When I first started work as an office junior there was a particularly obnoxious director, he was a typical office worker at the time, rolled up umbrella, bowler hat etc. I got a hole punch and emptied hundreds of the cut-outs into said umbrella and neatly rolled it up again. As luck would have it the rain was chucking it down at lunchtime, he put his brolly up as soon as he left the office and the (confetti) smothered him. It was nigh on impossible to keep a straight face when he returned.
Being a spark we used to get the new apprentices to cut a bit of 25mm metal conduit which they had seen us cut easily with a hack saw, when it was their turn we placed a 20mm bit inside which made it impossible to cut through and then would slate them for being weak and useless . Told another one that the fan in the top of a new empty comms cabinet was faulty and to get inside and look at it, when he did shut the glass door and lock it leaving him inside for an hour. Had another that was mouthy as hell so we cable tied him to a lamppost outside the office we where working him just before lunch with a note saying he was a naughty boy, all the birds coming out for lunch were laughing at him and taking pics, eventually a kind lady cut him free embarrassed as hell he shut up after that.
Got in a bit of trouble for a couple of things we've done.
Not really pranks just being horrible to each other. Anything heated up like spoons or solder has been applied to skin is what immediately springs to mind.
Onr I had done to me was one of my chums getting a dead fish out of a skip behind a restaurant we were working at and jamming it in the flap that covered the air intake on my lorry. I drove round for a week with the cab stinking, absolutely reeking of fish with the windows wound right down and the blowers going full whack just compounding the stench. He only told me what he'd done because he had to get in it with me there wasn't much fish left just green goo and something that looked like bones.
Someone else did a dump in a rubble sack and left it in that guys vehicle before the fella went to Australia for three weeks, upon his return he opened the back doors of the van and I've never seen so many flies come rushing out of the back of it. The shit had spawned about a billion flies and the little bastards had eaten through a fairly thick rubble sack and leaked disgusting liquid shite everywhere. I got the blame because of the fish thing but it wasn't me.
One that I will claim is doing a bright orange (don't know either) down a hole I had just dug single handedly because the lazy bastard I was working with spent the whole day on the phone. I told him he should measure it as we had to do and he got right down to the top of the hole and jammed his tape measure into the Barry. The smell hit him first then the cack that hsd been picked up by the tape measure flicked all over him. He boffed straight up on top of the poo. Right mess we left that one in
Used to drink with some settled travellers over Belvedere, remember one telling me a story about they used to have a ritual when they had a new youngster join their building firm, the old man would have a pony out of a first floor window and the new boy would have to try catching the falling log on a sword. One day he hung his arse out the window, kid standing underneath trying to position himself correctly with the sword, except this day he didn't drop a log but pebble dashed the poor lad whose standing there holding this flipping sword outstretched.
When I was 17, I was a bit of a gobby little sod (I know, it's hard to believe). I was training as a tyre fitter for trucks & plant vehicles. A regular customer turned up with a very large tractor tyre on the back of his lorry and lowered it to the ground with the telescopic crane, telling me it had a split on the inside. I jumped into the tyre to look for the damage. He then immediately hoisted it up full length (about 80ft) up. They all found this highly amusing, knowing I wasn't a fan of heights. After a couple of minutes he decided to lower me, but the bloody thing jammed up, leaving me up there in the howling wind, swinging like a pendulum for almost 2 hours until someone arrived to fix it. I froze my nuts off up there...........................
I used to work at a factory called Lesneys that made Matchbox cars. Loads of people in the surrounding area worked there and they used to run a number of works buses. On our bus was an old woman who was friendly enough, but pissed everyone off with her constant mothering routine. One morning she was sitting on the bus (it was an old Routmaster, and she was sitting in one of the longer seats over the back wheel) reading her paper. A younger bloke who was sitting opposite her, pulled out his lighter and lit the paper from the bottom. The brilliant thing was that the outer pages were really going before it got through to the middle. When she realised what was happening she panicked like nothing I'd seen before. She didn't stop clucking about it for ages, but it was well worth it. To her credit, she did laugh about it afterwards.
