Cor, fucking hell, been waiting years for a thread like this!
Currently under the cosh at work but have a couple of crackers regarding my detested brother-in-law who has to be the tightest bloke on the planet by a country mile.
One of them involves a lesbian encounter and lingerie, so stay tuned.
I think the op means tight fisted in the don't like spending money sense
Remember when I was at Orpington College in mid 90s going on a week away field trip to Port Talbot in darkest south Wales. Spent a week knocking about with the same crowd and had a right laugh. End of the week got the 7 hour (or whatever it was) coach back to the college absolutely cream crackered and laden with a week's luggage and week's worth of hangover so didn't fancy the walk back to mine at other end of Orpington on a Friday night.
Wanted to phone home for a lift and it being the days before mobiles had to use a payphone. Rooted through pockets and literally only had 5p left and the call cost 10p back then.
At this point was just me and one of the lads who was supposedly a pal after that week and having been pally at college with him before the trip and he was waiting for his parents to pick him up. I asked him if he could lend me 10p to make a call and that I would give him the 5p I had so effectively he'd only be lending me 5p until I saw him Monday and I'd repay the difference.
He refused bluntly stating he'd be 5p out of pocket until then and was having none of it. His mum turned up at that point and he bid me a cheery "See ya Monday mate" as he got in the nice warm motor leaving my feeble 16 year old frame to lug my bags all the way home in the sodden rain through the gauntlet of Friday night Orpington high street at kicking out time.
Still recall the act of utter tighness regularly over 20 plus years later.
Prick.
Hope you managed to get the twat back in some way.
Yep. His mum came back and met me after dropping Timmy Tightbollocks off at home counting his pennies*
So, having married a woman who I fancied the arse off – to be clear to @AFKABartram and @Carter this woman is not my fucking sister! - my BIL then proceeds to make her life a misery for the next 15 years.
His tightness – despite the fact he was now earning $200,000 per year – was showing no signs of easing up and was actually getting worse.
To give you an idea of his tightness – remembering the bloke is in the top 5% of wage earners in the country - he.....
• Refused to send his kids to the Catholic school because it cost a whopping $1,500/year in fees – choosing instead to send them to the local sink-hole state school where they both struggled
• Refused to let his missus have the third child she had always wanted because, “These kids already cost me a fortune.”
• Banned all family activities like going to the movies or tenpin bowling: “I can download movies off the net for free.”
• Did not take a single holiday away from home for 15 years: “We’ve already got great beaches only an hour’s drive away.”
• Would ask guests to “bring your own meat” when hosting a family BBQ – this is considered very rude in Oz as I imagine it is in the UK.
• Gave his missus the same present for every Christmas and birthday – a $50 gift card for Myer (like Debenhams)
….anyway after about 15 years of pure misery his missus – who bore an uncanny resemblance to Reece Witherspoon – was getting sick of him and regularly complaining to my missus about what an arsehole he was.
Then things got interesting, very interesting indeed.
They met a lesbian couple through their kids school and began hanging out together regularly and then my BIL got posted out to India to work away from home in 3-4 week blocks, which his missus was over the moon about.
We live in a relatively small town and a lot of people knew my SIL and would mention to me that they had seen her out having coffee or lunch with one of these lesbian girls, let’s call her Karen.
Now, being a suspicious fucker and an absolute sexual deviant my imagination starts running wild and I start getting the feeling that my SIL may well be indulging in a spot of carpet munching with Karen who, upon further investigation, it turned out had actually “turned” her last three partners from straight relationships.
I shared my suspicions with my missus and she called me a “filthy pervert” but I just KNEW something was not quite right, sometimes you can just tell.
Anyway a couple of weeks later the marriage breaks up, my SIL moves out with the kids to her Mum’s place saying she doesn’t love him any longer etc….I was happier than Karl Robinson at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
The lesbian couple then moved to Sydney as Karen had to be close to her two kids from a previous relationship, although her partner, let’s call her Kate, was actually working as a lawyer in Qatar so only came back to Sydney once every couple of months.
My BIL and SIL agreed to share their two kids 50-50 on a week-on, week-off basis but he noticed that the kids would tell him nothing about what they did when they were with my SIL – she had obviously told them to keep schtum about what she was up to.
What he DID notice was that it was really hard to contact my SIL on her ‘off’ weekends, she was frequently un-contactable and her family would always be evasive when he asked them where she was, he would often need to contact her about kids medical stuff etc.
