I find the best way to ensure my other half is pulling her weight is to write down a list of her chores and at the end of each day go through it marking them out of 10. A methodical approach combined with plenty of carrot and stick (star charts are brilliant) works wonders in a relationship.
I do all the washing & ironing, washing up, grass cutting, and the vast majority of the housework/cleaning, I can cook, sew etc. My other half lead a very cosseted life as a youngster and never had to lift a finger, and is essentially useless around the house. I came from a broken home as a young boy of 10/11, and me and my brothers lived with my dad and had to learn very quickly, so much so that at 12 years old I was taking the weekly washing to a launderette in plumstead high street.
We both like cooking so no problem there and I was cooking family meals from when I was 12 or so as me mum worked long hours up the city and me dad werent well for a lot of my childhood. Although now, I sort the kitchen out after, regardless and my Mrs seems to use every saucepan, pan and utensil the kitchen has to offer and thats how it stays, whereas I rinse and load as I go, so there aint a lot of tidying to do after
Mrs generally looks after the washing and hanging it out, I do sorting out and ironing as again, Ive ironed me own gear since I started at secondary school, same as sewing, me mum taught me to use the sewing machine when I was a kid as she got tired of tapering my jeans for me. Not that we get a lot of sewing jobs
We hoover the lounge 2-3 times a day so we both do that as and when. Other bits get done as when by either or.
We both sort out the animals, Mrs tends to sort the garden out, but we have a large plot so I do the strimming and chainsaw stuff that needs doing.
I do all our paperwork and there's fuckin reams of it to do in France.
From my experience, trying to make some 50/50 balance can be a real path to just being permanently wound up with each other. There will be times when either of you are more busy then the other, or one of you poorly and the other person steps in. As long as theres a sense of shared responsibility for looking after the family and house together thats the main thing.
From a female point of view....... and bearing in mind that my 3 children were born in the 80s and 90s. My husband worked long hours, leaving the house before 7 am, often not getting back until 9 pm and working away quite often too. This is how the domestic side went when we had children:
The children were breast fed so I go up during the night. We both took the view that he had to be up and out early and I could (in theory)have a nap during the day.
Basically I did the housework: washing, putting out the bins etc., he earned the money.
I went back to work when the youngest was six and continued to take care of the domestic side of things, including school run.
As others have said, I think you have to make it quite clear that from say 9 to 5 you are not available. Make sure you work from a particular room and don't wander round the house. You are not available as a chauffeur. On the other hand, close the door on the 'office' at 5.
The positives for your wife are: you are not spending at least 2 hours a day travelling. Also if I read correctly you are mortgage free? If so you must have worked your socks off, so obviously you are not a lazy so and so.
From your wife's point of view, having a baby is a big upheaval. It is incredibly tiring, your body can take a long time to recover and night feeds do take their toll which is probably why she went into meltdown.
Continue to do the laundry, don't leave coffee cups, towels and socks hanging around and i think you are on the right track. If cooking is not your thing then look after the baby while your wife makes the dinner. Bathe the baby in the evening.
Also, I think your father in law situation is really bugging you. There are strict guidelines regarding NHS treatment for those living abroad and if he is not being upfront about where he lives and using a UK address to get treatment then he is breach of these guidelines.
We both work full time and I'd like to think we have a reasonable breakdown of the domestic chores. I've always been pretty independent from quite young so washing, drying, ironing holds no fear. I can even sew a button on. The laundry side is pretty much shared.
I clean the bathrooms and kitchen, dust, hoover and I'm generally much more tidy than my wife so forever dealing with the clutter she leaves behind.
I look after the garden and do all the diy/maintenance on both my place/the flat downstairs and mum and dad's too.
I have zero interest in cooking and thinking about meals though so that breaks down about 90/10 in her favour. If it were left to me we'd survive on ready meals, toast and jacket spuds. Likewise the food shopping, although mostly that seems to consist of putting it away after the nice man from Sainbury has dropped it off.
Missus does all the household admin to the extent I had to get her to email me all our account details as I wouldn't have a clue where anything was if she had an accident or something.
Some good advice already in the thread which basically comes down to sorting out the blurred boundaries around work/homelife.
We both work full time so split things 50/50. I'll do the garden, clean the pond, ducks etc. Whilst I don't mind doing the stuff indoors, my wife is better at deciding what to do and when. If it was left to me to organise the washing, I'd probably have to go to work in a football kit and my daughter to school in one of her dressing up outfits.
