This New lad stated today, turns out he's a Palace fan. Early indications suggest he's a bit cocky, a bit of a know it all and a bit smug.
Three traits that I immediately associate with them over there yes, but I've never had had to share any air with one before. He even had the cheek to turn my Chris Powell cutout mask that is cello-taped to a ruler around so it's facing the wall.
It's his first day and I'm giving him some basic training. The question is what should I do?
1. Be over friendly with him, it's his first day and it's only football. Take him out for lunch and welcome him in to his new job.
2. Keep the training to the basic minimum. Keep it professional, but ultimately be polite.
3. Ignore him in the office, make it clear that you intend not to be friends.
4. Start a rumour that he touched an underage girl that led to him getting sacked from his old job, ultimately ending with him getting the sack.
5. Other.
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Comments
I'd do number 2 but with the usual training. You're better than him by definition so you don't need to lower yourself.
2 - Only address him using the correct social etiquette of Nigel
3 - if he is a true Palace fan then be reassured that all things in football move in cycles (except losing against Millwall & drawing Huddersfield in the cup) so your time for smugness will return.
In honesty I know a couple of Palace ST and get on very well with them, we do not see eye to eye football wise but outside of that have no problems at all. One who has missed only a handfull of games in the last 20 years says he is really missing the games that count, us, Brighton and Millwall.
I like option 4. I'd also slip a few laxatives in his tea, just to keep things ticking over while you're waiting for the rumours to get around.
Another good one is re-adjusting his office chair every day before he gets in, that drives people nuts.
assuming it's 1 on 1 training, initially say very loudly "I'd prefer it if you didn't pass wind when I'm training you".
when he looks at you in a confused state, then say loudly "there is no need for profanities young man".
when he tries to utter "what are you talking about", punch yourself in the face and then fall into him before taking him to the ground and wrestling with him on the floor for a bit.
when you both get up, throw your voice stating "you deserved that you Charlton wanker. I hate that Red Red Robin song".
then report him to your Line Manager and go down the disciplinary route.
as you're walking back to your desk past him, put four milk bottles on the ends of your fingers on one hand and start clinking them together. when you pass him, look at him in a deranged state and mouth "you see what you get (insert name), you see what you get".
Every morning when he comes into the office, ask him how his commute from Surrey was. They hate being told they're not South London.
Blare some sort of annoying jingle/goal music out of your phone whenever he goes to open his mouth.
On the 15th of EVERY month, remind him that it is the how-ever-many month anniversary to the day that Charlton relegated them in 2005. Maybe even leave balloons and some decorations at his desk for the celebration each time it comes around.
5. Keep him under your wing and slowly make his day to day working life hell.
Tomorrow mention to your boss you are a.bit concerned about the new kids chocolate intake.