MOG, your Cousin sounds like a great person. Your next move should be to go and see her, and put all the cards on the table. Until you do this, you will not know how she would feel on the subject, and she might surprise you with local knowledge and ideas that could bring a happy conclusion for all concerned. Then sit down in the light of your conversation with your Cousin, and talk at length with your Mum and Dad. You might be surprised by what they have to say. After doing these two things, your thinking may well be clearer, but I think you will find that good parents always want the best for their kids. Keep us informed if you have any news that moves things forward, and the best of luck.
It's alright people saying its not that far away, but it depends on how frequently you intend coming back to see family, friends, football etc
It's a five hour round trip, and with petrol what it currently is its probably not something you will afford to be able to do too frequently.
My advice would be do a weeks holiday down there. In that time, stay at the flat and see how you feel you fit in, ask around all the local garden centres, DIY stores, job centre etc to get an indicator on just how tough picking up work can be. I think you as an individual would soon become quite depressed being away from your familiar surroundings with no work on the horizon and needing to fill your days, so I would bear that in mind
It's alright people saying its not that far away, but it depends on how frequently you intend coming back to see family, friends, football etc
It's a five hour round trip, and with petrol what it currently is its probably not something you will afford to be able to do too frequently.
My advice would be do a weeks holiday down there. In that time, stay at the flat and see how you feel you fit in, ask around all the local garden centres, DIY stores, job centre etc to get an indicator on just how tough picking up work can be. I think you as an individual would soon become quite depressed being away from your familiar surroundings with no work on the horizon and needing to fill your days, so I would bear that in mind
Good luck
Aint that the truth ... my Mum is in Brighton and I see her once every 5 months!!!!!
It's all well saying it's not far etc, but you get caught up in doing things and time flies
It's a real dilemma. Some people might say that although you clearly have great and genuine concern for much-loved and vulnerable parents this isn't the whole story. The biggest issue is whether you are prepared to leave uncomfortable but familiar surroundings to gamble on making basically a new life, and your cousin's offer of accommodation has really thrown the cat amongst the pigeons because you now have an unmistakeable chance to go for it. Understandably you are apprehensive about what the move would bring you - pastures new, or frying pan into fire ? - with the dangers of pressure on the relationship with your partner, the loss of contact with friends, and above all the fear of a lonely failure at nearly fifty, far from "home". Is this a golden opportunity or a yawning trap ? Well, as Lennie used to say - never look back wondering. If you have the commitment, love and support of Sandra and the blessing of your parents, you should be prepared to give it a wholehearted try, otherwise you will always regret missing this chance to turn your life around. What would Paul Gonad do ???
You don't know what it is like living in Ringwood now, although you have happy memories of the place, you don't know the job prospects or the cost of living down there, so both of you try it for a couple of weeks. Then you can make a more informed decision.
I'm not one to give advice on parents as I was never close to mine and left my parent at the first opportunity.
MOG, Sandra is the key to your dilemma. How does she feel about it?
Hampshire/Dorset ain't that far. You can always come back if you don't like it.
In life, the only regrets you should have are things you didn't do when you had the chance.
PS I left SE London and wouldn't even consider moving back now. I like going back but life is better all-round living somewhere more rural. If you have friends they will stay in touch. If they don't they ain't real friends.
You don't know what it is like living in Ringwood now, although you have happy memories of the place, you don't know the job prospects or the cost of living down there, so both of you try it for a couple of weeks. Then you can make a more informed decision.
I'm not one to give advice on parents as I was never close to mine and left my parent at the first opportunity.
I agree. I think you both need to find employment down there before moving, otherwise you will both be unemployed and have no family & friends around (or Charlton).
Words of wisdom from AFKA. My fear for you MOG would be the same. The sense of dislocation can be profound and I too wonder how the dreaded black dog would cope.
Like others MOG the decision is yours and yours alone and the personally right decision for you may not be the same as for someone else .
I've known you on and off for around 30 years and have always admired your cheerful (despite the MOG handle) persona and your ability to use your networks . Despite this it's clear now the recession has had a terrible affect on your business.As others have said would the work situation be any better in Dorset ? That said I'm sure you could socially fit anywhere .
