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Toilet Roll
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Always double up the toilet paper and maybe first few after a boozy one or lively curry triple up quadruple up , you just can’t afford for some seepage through the paper.
And as an insurance policy a quick sniff of hand to check it’s not gone through before you wash hands if you’re unsure7 -
Cheers.oohaahmortimer said:
Don’t think it’s possible unless you via YouTube itBaldybonce said:Can anyone explain to a technoknob how to get a video here from an iphone?0 -
Don’t even think about it!Baldybonce said:Can anyone explain to a technoknob how to get a video here from an iphone?10 -
Henry the Eighth had an underling to wipe his arris, known as the Groom of the Kings Stool.
Boris Johnson is bringing the role back for Prime
Ministers.
Here is one for you masterminds, what do you do about winets?
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A rather disturbing post - just one minute between the declaration and the deed. Suggests a live action report which raises all sorts of uncomfortable feelings, not to mention keyboard contamination concerns.smudge7946 said:
It's rather enjoyable and efficient.smudge7946 said:I'm going to experiment with a figure 8 wipe.1 -
Keyboard? Phone probably. You don't want to know the results they get when they swab people's phones...
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But which is the best luxury brand?0
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Plenty of people post when they are in the throne.aliwibble said:Keyboard? Phone probably. You don't want to know the results they get when they swab people's phones...
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Good thread, been waiting for a moment like this to get a few things off my chest.
First and foremost, I am a wipe snob, no dry tissues touches my cheeks, it's wet wipes or bust.
Secondly, I find it bizarre people sit down and wipe? So you either put your hand behind your back and wipe from balls to arse, this would require a slight hover over the toilet, or you can put your hand between legs while seated and wipe back to front. Either option just doesn't sound great and I think people who stand up are spot on. Get a good wipe and a good look at each piece of paper.
Thirdly anyone who went to toilet in school, you are clearly off your rocker. Risk of lights being switched off, people generally pranking you, always better to be safe and hold it for a few hours.
Lastly, and this one has been on my mind for a while now. I'm a relaxed s*****r. I'll have a little browse on my phone, take my time wiping, make sure there's no swamp arse and that. What's the rush? At my work I'll just hear blokes come in, drop one in and no exaggeration, I'll hear them roll off a couple of pieces or a really long strip, they will wipe for no more than 15/20 seconds and then flush. Off they go. What's all that about? Surely the job can't be done.
Bonus note, if you don't wash your hands after using the toilet, especially a number 2 you are an absolute wrong un, I let it slide when people don't wash their hands after a wiz but I've had to pull up one too many not washing after a shit, animals2 -
An enlightening thread.
I'm surprised how many people don't know how to wipe their arse and that at least one doesn't even bother !
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Comfortable arse win. 4 sheetshappyvalley said:Does anybody else use both sides of the paper?1 -
I was informed by a doctor to not use wet wipes because they can lead to fissures.
I often had a sore arse due to wet wipes .
he informed me that some water on toilet tissue was a much better option.
i sit down and wipe , in between legs back to front , quick butchers at the paper and away we go .
once clean I’m not immune to a stand up wipe (I use mountains of toilet tissue because of my mushy shits , so I’m jealous of these punters who smash out a log couple of wipes and off they go) just to make sure I’m pristine clean2 -
Mushy shits........haha. Quality.0
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So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?i_b_b_o_r_g said:Correct procedure is -
- One foot on side of bath.
- 2 ply of wetwipe in hand.
- Start at area, just between sack and start of crack.
- Pull back.
- Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe.
- (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.0 -
I can only assume people that wipe back to front have really tiny genitals. How does it all not get in the way?2
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There's only 2 toilets on the planet that I use, unless I'm in a hotel in which case theres usually a bath, but any horizontal surface will sufficeMartinCAFC said:
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?i_b_b_o_r_g said:Correct procedure is -
- One foot on side of bath.
- 2 ply of wetwipe in hand.
- Start at area, just between sack and start of crack.
- Pull back.
- Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe.
- (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.0 -
Bog seatMartinCAFC said:
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?i_b_b_o_r_g said:Correct procedure is -
- One foot on side of bath.
- 2 ply of wetwipe in hand.
