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Unusual Insults and Put Downs
Comments
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A couple of mine were "Has the ability to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing but is a nice lad really".Big William said:It was either Peter Ustinov or David Niven who had a school report which said “He sets himself low standards which he consistently fails to meet”
and "would do well to desist in his quest to become the class clown"0 -
Great quote.Big William said:It was either Peter Ustinov or David Niven who had a school report which said “He sets himself low standards which he consistently fails to meet”
'An audience with Peter Ustinov'
https://youtu.be/Bi1GXrLLHjs?si=h2sKtUhfDEs1VrVZ
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'Jonah, you’re not even a man. You’re like an early draft of a man where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton but they didn’t have time to add details like pigment or self-respect. You’re Frankenstein’s monster if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks'Leroy Ambrose said:
Veep continued that fine tradition. There's a couple of ten minute long supercut videos of just insults from Veep that are ridiculously funny. The one's at Jonah's expense in particular are absolutely ruthlessGarrymanilow said:The Thick of It was the best for creative insults but my favourite was always 'when I want your advice, I’ll give you the special signal. Which is me being sectioned under the Mental Health Act'
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Your mother swims out to troop ships.4
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Not so much a put down but a comment from a boss in a new job when I was spending way too much time at raves. "Monday you don't turn up. Tuesday you turn up late. Wednesday you turn up. We don't fucking open on Wednesdays!"3
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When someone is smoking a cigar I have on occasions said “you look like a film star smoking that cigar”
yeah…Lassie having a shit!4 -
Lady Asnor to Churchill “you are drunk sir”
Churchill: you are ugly but I’ll be sober in the morning!2 -
There’s no prouder moment than when you deliver a killer line in the heat of argument. Mine was at work when I picked up a passenger from Liverpool St station, a snobby woman in her mid 60s. Her son hailed me and she got in then promptly berated me for not helping load their luggage. (I didn’t even know they had any??)
anyway we set off and she kept going on about it, her son & husband looking sheepish. I just turned off the intercom. we got to the destination and by this time I had no intention of helping. The son paid by card (including a tip) and they exited the cab. Intent on continuing her quest to be the most irritating passenger of all time she took my number claiming it to be the worst journey ever!!!
her parting shot was “we’ve just flown all the way back from Australia” …..
I responded in a jovial manner with “really…. Did the pilot help with your luggage?” 🤣
I drove off with the biggest grin on my face18 -
I remember working at the DSS in Southwark which was very multicultural. Black guys and white guys would rib each other and it was a laugh. One day we were being ribbed as white guys can't jump. I said we can fucking swim tho. Didn't go down well 😕3
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Working one Saturday with my finance director at the time. He was an Oxford graduate ex army officer. Typing away he didn't understand how to spell "marvellous" so I spelt it to him. I then added jokingly that I won the Bermondsey spelling Bee in 1979. He was quiet for a while then said "Was there much competition?"5
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The difference is this is an adult talking to a child in a professional capacity.Stig said:
To be fair I think most of these are, or at least could be described as, bullying. Nobody is condoning them, just reporting. It doesn't stop them being funny, even if they shouldn't have been said at the time. That's often in the nature of black-humour.Gisappointed said:
That's not funny, that's bullying by people paid to support all their pupils. No wonder he didn't have the confidence to achieve anything. I hope his life has improved.Raith_C_Chattonell said:We had a kid in our class at school who couldn't really do anything, he struggled with life and was always in trouble.
Anyway he decided to leave as soon as he could, which was 15 at the time and I'll always remember the little exchange that went on with him and our scouse teacher.
"Is that right you're leaving us Shortlands?"
"Yes Sir"
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm gonna join the Royal Navy Sir!"
"And what will you be there - a deckhand on a submarine?"
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Absolute flannel.0
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Everybody found the comment funny at the time including the lad involved.Gisappointed said:
The difference is this is an adult talking to a child in a professional capacity.Stig said:
To be fair I think most of these are, or at least could be described as, bullying. Nobody is condoning them, just reporting. It doesn't stop them being funny, even if they shouldn't have been said at the time. That's often in the nature of black-humour.Gisappointed said:
That's not funny, that's bullying by people paid to support all their pupils. No wonder he didn't have the confidence to achieve anything. I hope his life has improved.Raith_C_Chattonell said:We had a kid in our class at school who couldn't really do anything, he struggled with life and was always in trouble.
Anyway he decided to leave as soon as he could, which was 15 at the time and I'll always remember the little exchange that went on with him and our scouse teacher.
"Is that right you're leaving us Shortlands?"
