1. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
2. And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
3. Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
4. I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
5. Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
Not a precise quote. but just one from a film absolutely jam packed with excellent one liners:
"So here you are, halfway up a pole in Berkshire, three quarters of your wishes gone, your soul damned forever into the hereafter and you say you have got nothing to learn from Lee Quai Kwat and his tigers..."
Peter Cook as the devil to Dudley Moore's Sidney Moon in Bedazzled.
"You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little f****** up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to f***** amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"
Ray Kinsella: So what do you want? Terence Mann: I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy. Ray Kinsella: No, I mean, what do you WANT?
[Gestures to the concession stand they're in front of] Terence Mann: Oh. Dog and a beer.
1. All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
2. CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus... ...Dickus?
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'... ...'Dickus'?
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
3. I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!
4. Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder.
5. What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?
Anything said by Mr Wolf (Harvey Keitel) in Pulp Fiction. My personal favourite is after Travolta and Jackson are congratulating themselves at how well they have cleaned up the blood from the car and he says "Ok gentlemen, let's not start sucking each others' dicks just yet..."
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance - blah blah blah - Jules Pulp Fiction
"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets. - clerks.
" What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?"
Opening scene of reservoir dogs when Mr brown is talking about like a virgin.
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks. Mr. Blonde: No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been %ucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive... Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out Greenbay. Tell that %ucking bull$hit to the tourists. Joe: Toby... Who the !fuck is Toby? Toby... Mr. Brown: 'Like a Virgin' is not about this nice girl who meets a nice fella. That's what "True Blue" is about, now, granted, no argument about that. Mr. Orange: Which one is 'True Blue'? Nice Guy Eddie: 'True Blue' was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops In Pops $hit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue". Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan. Mr. Orange: Personally, I can do without her. Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, 'Lucky Star', 'Borderline' - but once she got into her 'Papa Don't Preach' phase, I don't know, I tuned out. Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it? Joe: Oh, Toby was this Chinese girl, what was her last name? Mr. White: What's that? Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. What was that name? Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about? Mr. Pink: You said 'True Blue' was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks. Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that? Mr. White: A lot. Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. Joe: Chew? Toby Chew? Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat %ucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a %uck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know…morons
Dang, that was lucky! God darn near lost a $400 handcart!
Hey, where all da white women at?
Look at that...
Yeh - steady as a rock.
But I shoot with this hand.
All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.
Go back to Jersey, sonny. This is the City of the Angels, and you haven't got any wings – La Confidential
Nobody wears beige to a bank robbery! – Take the money and run
Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss. – Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. – No country for old men
Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent. – o brother where are thou.
"I'm a good girl I am" Eliza Doolittle - My Fair Lady
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and - SNAP - the job's a game!" Mary Poppins - Mary Poppins
"Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shots" Barry The Baptist - Lock Stock
"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." Rhett Butler - Gone with the Wind
"After all... tomorrow is another day." Scarlett O'Hara - Gone with the Wind
"It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'." Mammy - Gone with the Wind
"No, I like you very much. Just as you are." Mark Darcy
[cite]Posted By: MrOneLung[/cite]I helped carry the watermelons / Nobody puts Baby in the corner - Dirty Dancing (two for the ladies)
Can tell you're a bloke ;-)
"I carried a watermelon"
"No one puts baby in a corner"
"You aint taking that in the lift, are you?" "I have to, the stairs will kill 'im" (The Commitments)
and ok, I did google this one (and technically it aint a one liner), but:
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I'm entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!!
[cite]Posted By: Addickted[/cite]What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know…morons
Dang, that was lucky! God darn near lost a $400 handcart!
Hey, where all da white women at?
Look at that...
Yeh - steady as a rock.
But I shoot with this hand.
All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.
[cite]Posted By: Addickted[/cite]What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know…morons
Dang, that was lucky! God darn near lost a $400 handcart!
Hey, where all da white women at?
Look at that...
Yeh - steady as a rock.
But I shoot with this hand.
All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.
The wife's favourite film. Classic
"How about some more beans Mr Taggart?" "I think you've had enough" Almost worth a thread on it's own
"Peter Lemonjello - your house is on fire"
"Ben? Nice to meet you, Victor Hugo"
"They multiply by masturbation"
"The morgue proved to be a dead end. But then, I guess it is for most people"
"I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor, but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it"
Comments
2. And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
3. Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
4. I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
5. Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
I can't remember which film though :-)
"How do you know he's the king?"