- Start at area, just between sack and start of crack.
- Pull back.
- Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe.
- (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.0 -
Mirror, so he can look into it.SuedeAdidas said:
Bog seatMartinCAFC said:
So what do you do if you've got an emergency on and you have to use a public cubicle with no bath to put your foot on?i_b_b_o_r_g said:Correct procedure is -
- One foot on side of bath.
- 2 ply of wetwipe in hand.
- Start at area, just between sack and start of crack.
- Pull back.
- Repeat at least twice, or until no brown can be detected on wetwipe.
- (optional) "Bingo dab" dry the sphincter area using conventional dry toilet paper.
Anything other than the above is incorrect.0 -
Or wash hand basin if you wanna do a thorough deep clean0
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You are sitting on the bog. As a lefty I use my right hand to raise balls and cock. Left hand reaches under and wipes from back to front.ValleyGary said:I can only assume people that wipe back to front have really tiny genitals. How does it all not get in the way?
No contorting your arms or twisting your back like standing up. No risk of a slippery one that’s skids up your back like when standing up.3 - Sponsored links:
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So CL but wasn't pleasesmudge7946 said:0 -
I mentioned this on here a few years back but it seems fitting to include this bizarre story again here.
Going back to the early 70’s, Les, a pal of mine, was out on the piss one night in Lewisham and ended up in The Rose of Lee.
Anyway, he had a bad case of the shits and unfortunately had a severe accident as a consequence.
He sheepishly made his way to the gents where he removed his severely distressed underpants.
The next problem arose as where to put them......only one place, he stood up on the lav and popped them into the cistern.
A week or two later he returned and deftly reaching into the cistern retrieved the offending pants......clean as a whistle!
He rung them out, put them in his pocket and smugly took them home and, as the story goes, continued to wear them for many a day!
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Did a bit of a survey on this a few years ago on a stag do.
Group of about twenty:
- 1 sitting scruncher. It was universally agreed that this bloke should be deported, from the UK and Planet Earth.
3 or 4 - standing scrunchers. Still quite wrong, if I recall correctly this group was made up mostly of Northerners.
From the remainder, it was a 60/40 split in favour of the standing folder over the sitting folder. After much debate, it was acknowledged that there can be more than one way to do something correctly. However, we also concluded that scrunchers would be well within their rights to sue their parents for dereliction of parental duty.
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This is a superb thread. I can’t believe that in 18 years I’ve never wondered how Mr Tatters wipes. I’ve just asked if he stands up, scrunches or moves his balls. He has looked at me with utter disgust.13
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So from that, I'm guessing that he's a sitting folder who doesn't move his bollocks.Arsenetatters said:I’ve just asked if he stands up, scrunches or moves his balls. He has looked at me with utter disgust.
Hope you're not into teabagging AT, that would be fraught with danger.0 -
Use a bidet, heaven, and only two sheets to dry up0
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I haven’t heard of teabagging but my imagination is putting unpleasant images into my mind. I’ll ask MrTatters when he’s finished his sudoku.MrLargo said:
So from that, I'm guessing that he's a sitting folder who doesn't move his bollocks.Arsenetatters said:I’ve just asked if he stands up, scrunches or moves his balls. He has looked at me with utter disgust.
Hope you're not into teabagging AT, that would be fraught with danger.5 -
Please don't 😣Arsenetatters said:
I haven’t heard of teabagging but my imagination is putting unpleasant images into my mind. I’ll ask MrTatters when he’s finished his sudoku.MrLargo said:
So from that, I'm guessing that he's a sitting folder who doesn't move his bollocks.Arsenetatters said:I’ve just asked if he stands up, scrunches or moves his balls. He has looked at me with utter disgust.
Hope you're not into teabagging AT, that would be fraught with danger.0 -
Btw women should always wipe front to back to avoid infection in the noony.1
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Hope you wash your hands after!MrOneLung said:
You are sitting on the bog. As a lefty I use my right hand to raise balls and cock. Left hand reaches under and wipes from back to front.ValleyGary said:I can only assume people that wipe back to front have really tiny genitals. How does it all not get in the way?
No contorting your arms or twisting your back like standing up. No risk of a slippery one that’s skids up your back like when standing up.1