Have you ever been to Ringwood in the winter ? Sometimes these places are not so nice out of season , happy childhood memories do also play tricks . Your favourite Charlton teams tend to be your early ones and classic games I've seen from the 70's remain hardwired in a way more recent matches don't , The old Valley will always be better with its old rainy massive East Terrace , the reality is that the modern stadium is 1000 times more comfortable and safer. Recent nostalgic days out on terracing have reminded me that the past isn't always better than the present .
Also as others have said Sandra's view is vital and you need to move on togther.
I moved away from Bromley Common to Cornwall 26 years ago - and made myself a new life surrounded by good friends in a virtually crime free area, in a large village near the sea. I feel this is my home, despite now having a rock solid opportunity to move to the south of France.
Sure, lots of ups and downs, and I even found myself being a single parent for many years. The friendship and support that I was given down here got me through challenging times.
Would I go back? Well, I always said never, and probably won't. But my parents are almost 80 now and I wish I could see them more often.
If it wasn't for your elderly parent dilemma, Paul - it would be a no-brainer. Go! You grow as a person by taking on new horizons and challenges; that's what life is all about, gaining new experiences.
But first you need to find out how much your Dad depends on you at the moment. You may just be the moral support that keeps him going, and being able to cope.
Talk to him; is there anybody who could be willing to help him out, neighbours, friends and family? Sheltered accomodation, as someone has already suggested, could be the perfect solution.
If not, listen to your heart, and your own instincts. Then you'll know if moving to Ringwood now is the right option.
And if not, know that there will always be other opportunities to change your life come around.
In case some don't know the area. Ringwood is a market town between Southampton and Bournemouth/Poole in the New Forest but not near the coast. I couldn't tell you what the employment prospects are but if you want work and can travel then I'm sure you will find some.
I have come against the same choice as both my parents (at the time) and my wifes mother were "getting on a bit". I wanted to move to Florida and buy a business and although my parents were very supportive in the end I couldn't go. My dad has since died and could never leave my mum and my wife couldn't leave her mum. I will always regret not taking the opportunity, whether it had worked out or not, but I would never blame my choice on anyone else as it was MY choice.
It seems that things like this are something you either do when you are young(ish) or old.
In the end only you can decide what's the right thing to do. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
T.C.E......thanks for posting this yet again!!! Please stop now!!! LOL.........God I need to lose some weight!! and as for the Dad comment.....feck off!!! LOL
If the chain holds firm we will be moving to the other side of Battle within a couple of months. Parents are both eighty and live in Bexley. Not as far as Ringwood but still a worry if either become ill. Mums main concern is that they won't be able to pop round for a Saturday evening Chinese as often !! Sometimes though you have to do what is right for you. My worry is the commute.
If the chain holds firm we will be moving to the other side of Battle within a couple of months. Parents are both eighty and live in Bexley. Not as far as Ringwood but still a worry if either become ill. Mums main concern is that they won't be able to pop round for a Saturday evening Chinese as often !! Sometimes though you have to do what is right for you. My worry is the commute.
Bloody Hell Large, I take it you mean Battle as in near Hastings? How much does a season ticket cost you from there? Must be 3K per year, surely?
Paul, i've only just come across this thread. Some big decisions obviously to be made and some wise advice here. Only you can make that choice; I personally would find it extremely difficult to move away from my parents, but if it was right for me and the family then I would certainly need to consider it and I know that I would have the backing of the whole family.
One thing that does concern me though, and I'm not sure if anyone has touched on it here, is as great as it is that your cousin has offered you the flat what happens if her plans all go tits up and she wants/needs it back?
As for who to support, surely that wont be an issue? Lifers will just have to forego sponsoring one of the away kits and get you and Sandra Valley Express tickets for the season ;-) After all, who's gonna entertain little M and who are you gonna kiss when Sandra has nipped to the concourse and we score??? X
Comments
It's a five hour round trip, and with petrol what it currently is its probably not something you will afford to be able to do too frequently.
