What would any of us do if our kid was the bully? We tend to believe our children, especially with something like 'the teacher doesn't like me', so if out kids deny wrongdoing where does that leave us? Strangely bullying behaviour isn't consistent in all aspects of a persons life. Witness the change of personality some people undergo when they get behind the wheel of a car.
I told my boy when he was about 6 years old to stick up for himself and that there was a chance he might end up second best. Its just life. But a bully seldom picks on someone who they know will not just roll over. I also told the school that I expected him to do so. Both my wife and the school disagreed with me, which to be honest I knew they would and were correct to say so. Pleased to say my boy was neither a bully or a victim. Nip it in the bud or things get worse for a bully and his/her prey.
What would any of us do if our kid was the bully? We tend to believe our children, especially with something like 'the teacher doesn't like me', so if out kids deny wrongdoing where does that leave us? Strangely bullying behaviour isn't consistent in all aspects of a persons life. Witness the change of personality some people undergo when they get behind the wheel of a car.
Looking back on it many years later I consider myself to have gone through a phase of being a bully and in with the wrong crowd. I was a big lump and pretty vocal. It was not until I came to the realisation that there is always someone bigger and with more disregard for their own safety/well being than yourself AND suffered the consequences that I sort of grew out of it.
You see I can see it from both sides, what with mine and my own childs experiences.
Not sure some of the psychotic little bastards around today have any role models what so ever to put them straight. Authority means nothing today and disregard for it has been breed into the majority of society, top to bottom.
My boss' stepdaughter was in trouble for bullying and generally being a little toerag. She had all kinds of problems from her birth parent's marriage breakup. I can understand her problems, but she was making life miserable for other kids. I wouldn't be surprised if their parents told them to wallop her. Anyway, the school took it seriously, informed my boss and his wife, and he was livid. His daughter was left under no illusion of what would happen if she bullied another kid. While all her problems aren't sorted, she has at least stopped bullying. We are talking about a 9 year old here, so similar sort of age. Acting like responsible adults in this case worked... but if a kid's parents don't act like adults and that is the cause of the child's problems, then it's hard to make the kid understand. Not sure what the point of this ramble is, other than in the right circumstances, reporting it and if the school and both sets of parents draw a firm line, it can work. Best of luck though, I know this is one of my biggest fears for my daughter (still only 2... but I get angsty if she gets knocked into in a soft play area!)
I'd like him to make a stand but it's not in his nature. Mrs Baldy is going to the school today but i don't think it'll help.
Try not be too dismissive. Most schools will have a strong anti bullying policy and will nip the matter in the bud early, even if it involves taking witness statements from those involved and suspending if necessary. My 12 year old son, who is very well mannered, has received a fair share of bullying at his senior school. The head teachers have dealt with a number of cases within 24 hours of events happening and had taken tough decisions on the perpertrators. Suffice to say, he doesn't get bullied anymore.
School is largely horrible. The pecking order gets established pretty early on - and it's difficult to extricate yourself from the stratum you find yourself in. I was never bullied at school (picked on every now and then by the pricks, but everyone got that - but a couple of my friends were bullied pretty badly. In fact, it still makes me a bit sick thinking about it. Karma's a bitch though - at least two of the bullies are dead now, and at least one of them is inside.
I think I escaped it by being pretty weird - and having a hell of a temper, my classmates witnessed destroying my form room in the second year after I got particularly pissed off once. Not advocating your boy does that, obviously baldy - but a quick, sharp smack in the mouth always helps.
Don't pussyfoot around. Get someone your kid knows 2 or 3 years older to go front the kid up. Put the wind up him and remind him that there is always someone bigger.
I did it a few times for my younger brother. I'm no tough guy but at school being a few years older scares kids.
A slanging match at the school gates is the last thing we want at the moment, my boy does his Bexley test on wednesday and i want to keep things as civilised as possible. His teacher is going to monitor the situation and i've enrolled him in Aikido classes to start next week. Thanks for the advice gents.
That's what I did when my daughter was getting bullied by so called 'mates'. The school didn't do much to help, just said they'd keep an eye on it. She came home in tears once too often in the end and I visited each of the girls homes and spoke to the parents in front of their little darlings. In all fairness, they were all horrified and most, if not all, made them apologise to my daughter. Never happened again.