Now, I had already made my position quite clear that there was clearly some serious lesbianic activity taking place between my SIL and Karen but nobody was buying it – until suddenly, on a Tuesday fucking morning of all times, the penny dropped in spectacular fashion.
He got woken up early by a banging on the front door, he opens it up to find a tearful Kate (whose Mum lived nearby) clutching a sheaf of papers and saying, “It’s time you knew the truth…..”
She comes indoors and says that, yes, the SIL and Karen, have been having an affair for OVER A YEAR!!! The papers she had were all emails, love letters etc that she had found on Karen’s email account which she had logged into from Qatar having guessed the password.
She was naturally furious but he was apparently somewhat nonplussed since she had sacked him off a couple of months ago anyway and there was nothing he could really do about it – that’s when fate took another hilarious twist.
As he is talking to Kate the postman turns up so he goes and picks up the mail and his credit card statement is there, being the tightest fucker on the planet he is the sort of bloke that immediately pores over every line of it trying to dispute something that he can claim he has been wrongly charged for.
So, as Kate the wronged lesbian is pouring her heart out about the great betrayal they have both suffered he is engrossed in his fucking credit card statement…and then he sees it….
June 30th – Victoria’s Secret Sydney Airport - $299
….and the penny fucking drops!
Having covered her tracks very nicely indeed his ex-missus has obviously fucked up and bought some very nice lingerie at the airport on her way to see her feminine paramour but has mistakenly put it on their joint-account credit card (which they still used for joint kid-related expenses) rather than her own card.
Well, as you can imagine, he hit the fucking roof and started ranting and raving at the kitchen table about what a fucking bitch she was, how he could never forgive her for betraying him and so on – but he was only bothered about the $300 lingerie on the credit card, he was completely oblivious to the adultery part!
So, he gets on the phone to my SIL – first time they’d spoken in months, everything was by text – and starts giving her dogs abuse about the lingerie and how she’d better pay him the money back or she’d be getting a call from his lawyer and, if necessary, he'd call the fucking old bill!!!
The funniest thing about it is that he relayed all this to my missus completely deadpan, he was genuinely more gutted about the $300 lingerie on his credit card than by the fact his missus had been having it away with a woman for a year in an affair which had basically ended their marriage and broken their family up.
I’d like to say it was unbelievable but I was not remotely surprised by his reaction!
Of course, I was left with a far bigger problem, I already fancied the arse off my SIL when she was just the girl-next-door sweet and innocent type, I now have to try and live my life knowing that this foxy little Reece Witherspoon look-a-like also conducts rampant and illicit lesbian activity whilst wearing $300 worth of Victoria’s Secret lingerie.
I haven’t been able to concentrate on a single thing since it happened.
I haven't been able to get this story out of my head all night. Did he get her to pay back the $300?
A few years back (around 2010), when I spent a while living at me mums, she decided to do a proper family Christmas and invited 13 members of the family over for the festive week.
All in all, we had a great time, but I think it’s at these times of spending more that 24 hours in other people’s company, you actually find out the people they really are and that goes for family an all.
My 2 cousins for example; one (Cousin A) a QC (now retired) and the other (Cousin B, who is widowed by fairly wealthy Swedish bloke and both as tight as a duck’s arsehole please find below some examples –
- Cousin A lecturing all of us on how you should always defrost things in the fridge as this keeps the fridge cooler, meaning the thermostat doesn’t kick in, saving electricity. (money, this had nothing to do with the environment.)
- After hearing that some of the left overs (plate scrapings), sometimes went to my dogs, Cousin A and B making sure they cleared EVERYTHING off their plates and, if they couldn’t, ramming it home to everyone that the tin foil wrapped food in the fridge is theirs and MUST NOT be given to the dogs. (after everyone left, my mum found about 2 tablespoons of spag bol scraping in a tin foil wrapped ramekin and that ain’t exaggerating, mum kept it to show me.) Nb: neither seem understand why people have dogs / pets. I assume this is because of the financials involved
- Cousin B going into orbit because my mum’s husband threw what he thought was an empty cheese wrapper in the bin, but there was actually the dirtiest, minutest bit of goats’ cheese in it, smeared with all the other cheeses and something you wouldn’t serve to guests. Nb: mum and her old man recycle everything, grow their own veg, compost the lot, so they ain’t exactly wasteful
- Due to the amount of people staying, Cousin A and B, with their two daughters, stayed with the farmers up the road in the digs where the pickers stay (all in immaculate condition). The farmers didn’t want to charge, but we dropped a few massive hints to my cousins that it may be nice to leave them a couple of euro on the side (something that most people would do without a second thought), no dough left.
