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The Apprentice, 2015 (no spoilers please)

edited October 2015 in Not Sports Related
A group of self-obsessed, selfish, boorish prigs, weighed down with masses of undeserved self confidence, gather to demonstrate how their high opinions of themselves monumentally outweigh their ability to manage anything. No, not the Tory cabinet, it's the annual, cruel exercise of allowing Lord Sugar and two smug "assistants" to choose the least incompetent of a group of dullard free marketeers.

To assist in the series-long character assassinations and so that we can all get up to speed as soon as possible, here are the candidates.

Aisha Kasim
30 year old "inventor" and hair extension specialist. When asked to name her business inspiration, Aisha chose not Lord Sugar, not Isambard Kingdom Brunel and not Sir Richard Branson. Instead, Aisha named her business inspiration as Victoria Beckham.

April Jackson
Born in London. Studied in New York. Lived in France. Became Miss Jamaica.

Brett Butler-Smythe
Probably the poshest-named builder in England.

Charleine Wain
In a reverse of the classic early biography, she left her job in the Royal Navy to become a hairdresser. (Unless she's written her CV back-to-front).

Dan Callaghan
Sells perfume. Yes, really.

David Stevenson
His company specialises in increasing crowd attendance at sporting events. (Katrien? Are you paying attention?)

Elle Stevenson
Elle taught herself "fluent Latin". So, that'll be useful.

Gary Poulton
Gary describes himself as someone who likes to succeed in all he does. Great! Thanks for that, Gary. We were going to put you on the pile of people who prefer to fail in everything he does, but now you've pointed that out...

Jenny Garbis
Jenny says that if she didn’t work in business, she would like to be in politics. Because, of course, you can't do both can you Lord Sugar? Baroness Brady?

Joseph Valente
Plum. Sorry, plumber.

Mergim Butaja
Kosovan refugee, who fled from the war-torn country to the UK with his parents and siblings when he was seven years old.

Natalie Dean
Natalie could have a massive chance of winning this year. Sheffield Wednesday fan.

Richard Woods
Richard has said "I’m a Swiss army knife of bouncy skills, business skills, and enthusiasm. I’ve got everything highly tuned and highly chiselled". I think that's all we need to know about Richard.

Ruth Whiteley
Already in her career, Ruth has worked in telephone sales, worked as a DJ on a mid-morning show for her local radio station and been a court reporter. How on earth has she managed to pack all that in to her 47 years?

Sam Curry
23 year old tutor. Just let that sink in for a while.

Scott Saunders
Scott has a motto. It's a bit deep, but let's give it a go. See if you can follow it. Here it is. "To be the best, you have to be the best". Thanks Scott.

Selina Waterman-Smith
Selina doesn't like being talked down to. We call that "patronising", Selina, but don't worry your pretty little head about long words, ok?

Vana Koutsomitis
Part Columbian, part Greek, Vana grew up in New York, studied in Spain, France and China, has lived in Shanghai and London and now lives in Barcelona. She speaks five languages, runs a networking site for finance professionals and, despite being 27, has been an entrepreneur for 20 years. However, she intends to "do things with integrity and morals", so she'll have no chance of winning.


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Comments

  • Not another series of wannabes with sugar, what time does it it start?
  • Chizz said:

    A group of self-obsessed, selfish, boorish prigs, weighed down with masses of undeserved self confidence, gather to demonstrate how their high opinions of themselves monumentally outweigh their ability to manage anything. No, not the Tory cabinet, it's the annual, cruel exercise of allowing Lord Sugar and two smug "assistants" to choose the least incompetent of a group of dullard free marketeers.

    To assist in the series-long character assassinations and so that we can all get up to speed as soon as possible, here are the candidates.

    Aisha Kasim
    30 year old "inventor" and hair extension specialist. When asked to name her business inspiration, Aisha chose not Lord Sugar, not Isambard Kingdom Brunel and not Sir Richard Branson. Instead, Aisha named her business inspiration as Victoria Beckham.

    April Jackson
    Born in London. Studied in New York. Lived in France. Became Miss Jamaica.

    Brett Butler-Smythe
    Probably the poshest-named builder in England.

    Charleine Wain
    In a reverse of the classic early biography, she left her job in the Royal Navy to become a hairdresser. (Unless she's written her CV back-to-front).

    Dan Callaghan
    Sells perfume. Yes, really.

    David Stevenson
    His company specialises in increasing crowd attendance at sporting events. (Katrien? Are you paying attention?)

    Elle Stevenson
    Elle taught herself "fluent Latin". So, that'll be useful.

    Gary Poulton
    Gary describes himself as someone who likes to succeed in all he does. Great! Thanks for that, Gary. We were going to put you on the pile of people who prefer to fail in everything he does, but now you've pointed that out...

    Jenny Garbis
    Jenny says that if she didn’t work in business, she would like to be in politics. Because, of course, you can't do both can you Lord Sugar? Baroness Brady?

