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Things you only learned late in life

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  • What does a school bus and a grape have in common?

    They're both purple, except for the bus!
  • [cite]Posted By: olster[/cite]A woman walks up to a bar tender and orders a double entendre, so he gave her one.

    My favourite joke of all time.

    Other than the Space Alien who crash lands in south London but takes too long to type.
  • [cite]Posted By: March51[/cite]My brother's on the stage: he chews hammers

    Is he a professional?

    No, he's an amachewer!

    This one made me laugh!
  • [quote][cite]Posted By: LargeAddick[/cite]no need now though as Velcro has arrived.[/quote]

    That Velcro is just a Rip Off !!!
  • [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: olster[/cite]A woman walks up to a bar tender and orders a double entendre, so he gave her one.

    My favourite joke of all time.

    Other than the Space Alien who crash lands in south London but takes too long to type.

    Go on Henners. You know you want to. ;)
  • [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]The past tense of learn : - )

    Cough, cough, ahem...
  • edited September 2009
    New Labour are not Labour

    woman prefer a challenge than a nice guy

    perhaps should have taken my charlton-supporting old man's advice and supported Arsenal

    Smoking is not easy to quit

    money might not buy hapiness but can remove a lot of the obstacles in pursuit of it

    most women dont consider match of the day followed by a pat on the backside as it ends and nod to the boudoir to be foreplay
  • [cite]Posted By: Bournemouth Addick[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]The past tense of learn : - )

    Cough, cough, ahem...

    Disallowing that : - )
  • [cite]Posted By: Vinnie V.[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: olster[/cite]A woman walks up to a bar tender and orders a double entendre, so he gave her one.

    My favourite joke of all time.

    Other than the Space Alien who crash lands in south London but takes too long to type.

    Go on Henners. You know you want to. ;)

    One day.
  • I only just recently got this one. i dont know how. it seems so simple now.



    on the train opposite this woman. I said........

    '' can i smell your fanny?''

    she said....

    '' NO! and how dare you!!''

    I said.....

    ''must be your feet then''.



    p.s i didnt get the nun or the 2 birds ones?!
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  • I have learnt (learned) that the following irregular verbs are now obsolete in British and American English. Burn, dream, dwell, Kneel, lean, learn, mow, smell, spell, spill and spoil. They now have the standard past and participle forms (-ed).

    Who decided this and when? Nobody asked me. Its all part of the dumbing down......

    Have also learnt that I am a pedantic, old fashioned git.
  • I've learnt it's always bro's before ho's. Always.

    And i'm only little.
  • Burnt, dreamt, dwelt, Knelt, leant, learnt, mowed, smelt, spelt, spilt and spoilt

    Burned, dreamed, dwelled, Knelled, leaned, learned, mowed, smelled, spelled, spilled and spoiled
  • [cite]Posted By: Bournemouth Addick[/cite]
    [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]The past tense of learn : - )

    Cough, cough, ahem...

    Well, bugger me Les Addick, that was interesting .....

    I've even learned or learnt how poppodom is spelled or spelt correctly.
    And that Fayre is an archaic 'historick' word mis-spelling that is nearly always mis-applied these days, assuming I'm allowed to hyphenate the word 'misapplied' or 'misspelling'.

    ;o)
  • [cite]Posted By: Cordoban Addick[/cite]

    Have also learnt that I am a pedantic, old fashioned git.

    Merely a euphemism for 'grumpy old man'.

    Welcome to our club. Henry's chairman, but you can stand for election once per year.

    ;o)
  • ive learnt that i still dont understand most of what you bstds write when it aint about footie or birds
  • Re Henry Irwin's list of past participles...IF used with 'to have' as in 'I have dreamed' use -ed
    BUT if used as past simple, most of Henry's verbs are STRONG and take the form we all know such as I dreampt, I dwelt, I learnt, I spelt, etc. BUT I mowed (never heard of mowt!)
  • What about grasst ...... as in, "I grasst up the Great Train Robbers" .......?

    Well?
  • [cite]Posted By: daveroan[/cite]Re Henry Irwin's list of past participles...IF used with 'to have' as in 'I have dreamed' use -ed
    BUT if used as past simple, most of Henry's verbs are STRONG and take the form we all know such as I dreampt, I dwelt, I learnt, I spelt, etc. BUT I mowed (never heard of mowt!)



    see WTF does this mean it is like reading alien transcript sometimes on here
  • I've just recently learned that nuns are disgusting!
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  • Grumpy old man eh? That is something I have been working toward for the last 15 years, I long for the time when I can stand at my garden gate, wave my walking stick and shout obscenities at passing children for no apparent reason (not that the little buggers have any respect these days).

    If accepted, I will promise to contradict myself on a regular basis, get names wrong and forget ......

    Also its mown.
  • Oggy, no way am I a grumpy old man!!!!!!!!!

    I do not go on about the good old days and how it was safer on the streets, I do not moan about young people listening to loud music or about speed cameras, taxation, immigration or the off-side law.

    Middle aged perhaps, Grumpy no way.

    So stick you Chairmanship up your ar*e sideways Granddad.

    Hope I die before I get old







    ; - )
  • [cite]Posted By: SpicedAddick[/cite]I've just recently learned that nuns are disgusting!

    When I was a grotty spotty teenager at school, we use to call them the "Get Nones".

    Evidently, we were wrong. They may have been spared the rod of man, but seem to have found many satisfying alternatives in their quest for personal holy grail.

    ;o)
  • [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]Oggy, no way am I a grumpy old man!!!!!!!!!

    I do not go on about the good old days and how it was safer on the streets, I do not moan about young people listening to loud music or about speed cameras, taxation, immigration or the off-side law.

    Middle aged perhaps, Grumpy no way.

    So stick you Chairmanship up your ar*e sideways Granddad.

    Hope I die before I get old







    ; - )

    Aw, poor Henry.

    Have I touched a raw nerve ........he he he

    ;o)
  • [cite]Posted By: Henry Irving[/cite]Oggy, no way am I a grumpy old man!!!!!!!!!

    I do not go on about the good old days and how it was safer on the streets, I do not moan about young people listening to loud music or about speed cameras, taxation, immigration or the off-side law.

    Middle aged perhaps, Grumpy no way.

    So stick you Chairmanship up your ar*e sideways Granddad.

    Hope I die before I get old

    Oh c'mon Henry there's no need to be so modest. As holder of the Holey Cardigan you know your flock of miserable old sods log on every day for the latest pearls of wisdom to trip from your liver spotted fingers...
  • Liver spotted fingers ..... You want to get that seen to oggy ;-)
  • Is it something to do with me? I have only just joined the "grumpy old men" and already the chairman has resigned.

    I suppose if you look at his record over the last two seasons though, you can see that the whole thing was inevitable.
  • [cite]Posted By: uncle[/cite]Liver spotted fingers ..... You want to get that seen to oggy ;-)

    Hey, Unc .......according to Bournemouth Addick, they are Henry's liver spotted fingers, not mine.....(!)

    ;o)
  • The hotel receptionist told me that I couldn't have a tartan room, so I said I'd just have the room instead.
  • That thick tracing paper serves other purposes than for just wiping your arse on.
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