Mr Duchatelet has kindly made sure that Mr big nosed twat doesn't even make the top three worst Charlton managers ever. Seems positively brilliant when compared with Fromage Fraeye.
Day 1023 and 1024. Today The Best Owner Of A Football Club Ever is in a therapy session following last week's unfortunate events where he blew up his entire garden.. The mood in the therapy room is mellow, the therapist's voice is soothing, the Best Owner is stretched out on a nice couch. There is even a lava lamp. The Therapist is talking: " So, lets try a little word association, when I say a word or phrase, say the first thing that comes into your head. Ok let's begin:
"Flowers." "Money" "Waterfalls" "Money" "Small children playing." "Money." "Fluffy cute puppies." "Money." "A beautiful sunset." "Money." " A crisp bright Autumn morning." "Money." ".....Large breasts" "Money." " Sorry, are you just going to keep saying money to everything?" "Money......oh, what, have we finished?" The therapist takes a deep breath. "Let's try again...and maybe open it up a little more:
"Footballers." "Mon--.....er.....profit." "Communities." "Profit." " Bunny rabbits." "Profit." "Pixies." "Profit." "Charlton Athletic" "Flats.....sorry......can I change that to luxury apartments?" " Football Supporters" "Infestation." " Footballers." "Undisclosed." " Card." " Black ants." "Aha!" cries the therapist. " you have a subjective object transference issue!" " Money." The therapist sighed. This was going to be a fucking long morning. He's still here. Oh fuck.....
I'de Pardew back as manager and we named a stand after him if it got rid of Roland.
I think having Pards back is a bit over the top but get the point.
The idea of naming a stand after Rolly may have legs as it would appeal to his ego. The problem I can see with that is that he would not see this as particularly relevant or symbolic of his tenure as he has probably forgotten what a stand is for, and certainly what it looks like.
I think that both he and the fair minded amongst us would agree that his greatest contribution to our club lies in the development of the training ground. Naming the club house after him was the obvious choice, but again not particularly relevant.
After a lot of thought, it came to me. What more fitting than to name the area where the recycling bins are kept after him. It reflects the policy of recycling all those shit players/managers from club to club and the rubbish we are now as a club.
So Rolly, if you agree to leave by Christmas I hereby promise to have a plaque made in your honour and seek permission to have the area dedicated to your tenure of our great club.
If anyone has suggestions for suitable words to use I would be grateful. Please refrain from using the words "fuck" and "off" , or indeed any other profanities as it will hopefully be displayed where young people will see it.
Day 1025. It's Monday morning. How about you just sell up and we'll all try and forget it ever happened? You can spend that extra 1.5% of your time on something that benefits mankind or even on beauty treatments if you prefer. Whatever you like, no one is bothered, just stop wasting yours and everybody else's time with all this nonsense at Charlton. Just let it go, you must have heard the song. And you can blame us. It's not you, it's us. We just don't like you. But how about you give it up as a bad job and let someone else have all the inconvenience of owning Charlton? Give all of us an early Christmas present, so it's a case of you're not here, thank fuck... But until then, old mate I'm afraid it's - He's still here. Oh fuck......
Roland, if you sell to a Charlton fan friendly owner for a reasonable amount say; 16 Millions for a struggling League 1 club seems fair. We will chant Roland every time we play Bolton in memory of your one and only game at the valley. (may have to be a cup game as Bolton will be in a higher division from next season)
A statue will be built of you next to Sam Bartram to remind fans of the struggles. The saliva covered Effigy will be apt.
On second thoughts CARD will have a whip round and build a FOLLY.
Well, the senile fool is still our owner with his merry band of incompetents also still in place.
I think I'll ask my son to write 'Roland to sell' on his letter to Father Christmas as that would be a much better present than the fish tank I was thinking of getting.
And we could then buy half-season tickets.
You know it makes sense Roly. I'll even send you a thank you card.
Well, the senile fool is still our owner with his merry band of incompetents also still in place.
I think I'll ask my son to write 'Roland to sell' on his letter to Father Christmas as that would be a much better present than the fish tank I was thinking of getting.
And we could then buy half-season tickets.