We do laugh about it, but it actually makes my blood boil when people who can actually afford to not be so frugal are, when there are others genuinely just about surviving on the bones of their arses.
So, having married a woman who I fancied the arse off – to be clear to @AFKABartram and @Carter this woman is not my fucking sister! - my BIL then proceeds to make her life a misery for the next 15 years.
His tightness – despite the fact he was now earning $200,000 per year – was showing no signs of easing up and was actually getting worse.
To give you an idea of his tightness – remembering the bloke is in the top 5% of wage earners in the country - he.....
• Refused to send his kids to the Catholic school because it cost a whopping $1,500/year in fees – choosing instead to send them to the local sink-hole state school where they both struggled
• Refused to let his missus have the third child she had always wanted because, “These kids already cost me a fortune.”
• Banned all family activities like going to the movies or tenpin bowling: “I can download movies off the net for free.”
• Did not take a single holiday away from home for 15 years: “We’ve already got great beaches only an hour’s drive away.”
• Would ask guests to “bring your own meat” when hosting a family BBQ – this is considered very rude in Oz as I imagine it is in the UK.
• Gave his missus the same present for every Christmas and birthday – a $50 gift card for Myer (like Debenhams)
….anyway after about 15 years of pure misery his missus – who bore an uncanny resemblance to Reece Witherspoon – was getting sick of him and regularly complaining to my missus about what an arsehole he was.
Then things got interesting, very interesting indeed.
They met a lesbian couple through their kids school and began hanging out together regularly and then my BIL got posted out to India to work away from home in 3-4 week blocks, which his missus was over the moon about.
We live in a relatively small town and a lot of people knew my SIL and would mention to me that they had seen her out having coffee or lunch with one of these lesbian girls, let’s call her Karen.
Now, being a suspicious fucker and an absolute sexual deviant my imagination starts running wild and I start getting the feeling that my SIL may well be indulging in a spot of carpet munching with Karen who, upon further investigation, it turned out had actually “turned” her last three partners from straight relationships.
I shared my suspicions with my missus and she called me a “filthy pervert” but I just KNEW something was not quite right, sometimes you can just tell.
Anyway a couple of weeks later the marriage breaks up, my SIL moves out with the kids to her Mum’s place saying she doesn’t love him any longer etc….I was happier than Karl Robinson at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
The lesbian couple then moved to Sydney as Karen had to be close to her two kids from a previous relationship, although her partner, let’s call her Kate, was actually working as a lawyer in Qatar so only came back to Sydney once every couple of months.
My BIL and SIL agreed to share their two kids 50-50 on a week-on, week-off basis but he noticed that the kids would tell him nothing about what they did when they were with my SIL – she had obviously told them to keep schtum about what she was up to.
What he DID notice was that it was really hard to contact my SIL on her ‘off’ weekends, she was frequently un-contactable and her family would always be evasive when he asked them where she was, he would often need to contact her about kids medical stuff etc.
Now, I had already made my position quite clear that there was clearly some serious lesbianic activity taking place between my SIL and Karen but nobody was buying it – until suddenly, on a Tuesday fucking morning of all times, the penny dropped in spectacular fashion.
He got woken up early by a banging on the front door, he opens it up to find a tearful Kate (whose Mum lived nearby) clutching a sheaf of papers and saying, “It’s time you knew the truth…..”
She comes indoors and says that, yes, the SIL and Karen, have been having an affair for OVER A YEAR!!! The papers she had were all emails, love letters etc that she had found on Karen’s email account which she had logged into from Qatar having guessed the password.
She was naturally furious but he was apparently somewhat nonplussed since she had sacked him off a couple of months ago anyway and there was nothing he could really do about it – that’s when fate took another hilarious twist.
As he is talking to Kate the postman turns up so he goes and picks up the mail and his credit card statement is there, being the tightest fucker on the planet he is the sort of bloke that immediately pores over every line of it trying to dispute something that he can claim he has been wrongly charged for.
So, as Kate the wronged lesbian is pouring her heart out about the great betrayal they have both suffered he is engrossed in his fucking credit card statement…and then he sees it….