My cousin used to be a bus driver in Portsmouth. In the neighbouring town, Havant, there used to be a big Tampax factory. Apparently locals there used to call the area around the factory Tampax. One morning a woman got on his bus and innocently asked, "Tampax please", to which my cousin replied, "Sorry love, I haven't got one, but you can have a ticket roll if that's of any use"!
Very few japes go on in my current place of work, although when someone had hidden the boss's Stress Ball the other week it was funny to see him get all stressed about not being able to find it.
However in previous places it was a lot different. Over the years I had jam doughnuts stuffed into the floppy drive of my PC, phone handsets superglued to the base, chairs with bits removed, and the usual kinds of phone call stitch ups - and all of these were by my boss!
He got his comeuppance more than once, which strangely enough he never took well at all. Of course this made it funnier.
One colleague on his final day put a kipper in said boss's computer, right over the CPU where it gets nice and hot. Supergluing the lid tight on was the jewel in that crown - reeked to high heaven. A couple of drops of super-strength chilli sauce in his diet coke on another occasion saw him flounce off home and not come back. Miss those days.
I did get a mate once with a great web link. Disguised a hyperlink in a word document with a slightly more mischevious one which by misfortune (you'll know why should you open it) was done on a PC with speakers and the volume up fairly loud. His boss was less than pleased!!
For your viewing (pleasure) the link follows with the following caveat:
** Not suitable for your place of work (and web filters often ban the site it's on** ** Not suitable at all for children if at home** ** Contains very very loud swearing ( it's the 'c' word). It really isn't subtle ** ** It doesn't contain any naked women but does have a very cute kitten **
Therefore please don't click on the link if you are easily offended!
I once told a new recruit that a mainframe computer would run faster if they tapped the shift key as fast as they could. I left the poor newbie doing this but then forgot for nearly an hour.
Mug of coffee, put a thin sheet of plastic over the top... Turn it upside down and pull the sheet out. It's impossible to move the mug without the coffee going everywhere
We used to put a bit of cellotape over the mouth piece of a phone and then you'd hear the user on the phone getting louder and louder cos he obviously couldn't be heard but could hear the other person perfectly.
A bunch of us chipped in for a gramme of speed and popped it in the bosses pint on Friday lunchtime. He jumped in his car telling us he was off to give the missus a "right seeing to". Very Very Bad. 30 years ago nearly.
One of the best I have done is make the tea while using Turbo Lax powder I purchased from the USA. LOL. I locked the bog door before I done it and palaced an "Out of order" sign on the door. It Went down with a splash I must say... Fella at work who was a Millwall fan took a few mouthfuls of the finest yorkshire tea. Or should I say Yorkshite tea LOL. haha
Next thing I no he starts panting like a dog in a restaurant. I say "You alright mate" he replies "Na man I think I had a dodgy ruby last night from down the Spice Island. Then like a greyhound out the traps hes off. I just saw the door swinging on the hinges.
Then I heard "OH FOR FOOK SAKE NO!" (I am sitting there thinking, hes tried to get into the bog then) he then runs back past the office door holding his arse. I am laughing now it started hurting I was laughing that hard...I love those americans!!
Next thing I just heard an eruption, It was dreadful,He has managed to get the bog door open, he denied it but he was over powered by his own poo on that dark day. That day was a day I will never forget.The toilet looked like a battle field. There was wastage everywhere, up the walls,the doors,even the ceiling.
I am a bit of a prankster and joker. Hence I live everyday like its my last and have only ever lived for the weekend. My motto is Live fast die young.... . I am a man that can't be moved I don't give a shite about anything. I am so cool my bed makes itself in the mornings...Its the best way to be....Never let anything bother you...Life is to short...Live it to the max...
Right thats cleared that up.
