Always double up the toilet paper and maybe first few after a boozy one or lively curry triple up quadruple up , you just can’t afford for some seepage through the paper.
And as an insurance policy a quick sniff of hand to check it’s not gone through before you wash hands if you’re unsure
Henry the Eighth had an underling to wipe his arris, known as the Groom of the Kings Stool. Boris Johnson is bringing the role back for Prime Ministers. Here is one for you masterminds, what do you do about winets?
A rather disturbing post - just one minute between the declaration and the deed. Suggests a live action report which raises all sorts of uncomfortable feelings, not to mention keyboard contamination concerns.
Good thread, been waiting for a moment like this to get a few things off my chest.
First and foremost, I am a wipe snob, no dry tissues touches my cheeks, it's wet wipes or bust.
Secondly, I find it bizarre people sit down and wipe? So you either put your hand behind your back and wipe from balls to arse, this would require a slight hover over the toilet, or you can put your hand between legs while seated and wipe back to front. Either option just doesn't sound great and I think people who stand up are spot on. Get a good wipe and a good look at each piece of paper.
Thirdly anyone who went to toilet in school, you are clearly off your rocker. Risk of lights being switched off, people generally pranking you, always better to be safe and hold it for a few hours.
Lastly, and this one has been on my mind for a while now. I'm a relaxed s*****r. I'll have a little browse on my phone, take my time wiping, make sure there's no swamp arse and that. What's the rush? At my work I'll just hear blokes come in, drop one in and no exaggeration, I'll hear them roll off a couple of pieces or a really long strip, they will wipe for no more than 15/20 seconds and then flush. Off they go. What's all that about? Surely the job can't be done.
Bonus note, if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet, especially a number 2 you are an absolute wrong un, I let it slide when people don't wash their hands after a wiz but I've had to pull up one too many not washing after a shit, animals
I was informed by a doctor to not use wet wipes because they can lead to fissures. I often had a sore arse due to wet wipes . he informed me that some water on toilet tissue was a much better option. i sit down and wipe , in between legs back to front , quick butchers at the paper and away we go . once clean I’m not immune to a stand up wipe (I use mountains of toilet tissue because of my mushy shits , so I’m jealous of these punters who smash out a log couple of wipes and off they go) just to make sure I’m pristine clean
- One foot on side of bath. - 2 ply of wetwipe in hand. - Start at area, just between sack and start of crack. - Pull back. - Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe. - (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?
- One foot on side of bath. - 2 ply of wetwipe in hand. - Start at area, just between sack and start of crack. - Pull back. - Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe. - (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?
There's only 2 toilets on the planet that I use, unless I'm in a hotel in which case theres usually a bath, but any horizontal surface will suffice
- One foot on side of bath. - 2 ply of wetwipe in hand. - Start at area, just between sack and start of crack. - Pull back. - Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe. - (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?
- One foot on side of bath. - 2 ply of wetwipe in hand. - Start at area, just between sack and start of crack. - Pull back. - Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe. - (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?
I can only assume people that wipe back to front have really tiny genitals. How does it all not get in the way?
You are sitting on the bog. As a lefty I use my right hand to raise balls and cock. Left hand reaches under and wipes from back to front. No contorting your arms or twisting your back like standing up. No risk of a slippery one that’s skids up your back like when standing up.
I mentioned this on here a few years back but it seems fitting to include this bizarre story again here. Going back to the early 70’s, Les, a pal of mine, was out on the piss one night in Lewisham and ended up in The Rose of Lee. Anyway, he had a bad case of the shits and unfortunately had a severe accident as a consequence. He sheepishly made his way to the gents where he removed his severely distressed underpants. The next problem arose as where to put them......only one place, he stood up on the lav and popped them into the cistern. A week or two later he returned and deftly reaching into the cistern retrieved the offending pants......clean as a whistle! He rung them out, put them in his pocket and smugly took them home and, as the story goes, continued to wear them for many a day!
Did a bit of a survey on this a few years ago on a stag do.
