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White lies/saying things that people want to hear

ArsenetattersArsenetatters
in Fun, Jokes & Captions
In this Pinocchio era I've been having a think about lies. Here's an example that makes me smile (black humour I know):

Often reported in the news: "He died peacefully". OK it is possible to die peacefully but they are hardly going to report "He died painfully, his head rotating as he spewed blood around the room".

Another death example - words said at a funeral. "she never had a bad word to say about anybody", "he was loved by all". I guess this is what people want to hear rather than "she never had a bad word about anyone except Mr XXXX, who she thought was a complete bastard", "he was loved by his Mum but others thought he was a bit of a pain"

Getting away from death, there are other examples. The classic "how are you?" reply "fine".

Any other examples?
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Comments

  • ValiantphilValiantphil
    Undisclosed fee.
  • ForeverAddicktedForeverAddickted
    We are looking to sell the club!!
  • 3blokes3blokes
    edited March 2016
    It's not you it's me....
  • DaveMehmetDaveMehmet
    At the end of a game where you've smashed the oppo, hold out your hand and say "well played mate"
  • 3blokes3blokes
    Don't worry we all make mistakes - means you complete effing idiot :-)
  • UboatUboat
    Getting clapped back into the pavilion after getting a duck.
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  • StigStig
    DaveMehmet said:

    At the end of a game where you've smashed the oppo, hold out your hand and say "well played mate"

    Every bloody game I'm told how well I played. I get it so often that I keep looking out for talent scouts. Now I learn that it's all lies!
  • thenewbiethenewbie
    "It's the taking part that counts''

    No it bloody isn't, no-one told Usain Bolt or whatever 'well you just set a new all time world record but it was the taking part that was important.' do they? Only the losers get told that.
  • McBobbinMcBobbin
    edited March 2016
    "It's what she wouldn't have wanted". What? A feeding frenzy like vultures around grandmas last scraps

    Edit: that was a mixing of metaphors by the way. My family didn't eat grandma. Whether she wanted it or not. I meant divvying up her belongings
  • 3blokes3blokes
    "Oh unlucky." - means wtf was that!
  • ricky_ottoricky_otto
    The players gave there all - not they'd isn't they were pony.
  • Six-a-bag-of-nutsSix-a-bag-of-nuts
    I thought we dominated the game.
    No [insert manager name] you were shit and you lost
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  • Six-a-bag-of-nutsSix-a-bag-of-nuts
    edited March 2016
    And yours was a really good effort too. Well done.
  • cafcdave123cafcdave123
    Six-a-bag-of-nuts said:

    I thought we dominated the game.
    No [insert manager name] you were shit and you lost

    Also claiming they deserved a draw after losing - no the team that put that round bouncy thing in those big netted posts more times than you deserved their win
  • ArsenetattersArsenetatters
    XXXX (Insert managers name) has got the full backing of the board
  • JiMMy 85JiMMy 85
    PDPs in corporate offices. You can spend your entire waking life slagging off the company, but nobody has ever walked into their annual performance review to say "marketing is a cancer, Abbey is a little Hitler And I dread coming to my desk because the culture of this team makes me cringe"

    ...at least until last week.
  • SDAddickSDAddick
    Algarveaddick said:

    I'm not a racist but...

    Along the same lines "I'm not politically correct....[insert something racists or homophobic]."

    At my last job I got pretty good at the compliment sandwich. "He's a great guy, but..." or "I love him like a brother but..." I'm not usually disingenuous, I just worked with people who were very reactionary and thus had to put things in very nice terms.

  • SolidgoneSolidgone
    We have the 5th wealthiest country in the world - why are there austerity measures in place?
  • cafcdave123cafcdave123
    also when talking about someone and they say "I've known xxxx for years so they won't mind me saying this" and proceed to say say things they would never say to their face
  • C_Jensens_Love_ChildC_Jensens_Love_Child
    Arsenetatters said:

    In this Pinocchio era I've been having a think about lies. Here's an example that makes me smile (black humour I know):

    Often reported in the news: "He died peacefully". OK it is possible to die peacefully but they are hardly going to report "He died painfully, his head rotating as he spewed blood around the room".

    Another death example - words said at a funeral. "she never had a bad word to say about anybody", "he was loved by all". I guess this is what people want to hear rather than "she never had a bad word about anyone except Mr XXXX, who she thought was a complete bastard", "he was loved by his Mum but others thought he was a bit of a pain"

    Getting away from death, there are other examples. The classic "how are you?" reply "fine".

    Any other examples?

    So true, the last one I actually thought about yesterday because I always reply "not bad" I replied "not bad" yesterday several times despite having just had a tooth out, a cold, straining a back muscle Thursday and doing knee ligaments only 2 weeks ago.
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