When my mum got together when my step dad when I was about 20 they invited his adult kids round for the evening.
What was planned as a "civil nice to meet you" evening soon descended into an all night drinking session culminating in me and said step siblings staggering down to the co op at 8am the next morning to stock up on more booze and fags.
Stopped and sat for a rest on a nearby bench by the main road for a smoke and brace ourselves for the walk up the hill home to carry on drinking.
Was due to work in a pub (5 bells chelsfield if anyone cares) at midday but after a 14 hour session didn't really fancy it so called in sick saying I felt proper rough..which was probably true only a few hours early before the inevitable hangover kicked in.
Went back in for next shift a couple of days later and the guvnor had the right hump...why were you off he asked. I said stomach upset like I told you.
Why the f*** did one of my regulars see you sat on a bench swigging a can of stella at 8.30am that morning then?
I just laughed and shrugged and said I'd been thirsty and needed a sit down to get my strength back.
Never found out who the pub Bertie Smalls was but would have ensured to piss in his pint had I done so.
When we undertook operation Ewood I didnt call in sick but I was on call.
I had taken my work phone with me and apart from a cursory question or six from the security people at Gatwick as to why I had two phones (but no drugs) I was on my way. Thankfully I didnt get any call outs and went to work on Monday sulking a bit from having our relegation nigh on confirmed my boss, a Charlton fan but a lapsed one asked me how the weekend had gone, any call outs etc
Yeah magic boss, nothing doing, didnt get a call.
He said it was a good job as he had seen me drinking Stella in the pub at Gatwick and then to add to it, seen me larging it in the pub in Blackburn before the game, for good measure on the concourse at half time and finally me and one of my mates on match of the day swinging our tops over our naked torsos after one of our goals.
As he was a decent bloke after seeing me at Gatwick he had taken it upon himself to remove me from the callout list telling our superiors I had seemed a bit "fatigued" on the Friday. What a bloke and he always got favours out of me until he retired after that, including no sickies
When we undertook operation Ewood I didnt call in sick but I was on call.
I had taken my work phone with me and apart from a cursory question or six from the security people at Gatwick as to why I had two phones (but no drugs) I was on my way. Thankfully I didnt get any call outs and went to work on Monday sulking a bit from having our relegation nigh on confirmed my boss, a Charlton fan but a lapsed one asked me how the weekend had gone, any call outs etc
Yeah magic boss, nothing doing, didnt get a call.
He said it was a good job as he had seen me drinking Stella in the pub at Gatwick and then to add to it, seen me larging it in the pub in Blackburn before the game, for good measure on the concourse at half time and finally me and one of my mates on match of the day swinging our tops over our naked torsos after one of our goals.
As he was a decent bloke after seeing me at Gatwick he had taken it upon himself to remove me from the callout list telling our superiors I had seemed a bit "fatigued" on the Friday. What a bloke and he always got favours out of me until he retired after that, including no sickies
Funny you mention operation Ewood mate, I was looking at some photos on an old phone the other day and found one of you and my old man outside the pub by the ground.
Years back I once called my boss (knew he wasn't in the office that day) and said I'd been in the office bathroom all morning, being really ill, and I needed to go home. He said no worries at all. I hadn't been in to the office at all. I'd woken up at 11:30, desperately hungover, looking for an excuse for being both late and not going in.
I figured if anyone phoned him up asking "Where's Chunes? Haven't seen him today?" it just reinforced my excuse. Worked like a charm.
I used to work with a lovely lady who had a difficult home life & used to take a day's sick leave every couple of weeks.
She must have been running out of excuses on the day she called in to say there was a snake in her kitchen !
Said she was frightened to death and couldn't stop shaking.
This was in Dartford.....in January.
I remember being away on a training course once. My boss gave me a lift home and when she dropped me off I asked her if she wanted a drink or to use the facilities. I was so glad she declined because when I got in, my ashen-faced wife was shrieking 'there's a snake in the kitchen, there's a snake in the kitchen'. Sadly our cats had slaughtered a slowworm in there. It looked like a bloodbath. From memory, it wasn't January though.
I pulled a moody one on my birthday to go watch England vs Bulgaria in Bulgaria and was caught out because I managed to get myself on the news, smashed out of my bonce singing Angels. Work then tried to arrange a disciplinary meeting which I missed as I booked Vegas pissed 4 days before.
Remember when I was a factory manager, one of the lads on the shop floor had been off the day before and had to complete a self sick form. He was sitting at a desk in the office ( very unusual for this to happen). Ask him what he was up to, he said nothing and then left. I then checked google page on the pc. Up came the shits, as he did know how to spell diarrhoea.