June 30th – Victoria’s Secret Sydney Airport - $299
….and the penny fucking drops!
Having covered her tracks very nicely indeed his ex-missus has obviously fucked up and bought some very nice lingerie at the airport on her way to see her feminine paramour but has mistakenly put it on their joint-account credit card (which they still used for joint kid-related expenses) rather than her own card.
Well, as you can imagine, he hit the fucking roof and started ranting and raving at the kitchen table about what a fucking bitch she was, how he could never forgive her for betraying him and so on – but he was only bothered about the $300 lingerie on the credit card, he was completely oblivious to the adultery part!
So, he gets on the phone to my SIL – first time they’d spoken in months, everything was by text – and starts giving her dogs abuse about the lingerie and how she’d better pay him the money back or she’d be getting a call from his lawyer and, if necessary, he'd call the fucking old bill!!!
The funniest thing about it is that he relayed all this to my missus completely deadpan, he was genuinely more gutted about the $300 lingerie on his credit card than by the fact his missus had been having it away with a woman for a year in an affair which had basically ended their marriage and broken their family up.
I’d like to say it was unbelievable but I was not remotely surprised by his reaction!
Of course, I was left with a far bigger problem, I already fancied the arse off my SIL when she was just the girl-next-door sweet and innocent type, I now have to try and live my life knowing that this foxy little Reece Witherspoon look-a-like also conducts rampant and illicit lesbian activity whilst wearing $300 worth of Victoria’s Secret lingerie.
I haven’t been able to concentrate on a single thing since it happened.
I haven't been able to get this story out of my head all night. Did he get her to pay back the $300?
When I did my old job which I absolutely loved, it would involve working as a gang in various parts of the country
Without fail it was the poorest and most deprived areas we would be looked after for tea, biscuits sometimes sandwiches and also to use their toilets. When you worked in the wealthier areas you'd be lucky to get a "hello" let alone any sort of beverage
Occasionally this was different, we worked at place right put in the wilds of Faversham where we were all given some freshly shot dead animals. I gave mine to a bloke in the pub, What the fuck was I meant to do with a baby Deer in a plastic bag?! I appreciated the thought though
Once replaced four coal burning stoves with nice shiny new multi fuel Rayburns to a lovely terrace of houses just outside Hawkhurst.
Within 12 months, the coppice on the other side of the road had disappeared off the face of the earth. It had gone from a lovely little wood full of wildlife, flora and fauna to the a scene reminiscent of The Somme in 1918.
Road kill around the area also seemed to disappear off the roads as well thinking about it.
So, having married a woman who I fancied the arse off – to be clear to @AFKABartram and @Carter this woman is not my fucking sister! - my BIL then proceeds to make her life a misery for the next 15 years.
His tightness – despite the fact he was now earning $200,000 per year – was showing no signs of easing up and was actually getting worse.
To give you an idea of his tightness – remembering the bloke is in the top 5% of wage earners in the country - he.....
• Refused to send his kids to the Catholic school because it cost a whopping $1,500/year in fees – choosing instead to send them to the local sink-hole state school where they both struggled
• Refused to let his missus have the third child she had always wanted because, “These kids already cost me a fortune.”
• Banned all family activities like going to the movies or tenpin bowling: “I can download movies off the net for free.”
• Did not take a single holiday away from home for 15 years: “We’ve already got great beaches only an hour’s drive away.”
• Would ask guests to “bring your own meat” when hosting a family BBQ – this is considered very rude in Oz as I imagine it is in the UK.
• Gave his missus the same present for every Christmas and birthday – a $50 gift card for Myer (like Debenhams)
….anyway after about 15 years of pure misery his missus – who bore an uncanny resemblance to Reece Witherspoon – was getting sick of him and regularly complaining to my missus about what an arsehole he was.
Then things got interesting, very interesting indeed.
They met a lesbian couple through their kids school and began hanging out together regularly and then my BIL got posted out to India to work away from home in 3-4 week blocks, which his missus was over the moon about.
We live in a relatively small town and a lot of people knew my SIL and would mention to me that they had seen her out having coffee or lunch with one of these lesbian girls, let’s call her Karen.
Now, being a suspicious fucker and an absolute sexual deviant my imagination starts running wild and I start getting the feeling that my SIL may well be indulging in a spot of carpet munching with Karen who, upon further investigation, it turned out had actually “turned” her last three partners from straight relationships.