I remember when I was working for a scaffold firm over in essex. Had a bit of a barney with the boss he was a west ham fan fancied himself a bit. Anyway we had a straightener in the yard and I made light work of him...
Anyway he said your sacked "Nice one I said" anyway two weeks later I have hired a Lamborghini gallardo for the day. What a motor I must say. Its a tractor beam for pussy thats for sure. And when you have my looks driving it trust me its a magnet...
Anyway I rolled up outside the yard. Got out said Oi west ham ya mug lol..like me motor....I ave only gone and won 4.5million on the lottery last week ain't I. Just passing through thought Id say hello small fry....How stupid do you feel now?
Anyway mate gotta run off to buy a yacht...laters......... The look on his face. I thought he was going to burst into tears...
I am a bit of a prankster and joker. Hence I live everyday like its my last and have only ever lived for the weekend. My motto is Live fast die young.... . I am a man that can't be moved I don't give a shite about anything. I am so cool my bed makes itself in the mornings...Its the best way to be....Never let anything bother you...Life is to short...Live it to the max...
Right thats cleared that up.
I remember when I was working for a scaffold firm over in essex. Had a bit of a barney with the boss he was a west ham fan fancied himself a bit. Anyway we had a straightener in the yard and I made light work of him...
Anyway he said your sacked "Nice one I said" anyway two weeks later I have hired a Lamborghini gallardo for the day. What a motor I must say. Its a tractor beam for pussy thats for sure. And when you have my looks driving it trust me its a magnet...
Anyway I rolled up outside the yard. Got out said Oi west ham ya mug lol..like me motor....I ave only gone and won 4.5million on the lottery last week ain't I. Just passing through thought Id say hello small fry....How stupid do you feel now?
Anyway mate gotta run off to buy a yacht...laters......... The look on his face. I thought he was going to burst into tears...
I am a bit of a prankster and joker. Hence I live everyday like its my last and have only ever lived for the weekend. My motto is Live fast die young.... . I am a man that can't be moved I don't give a shite about anything. I am so cool my bed makes itself in the mornings...Its the best way to be....Never let anything bother you...Life is to short...Live it to the max...
Right thats cleared that up.
I remember when I was working for a scaffold firm over in essex. Had a bit of a barney with the boss he was a west ham fan fancied himself a bit. Anyway we had a straightener in the yard and I made light work of him...
Anyway he said your sacked "Nice one I said" anyway two weeks later I have hired a Lamborghini gallardo for the day. What a motor I must say. Its a tractor beam for pussy thats for sure. And when you have my looks driving it trust me its a magnet...
Anyway I rolled up outside the yard. Got out said Oi west ham ya mug lol..like me motor....I ave only gone and won 4.5million on the lottery last week ain't I. Just passing through thought Id say hello small fry....How stupid do you feel now?
Anyway mate gotta run off to buy a yacht...laters......... The look on his face. I thought he was going to burst into tears...
I work for a Local Authority. I managed to mock-up a convincing letter from The Child Support Agency alleging that my 20 year old (childless) colleague was wanted for maintenance. The letter said that an unnamed woman had contacted them to say that he was the father of her child.
Both he and his grand parents fell for it hook line and sinker.
He even phoned the CSA and shouted at them and they agreed that it looked like one of their letters but had no record of it being sent.
In the end I felt guilty and fessed up. His grandparents were so relieved/happy, that they took him out for a curry.
