A group of self-obsessed, selfish, boorish prigs, weighed down with masses of undeserved self confidence, gather to demonstrate how their high opinions of themselves monumentally outweigh their ability to manage anything. No, not the Tory cabinet, it's the annual, cruel exercise of allowing Lord Sugar and two smug "assistants" to choose the least incompetent of a group of dullard free marketeers.
To assist in the series-long character assassinations and so that we can all get up to speed as soon as possible, here are the candidates.
Aisha Kasim
30 year old "inventor" and hair extension specialist. When asked to name her business inspiration, Aisha chose not Lord Sugar, not Isambard Kingdom Brunel and not Sir Richard Branson. Instead, Aisha named her business inspiration as Victoria Beckham.
April Jackson
Born in London. Studied in New York. Lived in France. Became Miss Jamaica.
Brett Butler-Smythe
Probably the poshest-named builder in England.
Charleine Wain
In a reverse of the classic early biography, she left her job in the Royal Navy to become a hairdresser. (Unless she's written her CV back-to-front).
Dan Callaghan
Sells perfume. Yes, really.
David Stevenson
His company specialises in increasing crowd attendance at sporting events. (Katrien? Are you paying attention?)
Elle Stevenson
Elle taught herself "fluent Latin". So, that'll be useful.
Gary Poulton
Gary describes himself as someone who likes to succeed in all he does. Great! Thanks for that, Gary. We were going to put you on the pile of people who prefer to fail in everything he does, but now you've pointed that out...
Jenny Garbis
Jenny says that if she didn’t work in business, she would like to be in politics. Because, of course, you can't do both can you Lord Sugar? Baroness Brady?
Joseph Valente
Plum. Sorry, plumber.
Mergim Butaja
Kosovan refugee, who fled from the war-torn country to the UK with his parents and siblings when he was seven years old.
Natalie Dean
Natalie could have a massive chance of winning this year. Sheffield Wednesday fan.
Richard Woods
Richard has said "I’m a Swiss army knife of bouncy skills, business skills, and enthusiasm. I’ve got everything highly tuned and highly chiselled". I think that's all we need to know about Richard.
Ruth Whiteley
Already in her career, Ruth has worked in telephone sales, worked as a DJ on a mid-morning show for her local radio station and been a court reporter. How on earth has she managed to pack all that in to her 47 years?
Sam Curry
23 year old tutor. Just let that sink in for a while.
Scott Saunders
Scott has a motto. It's a bit deep, but let's give it a go. See if you can follow it. Here it is. "To be the best, you have to be the best". Thanks Scott.
Selina Waterman-Smith
Selina doesn't like being talked down to. We call that "patronising", Selina, but don't worry your pretty little head about long words, ok?
Vana Koutsomitis
Part Columbian, part Greek, Vana grew up in New York, studied in Spain, France and China, has lived in Shanghai and London and now lives in Barcelona. She speaks five languages, runs a networking site for finance professionals and, despite being 27, has been an entrepreneur for 20 years. However, she intends to "do things with integrity and morals", so she'll have no chance of winning.
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Comments
Ps. I bet you watch every last episode.
Not my cup of tea as entertainment, but if you don't like it there's tons of alternatives.
No pre-episode / result spoilers please guys and girls, thanks
Did that woman really say "Would you like to taste my fish?"
I know maths...
Yeah, we know who's going here.
armynavy bloke is going to do my head in. Even more than the others.The guy who went was OK
I have met 2 people who have appeared on the programme. One at work who was comfortably the biggest dickhead I've worked with and that is no mean feat. The other came across as a prize wanker but socially was a really nice guy and good company. This was at a wedding though and we were both pretty folded
"Ooh this looks really even"
"Oh that was an awkward stare"
How can't you appreciate that this is heavily edited. Jesus.
Once I saw the kids' version it really lost its magic. They could produce a version with hamsters and it'd still flow the same. Cookie cutter template with different sets of people cut in.
And I still watch every minute of it.
"You'll need a good win ratio in this process and Tim Sherwood only knows how to do good win ratios...."
Chizz summed it up well in opening paragraph.
The music makes my skin crawl