That's what I did when my daughter was getting bullied by so called 'mates'. The school didn't do much to help, just said they'd keep an eye on it. She came home in tears once too often in the end and I visited each of the girls homes and spoke to the parents in front of their little darlings. In all fairness, they were all horrified and most, if not all, made them apologise to my daughter. Never happened again.
done it myself works a treat especially when the kids old man rates himself but melts on his own door step
A slanging match at the school gates is the last thing we want at the moment, my boy does his Bexley test on wednesday and i want to keep things as civilised as possible. His teacher is going to monitor the situation and i've enrolled him in Aikido classes to start next week. Thanks for the advice gents.
Before they "monitor", the school should interview both boys to get the full picture of what's going on.
The two boys should then meet with a senior teacher. The bully should be made aware (in no uncertain terms) of how he is making Junior Baldy feel and apologise. The bully is told parents will have to come to school if there is any hint of it continuing.
If it does carry on, then the school should exclude the bully for a bit.
I am gentle natured and abhor violence and bullying, so physical retaliation is not for me. However, I did come up with an answer to bullying whatever the age. Go up to your aggressor, face as close to his/hers as possible and.....scream as loud as you can and for as long as possible. Some recipients lose control of their bowels, some cry, some shake...not one ever retaliated.
My son has just turned 10 and has been bullied a bit over the past year or so, funnily enough (or not !) the other kid in question is also a Millwall fan !!! ( I don't believer in sterotyping, but I just wonder in these cases )
At the moment it is nothing serious, like Baldy, it appears to be just horseplay (kicking/pushing when standing in line etc). I've tried telling my son to either, A) tell his teacher, front the lad out or C) Retaliate. anyone who knows Golfie jnr knows that he is a quiet lad & wouldn't hurt a fly, so the last 2 are out. We have spoken to his teacher about it and they have said that they would keep an eye out for anything, but they did say initially that nothing was going on and it was 1 kids word against another.
I was bullied a bit at secondary school, so I know what its like. I'm not one for fighting so personally I would just ignore it & usually it stops or the bully turns onto someone else (not the way I know, but like Baldy not sure what is the answer)
Depends how bad it gets. If it's just just pushing and shoving then ignoring it isn't great but he'll get by and it'll probably die off. Why not ask a pal to kneel down behind the Spanner and then push him so that he falls right over his pal. This is great because it'll make the other kids laugh too. Getting af riend to stick up for him will always work - he has to assure his friend that he will always do the same for him if necessary. Alternatively (or in addition) he should have some 'put downs' handy. If they're funny enough then some of the other kids will laugh and it'll put the Spanner off. If he's a Millwall fan and they lost (again) at the week-end he can at least say something like 'temper, temper - just because you lost, don't take out all your frustaration of supporting a crap team out on me. Go and buy a spanner and do some DIY you knobhead' (I think he hears far worse at Charlton away games golfy)
If it gets more violent then it's time to fight back. He may get hurt but he's got nothing to lose if he's getting hurt anyway. The key is to hurt the other kid just once even if 'little golfy' comes off far worse. The other kid will still think twice about it.
If you retaliate, your kid will only get into trouble at school.
Tell you what I would do. Threaten to report the school for having a bullying problem to the press. That will sort it.
That's IF the school is in denial though. Why on earth would a school ignore a bullying problem? It isn't the school doing the actual bullying, it is the individual kid or kids doing it. You could just as well out the kid and their family to the press....but you would need proof, outing the school probably means you don't need to get the proof they would be a softer target. Seems a bit unhelpful to the school and they are most likely to detest bullying just as much.
Schools and teachers know exactly what goes on and should be ashamed if they do not stamp it out. It's easy. Zero and I mean zero tolerance. One strike and you're out. Feel really sorry for kids that are bullied. Hope it works out well for those of you worried about your children.
I've had similar problems with my 12 year old, she has special needs and emotional problems so is a target unfortunately.
It is a long battle taking on bullying and it is something that can really get a child down, a lot of the time more than we realise. First thing for you to do is to reassure him at home, make a fuss of him, let him know that no matter how bad things are at school he is still very much loved at home, compliment him as much as possible to keep his confidence in tact. The next thing is give him choices that you can take up with the school, such as moving classes or even schools, attending a breakfast club or after school clubs etc. There is the whether or not to confront the parents option too and more extreme option if it gets very bad is the police.
My 12 year old has been moved into a different community in the school and so far it is going well, she is now coming hone happy instead of suicidal (yes it did get that bad) she also attends breakfast club so she is in school before her bullies.
I hope things work out for baldie jr, I know it can be a trying time just keep strong for him and keep fighting his corner, not long now and he'll be in secondary school and will hopefully attend a different school to his bullies. Best of luck.