Group of about twenty:
- 1 sitting scruncher. It was universally agreed that this bloke should be deported, from the UK and Planet Earth. 3 or 4 - standing scrunchers. Still quite wrong, if I recall correctly this group was made up mostly of Northerners.
From the remainder, it was a 60/40 split in favour of the standing folder over the sitting folder. After much debate, it was acknowledged that there can be more than one way to do something correctly. However, we also concluded that scrunchers would be well within their rights to sue their parents for dereliction of parental duty.
This is a superb thread. I can’t believe that in 18 years I’ve never wondered how Mr Tatters wipes. I’ve just asked if he stands up, scrunches or moves his balls. He has looked at me with utter disgust.
I can only assume people that wipe back to front have really tiny genitals. How does it all not get in the way?
You are sitting on the bog. As a lefty I use my right hand to raise balls and cock. Left hand reaches under and wipes from back to front. No contorting your arms or twisting your back like standing up. No risk of a slippery one that’s skids up your back like when standing up.
Comments
And as an insurance policy a quick sniff of hand to check it’s not gone through before you wash hands if you’re unsure
Boris Johnson is bringing the role back for Prime
Ministers.
Here is one for you masterminds, what do you do about winets?
First and foremost, I am a wipe snob, no dry tissues touches my cheeks, it's wet wipes or bust.
Secondly, I find it bizarre people sit down and wipe? So you either put your hand behind your back and wipe from balls to arse, this would require a slight hover over the toilet, or you can put your hand between legs while seated and wipe back to front. Either option just doesn't sound great and I think people who stand up are spot on. Get a good wipe and a good look at each piece of paper.
Thirdly anyone who went to toilet in school, you are clearly off your rocker. Risk of lights being switched off, people generally pranking you, always better to be safe and hold it for a few hours.
Lastly, and this one has been on my mind for a while now. I'm a relaxed s*****r. I'll have a little browse on my phone, take my time wiping, make sure there's no swamp arse and that. What's the rush? At my work I'll just hear blokes come in, drop one in and no exaggeration, I'll hear them roll off a couple of pieces or a really long strip, they will wipe for no more than 15/20 seconds and then flush. Off they go. What's all that about? Surely the job can't be done.
Bonus note, if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet, especially a number 2 you are an absolute wrong un, I let it slide when people don't wash their hands after a wiz but I've had to pull up one too many not washing after a shit, animals
I'm surprised how many people don't know how to wipe their arse and that at least one doesn't even bother !
I often had a sore arse due to wet wipes .
he informed me that some water on toilet tissue was a much better option.
i sit down and wipe , in between legs back to front , quick butchers at the paper and away we go .
once clean I’m not immune to a stand up wipe (I use mountains of toilet tissue because of my mushy shits , so I’m jealous of these punters who smash out a log couple of wipes and off they go) just to make sure I’m pristine clean
No contorting your arms or twisting your back like standing up. No risk of a slippery one that’s skids up your back like when standing up.
Going back to the early 70’s, Les, a pal of mine, was out on the piss one night in Lewisham and ended up in The Rose of Lee.
Anyway, he had a bad case of the shits and unfortunately had a severe accident as a consequence.
He sheepishly made his way to the gents where he removed his severely distressed underpants.
The next problem arose as where to put them......only one place, he stood up on the lav and popped them into the cistern.
A week or two later he returned and deftly reaching into the cistern retrieved the offending pants......clean as a whistle!
He rung them out, put them in his pocket and smugly took them home and, as the story goes, continued to wear them for many a day!
Group of about twenty:
- 1 sitting scruncher. It was universally agreed that this bloke should be deported, from the UK and Planet Earth.
3 or 4 - standing scrunchers. Still quite wrong, if I recall correctly this group was made up mostly of Northerners.
From the remainder, it was a 60/40 split in favour of the standing folder over the sitting folder. After much debate, it was acknowledged that there can be more than one way to do something correctly. However, we also concluded that scrunchers would be well within their rights to sue their parents for dereliction of parental duty.
Hope you're not into teabagging AT, that would be fraught with danger.