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Tight fisted gits

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  • Out for drinks after work, mate who was notoriously tight surprised everyone and said ‘let’s go to one of the dodgy pubs down Shorditch’. So off a group trotted down there.

    After the first parade the girl went round with her pint glass, and everyone put their 50p (you can tell this is an old story!) in apart the bloke whose suggestion it was, who stood primly with his hands in his pockets. She said something to him and he come out with the legendary line “love, I’ve just popped in for a quiet drink after work. If you want to take you clothes off then that’s entirely up to you”.

    haha, proper genius!
  • My cousin always collects used unfranked stamps and with a sharp pair of scissors and a tube of Gloy recycles them.

    This year's Christmas card arrived with a decidedly dodgy look. On closer inspection it was the red border, which he'd obviously retrieved from a red envelope. In recent years he has stopped sending birthday cards, I can only surmise that his (used) stamp supply is drying up.

    They have redesigned the stamps so it is harder to get them off without them breaking up.
    But not impossible ..................................
  • The Brother in Law Chronicles - Volume 1

    My BIL is the tightest fucker on the planet bar none - cannot stand the big nosed prick.

    The only saving grace he had was his missus, she was a real girl next door type who had a real natural sexiness about her

    I can’t be the only one reading this scratching my head thinking “isn’t that your sister?”
    snap and thought it must be a milwall fan
  • Carter said:

    The Brother in Law Chronicles - Volume 1

    My BIL is the tightest fucker on the planet bar none - cannot stand the big nosed prick.

    The only saving grace he had was his missus, she was a real girl next door type who had a real natural sexiness about her

    I can’t be the only one reading this scratching my head thinking “isn’t that your sister?”
    I was first thing this morning until my brain engaged and realised it was his wife's sister
    No!

    It’s my wife’s brothers now ex-wife!
  • Got another one - more Brother-in-Law stuff later.

    My mate had a Father-in-Law whose party trick was going to restaurants and having a slap-up meal - and then announcing to the waitress that he had lost his wallet and couldn’t pay.

    I once saw him pull this trick off in a cafe I happened to be in and he could not give a toss, he ordered $60 worth of food and then called the waitress over and announced, “I have got a bit of a problem....”

    Because he was a really well-spoken and well presented bloke people fell for it all the time!
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  • Fella at work won

    The Brother in Law Chronicles - Volume 1

    My BIL is the tightest fucker on the planet bar none - cannot stand the big nosed prick.

    The only saving grace he had was his missus, she was a real girl next door type who had a real natural sexiness about her

    I can’t be the only one reading this scratching my head thinking “isn’t that your sister?”
    And am i the only one who started singing to myself...."Your sister is your mother,your father is......."?
  • cafc999 said:

    Worked with 2 lads on a job where the canteen was heavily subsidised, if my memory serves me right a cup of tea cost 10p. Anyway we was all on good money and one day one of the them bought in a kettle so that he could make his own tea as he thought 10p was a piss take..!!

    Very similar to an old office I worked in, 10p for a coffee and at the end of the year it all went behind the bar at the office work do anyway, it was just 10p to avoid people taking the piss and getting coffee they wouldn't drink etc.

    One bloke used to come in early, sneak into the office cupboard for the prefilled cups for the machine and make himself a coffee w using that and the kettle. Either that or nick someone's granules if they'd bought in better stuff than the machine one for themselves.
  • My cousin always collects used unfranked stamps and with a sharp pair of scissors and a tube of Gloy recycles them.

    This year's Christmas card arrived with a decidedly dodgy look. On closer inspection it was the red border, which he'd obviously retrieved from a red envelope. In recent years he has stopped sending birthday cards, I can only surmise that his (used) stamp supply is drying up.