I shared my suspicions with my missus and she called me a “filthy pervert” but I just KNEW something was not quite right, sometimes you can just tell.
Anyway a couple of weeks later the marriage breaks up, my SIL moves out with the kids to her Mum’s place saying she doesn’t love him any longer etc….I was happier than Karl Robinson at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
The lesbian couple then moved to Sydney as Karen had to be close to her two kids from a previous relationship, although her partner, let’s call her Kate, was actually working as a lawyer in Qatar so only came back to Sydney once every couple of months.
My BIL and SIL agreed to share their two kids 50-50 on a week-on, week-off basis but he noticed that the kids would tell him nothing about what they did when they were with my SIL – she had obviously told them to keep schtum about what she was up to.
What he DID notice was that it was really hard to contact my SIL on her ‘off’ weekends, she was frequently un-contactable and her family would always be evasive when he asked them where she was, he would often need to contact her about kids medical stuff etc.
Now, I had already made my position quite clear that there was clearly some serious lesbianic activity taking place between my SIL and Karen but nobody was buying it – until suddenly, on a Tuesday fucking morning of all times, the penny dropped in spectacular fashion.
He got woken up early by a banging on the front door, he opens it up to find a tearful Kate (whose Mum lived nearby) clutching a sheaf of papers and saying, “It’s time you knew the truth…..”
She comes indoors and says that, yes, the SIL and Karen, have been having an affair for OVER A YEAR!!! The papers she had were all emails, love letters etc that she had found on Karen’s email account which she had logged into from Qatar having guessed the password.
She was naturally furious but he was apparently somewhat nonplussed since she had sacked him off a couple of months ago anyway and there was nothing he could really do about it – that’s when fate took another hilarious twist.
As he is talking to Kate the postman turns up so he goes and picks up the mail and his credit card statement is there, being the tightest fucker on the planet he is the sort of bloke that immediately pores over every line of it trying to dispute something that he can claim he has been wrongly charged for.
So, as Kate the wronged lesbian is pouring her heart out about the great betrayal they have both suffered he is engrossed in his fucking credit card statement…and then he sees it….
June 30th – Victoria’s Secret Sydney Airport - $299
….and the penny fucking drops!
Having covered her tracks very nicely indeed his ex-missus has obviously fucked up and bought some very nice lingerie at the airport on her way to see her feminine paramour but has mistakenly put it on their joint-account credit card (which they still used for joint kid-related expenses) rather than her own card.
Well, as you can imagine, he hit the fucking roof and started ranting and raving at the kitchen table about what a fucking bitch she was, how he could never forgive her for betraying him and so on – but he was only bothered about the $300 lingerie on the credit card, he was completely oblivious to the adultery part!
So, he gets on the phone to my SIL – first time they’d spoken in months, everything was by text – and starts giving her dogs abuse about the lingerie and how she’d better pay him the money back or she’d be getting a call from his lawyer and, if necessary, he'd call the fucking old bill!!!
The funniest thing about it is that he relayed all this to my missus completely deadpan, he was genuinely more gutted about the $300 lingerie on his credit card than by the fact his missus had been having it away with a woman for a year in an affair which had basically ended their marriage and broken their family up.
I’d like to say it was unbelievable but I was not remotely surprised by his reaction!
Of course, I was left with a far bigger problem, I already fancied the arse off my SIL when she was just the girl-next-door sweet and innocent type, I now have to try and live my life knowing that this foxy little Reece Witherspoon look-a-like also conducts rampant and illicit lesbian activity whilst wearing $300 worth of Victoria’s Secret lingerie.
I haven’t been able to concentrate on a single thing since it happened.
I haven't been able to get this story out of my head all night. Did he get her to pay back the $300?
I'm just wondering if there are any photos of these ladies for us to conduct our own ....ahem...research
My old man has recently bought a rectangular piece of plastic to put his office chair on in his home office as he is worried about wearing out the carpet. The worst bit, it's the same carpet that was in that room when they bought the house 11 years ago.
My old man has recently bought a rectangular piece of plastic to put his office chair on in his home office as he is worried about wearing out the carpet. The worst bit, it's the same carpet that was in that room when they bought the house 11 years ago.
My ex B-i-Law was notorious for scamming drinks off us and never getting one back. He is life's biggest blagger. He'd say that he was a bit skint so they'd stick in their own round but would suddenly appear at the bar when you are shouting a round and, of course, you end up buying him one and it was always the imported most expensive drink on the shelf. You'd spend the night coming back and looking at each other and shrug saying yep, he's done me again.
