Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Imagine being so proud of this joke that you had to get on a whatsapp group telling everyone to have a look.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Imagine being so proud of this joke that you had to get on a whatsapp group telling everyone to have a look.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Imagine being so proud of this joke that you had to get on a whatsapp group telling everyone to have a look.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Imagine being so proud of this joke that you had to get on a whatsapp group telling everyone to have a look.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?
I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, A Royal Flush beats a Pair – No Matter How Big They Are.
A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency where social workers raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 30-foot motor home,which is clean, well maintained, and equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers raise concerns about the education the child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects, along with French, Mandarin, and computing skills," they’re told.
Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"The child will be surrounded by family, but we’ve also retained a nanny who’s a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied and ask, "What age child are you ideally hoping to adopt?"
"Doesn't really matter, as long as he fits into the cannon..."
A convicted murderer escapes from prison after spending 25 years inside. While on the run, he breaks into a house and ties up a young couple who have been sleeping in the bedroom. He ties the man to a chair on one side of the room and ties the woman to the bed. He gets on the bed right over the woman, and appears to be kissing her neck. Suddenly he gets up a d leaves the room, although not the house.
As soon as possible the husband makes his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispers “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck. Just co-operate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don’t fight it and make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you”
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half-naked wife says, “Darling, I’m so relieved you feel that way. You’re right, he hasn’t seen a woman in years, but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks your really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too”
Three midgets are arguing over who is the smallest.
The first one says, "well I definitely have the smallest hands ever."
The second one says, "yeah, but my feet are even tinier."
The third one says, "maybe so, but I have the littlest dick in the world. I'm hung like a light switch. Let's head down to the guiness book of world records and settle this once and for all."
When they arrive at Guinness HQ the first one goes in, and after a few minutes, walks out and says, "that's it. I'm in the book. Smallest hands in the world!"
The second one goes in, walks out and proudly announces, "check me out! Smallest feet ever!"
The third one goes in, walks out of the office and asks, "Who the fuck is @cantersaddick ???”
Imagine being so proud of this joke that you had to get on a whatsapp group telling everyone to have a look.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
A bear and a rabbit are having a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no. So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Not a joke so much, in fact a true story - at least it's in Benny Hill's diary: "Went to showbiz party. Met Jim Davidson, a fine comedian and a gentleman. Talked to all three of them."
Two nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the bumpy back streets of Rome late one summer afternoon. It starts getting quite dark and the two nuns are a little nervous.
The younger nun steers her bicycle closer to the older nun and says “You know, I’ve never come this way before”.
The older nun nods her head knowingly and says “It’s the cobblestones”
Gentlemen if you take a leak outside pay attention the following health information could be critical: If your piss attracts ants = too much sugar = probably diabetes If it smells meaty = high colesterol If it dribbles over your shoes = enlarged prostate If it looks like Ribena = kidney failure If you can't smell it = COVID
A father, passing through his son’s uni town late one night on a business trip, thinks he will pay a surprise visit to his boy. Arriving at the college, he knocks on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifts down from a second floor window.
”Whattya want?”
”Does Billy Smith live here?” asks the father.
”Yeah!” replies the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”
Comments
Also, in Thailand, I saw a sign on a Indian restaurant which read 'Our food is very average'. Something lost in translation, I feel.
Also I suggest you ask my missus next time you see her.
Bartender: That’ll be $20.20.
My girlfriend and I met through a dating agency for dolphin impersonators.
From the moment we met, we just clicked.As soon as possible the husband makes his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispers “Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck. Just co-operate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don’t fight it and make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you”
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half-naked wife says, “Darling, I’m so relieved you feel that way. You’re right, he hasn’t seen a woman in years, but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks your really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too”
Crap at driving but useful with an iron
The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no.
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
"Went to showbiz party. Met Jim Davidson, a fine comedian and a gentleman.
Talked to all three of them."
Two nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the bumpy back streets of Rome late one summer afternoon. It starts getting quite dark and the two nuns are a little nervous.
The younger nun steers her bicycle closer to the older nun and says “You know, I’ve never come this way before”.
The older nun nods her head knowingly and says “It’s the cobblestones”
If your piss attracts ants = too much sugar = probably diabetes
If it smells meaty = high colesterol
If it dribbles over your shoes = enlarged prostate
If it looks like Ribena = kidney failure
If you can't smell it = COVID
Explains why Liverpool can't do it
”Whattya want?”
”Does Billy Smith live here?” asks the father.
”Yeah!” replies the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”