    Joseph Valente
    Plum. Sorry, plumber.

    Mergim Butaja
    Kosovan refugee, who fled from the war-torn country to the UK with his parents and siblings when he was seven years old.

    Natalie Dean
    Natalie could have a massive chance of winning this year. Sheffield Wednesday fan.

    Richard Woods
    Richard has said "I’m a Swiss army knife of bouncy skills, business skills, and enthusiasm. I’ve got everything highly tuned and highly chiselled". I think that's all we need to know about Richard.

    Ruth Whiteley
    Already in her career, Ruth has worked in telephone sales, worked as a DJ on a mid-morning show for her local radio station and been a court reporter. How on earth has she managed to pack all that in to her 47 years?

    Sam Curry
    23 year old tutor. Just let that sink in for a while.

    Scott Saunders
    Scott has a motto. It's a bit deep, but let's give it a go. See if you can follow it. Here it is. "To be the best, you have to be the best". Thanks Scott.

    Selina Waterman-Smith
    Selina doesn't like being talked down to. We call that "patronising", Selina, but don't worry your pretty little head about long words, ok?

    Vana Koutsomitis
    Part Columbian, part Greek, Vana grew up in New York, studied in Spain, France and China, has lived in Shanghai and London and now lives in Barcelona. She speaks five languages, runs a networking site for finance professionals and, despite being 27, has been an entrepreneur for 20 years. However, she intends to "do things with integrity and morals", so she'll have no chance of winning.


    Blimey Chizz. Harsh. You ever thought about doing a match preview? ;-)

    Ps. I bet you watch every last episode.

  • Is there a fit one?
  • You have to bear in mind that this is simply a television game show. The niece of a mate of mine was in it last year - a nice, bright girl who wants to make a commercial success of her life but came across as a clueless know-nothing when the show was broadcast. They put the candidates in extremely difficult situations, tell them they want larger than life "performances" and then edit the footage to death to tell a compelling story that millions of viewers will follow.

    Not my cup of tea as entertainment, but if you don't like it there's tons of alternatives.
  • Don't actually mind the apprentice so thanks for the review Chizz.
  • Great preview @Chizz

    No pre-episode / result spoilers please guys and girls, thanks
  • hate them all already.
  • edited October 2015
    Is Ruth the one wearing the amazing techni-coloured dreamcoat?
  • It's been coming for a while but I think this is the first series where every single candidate is an irredeemable wanker. It's like a black comedy now
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  • Car crash TV. Absolutely love it!!
  • Not been watching properly. Get rid of the army bloke.

    Did that woman really say "Would you like to taste my fish?"
  • Outside my work at regents place on tonight's episode
  • J BLOCK said:

    Outside my work at regents place on tonight's episode

    Did you smell that birds fish pie?
  • J BLOCK said:

    Outside my work at regents place on tonight's episode

    Did you smell that birds fish pie?
    Smelt it, didn't fancy tasting it
  • Quality show. What utter numpties.
  • Suge can retire on that £1.87 profit.
  • I'm good at...online stuff...

    I know maths...

    Yeah, we know who's going here.
  • I liked him
  • IAIA
    edited October 2015
    IA said:

    Not been watching properly. Get rid of the army bloke.

    Watched most of it after this point. I think the army navy bloke is going to do my head in. Even more than the others.

    The guy who went was OK
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  • Can it see being fun to watch David "Swiss Army Knife" Brent over the next few episodes.
  • J BLOCK said:

    Outside my work at regents place on tonight's episode

    That's where I go for lunch if it's sunny. Didn't see this mob though
  • The producers must have an absolute riot every year. I fully understand and appreciate clever editing is used to great dramatic effect however some people just naturally shine out as beacons of arseholeness.

    I have met 2 people who have appeared on the programme. One at work who was comfortably the biggest dickhead I've worked with and that is no mean feat. The other came across as a prize wanker but socially was a really nice guy and good company. This was at a wedding though and we were both pretty folded
  • Macronate said:

    Suge can retire on that £1.87 profit.

    Love how even the winners made £200 profit between 9 unpaid workers doing a day long shift.
  • Sitting with the family watching this and they're like

    "Ooh this looks really even"
    "Oh that was an awkward stare"

    How can't you appreciate that this is heavily edited. Jesus.
  • Taxi_Lad said:

    Anyone else think that Dan Callaghan is a ringer for comedian Chris Addison both in mannerism and voice if not visually

    George Osborne?
  • The reaction shots are so cheap it's unreal how badly people fall for it. I guess if someone's never considered what an edit is, it doesn't occur that a reaction shot could be from any time, five minutes earlier or five days later.

    Once I saw the kids' version it really lost its magic. They could produce a version with hamsters and it'd still flow the same. Cookie cutter template with different sets of people cut in.

    And I still watch every minute of it.
  • The programme is complete wank and just boring now.
    Chizz summed it up well in opening paragraph.
    The music makes my skin crawl
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