Schools and teachers know exactly what goes on and should be ashamed if they do not stamp it out. It's easy. Zero and I mean zero tolerance. One strike and you're out. Feel really sorry for kids that are bullied. Hope it works out well for those of you worried about your children.
SHG is it easy though? I keep coming back to the issue of proof and evidence, and bullying by it's nature takes place away from people in authority. Imagine the very common situation where a school calls out a kid acused of bullying, and their parents are up the school denying their kid did anything at all. Schools are not police stations, and teachers are not police officers with those attendant skills, although many hours are indeed spent trying to get to the bottom of things and sort things out. We are faced with the difficult issue that if one kid accuses another kid of bullying, however likely that seems to be, you need evidence, or witnesses, or a confession. In our don't grass culture, where there can be future consequences following accusations, proving the bullying is the biggest stumbling block out there. Anybody got any solutions?
A slanging match at the school gates is the last thing we want at the moment, my boy does his Bexley test on wednesday and i want to keep things as civilised as possible. His teacher is going to monitor the situation and i've enrolled him in Aikido classes to start next week. Thanks for the advice gents.
Baldy, that should give him confidence. You know I did this with my two and they were able to stand up for themselves with confidence. Sorry to hear this, but if new school beckons he should be able to go there with renewed confidence.
Comments
Strangely bullying behaviour isn't consistent in all aspects of a persons life. Witness the change of personality some people undergo when they get behind the wheel of a car.
Nip it in the bud or things get worse for a bully and his/her prey.
You see I can see it from both sides, what with mine and my own childs experiences.
Not sure some of the psychotic little bastards around today have any role models what so ever to put them straight. Authority means nothing today and disregard for it has been breed into the majority of society, top to bottom.
I think I escaped it by being pretty weird - and having a hell of a temper, my classmates witnessed destroying my form room in the second year after I got particularly pissed off once. Not advocating your boy does that, obviously baldy - but a quick, sharp smack in the mouth always helps.
I did it a few times for my younger brother. I'm no tough guy but at school being a few years older scares kids.
A slanging match at the school gates is the last thing we want at the moment, my boy does his Bexley test on wednesday and i want to keep things as civilised as possible.
His teacher is going to monitor the situation and i've enrolled him in Aikido classes to start next week.
Thanks for the advice gents.
done it myself works a treat especially when the kids old man rates himself but melts on his own door step
The two boys should then meet with a senior teacher. The bully should be
made aware (in no uncertain terms) of how he is making Junior Baldy feel and apologise. The bully is told parents will have to come to school if there is any hint of it continuing.
If it does carry on, then the school should exclude the bully for a bit.
If this fails, then I'd give Yann a call
Consider this. What is a person makes a false accusation of bullying?
If it gets more violent then it's time to fight back. He may get hurt but he's got nothing to lose if he's getting hurt anyway. The key is to hurt the other kid just once even if 'little golfy' comes off far worse. The other kid will still think twice about it.
Tell you what I would do. Threaten to report the school for having a bullying problem to the press. That will sort it.
It is a long battle taking on bullying and it is something that can really get a child down, a lot of the time more than we realise. First thing for you to do is to reassure him at home, make a fuss of him, let him know that no matter how bad things are at school he is still very much loved at home, compliment him as much as possible to keep his confidence in tact. The next thing is give him choices that you can take up with the school, such as moving classes or even schools, attending a breakfast club or after school clubs etc. There is the whether or not to confront the parents option too and more extreme option if it gets very bad is the police.
My 12 year old has been moved into a different community in the school and so far it is going well, she is now coming hone happy instead of suicidal (yes it did get that bad) she also attends breakfast club so she is in school before her bullies.
I hope things work out for baldie jr, I know it can be a trying time just keep strong for him and keep fighting his corner, not long now and he'll be in secondary school and will hopefully attend a different school to his bullies. Best of luck.
I keep coming back to the issue of proof and evidence, and bullying by it's nature takes place away from people in authority. Imagine the very common situation where a school calls out a kid acused of bullying, and their parents are up the school denying their kid did anything at all.
Schools are not police stations, and teachers are not police officers with those attendant skills, although many hours are indeed spent trying to get to the bottom of things and sort things out.
We are faced with the difficult issue that if one kid accuses another kid of bullying, however likely that seems to be, you need evidence, or witnesses, or a confession. In our don't grass culture, where there can be future consequences following accusations, proving the bullying is the biggest stumbling block out there.
Anybody got any solutions?
Good luck