    They have redesigned the stamps so it is harder to get them off without them breaking up.
    That's why he stopped steaming them off and started cutting them out, leaving the backing on.
  • the other one that grates me and is probably quite common is you all meet up for a night out, the usual meeting place/1st stop is a pub of some kind for arguments sake its a wetherspoons, hell always get 1st round as everyone will be on a pint, fast forward 4 hours then when someone elses rounds its oh ill have a double spirit and mixer.
  • It's not strictly 'tight fisted' but was my silliest argument ever over money. I bought a return ticket from Blackheath to London many years ago. In the evening, I returned to Ladywell in the evening to meet a friend for a beer. I never crossed my mind that I should pay an excess fare Lewisham as I was on a different line. Sure enough, I got stopped at the barrier and told that I needed to pay an excess fare. I apologised and offered the extra 2p or whatever it was at that time. But, the officious guy at the exit (there were no barriers then) told me that I was guilty of defrauding British Rail and that I would be arrested. I was held by 3 staff while the police were called. The policeman eventually turned up and had a word with the over-officious ticket man. The policeman came over to me and said that I had refused to pay the excess fare. I said that was nonsense and had offered to pay it more than once. The policeman then explained that the bloke was a pain in the backside and regularly called the police for no reason. I was told to leave. As I wandered off belatedly to the pub, I realised that I still hadn't paid the 2p excess fare. I am not sure I have been back to Ladywell Station since.
  • Have also dealt with a manager at work who I'm reliably informed asked a restaurant at the end of an expensed meal for a calculator to take 2% off their service charge as they "only deserved 8%, not 10%".

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  • Carter said:

    I've had bosses in the past that have questioned mileage expenses after they've found time to research my journey on Google they have asked why I booked say 200 miles when Google said I could do a particular journey in 190 miles. 28p a mile we get so that's less than the price of a coffee, a beer, a MacDonalds the list goes on. This has always been batted back with a response, a pretty unpleasant one from me asking if they genuinely think I'm that hard up I need to fiddle less than 3 quid.

    I have a couple of mates who are fuckers when it comes to buying a round which gets up my nose and some friends of me and my wife need physically separating from their cash when we split a bill on say my credit card it will be weeks before I see their share.

    When I used to bring a newspaper into work to read at lunch or on the shitter one bloke was always swiping it or taking it to the photocopier in the yard to run off copies and read at home.

    I stayed at a digs when working in Leeds and the bloke who ran the place was a weird sod anyway, he asked if I wanted to watch the football on sky whatever the game was on the Sunday and I said I did thinking he was going to direct me to the nearest place that showed it instead he asked if I wanted to watch it on the tv with him and his family in the front room which I agreed to. He asked me to go and get some beers in, which I did, he took them off me when I got back and put them in the fridge (more on this in a bit) bearing in mind I was staying at this place by myself and wasn't bothered about making friends or drinking on my own on a Sunday I wandered down to the front room and saw the rest of the family (him, his wife and two very unusual looking kids) all sat on the sofas and armchairs and he went and got me a plastic garden chair. The tv wasn't on and kick off was upon us so I asked if he knew the gane was about to start and he abdrubtly said he knew so I sat my arse down and looked awkwardly round the room. Now this was about 2000 so over a decade before I owned a nice, convenient, distraction device like a smartphone, So I watched him look at his watch then switch the tv on, at the plug and we got the game. Half time came along and he walked over to the plug again and switched the whole lot off! 15 minutes later he got up and switched it all on, by this time I'd got him to go and get me three beers from his fridge out of the half dozen that I'd brought, he hadn't had any and I'd fucking had enough of waiting in silence to become another victim of a Yorkshire based serial killer so I thanked him for his hospitality and fucked off out on my own to watch the second half in Leeds high street.

    As always when I got back the silly prick had locked the door from the inside (This would have been about 8pm) so I had to ring the bell, an actual metal bell for him to eventually come and turn the deadlock to let me in.

    This was the end of the first week of me working up there and being plenty of places to stay I decided enough was enough and I'd check out first thing in the morning and find myself somewhere else to stop.

    I appreciate I've gone the log way around doing this.

    I was presented with a bill that included charges for electricity used whilst I was there (he heard me watch the tv in the morning getting ready for work) a charge for daily servicing of the room (What every hotel and b&b on the planet do as part of the charge) and a charge for, this is the gem. Night porterage for ringing the bell every night to get in after 6pm because he'd deadlocked the door and best of all. He charged me for the beers I'd bought because he'd put them in his fridge the cheeky fucker!

    The night porterage charge was minute in case anyone cares. I told him not to be silly and that I wouldn't be paying all of that but paid for the room and breakfast.