Biggest knocker of all time and I could write loads and loads.
But It all came on top though when he came a cropper for trying his biggest blag. He got 3.5 years for trying to knock the VAT man.
My ex BiL was notorious for scamming drinks off us and never getting one back. He is life's biggest blagger. He'd say that he was a bit skint so they'd stick in their own round but would suddenly appear at the bar when you are shouting a round and, of course, you end up buying him one and it was always the imported most expensive drink on the shelf. You'd spend the night coming back and looking at each other and shrug saying yep, he's done me again.
Biggest knocker of all time and I could write loads and loads.
But It all came on top though when he came a cropper for trying his biggest blag. He got 3.5 years for trying to knock the VAT man.
At least we didn't have to buy him a drink then.
reading quickly at work I read that as you talking about your ex, Bill. had to do a little double take
I dont mind when a pal is in need and have shouted drinks for this kind of things many times. It's funny how what curbit says is true, there are some that make themselves strangely scarce when its their turn to buy the round, and when they are bought drinks they always have the most expensive lager. Silly thing to do in a group of 'mates' as you will soon find the invites out become very scarce..
I dont mind when a pal is in need and have shouted drinks for this kind of things many times. It's funny how what curbit says is true, there are some that make themselves strangely scarce when its their turn to buy the round, and when they are bought drinks they always have the most expensive lager. Silly thing to do in a group of 'mates' as you will soon find the invites out become very scarce..
Yes of course, a friend in need and all that. Many times. But this whopper took the biscuit.
When we were staying at their house once, we had helped ourselves to a glass of their cheapo wine each before we went to bed after the pub. They made us pay for the wine before we left the following morning. I had to borrow the 8 quid off my dad because I didn't have any cash and Ian had walked out in disgust and was sat waiting in the car.
Still cringe at that one.
I'm having horrors about actually typing this in case you know... ever gets spotted. Please don't quote this as I may well delete later.
My ex B-i-Law was notorious for scamming drinks off us and never getting one back. He is life's biggest blagger. He'd say that he was a bit skint so they'd stick in their own round but would suddenly appear at the bar when you are shouting a round and, of course, you end up buying him one and it was always the imported most expensive drink on the shelf. You'd spend the night coming back and looking at each other and shrug saying yep, he's done me again.
Biggest knocker of all time and I could write loads and loads.
But It all came on top though when he came a cropper for trying his biggest blag. He got 3.5 years for trying to knock the VAT man.
Once knew a bloke who used to sit and straighten bent nails. Not the odd one that gets bent doing a job but actually a bag of rusty odd bent nails that he bought at a boot fair.
Who the fecking hell sells bent nails and who would buy them. Strange people about.
Once knew a bloke who used to sit and straighten bent nails. Not the odd one that gets bent doing a job but actually a bag of rusty odd bent nails that he bought at a boot fair.
Who the fecking hell sells bent nails and who would buy them. Strange people about.
I dont mind when a pal is in need and have shouted drinks for this kind of things many times. It's funny how what curbit says is true, there are some that make themselves strangely scarce when its their turn to buy the round, and when they are bought drinks they always have the most expensive lager. Silly thing to do in a group of 'mates' as you will soon find the invites out become very scarce..
Yes of course, a friend in need and all that. Many times. But this whopper took the biscuit.
When we were staying at their house once, we had helped ourselves to a glass of their cheapo wine each before we went to bed after the pub. They made us pay for the wine before we left the following morning. I had to borrow the 8 quid off my dad because I didn't have any cash and Ian had walked out in disgust and was sat waiting in the car.
Still cringe at that one.
I'm having horrors about actually typing this in case you know... ever gets spotted. Please don't quote this as I may well delete later.
Fucking Hell!
That would see him sent straight to the fucking deep freeze for life if he did that to me.
I dont mind when a pal is in need and have shouted drinks for this kind of things many times. It's funny how what curbit says is true, there are some that make themselves strangely scarce when its their turn to buy the round, and when they are bought drinks they always have the most expensive lager. Silly thing to do in a group of 'mates' as you will soon find the invites out become very scarce..
Yes of course, a friend in need and all that. Many times. But this whopper took the biscuit.