I had always had a bit of cheery banter with Pete, my boss because he was a committed BNP supporter and I was a fully paid up member of the Socialist Worker's Party Guardian readers club. I was hurrying to finish my work one Friday evening, looking forward to getting away so that I could get the best seat at the local party meeting when suddenly a call came through on the internal telephone: "Dave you pinko left wing shithead, the area manager is conducting an audit on Monday and the paperwork is a total car crash. I've got an "immigrants out" march down Bermondsey in the morning before the match so I'm f****ed if I'm sorting it out. I hate you, so you are doing it. Hahahaha." As you can imagine, I was furious! Anyway, that Sunday morning after working non-stop over the accounts I discovered that he had been fiddling his expenses and spending huge amounts of company money taking Suzie from Personnel up the OXO tower. I collected all the evidence and scanned it and put it into a Powerpoint presentation ready for Monday and big Steve from head office. Come Monday morning big Steve turns up and everyone is trying to smarm around him, especially Pete who gets him in his office and sits him in the big leather chair. Sure enough my phone rings and it's Pete. "Dave, can you bring the accounts in for me, please". So I go in, set up my laptop and ran the presentation. Pete's eyes were as big as saucers and he had to get Suzie in to smooth things over with Steve in the executive suite. How we laughed later as Pete and his mates from the BNP kicked my head in outside. So I got my mates from the Party to set fire to his house and kill his pet dogs. Happy days!
There is a list, one was I wrote a letter from the Finance Director and used the old overhead projector acetate photocopy sheet to transfer his signature onto the letter. basically, the letter said that expenses would paid on a 1/4ly basis, however if this caused any hardship, the company would lend them the money at 1% over base rate ... the reaction and fury was great.
One played on me, just before I went on holiday a courier was trying to get into the reception after it had closed, he was abusive and kicking the door, I complained to the company sending the courier. Anyway two weeks later on my return from holiday there was a letter from the courier company saying that the courier was very angry and was coming in to "discuss" my allegations around lunchtime on the day I got back ... I was shiting myself. needless to say he did not turn up and it was pointed out to me that the name on the letter of the courier was Ivor Blackshirt!!
When I first started work as an office junior there was a particularly obnoxious director, he was a typical office worker at the time, rolled up umbrella, bowler hat etc. I got a hole punch and emptied hundreds of the cut-outs into said umbrella and neatly rolled it up again. As luck would have it the rain was chucking it down at lunchtime, he put his brolly up as soon as he left the office and the (confetti) smothered him. It was nigh on impossible to keep a straight face when he returned.
it's amazing how many people we still get with this one in our office, always raises a chuckle
Comments
Not really pranks just being horrible to each other. Anything heated up like spoons or solder has been applied to skin is what immediately springs to mind.
Onr I had done to me was one of my chums getting a dead fish out of a skip behind a restaurant we were working at and jamming it in the flap that covered the air intake on my lorry. I drove round for a week with the cab stinking, absolutely reeking of fish with the windows wound right down and the blowers going full whack just compounding the stench. He only told me what he'd done because he had to get in it with me there wasn't much fish left just green goo and something that looked like bones.
Someone else did a dump in a rubble sack and left it in that guys vehicle before the fella went to Australia for three weeks, upon his return he opened the back doors of the van and I've never seen so many flies come rushing out of the back of it. The shit had spawned about a billion flies and the little bastards had eaten through a fairly thick rubble sack and leaked disgusting liquid shite everywhere. I got the blame because of the fish thing but it wasn't me.
One that I will claim is doing a bright orange (don't know either) down a hole I had just dug single handedly because the lazy bastard I was working with spent the whole day on the phone. I told him he should measure it as we had to do and he got right down to the top of the hole and jammed his tape measure into the Barry. The smell hit him first then the cack that hsd been picked up by the tape measure flicked all over him. He boffed straight up on top of the poo. Right mess we left that one in
As is picking up their ringing phone at their desk and handing it straight to them when you know they aren't quite ready.
I used to work at a factory called Lesneys that made Matchbox cars. Loads of people in the surrounding area worked there and they used to run a number of works buses. On our bus was an old woman who was friendly enough, but pissed everyone off with her constant mothering routine. One morning she was sitting on the bus (it was an old Routmaster, and she was sitting in one of the longer seats over the back wheel) reading her paper. A younger bloke who was sitting opposite her, pulled out his lighter and lit the paper from the bottom. The brilliant thing was that the outer pages were really going before it got through to the middle. When she realised what was happening she panicked like nothing I'd seen before. She didn't stop clucking about it for ages, but it was well worth it. To her credit, she did laugh about it afterwards.
