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Charlton Life Summer Story
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Ian Dowie had lied on his CV about being a football manager and was, in fact..0
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A scarecrow from Greater Manchester it was his ?0
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unusually large0
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Nose and mop of hair that gave the game away.
On the day of his interview with Richard Murray he'd come straight from his shift down at Old MacDonald's Farm. Richard Murray had often wondered what the awful smell was eminating from...0 -
...the rear of the Royal Oak pub in Charlton Lane?0
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But Richard Murray was wrong. The smell was, in fact, coming from the bottom of Ian Dowie's shoe.
The toilets at Selhurst Park hadn't been functioning for quite a while...0 -
And Ian had started to use the unusal tactic of filling his shoes with his own excrement.
Most of it flowed from his mouth area However Bob had a theory0 -
To get brother Ian into the movies again after his starring role in The Goonies. He encouraged ID to use his catchphrase "hey you guys" whenever he could but......................0
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All he could say was bouncebackability.0
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Which led to the decline of Slimon Jordans natural tan and resulted him in going for twice daily ?0
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Iain was now starting to feel the pressure. Not only was his team underperforming, but he was becoming acutely aware his farmyard smells were distancing people.
Taking drastic measures, he decided to......0 -
give up his career in football management, before it gave up on him, and join a hippie convoy travelling around the country.
A few months of peace, love and dope would do him good, thought Iain, but he had forgotton about one thing...0 -
...that hippies, like footballers, cannot stand the smell of horse sh*t either.
The problem was getting out of hand, and needed to dealt with once and for all. Iain went to a Harley Street expert, who after extensive tests, explained that Iain was suffering from....0 -
severe brain damage since having his face hit with a shovel as a two year old.0
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But that wasn't it...0
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the real reason for iaiaiaiaian being such a loser was0
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He hadn't fully recovered from his amazing headed own goal for wham all those years ago0
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or the alledged story that he took it up the arris from a certain orange faced fellow0
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who wore a stripey gimp mask0
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and who lives in a public toilet0
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called Selhurst Park0
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with hard wooden seats0
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and a supermarket so that you could buy their rotten fruit and throw it at the shite that goes there, however Jordan didnt own this ground allegedly it was owned by?0
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The Oompa Loompas who wanted to turn Smellhurst Park into a chocolate factory.0
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The head of the Oompa Loompas, Mr Jordan Simon, had an idea that he would offer a prize of one million...0
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satsumas too the man who could become more orange than him
and allegedly jordan found out that dowie was in line to have an interview with the only man who could steel his orange crown, the man of the moment at QPR Mr Flavio0 -
who, fresh from leaving Public Enemy and rebranding himself as a very rich Italian, soon began installing his former band members Chuck D and Terminator X on to the training team at QPR. The whole squad were forced into a demanding new training regime, whereby the last player to run a circuit of the pitch was "capped" by an uzi-toting Professor Griff. Flavor Flavio then smashed their transfer fee record and bought....0
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Amady Faye0
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As personally recommended by who other than...0
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Bob Dowie, the man who has a face like a...0