My advice would be do a weeks holiday down there. In that time, stay at the flat and see how you feel you fit in, ask around all the local garden centres, DIY stores, job centre etc to get an indicator on just how tough picking up work can be. I think you as an individual would soon become quite depressed being away from your familiar surroundings with no work on the horizon and needing to fill your days, so I would bear that in mind
Good luck
It's all well saying it's not far etc, but you get caught up in doing things and time flies
MOG, Sandra is the key to your dilemma. How does she feel about it?
Hampshire/Dorset ain't that far. You can always come back if you don't like it.
In life, the only regrets you should have are things you didn't do when you had the chance.
PS I left SE London and wouldn't even consider moving back now. I like going back but life is better all-round living somewhere more rural. If you have friends they will stay in touch. If they don't they ain't real friends.
I agree. I think you both need to find employment down there before moving, otherwise you will both be unemployed and have no family & friends around (or Charlton).
Would your parents consider moving that way if you did get settled?
I assume as you didn't mention her that the Missus wouold be fine with moving there?
Like others MOG the decision is yours and yours alone and the personally right decision for you may not be the same as for someone else .
I've known you on and off for around 30 years and have always admired your cheerful (despite the MOG handle) persona and your ability to use your networks . Despite this it's clear now the recession has had a terrible affect on your business.As others have said would the work situation be any better in Dorset ? That said I'm sure you could socially fit anywhere .
Have you ever been to Ringwood in the winter ? Sometimes these places are not so nice out of season , happy childhood memories do also play tricks . Your favourite Charlton teams tend to be your early ones and classic games I've seen from the 70's remain hardwired in a way more recent matches don't , The old Valley will always be better with its old rainy massive East Terrace , the reality is that the modern stadium is 1000 times more comfortable and safer. Recent nostalgic days out on terracing have reminded me that the past isn't always better than the present .
Also as others have said Sandra's view is vital and you need to move on togther.
Sure, lots of ups and downs, and I even found myself being a single parent for many years. The friendship and support that I was given down here got me through challenging times.
Would I go back? Well, I always said never, and probably won't.
But my parents are almost 80 now and I wish I could see them more often.
If it wasn't for your elderly parent dilemma, Paul - it would be a no-brainer. Go!
You grow as a person by taking on new horizons and challenges; that's what life is all about, gaining new experiences.
But first you need to find out how much your Dad depends on you at the moment.
You may just be the moral support that keeps him going, and being able to cope.
Talk to him; is there anybody who could be willing to help him out, neighbours, friends and family?
Sheltered accomodation, as someone has already suggested, could be the perfect solution.
If not, listen to your heart, and your own instincts.
Then you'll know if moving to Ringwood now is the right option.
And if not, know that there will always be other opportunities to change your life come around.
Wishing you and Sandra all the luck in the world!
In case some don't know the area. Ringwood is a market town between Southampton and Bournemouth/Poole in the New Forest but not near the coast. I couldn't tell you what the employment prospects are but if you want work and can travel then I'm sure you will find some.
I have come against the same choice as both my parents (at the time) and my wifes mother were "getting on a bit". I wanted to move to Florida and buy a business and although my parents were very supportive in the end I couldn't go. My dad has since died and could never leave my mum and my wife couldn't leave her mum. I will always regret not taking the opportunity, whether it had worked out or not, but I would never blame my choice on anyone else as it was MY choice.
It seems that things like this are something you either do when you are young(ish) or old.
In the end only you can decide what's the right thing to do. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Me with my Dad (Redmidland) now he's old!! ; )
Bloody Hell Large, I take it you mean Battle as in near Hastings? How much does a season ticket cost you from there? Must be 3K per year, surely?
Paul, i've only just come across this thread. Some big decisions obviously to be made and some wise advice here. Only you can make that choice; I personally would find it extremely difficult to move away from my parents, but if it was right for me and the family then I would certainly need to consider it and I know that I would have the backing of the whole family.
One thing that does concern me though, and I'm not sure if anyone has touched on it here, is as great as it is that your cousin has offered you the flat what happens if her plans all go tits up and she wants/needs it back?
As for who to support, surely that wont be an issue? Lifers will just have to forego sponsoring one of the away kits and get you and Sandra Valley Express tickets for the season ;-) After all, who's gonna entertain little M and who are you gonna kiss when Sandra has nipped to the concourse and we score??? X
RRH & the mini RRHs