I take my two lads (19 and 15) and my dog away for a week each year while mum goes off to pamper herself in a lad free zone for a week. We do a lot of farting. One particular evening this year in a cottage in North Wales we had a takeaway curry followed by a beer or two and an evening in front of some DVDs. I swear if you sparked a match within ten feet of the lounge the house would have exploded The authorities would have put it down to a serious has leak. They would not have been wrong!
How about we all stand up and fart in the 3rd minute tonight, just to let the lads know how much we love them? Should make the 10 o'clock news if we get the right blend of noise and aroma.
I always remember putting several packets of fart powder into the saucepan of baked beans at BB camp one year. I added an extra packet to my plate for good measure. There were five or six of us in that tent that night and we nearly suffocated.
How about we all stand up and fart in the 3rd minute tonight, just to let the lads know how much we love them? Should make the 10 o'clock news if we get the right blend of noise and aroma.
Come on. It doesn't matter if you're not there, or where in he world you might be. At 19.48 BST, just stand up and join in, wherever you are. We got ourselves a FART TRAIN....
Addicks all over the world Stand up Start a fart train, fart train
The next fart that we make will be awesome Gas all the folks in Russia, and China, too Don't you know that it's time to get on board And let this fart keep on rasping, smelling of poo Well, well................
I just haven't reached that point in my relationship with my girlfriend yet. It will wake me up in the middle of the night rather than doing it.
I remember those days. When I started staying over at my girlfriends (now wife) the 50min drive home round the M25 was the chance to let out 2 days worth of held in farts.
I remember the first time I spent Christmas dinner with her family, I was holding in so many my stomach was making really loud rumbles. The now MIL noticed and the only reply I could give was that the rumbles was cos I was 'a bit peckish'
So she served me up a massive portion of seconds. Just what I needed......
Just as the Inuit have quite a lot of words for snow, in Chinese (Mandarin at least) there are quite a lot of words for fart. A common Chinese saying about overdoing things is loosely translated as 'taking off your trousers to fart'.
Farting in the bath is awesome as you hope everyone downstairs heard it?
Did that as a kid, followed through and had to tell my mum my legs had loads of mud on them when she asked what all the dark stuff floating in the bath was.
Sneezing and farting at the same time is the horrible, you have no control over either, and when wandering around with headphones on I pop the odd one out, and convince myself its a quiet one as I cannot hear it, the reaction of fellow shoppers in Waitrose indicates that may not be the case...
Sneezing and farting at the same time is the horrible, you have no control over either, and when wandering around with headphones on I pop the odd one out, and convince myself its a quiet one as I cannot hear it, the reaction of fellow shoppers in Waitrose indicates that may not be the case...
I fart loads and love it, especially in the morning during first pee. Out of interest I am going to record how many per day for the next week. Any more takers for this study group? The more people involved will give us a truer answer and make sillav feel better (or maybe worse).
I was thinking about this very deeply last night. Now of course quantity of guffing as a yardstick is all very well, but when does it constitute one or several - as MrOneLung points out? What about quality?
Can you truly compare a ripsnorter to a cheeky squeaker? I would say "Can one hold a candle to the other", but that might be dangerous...
On occasion an elephantine trouser cough can leave very little impression in a four man lift, whereas there are times when an SBD can clear a drill hall.
I just haven't reached that point in my relationship with my girlfriend yet. It will wake me up in the middle of the night rather than doing it.
I remember those days. When I started staying over at my girlfriends (now wife) the 50min drive home round the M25 was the chance to let out 2 days worth of held in farts.
I remember the first time I spent Christmas dinner with her family, I was holding in so many my stomach was making really loud rumbles. The now MIL noticed and the only reply I could give was that the rumbles was cos I was 'a bit peckish'
So she served me up a massive portion of seconds. Just what I needed......
I have liked this rather than loling it, because what you have described there is not funny, it is 100% my reality at the moment.