You know it makes sense Roly. I'll even send you a thank you card.
Don't bother with the fish tank. Loads of effort and all the little sods do is swim around a bit then die.
Ex bought the boy a small fish bowl shaped tank to have in my house unsolicited (thanks), and I did no prep, bought a few neons and stick them in. Unsurprisingly they died.
Rather more surprisingly, when son's homework came back it was a picture of a fish bowl with some fish floating on the top with the caption 'Daddy bought dying fish'
Happy days.
Still have committed to go again so fish tank it is. Going to get it over the next few weeks and do a proper job this time so the tank is empty. It ready for Christmas.
Ex bought the boy a small fish bowl shaped tank to have in my house unsolicited (thanks), and I did no prep, bought a few neons and stick them in. Unsurprisingly they died.
Rather more surprisingly, when son's homework came back it was a picture of a fish bowl with some fish floating on the top with the caption 'Daddy bought dying fish'
Happy days.
Still have committed to go again so fish tank it is. Going to get it over the next few weeks and do a proper job this time so the tank is empty. It ready for Christmas.
Day 1025. It's Monday morning. How about you just sell up and we'll all try and forget it ever happened? You can spend that extra 1.5% of your time on something that benefits mankind or even on beauty treatments if you prefer. Whatever you like, no one is bothered, just stop wasting yours and everybody else's time with all this nonsense at Charlton. Just let it go, you must have heard the song. And you can blame us. It's not you, it's us. We just don't like you. But how about you give it up as a bad job and let someone else have all the inconvenience of owning Charlton? Give all of us an early Christmas present, so it's a case of you're not here, thank fuck... But until then, old mate I'm afraid it's - He's still here. Oh fuck......
1. He doesn't attend games. Has no emotional attachment. No natural interest. No interest after purchase. So, in that case, Charlton better make him some money or provide a service like no other, otherwise it's a pointless burden to have isn't it?, "Just another thing" on top of many things it appears.
Wait?! It makes LESS then no money?!
2. He has spent a lot of money on the club. Even if interest is pending (what a bastard), although it's still a lot of money to put in...for no immediate returning benefit to himself.
3. His business reputation has been severely damaged. He is mocked in the English and Belgian press. (Though still rich. Perhaps water off a ducks back) I doubt it though. That statement said a lot about the bloke.
4. His children will be inheriting a lot of money. That money is attached to businesses of now a tarnished reputation. So a complete unnecessary burden on their part, potentially. Considering his age.
(Maybe a lawyer has drawn up something different and Meire would inherit Charlton and claim to watch every game from her Dubai beach house) keohane CEO.
Oh, potential fuck.
5. His methods from top to bottom, have been the reason why Charlton got relegated. He has completely failed in his approach in almost every way. His approach carries no logic of possible success in the football industry either.
We are a middle sized to big club in the championship. That's where we should be. At the bare minimum.
6. Although recruitment has changed. The type of personnel relevant to the division has been altered. Something is still severely going wrong. We had a long pre season to prepare but, even so, we are currently struggling in league one.
So. A shortlist for possible reasons he sticks around.
1. Big Ego. Stubborn. Doesn't want to get told what to do by fans.
2. He wants his money back plus more, so, for him, the purchase of Charlton was not a complete waste of time. It's not going to happen. For your likely asking price someone could probably buy a club like Newcastle United. If they have that kind of money and wish to buy a club. What do you think they are going to do?
Roland you Pratt. Football is more then just a business. It affects a lot of people's lives in good and bad ways. It's a complex and sometimes wonderful thing, that you old man have no understanding of.
3. It's a favour to Meire to get her career going. They know each other on a personal level and perhaps have for a while.
4. He thinks FFP will come back. He's waiting for something.
Day 1028. Remember we are his children, but we are only worth 1.5% of his time, because there are other more important things to him, that are worth a lot more. They spout SO much patronising rubbish between them and he's still here. OH FUCK...
( Giggle) Day 1029. He''s still here. ( snigger) Under the new criteria for judging competency that must mean he's not out of his depth. You might want to giggle hysterically at that. Oh fuck.....