When we were staying at their house once, we had helped ourselves to a glass of their cheapo wine each before we went to bed after the pub. They made us pay for the wine before we left the following morning. I had to borrow the 8 quid off my dad because I didn't have any cash and Ian had walked out in disgust and was sat waiting in the car.
Still cringe at that one.
I'm having horrors about actually typing this in case you know... ever gets spotted. Please don't quote this as I may well delete later.
Is £8 A cheap bottle of wine. The wife likes a drop of lambrusco that's only about £3
Yes Ormiston. We had only been courting for about 7 months so Ian was still on good behaviour. I never got him back up there to stay with them again. We booked our own accommodation up there after that.
Lots more stories to tell on that one before he went down. He’s actually my favourite subject. The absolute big c....
Comments
All in all, we had a great time, but I think it’s at these times of spending more that 24 hours in other people’s company, you actually find out the people they really are and that goes for family an all.
My 2 cousins for example; one (Cousin A) a QC (now retired) and the other (Cousin B, who is widowed by fairly wealthy Swedish bloke and both as tight as a duck’s arsehole please find below some examples –
- Cousin A lecturing all of us on how you should always defrost things in the fridge as this keeps the fridge cooler, meaning the thermostat doesn’t kick in, saving electricity. (money, this had nothing to do with the environment.)
- After hearing that some of the left overs (plate scrapings), sometimes went to my dogs, Cousin A and B making sure they cleared EVERYTHING off their plates and, if they couldn’t, ramming it home to everyone that the tin foil wrapped food in the fridge is theirs and MUST NOT be given to the dogs. (after everyone left, my mum found about 2 tablespoons of spag bol scraping in a tin foil wrapped ramekin and that ain’t exaggerating, mum kept it to show me.) Nb: neither seem understand why people have dogs / pets. I assume this is because of the financials involved
- Cousin B going into orbit because my mum’s husband threw what he thought was an empty cheese wrapper in the bin, but there was actually the dirtiest, minutest bit of goats’ cheese in it, smeared with all the other cheeses and something you wouldn’t serve to guests. Nb: mum and her old man recycle everything, grow their own veg, compost the lot, so they ain’t exactly wasteful
- Due to the amount of people staying, Cousin A and B, with their two daughters, stayed with the farmers up the road in the digs where the pickers stay (all in immaculate condition). The farmers didn’t want to charge, but we dropped a few massive hints to my cousins that it may be nice to leave them a couple of euro on the side (something that most people would do without a second thought), no dough left.
We do laugh about it, but it actually makes my blood boil when people who can actually afford to not be so frugal are, when there are others genuinely just about surviving on the bones of their arses.
Without fail it was the poorest and most deprived areas we would be looked after for tea, biscuits sometimes sandwiches and also to use their toilets. When you worked in the wealthier areas you'd be lucky to get a "hello" let alone any sort of beverage
Occasionally this was different, we worked at place right put in the wilds of Faversham where we were all given some freshly shot dead animals. I gave mine to a bloke in the pub, What the fuck was I meant to do with a baby Deer in a plastic bag?! I appreciated the thought though
This line really made me laugh out loud !!!!
Within 12 months, the coppice on the other side of the road had disappeared off the face of the earth. It had gone from a lovely little wood full of wildlife, flora and fauna to the a scene reminiscent of The Somme in 1918.
Road kill around the area also seemed to disappear off the roads as well thinking about it.
Biggest knocker of all time and I could write loads and loads.
But It all came on top though when he came a cropper for trying his biggest blag. He got 3.5 years for trying to knock the VAT man.
At least we didn't have to buy him a drink then.
When we were staying at their house once, we had helped ourselves to a glass of their cheapo wine each before we went to bed after the pub. They made us pay for the wine before we left the following morning. I had to borrow the 8 quid off my dad because I didn't have any cash and Ian had walked out in disgust and was sat waiting in the car.
Still cringe at that one.
I'm having horrors about actually typing this in case you know... ever gets spotted. Please don't quote this as I may well delete later.
Who the fecking hell sells bent nails and who would buy them. Strange people about.
That would see him sent straight to the fucking deep freeze for life if he did that to me.
The wife likes a drop of lambrusco that's only about £3
Lots more stories to tell on that one before he went down. He’s actually my favourite subject. The absolute big c....
Your last two posts both have very suspect phrases. Are you doing it on purpose? ;0)
No!
Let me think of another. I could talk about this knob for hours.,