    He sent a small claims letter to my employers chasing a final payment of an unsettled bill from one of their finest for......

    £3.53 and he'd itemized the lot! My boss at the time laughed his bollocks off and never let his counterpart in Yorkshire forget about it and how amazingly tight Yorkshiremen are. My boss told me to pay it and he'd give me 2 hours overtime gratis which I gladly accepted.

    Phoned up to pay the old bastard by card.... Nope need to send a cheque!

    He never did get his £3.53 and he sent some letters and I assume is still posting them to the address of the old yard which is now a housing estate and school

    Oh how this brought back memories of my days working all over the uk in the 70's and 80's having to stay in B&B's before the likes of travelodge etc were invented lol
    Bit of a shame in a way, a lot more character in B&Bs etc.

    Must admit I like knowing a Premier Inn will be cheap and still be clean, have hot water, decent sheets etc though!
  • The 'tight fisted beer monkey' has to be one of the worst!

    You know the sort. Happily join in a round, but conveniently go 'MIA' when it's their shout!

    The shame of it! You know who you are!!

    {Roun.da.phobic} Someone who is never there when their round comes around
  • The Brother in Law Chronicles - Volume 1

    My BIL is the tightest fucker on the planet bar none - cannot stand the big nosed prick.

    The only saving grace he had was his missus, she was a real girl next door type who had a real natural sexiness about her

    I can’t be the only one reading this scratching my head thinking “isn’t that your sister?”
    Er, no. His brother in law is his wife's brother - and the brother had a wife. So relation at all. The thing I was going to ask was ..........would ya or even, did ya ??
  • Well I misread that title.
  • On a slightly different topic & maybe should be a thread of its own..........tipping - and by this I specifically mean barbers / hair salons or whatever they're called nowdays. I still feel guilty if I don't tip the women at my local barbers but at £12 I feel this is a fair enough amount to pay. Am I a tight-wad not to tip them or is tipping barbers now old-fashioned. The establishment in question is owned by the lady & so its her business & she sets the prices. I don't mind tipping waiters/waitresses as they are on minimal wages & any tip I leave is commensurate with the service I feel they've given. Same goes for any pizza / fast food deliveries but for someone who's business it is I just think its now outdated.
  • The 'tight fisted beer monkey' has to be one of the worst!

    You know the sort. Happily join in a round, but conveniently go 'MIA' when it's their shout!

    The shame of it! You know who you are!!

    {Roun.da.phobic} Someone who is never there when their round comes around

    They are usually very thick skinned too.

    We have an occasional one in our Friday drinking crew. On one particularly bad occasion one of my mates said to him -

    “I don’t know what it is that you’re saving up for, but it mustn’t half be fucking good?!?”

    ....he didn’t bat an eyelid.
  • Never had an issue with the round avoiders just as I never have and issue with the I got the last round in last time. if I want a drink I won't bother about whose round it is I'll just get one and ask anyone else if they want one.

    I almost drew the line when a well known poster on here wanted a Kir (white wine and creme de cassis).

    However, when a group come to settle a drinks bill at the end of the evening I absolutely hate the I only had this, he had a double, I only had one glass out of the bottle, I was on water brigade. You're out with a group of friends/colleagues just split the bill however many ways. I actually find it embarrassing.

    This has happened I n the last two years with our Christmas meal at work. I've just handed over my credit card and said pay me back whatever when I see you next. Needless the say, only the same few have given me a donation (one was a bottle of Rum, so well happy) and a thank you, but most haven't even bothered with the latter. I wouldn't normally mind but it was £372 this year.

    They probably think I claim it back on expenses - if only.
  • the only time i don't mind people not contributing is even recently went out for a meal with 2 other couples, one of them wasn't drinking and only had a main and a desert the rest of us had main starter and a couple of bottles of wine aswell as beers etc. so at the end of the meal we added hers up added service on top and then split the bill the other 5 of us.
  • Has no one ever used the phrase "It's your round, get them in"?

    And @addickted we were in France and I bought you and @Imissthepeanutman a Kir each as you'd never had one before. Should have known it would be wasted on you.

    PS who paid for the dodgems that night? Still makes me laugh.
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