A giggle a day keeps the bad fans away, Our Charlton history you do betray. Your goons take the banners off the fan's back, why the fuck have you not been given the sack ?
Day 1030 and 1031. This morning The Best HalfHearted Non Attending Owner Of A Football Club Ever is in his shed. After last week's therapy session he is trying to focus away from wondering where the black ants might be lurking in his shed to the "real" issue of CARD. Whatever that is. He has written the letters down on a piece of paper so he doesn't forget them, because he is, of course, terribly busy and important. But he has a feeling these letters mean SOMETHING. Is it an anagram? He has a little think. So.......what the hell is a Darc? No, it could not be that. Is it some sort of acronym then? he wonders? And why does he hate this CARD (whatever it is) so much that he has blown up half of his garden because of it? He tries a few words out: Cows Against Rural Development Carp Anglers Raid Dunkirk Cats Are Really Dull Till finally he comes up with something that he thinks might be it. Charlton Athletic Roland Devotees. Yes that could be it. There always seemed to be quite a few of those around whenever he popped along to the The Valley to try to remember why he had bought the bloody place. Actually, why had it bought? he wonders. He shakes his head, no, if he started trying to work THAT one out he would be there all day. And he was already more than half way through his 1.5% of time as it was. At that moment there is a knock on the shed door. Cautiously The Best Owner opens it, in case it turns out to be a huge black ant. But, no, it is just his niece, Daisy, who is standing there giggling. Ffs. He is just about to motion her in with a weary sigh, when she suddenly breaks down and sobs: "OH GOD!! WHY, OH WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH !!!????" The Best Owner shakes his head sadly. He really cannot bear to see a woman cry. So he shuts the door. Back at his bench he sits and wonders : why are the Charlton Athletic Roland Devotees SO pissing him off? In the end he turns to the one thing he knows that might solve the puzzle. His brilliant stats. And 5 minutes into the task of staring at spreadsheets he realises with a gasp of horror what it is. The hospitality bill on match days is absolutely bastard face diabolical. " The fuckers!" he whispers hoarsely " Each game they're scoffing their body weight in fucking cakes and vol au vents! All my profits from selling player units are going down the plug hole at the local fucking patisserie... on half time fucking nibbles!" Let's leave The Best Half Hearted Non Attending Owner Of A Football Club Ever ranting in his shed about the price of Belgian buns ( irony alert ) and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee while we wait for him to piss off. ( giggle) He's still here. Oh fuck.....
Perhaps Roland needs a new challenge to motivate him.
If he were able to sell the club within say 50 days from today that would be a monumental success for himself and KM and the rest of the SMT and he can leave feeling happy with the lack of failure.
It would also be a great Christmas present and I might even send a thank you note thanking him profusely for his wisdom in selling and the joy he had brought to so many people around Christmas time.
Comments
We get rid of the Female big nose,
and we have Mr Big nose back.
TBF your idea is not to be sneezed at.
Today The Best Owner Of A Football Club Ever is in a therapy session following last week's unfortunate events where he blew up his entire garden..
The mood in the therapy room is mellow, the therapist's voice is soothing, the Best Owner is stretched out on a nice couch.
There is even a lava lamp.
The Therapist is talking:
" So, lets try a little word association, when I say a word or phrase, say the first thing that comes into your head. Ok let's begin:
"Flowers."
"Money"
"Waterfalls"
"Money"
"Small children playing."
"Money."
"Fluffy cute puppies."
"Money."
"A beautiful sunset."
"Money."
" A crisp bright Autumn morning."
"Money."
".....Large breasts"
"Money."
" Sorry, are you just going to keep saying money to everything?"
"Money......oh, what, have we finished?"
The therapist takes a deep breath.
"Let's try again...and maybe open it up a little more:
"Footballers."
"Mon--.....er.....profit."
"Communities."
"Profit."
" Bunny rabbits."
"Profit."
"Pixies."
"Profit."
"Charlton Athletic"
"Flats.....sorry......can I change that to luxury apartments?"
" Football Supporters"
"Infestation."
" Footballers."
"Undisclosed."
" Card."
" Black ants."
