Ice cream van attacked by man brandishing Samurai sword 3 August 2018 Share this with Facebook Share this with Messenger Share this with Twitter Share this with Email Share
Apparently the damage is in the hundreds and thousands.
Im having a party in a marquee tonight with a disco and a bar, the guy running the bar is my mate Noel, so I suppose you could say that Noel is the vintner of our disco tent.
I lost at the pub quiz last night when I was asked to name three Meatloaf songs, I got Bat out of hell and Took the words right out of my mouth, but couldn't remember another, I suppose two out of three ain't bad.
Ice cream van attacked by man brandishing Samurai sword 3 August 2018 Share this with Facebook Share this with Messenger Share this with Twitter Share this with Email Share
Apparently the damage is in the hundreds and thousands.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 AMfor an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
I was in my garden the other night when a bird of prey swooped down and ate all my cannabis plants. It then flew off into the night swerving round the trees and singing Enola Gay as it went. I suddenly realised I’d seen high kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up until two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doing at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waiting for me to come home."
"O'Ryan," asked the beautician, "did that mud pack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps falling off!"
Did you hear about the Irish newly-weds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have “the clap”?"
Of course, the Madam said no. He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back smiling, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with “the clap”, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get “the clap” that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch “the clap”.
Then, when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch “the clap”, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!
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Ice cream van attacked by man brandishing Samurai sword
3 August 2018
Share this with Facebook Share this with Messenger Share this with Twitter Share this with Email Share
Apparently the damage is in the hundreds and thousands.
"That's not a problem," I told her.
"Thanks, I'm much happier being a Christine now," she replied.
Only 5 subs
Wipe his arse.
I said, 'Honestly, get a loom'
She died.
But she shat on me from a great height.
How dairy!
Turned out I wasn't invited.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 AMfor an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests
......I'll let you know.
I can’t understand how she worked that out in 20 seconds!
He went from Barking to Tooting in ten minutes.
I can’t understand how she worked that out in 20 seconds!
Husband: "Because you’re a nosey fucking twat!"
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up until two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doing at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waiting for me to come home."
"O'Ryan," asked the beautician, "did that mud pack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps falling off!"
Did you hear about the Irish newly-weds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have “the clap”?"
Of course, the Madam said no. He said, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back smiling, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with “the clap”, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get “the clap” that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch “the clap”.
Then, when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch “the clap”, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!
I entered myself......and won!