journey, but grief made me a better person and a better coach’
Holden, a self-confessed football addict, speaks to Daniel Storey about his new job at Charlton and how immense personal tragedy has shaped his career so far
In Dean Holden’s office, looking out over a frosty training pitch at Charlton Athletic’s Sparrows Lane training ground, two objects sit on the window sill to catch the manager’s eye: an Adidas Tango football and a small green booklet. The football, Holden’s all-time favourite, reminds him of the things that made him fall in love with football when everything gets a little manic. The booklet is more personal – a code of conduct given to, and signed by, his father when he played for Macclesfield in the 1970s. Holden’s father gave up football to help raise his kids. That reminder of family is crucial, too. It governs Dean’s life.
Holden is a football addict. He played more than 400 games as a professional, despite breaking his leg three times. He holds the Uefa Pro Licence for coaching and has worked as a first-team coach, assistant manager and manager. He is a qualified referee. We meet on a Tuesday lunchtime because that is his only window. Holden was at Port Vale on the Monday night, will watch Charlton’s Under-21s that evening, going to Selhurst Park to watch his beloved Manchester United on the Wednesday – he still has a season ticket at Old Trafford – and is taking training every day.
The explanation for the workload, Holden explains, is a mix of football obsession and a burning demand to improve players. In just a few weeks at Charlton, he has spoken to psychology professors at the local University of Greenwich about talking to the squad and is sitting down with two or three players a day to learn their family situations.
“I’ve not got six weeks, there’s no pre-season,” Holden says. “So we have to work quickly and I have to make myself vulnerable too, about my life and about my career. That allows them to feel safe in that environment. I can’t just say, ‘Trust me, I’m here for you’, because most of them don’t even know me.”
It seems to be working pretty well. Holden took over with Charlton 18th in League One and haunted by the danger of relegation to the fourth tier for the first time in the club’s history. After a draw against Peterborough and defeat at Oxford, Charlton have won three straight league games to move clear of trouble.
A six-month contract might have unnerved other managers; Holden believes it made sense for every party. He stresses how grateful he is to be back in this head coach role. But he also reflects on the great paradox of working in football when you have a family. When you’re not employed, you crave the game. When you are employed, football dominates. It’s a mighty difficult balance.
“The first week or two is really difficult because you feel an unfairness about leaving the last job. But you have the bonus of seeing the family. I wouldn’t say I became a better Dad, but there were things I wanted to do that I hadn’t been able to, like attending a parents’ evening with Danielle rather than her reporting back on FaceTime. Maybe our family needs those periods.”
We overlook – or at least underestimate – the familial balancing acts that take place in these scenarios. Holden’s oldest son is doing his GCSEs, so moving is not an option. Danielle is doing more work in London now, so that is serendipitous. Dean repeats that his wife puts in the hardest yards, but that this job is a huge opportunity for the family as a whole, not just him.
“I’ve jumped in deep,” he says. “The football club, the area, getting to know everyone. You see some managers, and six months after they take a job they look 20 years older because of the pressure. You have to learn to control that pressure and ease it.”
There’s no escaping the reasons for any longer as to why Holden is able to be so candid about pressure and parental responsibility, so committed to making the best of his career and so able to both immerse himself and yet remain aware of what matters most. His and Danielle’s lives have been shaped by personal tragedy.
In 2012, Holden had been released by Rochdale and was told to take a two-week holiday before getting back into the game. He, Danielle and their three children flew to Lanzarote. One evening, Cici Milly, the youngest of the family, didn’t seem herself and so they put her to bed, presuming a cold. In the morning, Cici is still not well. Her breathing begins to go shallow and her lips begin to turn blue. They get a taxi to a local medical centre, where a doctor checks Cici and immediately calls for an ambulance to take her to the main hospital on the island.
Dean and Danielle follow the ambulance in a taxi, but see it has stopped by a petrol station. When the taxi reverses and lets them out, a policeman stops Dean from getting into the ambulance. It is too late. On the journey to the hospital, Cici had passed away. She had contracted meningococcal sepsis, a blood infection that had quickly spread to her brain. Cici was 17 months old.
I cannot – physically or emotionally – begin to understand the devastation and the pain. Dean is talking but all I can think about is the sense of darkness that washes over you when a person speaks about something so horrific and beyond your comprehension or experience. And yet… he is talking about it. How they literally survived the short term. The changes he and Danielle needed to make to continue to be good parents, good spouses and achieve in their careers.
Dean says spirituality helped – he still does deep-breathing exercises and meditation twice a day – and says that has helped his mind to be free. Somehow, he was able to take the most unspeakably awful event and use it to allow him to heal.
“I would never have chosen our journey, never in a million years,” he says. “But it helped me become a better person and a better coach too. I can now walk out at Old Trafford and feel like I could be coaching my child’s football team.
“I’m not trying to be a smart arse there, but I was so calm in the moment. I have learned that I am able to take the emotion out of a situation because I’ve already gone through the worst thing and I found solutions to them to stop me having a nervous breakdown.”
This is a lot, by anyone’s measure. Talking about the need for a positive mental attitude in the face of extreme adversity and actually having that attitude are two different things, and none of this can be faked. You cannot help but root for Holden, at Charlton and beyond football. It would have been easier for him to use the game he loves as his escape from everything else, to separate himself from the reminders.
And yet, for Danielle, his children, himself and even the players he now works with, he has chosen the opposite because only by using tragedy to grow stronger can he defeat it. On the other side of his office is a canvas print of the whole family, with an image of Cici included. At the bottom, some words are written: Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
“There’s a picture of me and Danielle in the apartment I’m living in now,” he says. “We’re 19 and 20. I look at that picture and I almost feel sorry for that couple. I can barely remember what they were like. I think of it like a movie, a highlight reel of our lives someone might watch: got together at school, started having a family, Danielle gave up work for me, then the tragedy. You’d pause that film there, look at whoever was next to you and say, ‘These two are f**ked here’.
“It’s about not accepting your lot. There are times when you sit down, look up to the sky and think, “Any chance of a break?” But you go on, for the other kids, because failing to do so would be to give in.
“I would hate to hear one of my lads telling his mates, ‘Mum and Dad were unbelievable when we were young but then something happened and they just changed’. That would absolutely tear us apart. And so that was our shared purpose, our pact: to make the best of the worst. Because it didn’t break us.”
It’s very strange how things pan out. When Dean Holden was appointed I think it’s fair to say most of us thought “who” and most of us were underwhelmed. Only a few short weeks down the line DH has appeared to have had a positive impact on the performances and what’s even more impressive is that I think he’s won over most of the hardest of cynics. Seems like a genuinely decent and caring man who has a lot of surprises in his locker. UEFA Pro licence, Qualified referee and deep thinker both inside and outside of football and still a committed football fan himself. God only knows where the club is heading but for me at least I feel very confident that the playing side of things are with someone who is very much in the proper Charlton mould.
Good luck Dean, in both the job and life in general
I so much wish him to be successful with us, for a long time. What a role model he would be for - well all of us, really. Of course this will mainly depend on what goes on with the ownership. But in the meantime, we can get behind him, and make sure we have his back.
Dean you've ridden the storm and deserve to see the other side of the rainbow. It would be great if that was with us.
I like from day -1 he has looked to engage directly with the fan base, and he is clearly trying to make an effort with it - instead of using this a chance to pick up an easy 6 months wages before disappearing back into coaching.
And that Dean had suggested they have a cup of tea & a chat together at some point.
Huge respect for the gaffer which I believe the players share.