"Aha!" cries the therapist. " you have a subjective object transference issue!"
" Money."
The therapist sighed.
This was going to be a fucking long morning.
He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
The idea of naming a stand after Rolly may have legs as it would appeal to his ego. The problem I can see with that is that he would not see this as particularly relevant or symbolic of his tenure as he has probably forgotten what a stand is for, and certainly what it looks like.
I think that both he and the fair minded amongst us would agree that his greatest contribution to our club lies in the development of the training ground. Naming the club house after him was the obvious choice, but again not particularly relevant.
After a lot of thought, it came to me. What more fitting than to name the area where the recycling bins are kept after him. It reflects the policy of recycling all those shit players/managers from club to club and the rubbish we are now as a club.
So Rolly, if you agree to leave by Christmas I hereby promise to have a plaque made in your honour and seek permission to have the area dedicated to your tenure of our great club.
If anyone has suggestions for suitable words to use I would be grateful. Please refrain from using the words "fuck" and "off" , or indeed any other profanities as it will hopefully be displayed where young people will see it.
Thank you.
May start going to church.
It's Monday morning. How about you just sell up and we'll all try and forget it ever happened? You can spend that extra 1.5% of your time on something that benefits mankind or even on beauty treatments if you prefer.
Whatever you like, no one is bothered, just stop wasting yours and everybody else's time with all this nonsense at Charlton. Just let it go, you must have heard the song. And you can blame us. It's not you, it's us. We just don't like you. But how about you give it up as a bad job and let someone else have all the inconvenience of owning Charlton? Give all of us an early Christmas present, so it's a case of you're not here, thank fuck...
But until then, old mate I'm afraid it's -
He's still here.
Oh fuck......
We will chant Roland every time we play Bolton in memory of your one and only game at the valley. (may have to be a cup game as Bolton will be in a higher division from next season)
A statue will be built of you next to Sam Bartram to remind fans of the struggles. The saliva covered Effigy will be apt.
On second thoughts CARD will have a whip round and build a FOLLY.
Oh my Days.
oh fuck.........
I think I'll ask my son to write 'Roland to sell' on his letter to Father Christmas as that would be a much better present than the fish tank I was thinking of getting.
And we could then buy half-season tickets.
You know it makes sense Roly. I'll even send you a thank you card.
Ex bought the boy a small fish bowl shaped tank to have in my house unsolicited (thanks), and I did no prep, bought a few neons and stick them in. Unsurprisingly they died.
Rather more surprisingly, when son's homework came back it was a picture of a fish bowl with some fish floating on the top with the caption 'Daddy bought dying fish'
Happy days.
Still have committed to go again so fish tank it is. Going to get it over the next few weeks and do a proper job this time so the tank is empty. It ready for Christmas.
Wait?! It makes LESS then no money?!
2. He has spent a lot of money on the club. Even if interest is pending (what a bastard), although it's still a lot of money to put in...for no immediate returning benefit to himself.
3. His business reputation has been severely damaged. He is mocked in the English and Belgian press. (Though still rich. Perhaps water off a ducks back)
I doubt it though. That statement said a lot about the bloke.
4. His children will be inheriting a lot of money. That money is attached to businesses of now a tarnished reputation. So a complete unnecessary burden on their part, potentially. Considering his age.
(Maybe a lawyer has drawn up something different and Meire would inherit Charlton and claim to watch every game from her Dubai beach house) keohane CEO.
Oh, potential fuck.
5. His methods from top to bottom, have been the reason why Charlton got relegated. He has completely failed in his approach in almost every way. His approach carries no logic of possible success in the football industry either.
We are a middle sized to big club in the championship. That's where we should be. At the bare minimum.
6. Although recruitment has changed. The type of personnel relevant to the division has been altered. Something is still severely going wrong. We had a long pre season to prepare but, even so, we are currently struggling in league one.
So. A shortlist for possible reasons he sticks around.
1. Big Ego. Stubborn. Doesn't want to get told what to do by fans.
2. He wants his money back plus more, so, for him, the purchase of Charlton was not a complete waste of time.
It's not going to happen. For your likely asking price someone could probably buy a club like Newcastle United. If they have that kind of money and wish to buy a club. What do you think they are going to do?