1. Nan nearly died (still might die) 2. Dad nearly died (will die soon) 3. Had COVID 4. Might have a brain tumour (this weeks excuse)
What do we do?
Sympathise, give support. And then see in a couple of months time if the trend continues. Could just be that the poor sod is going through the worst couple of months of his life.
Sure I’ve mentioned this on here before but me and a mate bunked off school with dentist appointments one afternoon for something Charlton related (can’t remember 100% but think an away game).
Got away with it fine. Soon after we played Sheff U on a Sunday at Upton Park in cup (90/91). Was a draw, replays had quick turnaround then, next Tuesday. First lesson of the day the headmaster came bursting into our classroom to say ‘sorry for interrupting, I just want to let X and Y know in advance there will be no dentist, doctors or any other appointments tomorrow afternoon’
I can’t remember what excuse I used when I skipped work to get tickets for our midweek cup game up at Middlesbrough. Me and friends wanted to fly up and so we didn’t miss out I volunteered to get the tickets. I could believe my luck while queuing up, BBC London had their film crew down at the valley filming the most riveting subject, Charlton supporters queuing up to by tickets and that evening I was on the London news looking like I was trying to hide in the crowd. Even my very old uncle recognised in queue. The following day was a bit embarrassing.
Running a company of 30 mean that I have heard them all, but i had to let someone go, when it was pointed out that someone had lost 4 grandfathers, 3 grandmothers and 3 mothers in 18 months, couldn’t resist asking him if his father was still alive.
Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.
I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.
Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.
I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.
Thanks in advance.
The Backstory (Preparation Stage)
A few weeks before you officially request time off, start casually mentioning mild discomfort or a "twinge" in your lower abdomen, especially after physical activities like lifting or prolonged standing.
If your work involves colleagues, mention it during small talk: "I felt this sharp pull the other day while lifting that box... Maybe I’m overdoing it."
Gradually escalate the story: "It’s been nagging for a while now. I’ll probably get it checked out soon. Don’t want to let it turn into something serious."
The Diagnosis (Booking Stage)
After a couple of weeks, "visit your GP" (fictionally) and mention that they’ve diagnosed you with a small inguinal hernia. It’s not an emergency but will need surgical repair to prevent complications. Share with your manager that there’s a waitlist, typically 8–10 weeks, so you’re working with that timeline.
Suggested phrasing for work: "The doctor confirmed it’s a hernia. Nothing too urgent, but I’ll need to have it fixed to avoid long-term issues. They’re scheduling surgeries 8–10 weeks out, so I’ll know the exact date soon."
The Time-Off Request (Planning Stage)
Once you "receive the surgery date" (roughly aligned with your 8-week timeline), formally request two weeks off to recover. Hernia repair surgery typically requires 10–14 days of downtime, especially if your job involves physical activity.
Example for your request: "The hospital has booked me for hernia surgery on [insert date]. The recovery period is about two weeks, so I’d like to plan my time off from [start date] to [end date]. I’ll make sure everything is covered before I’m out."
The Follow-Through (Recovery Stage)
During your "recovery," keep things low-key if anyone checks in. Mention typical post-op challenges like tenderness, restricted movement, or needing to avoid heavy lifting.
Casual response example: "Recovery is going well, thanks. Just taking it slow—doctor’s orders not to overdo anything for a bit. Should be back to normal soon."
When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.
One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....
When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.
One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....
When I worked for the DWP, a colleague was regularly off sick , with various reasons as to why.
One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....
Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.
I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.
Thanks in advance.
So what are you going to do if they ask to see your medical note?
I dont know if all companies work the same way but I can self-certificate for up to 7 days but anything longer needs a note signed by a medical professional. So effectively, a week off with flu, sickness, twisted ankle, bad back, is easy but anything longer, you'd need to be a bit more on the ball.
Sure I’ve mentioned this on here before but me and a mate bunked off school with dentist appointments one afternoon for something Charlton related (can’t remember 100% but think an away game).
Got away with it fine. Soon after we played Sheff U on a Sunday at Upton Park in cup (90/91). Was a draw, replays had quick turnaround then, next Tuesday. First lesson of the day the headmaster came bursting into our classroom to say ‘sorry for interrupting, I just want to let X and Y know in advance there will be no dentist, doctors or any other appointments tomorrow afternoon’
I was once dragged out of bed by the police at 6am Monday morning in a case of mistaken identity.