Occasionally (she lives with me now) she will be out of London for the evening, being in that bed on my own is a godsend.
Whenever my dog farted, it scared the s**t out of her and she'd jump up and run off with her tail between her legs. She also did the same if I did a loud one.
Since posting how I enjoy Farting especially in the bath but after reading and watching the posts on here I realize it is vulgar and unacceptable to do this in public or where it could be heard and cause offence so I have since stopped this disgusting habit!
Le Pétomane was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 – 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".
Possibly something you are eating which is affecting you so badly. My wife avoids eating onions which causes her to have massive amount of flatulence.
My missus is the same regarding onions. So much food has onion powder in it. Personally, I eat loads of onions and peppers and sound like I've got a brass band in my back pocket.............Unusal thing is they very seldom smell....................
Le Pétomane was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 – 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".
My 11 year old son has just come back from the Taunton cricket Festival representing Kent against five other counties. On Tuesday night the Kent coach, who is from Zimbabwe, invited his friend Henry Olonga to talk to the squad about his cricketing and life experiences.
Of course, Henry is also famed for his singing and was asked by the coach if he would mind giving a rendition of one song which he was happy to do accapella style. Just two bars into the song you guessed it one of the boys absolutely let rip which in turn led to all the boys laughing hysterically. Henry asked the boy if he needed to go somewhere but the boy turned the opportunity down only to repeat the dose a minute later.
Bet Henry's never had a reaction to one of his performances quite like that!
I take my two lads (19 and 15) and my dog away for a week each year while mum goes off to pamper herself in a lad free zone for a week. We do a lot of farting. One particular evening this year in a cottage in North Wales we had a takeaway curry followed by a beer or two and an evening in front of some DVDs. I swear if you sparked a match within ten feet of the lounge the house would have exploded The authorities would have put it down to a serious has leak. They would not have been wrong!
Le Pétomane was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 – 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartomaniac". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste".
Profession ????
You mean you can take a degree in farting ?
Presume that'd be at the University of Chicago....
Comments
I was up at 7:30, so far, 8 farts and a rather large pony.
At work now so must remember to tone it down a bit.
Addicks all over the world
Stand up
Start a fart train, fart train
The next fart that we make will be awesome
Gas all the folks in Russia, and China, too
Don't you know that it's time to get on board
And let this fart keep on rasping, smelling of poo
Well, well................
I dont want to muck up the figures and skew the final results.
I remember the first time I spent Christmas dinner with her family, I was holding in so many my stomach was making really loud rumbles. The now MIL noticed and the only reply I could give was that the rumbles was cos I was 'a bit peckish'
So she served me up a massive portion of seconds. Just what I needed......
I must do more than 40 a day, I literally don't seem to stop
A common Chinese saying about overdoing things is loosely translated as 'taking off your trousers to fart'.
:-)
Can you truly compare a ripsnorter to a cheeky squeaker? I would say "Can one hold a candle to the other", but that might be dangerous...
On occasion an elephantine trouser cough can leave very little impression in a four man lift, whereas there are times when an SBD can clear a drill hall.
I think there needs to be more study...
Occasionally (she lives with me now) she will be out of London for the evening, being in that bed on my own is a godsend.
1. A solution to a common problem
2. You wouldn't want to be stuck in a lift with this bloke
I follow through......
So, that's nice.
On Tuesday night the Kent coach, who is from Zimbabwe, invited his friend Henry Olonga to talk to the squad about his cricketing and life experiences.
Of course, Henry is also famed for his singing and was asked by the coach if he would mind giving a rendition of one song which he was happy to do accapella style. Just two bars into the song you guessed it one of the boys absolutely let rip which in turn led to all the boys laughing hysterically. Henry asked the boy if he needed to go somewhere but the boy turned the opportunity down only to repeat the dose a minute later.
Bet Henry's never had a reaction to one of his performances quite like that!
You mean you can take a degree in farting ?
Presume that'd be at the University of Chicago....