My cousin used to be a bus driver in Portsmouth. In the neighbouring town, Havant, there used to be a big Tampax factory. Apparently locals there used to call the area around the factory Tampax. One morning a woman got on his bus and innocently asked, "Tampax please", to which my cousin replied, "Sorry love, I haven't got one, but you can have a ticket roll if that's of any use"!
However in previous places it was a lot different. Over the years I had jam doughnuts stuffed into the floppy drive of my PC, phone handsets superglued to the base, chairs with bits removed, and the usual kinds of phone call stitch ups - and all of these were by my boss!
He got his comeuppance more than once, which strangely enough he never took well at all. Of course this made it funnier.
One colleague on his final day put a kipper in said boss's computer, right over the CPU where it gets nice and hot. Supergluing the lid tight on was the jewel in that crown - reeked to high heaven. A couple of drops of super-strength chilli sauce in his diet coke on another occasion saw him flounce off home and not come back. Miss those days.
I did get a mate once with a great web link. Disguised a hyperlink in a word document with a slightly more mischevious one which by misfortune (you'll know why should you open it) was done on a PC with speakers and the volume up fairly loud. His boss was less than pleased!!
For your viewing (pleasure) the link follows with the following caveat:
** Not suitable for your place of work (and web filters often ban the site it's on**
** Not suitable at all for children if at home**
** Contains very very loud swearing ( it's the 'c' word). It really isn't subtle **
** It doesn't contain any naked women but does have a very cute kitten **
Therefore please don't click on the link if you are easily offended!
http://www2.b3ta.com/top-10-cutest-kittens/
Next thing I no he starts panting like a dog in a restaurant. I say "You alright mate" he replies "Na man I think I had a dodgy ruby last night from down the Spice Island. Then like a greyhound out the traps hes off. I just saw the door swinging on the hinges.
Then I heard "OH FOR FOOK SAKE NO!" (I am sitting there thinking, hes tried to get into the bog then) he then runs back past the office door holding his arse. I am laughing now it started hurting I was laughing that hard...I love those americans!!
Next thing I just heard an eruption, It was dreadful,He has managed to get the bog door open, he denied it but he was over powered by his own poo on that dark day. That day was a day I will never forget.The toilet looked like a battle field. There was wastage everywhere, up the walls,the doors,even the ceiling.
He hated me after that...
It was like that scene from dumb and dumber
Right thats cleared that up.
I remember when I was working for a scaffold firm over in essex. Had a bit of a barney with the boss he was a west ham fan fancied himself a bit. Anyway we had a straightener in the yard and I made light work of him...
Anyway he said your sacked "Nice one I said" anyway two weeks later I have hired a Lamborghini gallardo for the day. What a motor I must say. Its a tractor beam for pussy thats for sure. And when you have my looks driving it trust me its a magnet...
Anyway I rolled up outside the yard. Got out said Oi west ham ya mug lol..like me motor....I ave only gone and won 4.5million on the lottery last week ain't I. Just passing through thought Id say hello small fry....How stupid do you feel now?
Anyway mate gotta run off to buy a yacht...laters......... The look on his face. I thought he was going to burst into tears...
Both he and his grand parents fell for it hook line and sinker.
He even phoned the CSA and shouted at them and they agreed that it looked like one of their letters but had no record of it being sent.
In the end I felt guilty and fessed up. His grandparents were so relieved/happy, that they took him out for a curry.
One played on me, just before I went on holiday a courier was trying to get into the reception after it had closed, he was abusive and kicking the door, I complained to the company sending the courier. Anyway two weeks later on my return from holiday there was a letter from the courier company saying that the courier was very angry and was coming in to "discuss" my allegations around lunchtime on the day I got back ... I was shiting myself. needless to say he did not turn up and it was pointed out to me that the name on the letter of the courier was Ivor Blackshirt!!