What s wrong with blokes meeting in pubs and women meeting in, I dunno, shoe shops or somewhere.
The coffee shops are more American than European. I cringe when I see people here sitting behind a "bucket" of hot milk & coffee with all sorts of shite in it and on top of it. Some of the large cups/mugs in Starbucks have two handles to carry them.
Nothing wrong with a drop of hot milk with your coffee. But agree, in huge buckets, with all sorts of syrups and squirty shit in it, that's a no no to any coffee connoisseur
Milky drinks are for breakfast, and kiddy-winks. Espresso only after 11:00am. (You can have an Americano if you are feeling a little feeble.) Otherwise you might just as well have a strawberry Nesquik.
Double ristretto with an equal amount of warm milk, anytime of the day. Give that to your kids and they'll be bouncing off the walls. Or a cortado for a slightly longer drink. As I say, nothing wrong with a SMALL amount of warm milk with your coffee. Takes the acidity out of it and gives a true reflection of the flavour.
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. God Save the Queen!
I cant help but notice that a heck of a lot of advertising 'requires' American actors - EE,Direct Line,Hotels.com being 3 current examples. This, along with the influx of Americans and American themes with Top Gear as another example, just shows how much American influence is being exerted in the media nowadays. To me, looking at humour as an example, i really dont 'get' US humour - it just doesnt make me laugh (Simpsons aside) and i deliberately swerve away from anything American in that respect. Why do we need to import all this yank rubbish?
HIMYM is brilliant too. Big Bang theory fairly decent and two and half men pretty good too. Those aside I agree. Oh and family guy is class.
All the sports channels over here referred to Messi's goal vs. the US in Copa America as from a 'penalty kick'. They said this as the clip was being shown. Cringe worthy.
All the sports channels over here referred to Messi's goal vs. the US in Copa America as from a 'penalty kick'. They said this as the clip was being shown. Cringe worthy.
Gee, do i take it you guys are against being the 51st state of The US of A ? Maybe savage but No fam with Euro dudes then. shooting in the breeze time, you Brits will be Monday morning Quarter backing come 6/24.
I noticed when I was in the US how little they used the word "please". In a Subway (other fast food outlets are available) people would say things like " Can I get a 6-inch with chicken and salad, hold the mayo?". I found it very difficult to train myself not to say "please" when it came to my turn (in an effort to fit in), indeed I found myself saying it more!
I noticed when I was in the US how little they used the word "please". In a Subway (other fast food outlets are available) people would say things like " Can I get a 6-inch with chicken and salad, hold the mayo?". I found it very difficult to train myself not to say "please" when it came to my turn (in an effort to fit in), indeed I found myself saying it more!
Also noticed when you say "thank you" Americans tend to reply "sure"... which kind of seems rude to me, like it's dismissing your thanks? I don't know... It's obviously meant the same as "you're welcome" but it used to rattle me.
Thank you. No it's not granite. It's a product called Silestone, which I believe is Spanish. It's a compound which is 94% quartz. It's supposed to be more durable than granite or marble. I'm guessing this claim can be made primarily because granite and marble are porous and require regular re-sealing to prevent staining and bacterial growth whereas quartz is an impervious substance . Silestone is "fit and forget". It also claims to have an anti-bacterial property.
Thank you. No it's not granite. It's a product called Silestone, which I believe is Spanish. It's a compound which is 94% quartz. It's supposed to be more durable than granite or marble. I'm guessing this claim can be made primarily because granite and marble are porous and require regular re-sealing to prevent staining and bacterial growth whereas quartz is an impervious substance . Silestone is "fit and forget". It also claims to have an anti-bacterial property.
You'll be telling us you can eat your dinner off it next.....
All the sports channels over here referred to Messi's goal vs. the US in Copa America as from a 'penalty kick'. They said this as the clip was being shown. Cringe worthy.
Went to garden centre last week to buy spare for Hozelock Watering system. The (English) Assistant had never heard of the brand and when he found it on his computer asked me 'has it got a zee'? I was tempted to reply 'what's a zee'?, but instead answered - ' no with a z'.