Roland you Pratt. Football is more then just a business. It affects a lot of people's lives in good and bad ways. It's a complex and sometimes wonderful thing, that you old man have no understanding of.
3. It's a favour to Meire to get her career going. They know each other on a personal level and perhaps have for a while.
4. He thinks FFP will come back. He's waiting for something.
I'm guessing it's a combination of all 4.
OH FUCK.
He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
GO!!!!
Time to go,
Time to go Roland,
Time to go,
Time to go Roland,
Time to go,
Ohh Roland time to go.
Please fuck off.
He's still here.
Oh fuck......
Remember we are his children, but we are only worth 1.5% of his time, because there are other more important things to him, that are worth a lot more.
They spout SO much patronising rubbish between them and he's still here.
OH FUCK...
He''s still here. ( snigger) Under the new criteria for judging competency that must mean he's not out of his depth. You might want to giggle hysterically at that.
Oh fuck.....
A giggle a day keeps the bad fans away,
Our Charlton history you do betray.
Your goons take the banners off the fan's back,
why the fuck have you not been given the sack ?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'll blow your nose,
As I am closer than you.
This morning The Best HalfHearted Non Attending Owner Of A Football Club Ever is in his shed.
After last week's therapy session he is trying to focus away from wondering where the black ants might be lurking in his shed to the "real" issue of CARD.
Whatever that is.
He has written the letters down on a piece of paper so he doesn't forget them, because he is, of course, terribly busy and important. But he has a feeling these letters mean SOMETHING.
Is it an anagram?
He has a little think.
So.......what the hell is a Darc?
No, it could not be that.
Is it some sort of acronym then? he wonders?
And why does he hate this CARD (whatever it is) so much that he has blown up half of his garden because of it?
He tries a few words out:
Cows Against Rural Development
Carp Anglers Raid Dunkirk
Cats Are Really Dull
Till finally he comes up with something that he thinks might be it.
Charlton Athletic Roland Devotees.
Yes that could be it. There always seemed to be quite a few of those around whenever he popped along to the The Valley to try to remember why he had bought the bloody place.
Actually, why had it bought? he wonders.
He shakes his head, no, if he started trying to work THAT one out he would be there all day. And he was already more than half way through his 1.5% of time as it was.
At that moment there is a knock on the shed door.
Cautiously The Best Owner opens it, in case it turns out to be a huge black ant.
But, no, it is just his niece, Daisy, who is standing there giggling.
Ffs.
He is just about to motion her in with a weary sigh, when she suddenly breaks down and sobs:
"OH GOD!! WHY, OH WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH !!!????"
The Best Owner shakes his head sadly. He really cannot bear to see a woman cry.
So he shuts the door.
Back at his bench he sits and wonders : why are the Charlton Athletic Roland Devotees SO pissing him off?
In the end he turns to the one thing he knows that might solve the puzzle.
His brilliant stats.
And 5 minutes into the task of staring at spreadsheets he realises with a gasp of horror what it is.
The hospitality bill on match days is absolutely bastard face diabolical.
" The fuckers!" he whispers hoarsely " Each game they're scoffing their body weight in fucking cakes and vol au vents! All my profits from selling player units are going down the plug hole at the local fucking patisserie... on half time fucking nibbles!"
Let's leave The Best Half Hearted Non Attending Owner Of A Football Club Ever ranting in his shed about the price of Belgian buns ( irony alert ) and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee while we wait for him to piss off.
( giggle) He's still here.
Oh fuck.....
He's still here.
Oh fuck....
He's still here.
Oh fuck..
Yet he's never here.
oh fuck........
If he were able to sell the club within say 50 days from today that would be a monumental success for himself and KM and the rest of the SMT and he can leave feeling happy with the lack of failure.
It would also be a great Christmas present and I might even send a thank you note thanking him profusely for his wisdom in selling and the joy he had brought to so many people around Christmas time.
Though nah don't, will probably find myself interrogated by MI6.
Meanwhile -
Day 1034.
He's still here.
Oh fuck....