Early morning disturbances

iamdan

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

ForeverAddickted

Ask if you can watch quietly in the corner!!

Addickted

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock one out or ask if I can join them?

soapy_jones

Just have a wank.

RodneyCharltonTrotta

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock one out and explain I can hear them?

I would

Macronate

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

If this does happen, can you let us know, word for word how that conversation goes. 

palarsehater

last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night 

Lincsaddick

get into their fridge and slip some bromide into the milk ((:>)

SuedeAdidas

palarsehater said:

last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night 

That's some kinky shit right there

bertpalmer

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

the best solution would be to move to get away from this embarrassing situation.










how much you want for your house,very interested

3blokes

I would suggest if it happens tonight, you should start singing Onward Christian Soldiers as loudly as you can. Keep it at an irregular beat so they can’t bang along to it because that is not what you’re hoping to achieve here. Give it a go and if the sound of you singing that at full pelt doesn’t kill the mood for them, then try How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?
Good luck 

EastStand

Play Celine Dion's greatest hits full blast and pop off out for an early morning stroll. 

Mendonca In Asdas

Play 'Into the valley' at full blast.

charltonkeston

One of my neighbours has had work going on in his back garden for the last 2 1/2 months 8 hours a day 6 days a week, with diggers, chainsaw, disc cutters, drills and hammers. Completely landscaping the rear garden and dug out for a swimming pool, next coming is work on the house with his planning for 3 extensions. It was a very quiet neighbourhood until he bought the house but it probably will be again in a few years.

addick05

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

Having a rump on a 'school night' before work? Shocking.

DaveMehmet

Get a load of mates round and all cheer loudly when they finish 

ricky_otto

palarsehater said:

last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night 

What did you expect when you moved in next door to Dennis Nielsen? 

Greenie Junior

Are you my neighbour? 

guinnessaddick

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

Counteract it by having a good old dump.

Wheresmeticket

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

Tell Boris you don't want to have to call the police again.

ricky_otto

guinnessaddick said:

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock and explain I can hear them?

Counteract it by having a good old dump on their doorstep. 

Wheresmeticket

iamdan said:

Woken up twice in consecutive early hours of the mornings by the neighbours having a good old rump.

any advice? Do I knock on the window and explain I can't hear them clearly enough ?

leftbehind

Ask for a threesome?

Bournemouth Addick

DaveMehmet said:

Get a load of mates round and all cheer loudly when they finish 

You have my sympathy @iamdan. 

I had this situation in a flat we lived in. The horrible old munter downstairs used to own our place, until the bank repossessed it from her. Along we come and innocently buy it, not knowing about the psychotic, alcoholic witch below who thought she could still lay down the rules about what could and couldn't be done to her property and took every opportunity to moan at us about the slightest noise (sadly mostly DIY related in my case). 

Anyway, without fail on "giro day" she would return after a night's heavy drinking with another notch for her headboard she'd picked up from some horrendous pub down the road. There was virtually no sound proofing and she would regale us with her extremely noisy, drunken rutting into the early hours. Including loud instructions as to the desired tempo and on one memorable occasion I remember her yelping and her requesting her lucky conquest not to, "...farking well put it up there!"

We tried every approach, including clapping and cheering as... er...she reached her destination as per @DaveMehmet suggestion above. None of it worked tbh and she seemed to get off on it even more once she knew it was having the desired affect. You might have more luck just by making them aware you're awake yourselves by moving around, putting the radio on or whatnot but some people just don't worry about neighbours overhearing their sexual shenanigans 

Apropos of nothing my final memory of the evil old hag is the happy day she moved out and seeing her going up the road in the front of a flipping milk float(!) with all her worldlies loaded up on the back, including what sounded like a box of crockery which fell off the back.

Ahh, sweet memories. 

Covered End

You could have a wank in the corner, a la Bradley Dack.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2948048/Former-professional-footballer-raped-woman-22-met-nightclub-consensual-sex-teammate.html

Alternatively, you could stand in the corner and film it on your mobile phone a la Karlan Grant.

https://metro.co.uk/2018/06/14/three-british-footballers-arrested-raping-teenager-ibiza-7630575/

Allegedly.

aliwibble

Change your Wifi router name to WeCanHearYouShagging?

mistrollingin

Wait until she gets going, then ring her doorbell and shout through the letterbox "Avon Calling!"

Pringle

One time I thought I could hear my neighbours shagging...turned out it was a pigeon on the roof. 

Addick Addict

palarsehater said:

last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night 

My sincere apologies. From now on, I promise to finish by 10.00 and that all participants will be as silent as lambs. Please also let me know if you would like to join in at any point. 

Hannibal

Greenie

Used to have a flat in Hither Green with a couple of mates, Goodbye Horse was one of the chaps, the flat below (it was one of the converted houses in Leahust road) was occupied by a couple and they were either fighting or fucking.
The insulation was crap and you could hear everything when they were both horizontal jogging, so we used to wait for the build up and right on the glory stroke we banged on the floor yelling stuff like ‘OH BABY YESSS’ (her money shout) and GET INNNN!  And er other stuff!
His missus told him to have a word with us, in fairness he did, but we ignored him and carried on......

guinnessaddick

mistrollingin said:

Wait until she gets going, then ring her doorbell and shout through the letterbox "Avon Calling!"

Too late, Max Factor. That’s why she was making the noise.