Went to garden centre last week to buy spare for Hozelock Watering system. The (English) Assistant had never heard of the brand and when he found it on his computer asked me 'has it got a zee'? I was tempted to reply 'what's a zee'?, but instead answered - ' no with a z'.
It's people like you who make those who work in retail's lives just lovely.
Beneath the old iron bridges, across the victorian parks, & all the frightened people running home before dark, Past the Saturday morning cinema that lies crumbling to the ground, & the piss stinking shopping centre in the new side of town. I've come to smell the seasons change, & watch the city, as the sun goes down again.
Here comes another winter, of long shadows & high hopes, Here comes another winter, waitin for utopia, waitin for hell to freeze over.
This is the land, where nothing changes, the land of red buses & blue blooded babies, This is the place, where pensioners are raped, & the hearts are being cut, from the welfare state, Let the poor drink the milk, while the rich eat the honey, Let the bums count their blessings, while they count the money.
So many people, can't express what's on their minds, Nobody knows them & nobody ever will, Until their backs are broken & their dreams are stolen, & they can't get what they want, then they're gonna get angry! Well it ain't written in the papers, but its written on the walls The way this country is divided to fall, So the cranes are moving on the skyline-- Trying to knock down--this town But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed, from this country, that's sick, sad, and confused.
Here comes another winter, of long shadows & high hopes, Here comes another winter, waitin for utopia, waitin for hell to freeze over.
The ammunition's being passed, and the lords been praised, But the wars on the televisions will never be explained, All the bankers gettin sweaty, beneath their white collars, As the pound in our pocket, turns into a dollar.
Went to garden centre last week to buy spare for Hozelock Watering system. The (English) Assistant had never heard of the brand and when he found it on his computer asked me 'has it got a zee'? I was tempted to reply 'what's a zee'?, but instead answered - ' no with a z'.
It's people like you who make those who work in retail's lives just lovely.
Went to garden centre last week to buy spare for Hozelock Watering system. The (English) Assistant had never heard of the brand and when he found it on his computer asked me 'has it got a zee'? I was tempted to reply 'what's a zee'?, but instead answered - ' no with a z'.
It's people like you who make those who work in retail's lives just lovely.
Comments
Or a cortado for a slightly longer drink. As I say, nothing wrong with a SMALL amount of warm milk with your coffee. Takes the acidity out of it and gives a true reflection of the flavour.
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Haven't seen it
Maybe savage but No fam with Euro dudes then.
shooting in the breeze time, you Brits will be Monday morning Quarter backing come 6/24.
Love No.12
Pfff... when does the season start again?
And here's a picture of my hat to prove it.......
& all the frightened people running home before dark,
Past the Saturday morning cinema
that lies crumbling to the ground,
& the piss stinking shopping centre in the new side of town.
I've come to smell the seasons change, & watch the city,
as the sun goes down again.
Here comes another winter, of long shadows & high hopes,
Here comes another winter, waitin for utopia,
waitin for hell to freeze over.
This is the land, where nothing changes,
the land of red buses & blue blooded babies,
This is the place, where pensioners are raped,
& the hearts are being cut, from the welfare state,
Let the poor drink the milk, while the rich eat the honey,
Let the bums count their blessings, while they count the money.
So many people, can't express what's on their minds,
Nobody knows them & nobody ever will,
Until their backs are broken & their dreams are stolen,
& they can't get what they want, then they're gonna get angry!
Well it ain't written in the papers, but its written on the walls
The way this country is divided to fall,
So the cranes are moving on the skyline--
Trying to knock down--this town
But the stains on the heartland, can never be removed,
from this country, that's sick, sad, and confused.
Here comes another winter, of long shadows & high hopes,
Here comes another winter, waitin for utopia,
waitin for hell to freeze over.
The ammunition's being passed, and the lords been praised,
But the wars on the televisions will never be explained,
All the bankers gettin sweaty, beneath their white collars,
As the pound in our pocket, turns into a dollar.
This is the 51st state of the U. S. A.
Earlier today I pronounced the word 'Status' Stat-us rather than state-us.
I'm sorry.