Need some advice from fellow lifers. Suddenly find myself unexpectedly single at age of 45. The future looks pretty daunting. Anyone been in a similar position. I have no real friends in this town but need to stay here for one year old daughter who at least the ex will let me see.
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However if I can offer anything to you in way of advice it would be
Get out join some form of club that you hold an interest in,
Don't get stuck in the habit of being in doors, take the time that you will find you seem to have more of And fill it with positive influence and thoughts
And look after yourself don't dwell and don't lose your focus on who you are and that can either find the positives where negatives can seem foremost
Dear Deirdre has nothing on you mate - very sound advice.
Do you give advice to blokes having problems in the bedroom too?
I still saw the kids once a month, making those long drives up the A1and spending a couple of nights in a local travel lodge, whilst seeing my wife (who's 10 years younger) happily getting on with her life with her new fella. I won't deny that it tore me to peices for a few months.
About a year passed before she decided that our son was too much for her to handle (got in the way of her social life if truth be told) and told me if I didn't take him within a month, she'd place him in care. Even though it meant packing in my job to be his full-time carer (he has Aspergers) and frantically setting up a home with absolutely nothing, I jumped at the chance to take him away from what was a very unstable envioriment.
Fast forward another 5 years and I'm very happy. My son is very settled and I'm engaged to the most wonderful woman I could have ever hoped to meet.
I know a majority of this is irrellevant to you Donny, but believe me when I say, it'll get better in time. Staying somewhere where you have no family & friends for support can really wear you down, but it's a decision only you can make..........
Pleased for tango and wish you all the best donnyaddick
So think best thing to do is stay here for my daughter. I havent anywhere to live yet and she already texting to say I am having olivia all weekend.!
Love the positivity from your post and glad it has worked out so well for you.
It has only been the love from & for the kids & the support from my family that has seen me through. It has been very difficult at times and although the pain of losing the love of my life has slowly eased I cant say that a day doesn't pass that I wish I could turn the clock back. I've tried all sorts of dating (my exploits on plenty of fish is legendary) but very hard to find that someone special again.
Sorry if this doesn't help much - but all I can say is that you need to keep it civil with your ex so that you can continue to see your daughter, even if or when your ex starts dating or shacks up with another fella. Your daughter should be your main priority - be there for her - make sure you go & see her nativity plays, cariole concerts, school sports days etc. Take turns to spend xmas day with her Tell her evry time you see her that you love her & when she gets older make sure she is aware that YOU didnt leave HER.
As others have said - socialising will help. My mother in law became single at 55, joined a dating club (not a free one) and now has s more active social life than we do. She's had a few bunk-ups but now has an awesome fella. I've never seen her happier.
Don't join free dating places as you'll get some real scumbags in there. She only pays £150 a year membership but you'd be amazed at the difference of clientele.
Now you'll probably be licking your wounds for a bit but soon you'll be ready to saddle up again.
Good luck fella
Older I get the more horror stories I here about really nasty marriage breakdowns, wish you all the best....
If the ex is looking to get back in to the clubbing scene then bide your time, keep things civil and then push for custody of the little un if she drops the ball. Unless, of course, she is a great mum to your saucepan and the clubbing, in your eyes, doesn't impinge on her duties as a mother.
some good stories here and good advice.
whatever happens, stay civil with the ex for the sake of your daughter
Good luck mate.
Easy to write, hard to do ... don't spend too much time worrying, get yourself fit, get some new clothes, polish the car and get out and about .. BUT .. don't spend too much time drinking away your sorrows, get stuck into and enjoy your work, however mundane and boring it might be .. learn to cook and look after yourself, that is if you don't already do so .. there are a lot of CAFC games this season in the north and north midlands .. get to those and enjoy the company of fellow Addicks, a mean and fickle lot though we may be ((:>)
Whatever, good luck, keep your confidence and don't let the bastards get you down !!
All the best - a horrible thing to go through.
One suggestion I might make, as you say you don't have any friends where you live, is to consider moving to another town not too far away. I was living in a town near Prague and decided to move to Prague; even though further from my kids it meant I could have a fresh start, not have to see my ex or her friends around town, etc. But I'm still close enough to get to my kids within an hour. So a move to another town nearby would give you the chance to start over without constant reminders of your old life but still being close enough to see your daughter whenever you wanted.
But whatever you decide, don't let yourself get too down. It will definitely get better. And think of the possibilities you now have ...
Don't worry too much about meeting someone else in the short term - if you are desperate for a bunk-up then join some of the sites mentioned above - but ALWAYS make sure your children are no. 1.
7 years later, I wouldn't change it for the world.
Don't get me wrong, had some pretty tough times in there. 2 years of sleeping on my parents sofa was character building to say the least and then 5 years of living in my own flat left me without a pot to pee in pretty much but it's all about turning it into positives.
I focused on my daughter and tried to be the best hands-on Dad I could be. It used to kill me when I used to drive down the A2 from Gravesend after I took her home. Living on my own was tough as I really didn't like my own company to start with so I needed to find something to fill the gaps. So I decided to get myself fit. If someone had told me 7 years ago that I would have run 5 marathons by now I would have laughed.
7 years later, my little girl is not so little now. She's 9 going on 15 and she's the happiest and most confident kid you could wish to meet and pretty much excels at everything she tries, unlike her Dad. Two happy parents, whether they are together or not, means happy child(ren). I remember my ex-wife saying to me all that time ago that one day that I'd thank her for ending the marriage. She's right. I do thank her. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I was still married to her. I doubt I would have the good relationship I have with my daughter had we still been together. I spend quality time with her now and don't just take her for granted. I'm a damn site stronger, mentally and physically too.
No matter how much hatred or hurt you feel against the ex, always try and keep things civil for the kids. It makes life so much easier.
I met the new love of my life a year ago. She gets on like a house on fire with my daughter. I really couldn't be happier now and could never see any of this 7 years ago.
I do have one trigger though. When she's not about, if I hear an ice-cream van in the distance, that always reminds me of my daughter and it gets me in the pitt of my stomach and makes me feel sick, even 7 years on.
Remember, good things happen to good people!
Plenty of good advice above about maintaining good relationships but you also need to fill those other days. I'd talk to you about my experience but it hasn't led to the sort of outcome you'd want Vis a Vis your daughter.