"Yes Sir"
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm gonna join the Royal Navy Sir!"
"And what will you be there - a deckhand on a submarine?"
It was a secondary modern school in the 60s. Taking the piss was the currency of the time. Despite our low educational standards we could tell the difference between a gentle leg pull and something more sinister - this was a gentle leg pull - nothing more.
In fact going through the 60s and 70s the use of irony, sarcasm, double entendre, and wordplay were off scale. It was used in a spirit of friendliness and endearment and pretty much everybody understood that. The language captured the zeitgeist of the time.
I accept that everything is different today.11 -
Stuff always looks worse written down0
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Would’ve worked better if Churchill didn’t look like a dropped trifleSolidgone said:Lady Asnor to Churchill “you are drunk sir”
Churchill: you are ugly but I’ll be sober in the morning!5 -
Went to the gene pool, but only sipped!0
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Remember waiting for the bus outside the theatre in Catford with my two lil ones years back. Had an oyster card back then rather than tapping you're debit card. I get on and tap, it's declined. "No way I protest, I've got a travelcard". Driver was adamant. I tapped again. Declined. It's busy I've got two kids and I kicked off demanding to be let on. The driver just goes "fuck it, get on mate". I'm still cursing under my breath when I hear these school girls being me "look at dat old man, big man, old man, but no money on his Oyster card" followed by teeth kissing and laughter! Fucking embarrassing. I get home and my girlfriend is like "oh shit, I think I picked up your travelcard by mistake, mine only had about a fiver on it, sorry".5
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On being told the migration figures from NZ to Australia far outnumbered those coming the other way, then PM Muldoon commented
”That will improve the IQ in both countries”4 -
I wasn't there to see the face of the recipient. I did hear it though
One of my colleagues had to deal with the tidying up after one of his lads had ballsed something up. He had done so and collared the bloke who had ruined my mates afternoon. At the end of a reasonably calm feedback session the breaker was clearly giving some feedback. I was in the middle of doing whatever I was only to hear Rich, my mate say "bookend, that's all I have left, you are a fucking bookend"1 - Sponsored links:
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My 11 year old in his under 12’s match the other week. He is centre back, they were defending a corner and all of a sudden could just hear him shout “ bruh, I ain’t your fucking boyfriend, if you wanna keep touching me you gotta take me on a date”
didn’t know whether to be proud or aghast18 -
Have a day offGisappointed said:
The difference is this is an adult talking to a child in a professional capacity.Stig said:
To be fair I think most of these are, or at least could be described as, bullying. Nobody is condoning them, just reporting. It doesn't stop them being funny, even if they shouldn't have been said at the time. That's often in the nature of black-humour.Gisappointed said:
That's not funny, that's bullying by people paid to support all their pupils. No wonder he didn't have the confidence to achieve anything. I hope his life has improved.Raith_C_Chattonell said:We had a kid in our class at school who couldn't really do anything, he struggled with life and was always in trouble.
Anyway he decided to leave as soon as he could, which was 15 at the time and I'll always remember the little exchange that went on with him and our scouse teacher.
"Is that right you're leaving us Shortlands?"
"Yes Sir"
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm gonna join the Royal Navy Sir!"
"And what will you be there - a deckhand on a submarine?"
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Thought this was quite amusing
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Unless he’s an American rapper, he needs grounding until at least 30 for saying “bruh”MrOneLung said:My 11 year old in his under 12’s match the other week. He is centre back, they were defending a corner and all of a sudden could just hear him shout “ bruh, I ain’t your fucking boyfriend, if you wanna keep touching me you gotta take me on a date”
didn’t know whether to be proud or aghast3 -
One of my old bosses, really witty guy, useless manager but very funny. He would come out with some zingers.
When talking about a bloke I won't name as he isn't here to defend himself and I dont want anyone looking up his Facebook profile either as amusing as you'd find it.
I might be paraphrasing a touch here but it went like this
"**** is a disgusting fat slob, I've heard he was such an ugly fucker as a kid his mum used to feed him with a catapult. Honestly Carter, look at the state of him, like someone's tried to shave a monkey, failed then dragged it through a shitty field and found it the worst fitting clothes known to man and lobbed them at him"
I actually quite likes the bloke in question and still do, he makes me look like a roman god stood next to him but he is very good at his job when he isn't scaring traffic
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I can’t get over you! So I’ll have to get up and go around.
I do like a good Yo Mama insult, as in : Yo Mama fu**ed a camel and the camel died of shame!1 -
One that cropped up in a 1-1 meeting I just had with one of my team..
"Too many 'B' Ark people are involved in defining this process"2