Some poor soul had their face beaten in so bad they need plastic surgery outside Bridge bar in Beckenham back in 2012, the Bromley and Orpington newshopper put out a very bad image of the main suspect. Much like Essex boys, every geeza that goes out drinking in Beckenham looks and dresses exactly the same, I also happen to go there quite a lot at the time and you had to scan your ID to get in. They look through what I assume was a bunch of driver’s licenses for their man and what do they come up with, me.
One hell of a conversation to have with your boss at your very corporate company when I was released later than day. They also confiscated my mobile for 4 weeks just to trace my whereabouts that evening!
I was once dragged out of bed by the police at 6am Monday morning in a case of mistaken identity.
Some poor soul had their face beaten in so bad they need plastic surgery outside Bridge bar in Beckenham back in 2012, the Bromley and Orpington newshopper put out a very bad image of the main suspect. Much like Essex boys, every geeza that goes out drinking in Beckenham looks and dresses exactly the same, I also happen to go there quite a lot at the time and you had to scan your ID to get in. They look through what I assume was a bunch of driver’s licenses for their man and what do they come up with, me.
One hell of a conversation to have with your boss at your very corporate company when I was released later than day. They also confiscated my mobile for 4 weeks just to trace my whereabouts that evening!
When we undertook operation Ewood I didnt call in sick but I was on call.
I had taken my work phone with me and apart from a cursory question or six from the security people at Gatwick as to why I had two phones (but no drugs) I was on my way. Thankfully I didnt get any call outs and went to work on Monday sulking a bit from having our relegation nigh on confirmed my boss, a Charlton fan but a lapsed one asked me how the weekend had gone, any call outs etc
Yeah magic boss, nothing doing, didnt get a call.
He said it was a good job as he had seen me drinking Stella in the pub at Gatwick and then to add to it, seen me larging it in the pub in Blackburn before the game, for good measure on the concourse at half time and finally me and one of my mates on match of the day swinging our tops over our naked torsos after one of our goals.
As he was a decent bloke after seeing me at Gatwick he had taken it upon himself to remove me from the callout list telling our superiors I had seemed a bit "fatigued" on the Friday. What a bloke and he always got favours out of me until he retired after that, including no sickies
Was definitely a good day out for you, you saw more Charlton goals than the rest of us. We lost 4 1 that day. I hope the top swinging was for the one goal we did get and not one you thought you'd seen through sozzled eyes, mate.
*catching up with this thread and appreciate I'm replying to a years old post.
Back when I used to work at IPC on Southwark Street we had a BIG drinking culture. Pub at lunch, pub in the afternoon, pub after work. You get the idea. Went out one night with colleagues and everyone got leathered. Next day one of the more senior lads is a no show. We all just assume he's slept in and the bosses weren't even that bothered tbf. Eventually we get a phone call to say he's been in hospital. The reason? Him and his girlfriend went to a chippie called Fishcoteque under the arches by Waterloo on the way home. He ordered a battered sausage but choked on it and ended up in A&E where they spent several hours trying to clear his airway (allegedly). He was adamant it was the truth on return to work! At the time our department were between PA's, so one of the girls i worked with filled out the sickness report for HR. Reason for absence "attack of the sausage", we were pissing ourselves! No one from HR ever queried it either!!! Happy days...
Used to work there around 2011/2012. Can vouch for the drinking culture. And the Fishcoteque.
Job I had before IPC I went out with a few mates from work. Phoned in sick the next day not realising my boss had seen a load of photos on Facebook of me sh!tfaced. Luckily I got a slap on the wrist and told ‘If you’re gonna do that, don’t let pictures end up on Facebook’ Sound advice.
Some advice please... I'm after an excuse to take 2 weeks off work. Something I can foresee about 8 weeks beforehand, but something inevitable. This gives me a chance to get paid overtime sorting things out before I'm off.
I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.
Thanks in advance.
These are the sort of things that catch up with you. Take 2 weeks holiday, if that doesn’t cut it, take 2 weeks unpaid leave. Not really a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you.
Better still, tell them you support Charlton - they will probably give you 6 weeks off but insist on a brain scan
Comments
When my mum got together when my step dad when I was about 20 they invited his adult kids round for the evening.
What was planned as a "civil nice to meet you" evening soon descended into an all night drinking session culminating in me and said step siblings staggering down to the co op at 8am the next morning to stock up on more booze and fags.
Stopped and sat for a rest on a nearby bench by the main road for a smoke and brace ourselves for the walk up the hill home to carry on drinking.
Was due to work in a pub (5 bells chelsfield if anyone cares) at midday but after a 14 hour session didn't really fancy it so called in sick saying I felt proper rough..which was probably true only a few hours early before the inevitable hangover kicked in.
