"When I was a boy of fourteen,my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.But when I got to twenty-one,I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
Being teenaged is an illness,they don't know what's going on and they're not in control of what they're doing.Fortunately,it's not terminal. In the meantime,say nothing and keep still.
I found that talk talk and talk .. about anything helped, be on 'their side' even if you're not .. they think that you 'dont understand' .. show that you do and TRY TO KEEP YOUR TEMPER IN CHECK. I was an enfant térrible and gave my old man a hell of a time . His aggressive reactions made me worse. If I knew then wot i no now. Good luck
Ive got a 17 yo boy and 14 yo girl. Boy statted being a div at 15 so hes a couple of yeard in credit. Girl is a dream (so far). Both are pefect manors wise around other people but can push it indoors.
I assure you the best thing you can do to get you own back is do what we did, have another one.
"When I was a boy of fourteen,my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.But when I got to twenty-one,I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain
Being teenaged is an illness,they don't know what's going on and they're not in control of what they're doing.Fortunately,it's not terminal. In the meantime,say nothing and keep still.
Great quote. In my experience, how clever and cool a teenager thinks they are is inversely proportionate to how clever and cool they actually are.
"When I was a boy of fourteen,my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.But when I got to twenty-one,I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain.
I've had three teenage children and currently have a thirteen year old daughter. None has caused me any trouble (so far!). My top 'do' advice would be: do talk to them and be interested in their lives and schooling and interests, always be supportive and encouraging and be constructive in any criticism. Top 'do not' is do not set arbitrary rules, eg about the time they should be home - rules must be for a reason. Explain clearly and calmly what the reasons are and never ever resort to using the 'because I say so' line. Show some flexibility when required - that demonstrates to them that you're a reasonable person - but don't be a pushover.
There's already a load of different (sometimes conflicting) answers one here and I think that reflects the the variety of personalities that teenagers have and the relationships that different parents have with them. From that perspective I'm not sure there's much by way of advice that will fit every situation. I've got two sons, 13 and 18, the way I treat them is quite different. With the eldest I can be quite direct, we can clash head on and in half an hour it will be over and done with. Our youngest is more broody and direct confrontation can lead to hours (sometimes days) of sulking; I therefore need to be calmer and more measured. A lot of the time you have to find your way by trial and error; there's nothing quite like personal experience to guide you. My advice is therefore about more general principles rather than specific situations: - Talk with your partner about how you are going to deal with matters, agree a general approach. - Don't go for the good cop bad cop routine; the "wait 'til your father gets home" approach is just asking for trouble. Both parents need to deal with things consistently as they arise. - Reward good behaviour. This doesn't mean that you have to buy them stuff all the time though. Tell them that you love them and that you are proud of them. - Avoid making comparisons with siblings, it will breed resentment. - When you want something done, explain why. The Nike approach does't cut any ice. - If they stomp off in a sulk, don't go chasing after them. - Any punishments should be as close to the 'crime' as possible. Month long groundings will breed more resentment - ideally any punishments should be over in a day. - Don't give over the top punishment - be measured. - Only threaten to do what you can actually carry out and if you do set a punishment don't back down, go through with it.
Excellent sensible post.
The psychology of a teenager means that it is quite normal for a rebellious streak and its caused by the effect of chemical changes in adolescence.
I think that understanding this makes it easier to put things in context but there still have to be rules and boundaries for the benefit of the teenager and everyone in the family and beyond.
It is thus important to keep rules and punishments appropriate both to age and to the scale of the misdemeanour, then as Stig wisely concludes, don't back off.
My daughter 13, always right but knows nothing, attitude, answers back you name it. You just have to laugh at them rather than get mad and yell - in theory..
Some great advice here, really useful to get the perspective of parents who have raised teenagers.
Mine are an eight year old boy and boy/girl twins who are six, at the moment I am using the "Because I say so" method but reading others here I may have to become more Terry Waite in style.
On a serious note I found with our daughter when she was a teenager that negotiation didn't work because she frankly wasn't interested in our viewpoint she only had hers and that was the one that counted. So the way I dealt with it was to pick my battles go a bit easy on the unimportant stuff but stay firm on the things that really mattered and as someone else said you have to be united as they will try to "divide and conquer". I also agree that if punishment was required (we never, ever hit our daughter) it had to be reasonable and fit the misdemeanor anything too draconian just creates resentment.
I was feeling quite chirpy 'til I read this thread. I have 3 girls nearly 8, nearly 5 and 18 months. Interesting times lay ahead by the sounds of it. I might start an 'emigrating to Australia' thread.
Comments
Mark Twain
Being teenaged is an illness,they don't know what's going on and they're not in control of what they're doing.Fortunately,it's not terminal.
In the meantime,say nothing and keep still.
i've got a 9 year old who thinks he's 13....i'm dreading it.
They never misbehaved again, I can tell you.
With my elder kids, all I ever taught them was you can do what you want when you want but always be polite and smile. It worked ok.
Boy statted being a div at 15 so hes a couple of yeard in credit. Girl is a dream (so far).
Both are pefect manors wise around other people but can push it indoors.
I assure you the best thing you can do to get you own back is do what we did, have another one.
In my experience, how clever and cool a teenager thinks they are is inversely proportionate to how clever and cool they actually are.
The psychology of a teenager means that it is quite normal for a rebellious streak and its caused by the effect of chemical changes in adolescence.
I think that understanding this makes it easier to put things in context but there still have to be rules and boundaries for the benefit of the teenager and everyone in the family and beyond.
It is thus important to keep rules and punishments appropriate both to age and to the scale of the misdemeanour, then as Stig wisely concludes, don't back off.
My daughter 13, always right but knows nothing, attitude, answers back you name it. You just have to laugh at them rather than get mad and yell - in theory..
I've never smacked my kids
Mine are an eight year old boy and boy/girl twins who are six, at the moment I am using the "Because I say so" method but reading others here I may have to become more Terry Waite in style.
No Terry Waite jokes please!
You'll both work it out and, hopefully, when he stops being Kevin, you'll be great mates.
That's how I'm dealing with it, it's hard sometimes but it's all part of the fun.
Wouldn't change my two for anything, love them both the way they are.