"He's the only one who hasn't got sh!t all over him"
Was it Titanic?
Yes, for twenty-four hours I refused to eat grapes.'
Woody Allen Sleeper
"So here you are, halfway up a pole in Berkshire, three quarters of your wishes gone, your soul damned forever into the hereafter and you say you have got nothing to learn from Lee Quai Kwat and his tigers..."
Peter Cook as the devil to Dudley Moore's Sidney Moon in Bedazzled.
Terence Mann: I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.
Ray Kinsella: No, I mean, what do you WANT?
[Gestures to the concession stand they're in front of]
Terence Mann: Oh. Dog and a beer.
"Vewe well, we shall welease.. Bwairn!".
1. All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
2. CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.
PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?
CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.
PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.
PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?
PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.
PILATE: Wight! Take him away!
CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--
PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.
CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.
PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus... ...Dickus?
PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'... ...'Dickus'?
PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.
3. I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!
4. Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder.
5. What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?
Jake: "Hit it."
' Failure , eh ? HA HA ! Take a look at that , you pompous windbag ! ' Cinderella
' You got it , sweetcakes . No more talking , singing , zip ' Little Mermaid
Opening scene of reservoir dogs when Mr brown is talking about like a virgin.
Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Blonde: No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been %ucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive...
Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out Greenbay. Tell that %ucking bull$hit to the tourists.
Joe: Toby... Who the !fuck is Toby? Toby...
Mr. Brown: 'Like a Virgin' is not about this nice girl who meets a nice fella. That's what "True Blue" is about, now, granted, no argument about that.
Mr. Orange: Which one is 'True Blue'?
Nice Guy Eddie: 'True Blue' was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops In Pops $hit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue".
Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.
Mr. Orange: Personally, I can do without her.
Mr. Blue: I like her early stuff. You know, 'Lucky Star', 'Borderline' - but once she got into her 'Papa Don't Preach' phase, I don't know, I tuned out.
Mr. Brown: Hey, you guys are making me lose my... train of thought here. I was saying something, what was it?
Joe: Oh, Toby was this Chinese girl, what was her last name?
Mr. White: What's that?
Joe: I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. What was that name?
Mr. Brown: What the fuck was I talking about?
Mr. Pink: You said 'True Blue' was about a nice girl, a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy, and that 'Like a Virgin' was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew?
Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat %ucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a %uck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.
Hey, McFly!! - Back to the future
Get off my plane - Airforce One (for pure cringing)
I helped carry the watermelons / Nobody puts Baby in the corner - Dirty Dancing (two for the ladies)
Dang, that was lucky! God darn near lost a $400 handcart!
Hey, where all da white women at?
Look at that...
Yeh - steady as a rock.
But I shoot with this hand.
All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we don't want the IRISH.
Nobody wears beige to a bank robbery! – Take the money and run
Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss. – Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair. – No country for old men
Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent. – o brother where are thou.
Ash (Bruce Cambell) Army of Darkness aka Evil Dead 3.
see also "This is my Boomstick"
and my fav "Groovy.." and "LAy some sugar on me Baby" from the other films.
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and - SNAP - the job's a game!" Mary Poppins - Mary Poppins
"Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shots" Barry The Baptist - Lock Stock
"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." Rhett Butler - Gone with the Wind
"After all... tomorrow is another day." Scarlett O'Hara - Gone with the Wind
"It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'." Mammy - Gone with the Wind
"No, I like you very much. Just as you are." Mark Darcy
Can tell you're a bloke ;-)
"I carried a watermelon"
"No one puts baby in a corner"
"You aint taking that in the lift, are you?" "I have to, the stairs will kill 'im" (The Commitments)
and ok, I did google this one (and technically it aint a one liner), but:
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I'm entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.
Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780536/quotes
The wife's favourite film. Classic
"Ben? Nice to meet you, Victor Hugo"
"They multiply by masturbation"
"The morgue proved to be a dead end. But then, I guess it is for most people"
"I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor, but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it"
From the best film of all time - Fletch Lives
''i have a cunning plan m'lord'' -- baldrick
legend!