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Things you only learned late in life

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  • Swisdom
    Swisdom Posts: 14,977
    That when a kid at school got "run over" it merely meant hit by a car as opposed to squashed completely and had tyre marks on their body.
  • Vinnie V.
    Vinnie V. Posts: 1,509
    Middle managment don't know a lot about piss ups and breweries.
  • jimmymelrose
    jimmymelrose Posts: 9,764
    I have learnt that most people in the English speaking world haven't got a clue about English grammar, but more importantly that it is the belief that this doesn't matter that makes international communication problematic.

    I have also learnt that it is another nation's obsession with grammar that enables me to make money.

    This demonstrates another lesson: try for the happy median, and do a little of everything.

    Another lesson: Don't be too proud to ask a question. Is it 'happy median' or 'happy medium'? Don't like the latter as it sounds like a delirious seance lady. Ohhh....and please explain the spanner jokes.
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,522
    Always thought it strange Chicago is known as the "Windy City" when it wasn't a City and was part of New York.

    I've only just realised / learned Chicago is not only not a part of New York, it's nowhere near it.....
  • Fumbluff
    Fumbluff Posts: 10,144
    Gribbo said:
    Always thought it strange Chicago is known as the "Windy City" when it wasn't a City and was part of New York.

    I've only just realised / learned Chicago is not only not a part of New York, it's nowhere near it.....
    You’re thinking of Queens…….as usual
  • lordromford
    lordromford Posts: 7,831
    Henry Irving said:
    "My wife went to the West Indies"

    "Jamaica?"

    "No, she went of her own accord"


    Now that is a rubbish, but classic, joke I bit like the nun and the soap
    “Where in North America are you taking your wife?”
    ”Alaska”
    ”Well let me know when you find out.”

    Sorry. 😳
  • Swisdom
    Swisdom Posts: 14,977
    I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 


  • RodneyCharltonTrotta
    RodneyCharltonTrotta Posts: 14,835
    Swisdom said:
    I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 


     Everyone knows it's a computer game 
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    edited December 2021
    I prefer

    "My wife went to the West Indies"

    "Jamaica?"

    "No. St Lucia".

    Why does that make me laugh?
  • MrWalker
    MrWalker Posts: 4,136
    edited December 2021
    Swisdom said:
    I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 


    Walt Disney's great lemming fraud.

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsFVzywPNEc


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  • cafctom
    cafctom Posts: 11,375
    As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

    There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

    For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,522
    cafctom said:
    As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

    There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

    For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.
    That woulda been Dorian Green
  • Gribbo
    Gribbo Posts: 8,522
    I thought everything was black and white in the old day, but only until I was about 7 isssshhhh
  • RodneyCharltonTrotta
    RodneyCharltonTrotta Posts: 14,835
    cafctom said:
    As a kid I remember seeing an episode of Birds of a Feather that my parents were watching. 

    There was a scene where one of the women was crying and her makeup was smearing all over her face.

    For years afterwards I thought there were women out there who had black tears.
    No, just black hearts.
  • Raith_C_Chattonell
    Raith_C_Chattonell Posts: 5,701
    Colouring pencils are crayons and not crowns.
  • MrOneLung
    MrOneLung Posts: 26,905
    Swisdom said:
    I genuine learned last night that a lemming is not a bird 


    Quote perilous when those birds (allegedly) run off a cliff…
  • Daarrzzetbum
    Daarrzzetbum Posts: 1,236
    Employment is not be all & end all, & just how good retirement is 👍
  • bobmunro
    bobmunro Posts: 20,892
    Realising when I was 45 that I could not afford to retire when I was 45.
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,621
    That you do eventually get to see your favourite club winning at Wembley, not only once, but twice.

  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,252
    You don't go blind from too much self pleasuring.

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  • Mendonca In Asdas
    Mendonca In Asdas Posts: 22,664
    House prices are not becoming more affordable.
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,889
    iaitch said:
    You don't go blind from too much self pleasuring.
    Well said @bitch
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,992
    Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to varifocals.
  • iaitch
    iaitch Posts: 10,252
    edited December 2021
    Now you mention it my optician does suggest them.
  • guinnessaddick
    guinnessaddick Posts: 28,748
    IdleHans said:
    Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to vinegar stroke.

  • Lincsaddick
    Lincsaddick Posts: 32,385
    how to flip an omelette without it hitting the floor 
  • Stig
    Stig Posts: 29,093
    edited December 2021
    guinnessaddick said: 
    Not blind, perhaps, but you'll have to adjust to vinegar stroke.
    Lincsaddick said:
    how to flip an omelette without it hitting the floor 
    Is this the same thing, or something different?
  • IdleHans
    IdleHans Posts: 10,992
    Just about everyone makes it up as they go along
  • bazjonster
    bazjonster Posts: 2,875
    edited December 2021
    Always had an inkling, but I've finally learnt over this last few months just how arrogant, ignorant, selfish, stupid, naive, easily led, easily influenced, gullible and not very well read some folk are. 
  • PrincessFiona
    PrincessFiona Posts: 5,491
    bazjonster said:
    Always had an inkling, but I've finally learnt over this last few months just how arrogant, ignorant, selfish, stupid, naive, easily led, easily influenced, gullible and not very well read some folk are. 
    On a Which? facebook group, someone asked if they tested positive for covid whilst overseas, if they could fly back and quarantine at home!

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