Went back in for next shift a couple of days later and the guvnor had the right hump...why were you off he asked. I said stomach upset like I told you.
Why the f*** did one of my regulars see you sat on a bench swigging a can of stella at 8.30am that morning then?
I just laughed and shrugged and said I'd been thirsty and needed a sit down to get my strength back.
Never found out who the pub Bertie Smalls was but would have ensured to piss in his pint had I done so.
Some Short term self certification forms completed by supervisors included
Sent home pissed
Women's troubles
Got in a fight lunchtime
Came out in a rash
Smelt
I had taken my work phone with me and apart from a cursory question or six from the security people at Gatwick as to why I had two phones (but no drugs) I was on my way. Thankfully I didnt get any call outs and went to work on Monday sulking a bit from having our relegation nigh on confirmed my boss, a Charlton fan but a lapsed one asked me how the weekend had gone, any call outs etc
Yeah magic boss, nothing doing, didnt get a call.
He said it was a good job as he had seen me drinking Stella in the pub at Gatwick and then to add to it, seen me larging it in the pub in Blackburn before the game, for good measure on the concourse at half time and finally me and one of my mates on match of the day swinging our tops over our naked torsos after one of our goals.
As he was a decent bloke after seeing me at Gatwick he had taken it upon himself to remove me from the callout list telling our superiors I had seemed a bit "fatigued" on the Friday. What a bloke and he always got favours out of me until he retired after that, including no sickies
I figured if anyone phoned him up asking "Where's Chunes? Haven't seen him today?" it just reinforced my excuse. Worked like a charm.
Work then tried to arrange a disciplinary meeting which I missed as I booked Vegas pissed 4 days before.
Didn't like the poxy job anyway.
1. Nan nearly died (still might die)
2. Dad nearly died (will die soon)
3. Had COVID
4. Might have a brain tumour (this weeks excuse)
What do we do?
I could believe my luck while queuing up, BBC London had their film crew down at the valley filming the most riveting subject, Charlton supporters queuing up to by tickets and that evening I was on the London news looking like I was trying to hide in the crowd. Even my very old uncle recognised in queue. The following day was a bit embarrassing.
I'm thinking of a medical procedure that is likely to have an 8-10 week waiting list, not too serious, or embarrassing, but bad enough to lay me up for the fortnight. I'm a bloke in my 50s, so hysterectomy isn't going to cut it.
Thanks in advance.
The Backstory (Preparation Stage)
"I felt this sharp pull the other day while lifting that box... Maybe I’m overdoing it."
"It’s been nagging for a while now. I’ll probably get it checked out soon. Don’t want to let it turn into something serious."
The Diagnosis (Booking Stage)
Suggested phrasing for work:
"The doctor confirmed it’s a hernia. Nothing too urgent, but I’ll need to have it fixed to avoid long-term issues. They’re scheduling surgeries 8–10 weeks out, so I’ll know the exact date soon."
The Time-Off Request (Planning Stage)
Once you "receive the surgery date" (roughly aligned with your 8-week timeline), formally request two weeks off to recover. Hernia repair surgery typically requires 10–14 days of downtime, especially if your job involves physical activity.
Example for your request:
"The hospital has booked me for hernia surgery on [insert date]. The recovery period is about two weeks, so I’d like to plan my time off from [start date] to [end date]. I’ll make sure everything is covered before I’m out."
The Follow-Through (Recovery Stage)
During your "recovery," keep things low-key if anyone checks in. Mention typical post-op challenges like tenderness, restricted movement, or needing to avoid heavy lifting.
Casual response example:
"Recovery is going well, thanks. Just taking it slow—doctor’s orders not to overdo anything for a bit. Should be back to normal soon."
(PS who said ChatGPT was useless?)
One warm summer's morning, she called in to say she was in no fit state to leave her house that morning as a snake had entered the house via the back door earlier & she was too frightened to set foot outside....
No, this was NOT "somewhere in Asia" .
But, Dartford.
I dont know if all companies work the same way but I can self-certificate for up to 7 days but anything longer needs a note signed by a medical professional. So effectively, a week off with flu, sickness, twisted ankle, bad back, is easy but anything longer, you'd need to be a bit more on the ball.
*catching up with this thread and appreciate I'm replying to a years old post.
Job I had before IPC I went out with a few mates from work. Phoned in sick the next day not realising my boss had seen a load of photos on Facebook of me sh!tfaced. Luckily I got a slap on the wrist and told ‘If you’re gonna do that, don’t let pictures end up on Facebook’ Sound advice.
Better still, tell them you support Charlton - they will probably give you 6 weeks off but insist on a brain scan