I lived on my own for a long time before I met my now wife, she puts the washing in the machine and sorts it into a million piles beforehand, I do the rest hang it out to dry, tumble dry stuff I do my ironing and put my stuff away, I told hers up and leave it in the basket and hang up hanging stuff. she likes to iron everything just before she puts it on.
I run the hoover round every day as soon as I finish, I clean the toilets and bathroom, in fact day to day I do most chores. She does more cooking than me but she is a messy bastard cooking so that generates a ton of clearing up. She does something that irritates the shit out of me and the cats which is decide, usually on a Saturday morning when either I'm working or dealing with a hangover she will stick some shit like heart FM on excessively loud and wash the floor whilst making a right fuss about it. The floor is wood and because I hoover it nigh on every day it doesn't take long to do but the moaning that accompanies it you would think it was the toughest job in the world. I've given up pointing out how much I do as it ends up in a row, besides if I clean up I know where everything is.
I work from home a lot too, what I will say is yes as opposed to having a lunch break I'll do something indoors like clean the bathroom or cut the grass. I'm very self disclipned when it comes to ignoring distractions and the hardest thing I deal with is not wanking all day.
If my wife is off I will take myself out on site that day or find somewhere else to be as she too believes that I'm available for everything such as the stuff others have mentioned which sometime I am and I'm happy to do stuff but people, maybe understandably don't realise that because i am inside my own home I'm still working and need to have my work at such a standard that nobody questions where I am or what I am doing from work
I had a mate here who lived with a Vietnamese girl - absolute stunner - and she would get pissed off at him if he did ANY work in the house. I do mean anything.
She would tell him that if he did housework then this was a huge insult to her as a woman because it implied she could not take care of him properly.
It was all going great for him until she got deported last month, he's currently walking round the house with blue balls and knee deep in pizza boxes.
Reading the posts on here I can only assume that some of you either have OCD or are very messy..........hoover every day ???
I know I live alone but I'm lucky if I hoover once a week - usually do the living/dining room every other week, clean the kitchen as I go (usually clean the hob at weekends) and the bathroom as & when.
Out of interest, how often do you change the bed linen (sheets & duvet covers) ? Again, I'm on my own & have a King size bed but usually every 3-4 weeks.
Reading the posts on here I can only assume that some of you either have OCD or are very messy..........hoover every day ???
I know I live alone but I'm lucky if I hoover once a week - usually do the living/dining room every other week, clean the kitchen as I go (usually clean the hob at weekends) and the bathroom as & when.
Out of interest, how often do you change the bed linen (sheets & duvet covers) ? Again, I'm on my own & have a King size bed but usually every 3-4 weeks.
you fucking animal! even as a single and penis happy man I would change my bedsheets once a week
Reading the posts on here I can only assume that some of you either have OCD or are very messy..........hoover every day ???
I know I live alone but I'm lucky if I hoover once a week - usually do the living/dining room every other week, clean the kitchen as I go (usually clean the hob at weekends) and the bathroom as & when.
Out of interest, how often do you change the bed linen (sheets & duvet covers) ? Again, I'm on my own & have a King size bed but usually every 3-4 weeks.
I had a mate here who lived with a Vietnamese girl - absolute stunner - and she would get pissed off at him if he did ANY work in the house. I do mean anything.
She would tell him that if he did housework then this was a huge insult to her as a woman because it implied she could not take care of him properly.
It was all going great for him until she got deported last month, he's currently walking round the house with blue balls and knee deep in pizza boxes.
Reading the posts on here I can only assume that some of you either have OCD or are very messy..........hoover every day ???
I know I live alone but I'm lucky if I hoover once a week - usually do the living/dining room every other week, clean the kitchen as I go (usually clean the hob at weekends) and the bathroom as & when.
Out of interest, how often do you change the bed linen (sheets & duvet covers) ? Again, I'm on my own & have a King size bed but usually every 3-4 weeks.
I had a mate here who lived with a Vietnamese girl - absolute stunner - and she would get pissed off at him if he did ANY work in the house. I do mean anything.
She would tell him that if he did housework then this was a huge insult to her as a woman because it implied she could not take care of him properly.
It was all going great for him until she got deported last month, he's currently walking round the house with blue balls and knee deep in pizza boxes.
Comments
My other half lead a very cosseted life as a youngster and never had to lift a finger, and is essentially useless around the house. I came from a broken home as a young boy of 10/11, and me and my brothers lived with my dad and had to learn very quickly, so much so that at 12 years old I was taking the weekly washing to a launderette in plumstead high street.
