Quite possibly the 1st
Serious Thread I've ever done: Bear with me:
For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to live in Ringwood/West Moors/Poole, the reason being My Grandparents moved down there when I was about 6/7 years old, and I remember,very fondly,the Ringwood Carnival and My Grandad taking Me to Bournemouth & Boscombe FC, (Especially the evening matches). I was born in Lewisham Hospital and have lived in St.Pauls Cray,Sydenham, Deptford, Catford and am Now back in Sydenham. Now at the age of 49 I'm living with a lovely Lady called Sandra, but, work is very scarce. My Mum is ill and my Dad is doing His best to keep it together, but at 78 He is not trained as a "Full-Time Carer". They live about amile away from Me and I go round everyday to take Him a paper and milk,etc. They do get "help" for Mum, but Lewisham Council is, once again, letting people down after taking money off them for years: Dad still has to pay around £100 amonth council tax.
Anyway, been offered a "free flat" by my cousin Mandy to stay in, in Ringwood, whilst looking for a place/work/etc if/when We move down that way.
So,(and Please be serious), what to do ?
Thank You.
Comments
and you know your parents would say don't worry about us we'll be ok
but you will worry about them so there it is ....
tough one but your heart will give you the answer
Ringwood/Poole is a fantastic area and I would love one day to move there myself, however with your parents clearly frail it sounds to me like a great offer but wrong timing.
I know a fair few tradesman down this way, plumbers, tilers, sparkeys and more, could always ask around to see how they are getting on at the moment and see what the demand is like?
I have lived outside the UK since 1995. I missed my mother passing away (one day too late!) my mother-in-law is now very frail and my father, although well, is now in his mid eighties. When I moved from Ireland to Australia in 2005, I wrote a heartfelt letter to my Dad as I was going to be the second of his three boys in Oz and I was starting to feel a bit guilty about being so far away.
His response was clear and unequivocal: it's your life, I've raised you to be self sufficient and you must do what is best for you and your own family, so good luck with the move.
So MOG, I would go to Poole, and live your life with your lovely lady. It's not so far away and if it is not feeling right at any point in the future, you can always go back.
Incidentally, we are planning to return to the UK in 2012, sounds crazy I know, but there are a number of factors and it feels right. However, we are not going to be seeing either parent on a day-to-day basis.
We did a reverse thing and left SE London to come down this way to care for two parents. We did what we believed to be right at the time but their deteriorating health problems meant that they basically took over my entire life and it was not at all easy to manage the competing demands. Now that both parents are dead, we find we just miss London more and more. We solved this problem by living in our caravan at Crystal Place campsite through the winter!
I don't think there is a clear answer for you, whatever you do will probably bring both benefits and regrets. One thing we did find out was that there was much less work out of London than in London (plumbing and heating|), there were longer distances to travel and thus and the profit margins were smaller, plus we couldn't 'cherry pick' the jobs any longer. But I was able to care for my Mum and Dad and that meant a lot to us.
Childhood memories tend to acquire a modicum of sentimentality and rose tints as we age, so there are pitfalls to watch out for. Good luck with your difficult decision MOG (and Sandra).
First off, to a pretty large extent, benefits and social care are dictated more by central government policy and regulation than the discretion of local authorities - things like housing / council tax benefit work entirely on national rules, and most councils are cutting back on anything that is 'discretionary' rather than an obligation to do them. But let's not get too far into politics.
It may be worth (if you've not already done so) you or your parents talking to an organisation like 'age concern' to see if parents are getting all they are entitled to (and I emphasise the word "entitled" here) - there may be benefits they are missing out on, there may be grants available for home insulation, adaptations to make access easier, and so on.
And / or a play (you enter details anonymously) with 'Entitled To' to make sure they are getting the right council tax benefit and so on (you will need to enter info about their income and such - I don't know how much you know about their income etc or whether it's the kind of thing you can discuss with them)
I've no idea whether it's going to be easier for you to get a job outside London - London usually seems to do better (or at least not so badly) than the rest of the country in recessions, people tend to move towards London in search of work not away from it. Having said that, I left London in 1989 and did better elsewhere.
As for the parents - difficult to know what to do. Would you end up spending most weekends travelling up to London to do stuff for them? Do they have other relatives nearby who can help? Would they consider moving down to Dorset if you did?
Personally, I'm getting close to thinking it's time I moved back to SE London (I have not quite made it back yet) so I can do more for an aged parent...
As for the offer from your cousin - it sounds good, but if it was my family I'd know there were going to be some sort of strings attached sooner or later. You know your family, I don't.
And I'm not expecting you to answer / justify yourself for everything (or anything) I've said here. Just airing what I'd be thinking about in the circumstances.
Best of luck whatever you do.
It would also be worth investigating whether sheltered accommodation would be an option - my Nan dug her heels in and refused to consider it for quite some time, but now admits she should have done it years ago. The place she's in now is just like student halls for OAPs; they all have their own flats with kitchen bathroom etc, so they can have as much privacy as they want, but also communal areas where they have dinners, bingo nights etc. The community spirit there has been an absolute godsend since Grandad died earlier this year, as even with my parents and sister living only a couple of miles away, she would have been horribly isolated living in their old house.
I have been through a similar thing MoG, I am self employed, carrying out plumbing and drainage works in offices in Central London, we are only very small and we had 3 contracts cancelled in the space of 2 months totalling 120k, that was a HUGE amount of loss for us. We' have had 3 years of sleepless nights, robbing Peter to pay Paul but somehow we have managed to keep going, although in the process my credit rating has been shot to bits. We decided to sell our house and with the small equity we had we have managed to buy a modest place in France.
We are currently renting in the UK but the house we are living in at present is going on the market in April, so we will have to move.
My wife and I have the dilemma of either staying and paying rent or moving to France.
I am a similar age to you (48), we have 3 children aged 15, 11 and 5 and I too feel racked with guilt at possibly having to completely turn their lives upside down, however, I also feel that I could be giving them a wonderful opportunity and lets be honest, neither Poole or France are that far away, if it doesn't work out you can come back.
I would hate to see my children go through what we have been through in the last 3 years or so, if they did and they had the means to alter their lives for the better, I would give them my full support and blessing.
Life is certainly a very short thing, something you only appreciate as you get older (unfortunately).
Whatever you decide I would like to wish you the best of luck.
Not an easy decision mate.....I wish you well in whatever path you take.