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Suddenly single

Need some advice from fellow lifers. Suddenly find myself unexpectedly single at age of 45. The future looks pretty daunting. Anyone been in a similar position. I have no real friends in this town but need to stay here for one year old daughter who at least the ex will let me see.
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Comments

  • Be strong and be yourself !!
  • I have no experience to offer you advice from

    However if I can offer anything to you in way of advice it would be

    Get out join some form of club that you hold an interest in,

    Don't get stuck in the habit of being in doors, take the time that you will find you seem to have more of And fill it with positive influence and thoughts

    And look after yourself don't dwell and don't lose your focus on who you are and that can either find the positives where negatives can seem foremost

    If you get sick of the logistics business then a career as an Agony Aunt surely awaits.....

    Dear Deirdre has nothing on you mate - very sound advice.

    Do you give advice to blokes having problems in the bedroom too?
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  • @donnyaddick hope I'm not speaking out of turn here but your ex seems like a bitch and, whilst it's of no consequence right now, you'll be better off in the long run.

    As others have said - socialising will help. My mother in law became single at 55, joined a dating club (not a free one) and now has s more active social life than we do. She's had a few bunk-ups but now has an awesome fella. I've never seen her happier.

    Don't join free dating places as you'll get some real scumbags in there. She only pays £150 a year membership but you'd be amazed at the difference of clientele.

    Now you'll probably be licking your wounds for a bit but soon you'll be ready to saddle up again.

    Good luck fella
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  • I feel your pain sir. I was in the exact same situation, Divorced aged 44, having to let in a 1 bed flat whilst my ex continued to live in the marital 4-bed house with our 3 kids (then aged 7,6 &4).

    It has only been the love from & for the kids & the support from my family that has seen me through. It has been very difficult at times and although the pain of losing the love of my life has slowly eased I cant say that a day doesn't pass that I wish I could turn the clock back. I've tried all sorts of dating (my exploits on plenty of fish is legendary) but very hard to find that someone special again.

    Sorry if this doesn't help much - but all I can say is that you need to keep it civil with your ex so that you can continue to see your daughter, even if or when your ex starts dating or shacks up with another fella. Your daughter should be your main priority - be there for her - make sure you go & see her nativity plays, cariole concerts, school sports days etc. Take turns to spend xmas day with her Tell her evry time you see her that you love her & when she gets older make sure she is aware that YOU didnt leave HER.

    This a thousand times. The main loser if you don't will be your kids.
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  • Your story reads like you are the winner here, freshly liberated, and beginning a new life.
  • Get on Tinder.

    My first thought!

    Older I get the more horror stories I here about really nasty marriage breakdowns, wish you all the best....
  • Surround yourself with as many friends and/or family as you can.

    If the ex is looking to get back in to the clubbing scene then bide your time, keep things civil and then push for custody of the little un if she drops the ball. Unless, of course, she is a great mum to your saucepan and the clubbing, in your eyes, doesn't impinge on her duties as a mother.
  • edited June 2015
    Tinder/POF

    some good stories here and good advice.

    whatever happens, stay civil with the ex for the sake of your daughter
  • Thing with Tinder and POF, is although it's not a long term option, it will give you great confidence and an ego boost to cheer you up.

    Good luck mate.
  • I met my missus on Zoosk, she only lived 5 mins away from me and I doubt we'd ever have met without it - yet she's the perfect match for me
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  • Can't relate to the kids side of things but as far as divorce goes all i will say is that time really is a healer and i bet you'll look back in hindsight one day and realise you're much better off, relationship wise, not that it will feel like that now.

    All the best - a horrible thing to go through.
  • Thanks for all the advice. Really helps. Just need to find somewhere to liveband I reckon I will be okay. Shame there are no Charlton away games in Yorkshire for a while into the season. Could do with a distraction and a good shout!
  • Thanks for all the advice. Really helps. Just need to find somewhere to liveband I reckon I will be okay. Shame there are no Charlton away games in Yorkshire for a while into the season. Could do with a distraction and a good shout!

    you have Derby and Forest an easy ride down the M1 in August, Blackburn to the west in September, even 'Boro in October
  • Thanks for all the advice. Really helps. Just need to find somewhere to liveband I reckon I will be okay. Shame there are no Charlton away games in Yorkshire for a while into the season. Could do with a distraction and a good shout!

    this will come as a shock to most but as you know there are a lot of nice places around the Doncaster area and Donny itself has many nice streets and properties available for not silly rents, especially around the racecourse .. good luck in finding a nice comfy and suitable 'bachelor pad' .. ((:>)
  • edited June 2015
    ozaddick said:

    You can't control/change what your ex does, but you have total control on how you behave and conduct yourself. Focus on yourself and your child.

    Absolutely this Donny. You might not be able to see it now, but there will come a time when you will think, ' I'm so glad I did it this way' - a bit (not) like the Charlton defence..., keep your discipline despite all the shenanigans going on around you, and try not to score too many own goals in the short term- and show everyone that you are above it all,look after your children to the very best you can - you wont regret it.
    Don't worry too much about meeting someone else in the short term - if you are desperate for a bunk-up then join some of the sites mentioned above - but ALWAYS make sure your children are no. 1.
  • Donny what are your interests apart from your daughter and the Addicks?

    Plenty of good advice above about maintaining good relationships but you also need to fill those other days. I'd talk to you about my experience but it hasn't led to the sort of outcome you'd want Vis a Vis your daughter.
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Roland Out!