Mrs generally looks after the washing and hanging it out, I do sorting out and ironing as again, Ive ironed me own gear since I started at secondary school, same as sewing, me mum taught me to use the sewing machine when I was a kid as she got tired of tapering my jeans for me. Not that we get a lot of sewing jobs
We hoover the lounge 2-3 times a day so we both do that as and when. Other bits get done as when by either or.
We both sort out the animals, Mrs tends to sort the garden out, but we have a large plot so I do the strimming and chainsaw stuff that needs doing.
I do all our paperwork and there's fuckin reams of it to do in France.
We both go shopping, that's our night out
The children were breast fed so I go up during the night. We both took the view that he had to be up and out early and I could (in theory)have a nap during the day.
Basically I did the housework: washing, putting out the bins etc., he earned the money.
I went back to work when the youngest was six and continued to take care of the domestic side of things, including school run.
As others have said, I think you have to make it quite clear that from say 9 to 5 you are not available. Make sure you work from a particular room and don't wander round the house. You are not available as a chauffeur. On the other hand, close the door on the 'office' at 5.
The positives for your wife are: you are not spending at least 2 hours a day travelling. Also if I read correctly you are mortgage free? If so you must have worked your socks off, so obviously you are not a lazy so and so.
From your wife's point of view, having a baby is a big upheaval. It is incredibly tiring, your body can take a long time to recover and night feeds do take their toll which is probably why she went into meltdown.
Continue to do the laundry, don't leave coffee cups, towels and socks hanging around and i think you are on the right track. If cooking is not your thing then look after the baby while your wife makes the dinner. Bathe the baby in the evening.
Also, I think your father in law situation is really bugging you. There are strict guidelines regarding NHS treatment for those living abroad and if he is not being upfront about where he lives and using a UK address to get treatment then he is breach of these guidelines.
W = Washing
I = Ironing
F = F xxxxxx
E = Etc
Can't believe some of you.
I clean the bathrooms and kitchen, dust, hoover and I'm generally much more tidy than my wife so forever dealing with the clutter she leaves behind.
I look after the garden and do all the diy/maintenance on both my place/the flat downstairs and mum and dad's too.
I have zero interest in cooking and thinking about meals though so that breaks down about 90/10 in her favour. If it were left to me we'd survive on ready meals, toast and jacket spuds. Likewise the food shopping, although mostly that seems to consist of putting it away after the nice man from Sainbury has dropped it off.
Missus does all the household admin to the extent I had to get her to email me all our account details as I wouldn't have a clue where anything was if she had an accident or something.
Some good advice already in the thread which basically comes down to sorting out the blurred boundaries around work/homelife.
Yes, I am lucky
when my friend comes to stay every couple of months or so for 3/4 days, I expect her to do nothing .. she is my guest
I look upon doing all the necessary tasks as a form of exercise, cheaper and better than 'the gym'
I run the hoover round every day as soon as I finish, I clean the toilets and bathroom, in fact day to day I do most chores. She does more cooking than me but she is a messy bastard cooking so that generates a ton of clearing up. She does something that irritates the shit out of me and the cats which is decide, usually on a Saturday morning when either I'm working or dealing with a hangover she will stick some shit like heart FM on excessively loud and wash the floor whilst making a right fuss about it. The floor is wood and because I hoover it nigh on every day it doesn't take long to do but the moaning that accompanies it you would think it was the toughest job in the world. I've given up pointing out how much I do as it ends up in a row, besides if I clean up I know where everything is.
I work from home a lot too, what I will say is yes as opposed to having a lunch break I'll do something indoors like clean the bathroom or cut the grass. I'm very self disclipned when it comes to ignoring distractions and the hardest thing I deal with is not wanking all day.
If my wife is off I will take myself out on site that day or find somewhere else to be as she too believes that I'm available for everything such as the stuff others have mentioned which sometime I am and I'm happy to do stuff but people, maybe understandably don't realise that because i am inside my own home I'm still working and need to have my work at such a standard that nobody questions where I am or what I am doing from work
She would tell him that if he did housework then this was a huge insult to her as a woman because it implied she could not take care of him properly.
It was all going great for him until she got deported last month, he's currently walking round the house with blue balls and knee deep in pizza boxes.
I know I live alone but I'm lucky if I hoover once a week - usually do the living/dining room every other week, clean the kitchen as I go (usually clean the hob at weekends) and the bathroom as & when.
Out of interest, how often do you change the bed linen (sheets & duvet covers) ? Again, I'm on my own & have a King size bed but usually every 3-4 weeks.
Gotta love South East Asian woman