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Early morning disturbances
Comments
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Can we change the thread title
i thought it was gonna be about toilet shenanigans and what sort of stool action we all have .
what a let down , can’t add anything of note to this thread , sorry7 -
Fucking genius...aliwibble said:Change your Wifi router name to WeCanHearYouShagging?4 -
Well it depends on how many of your devices you've got connected to it, as having to reconfigure the wifi connection for all of them would be a pain in the arse. But if you've got a Mifi device (either for connectivity on the road or as a backup in case your broadband goes down) that'd work just as well, as long as you remember to keep it plugged in.
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While having sex?palarsehater said:last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night1 -
Sorry SuedeAdidas, you beat me to it with a far wittier quote.SuedeAdidas said:
That's some kinky shit right therepalarsehater said:last week my neighbour thought it was acceptable to use a fucking circular saw at 11.35 at night1 -
@iamdan. How was it for you?0
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Nothing last night! Had a good nights kip.2
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To me it should be late night not early morning even though original title is technically correct.oohaahmortimer said:Can we change the thread title
i thought it was gonna be about toilet shenanigans and what sort of stool action we all have .
what a let down , can’t add anything of note to this thread , sorry0 -
Can't offer anything that hasn't already been covered here.
I can always make a tenuous link though
There is a deaf guy where I worked for a while and he would often be heard loudly masturbating in the toilet cubicles. First time I got the benefit of hearing this it scared the shit out of me as I thought someone was having a seizure in there so I was hammering on the door asking if they were ok, this was until someone heard me doing that and came in and said to bit worry as it was just xxxx having a tug.
I know that story generates a lot more questions than answers30 -
keep us informediamdan said:Nothing last night! Had a good nights kip.0 - Sponsored links:
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Man up and knock one out!0
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I suggest the bloke, you never know the woman might let you have a go.Solidgone said:Man up and knock one out!2 -
About twenty years ago I lived in a flat in Sheffield. You always knew the couple next door were at it as they'd stick on 'Drive' by The Cars and the bedsprings would keep time.
I used to stick on a bit of Ace of Spades. It didn't stop them snagging but it made sure he'd finished quicker.12 -
This thread. CL gold.5
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Used to have a neighbour upstairs who liked everyone to know she was having a good time... Until my wife informed me she was definitely faking it. I had no idea, and quite frankly it's that sort of ability to tell that I can live without
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This brings back memories of when my missus and I moved into our first house in Brisbane in 1998.
We had a townhouse and then backing onto our garden was a block of flats, probably about eight storeys high.
Anyway, one Saturday morning out of nowhere we hear this woman from the flats moaning - and I do mean moaning - during the act, it was like she was right next to you it was that loud.
In fact, when I first heard it I could have sworn the woman was being attacked and I was going to call the old bill before I realised what was actually going on.
This was an upmarket, urban neighborhood so it was always pretty busy with lots of people about so people all over could have heard these folks - which I am sure they knew - but they could not care less.
For some reason it was always on Saturday mornings when they did this, normally about 11AM, and you only ever heard her and never him.
Anyway, about four weeks into the weekly shagging session one of the locals, an old bloke I had not seen before finally had enough.
As the session finally subsided and the noisy female was finally sated this rough Aussie voice pierced the morning air, "Oi love! Got a minute, I need a word!"
She must have stuck her head out of the window so he could see her (I couldn't see as I was hiding under the bed through sheer embarrassment).
"Yeah, what do you want?" she said, sounding like she was probably in her 30s.
"Can you just do us all a favour and keep the noise down with your boyfriend?" he asked.
"What's wrong? Jealous are ya?" She replied, snarkily.
"Nah love, not jealous," he replied, "It's just that I am trying to mow me farkin' lawn and with all the noise you're making I can't hear if me farkin' mower is on or off!"
That was the last time I ever heard them at it on a Saturday morning.19 -
I think I can guess... If it's real they are either really positive "yes! Yes!" Or undergo some religious experience "Jesus! Oh god" or there's fake "addickted! Addickted!"Addickted said:
Thank you old jokes home...
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deffo put some obviously suggestive music on when they do, so they can hear, and see if they get the hint, of course there are some risks to this..0
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This is a very under appreciated post.aliwibble said:Change your Wifi router name to WeCanHearYouShagging?5 - Sponsored links:
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This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.
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I wonder if it was teeth in or out?Billericay Dickie said:This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.13 -
Well......they were in his gob when he started - but couldn’t find them when they finished.Baldybonce said:
I wonder if it was teeth in or out?Billericay Dickie said:This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.6 -
Now your username makes senseBillericay Dickie said:This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.
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I wondered exactly the same thing.Baldybonce said:
I wonder if it was teeth in or out?Billericay Dickie said:This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.0 -
SuedeAdidas said:
Well......they were in his gob when he started - but couldn’t find them when they finished.Baldybonce said:
I wonder if it was teeth in or out?Billericay Dickie said:This is sort of related to this thread.
There is an elderly couple (both in their 80’s) who are members of my Bowls Club.
One evening earlier in the year the husband got out of bed to open the bedroom windows. He couldn’t help but look down into the lounge of the house that backed onto him.
The neighbors were a couple in their 30’s with two young children. The lounge lights were on and the couple were both naked and they were both hard at it.
According to Derek various kinky positions and plenty of oral sex.
Derek told his wife,she got out of bed to watch and she was mesmerized by what She was seeing.
It transpires that three or four nights a week, after they put their children to bed the neighbors use their lounge for Rolly Polly.
The funny thing is that now Derek and his wife now check every night and enjoy watching their neighbors performing, Derek albeit sheepishly admitted that his wife has become frisky (for the first time in quite a few years)
Derek also admitted that when his wife first saw her neighbor receiving head, she couldn’t stop talking about it.
He did laugh and joke, but reading between the lines this has kickstarted their sex life, and for the first time ever they have tried oral sex
Good luck to them both,and the old girl has certainly got a spring in her step lately.
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20 odd years ago in leafy Chislehurst, retired restaurater Raj bought the house next to mine, the other half of the semi-detached, to rent out as pension for Mrs Raj and him.
They weren't aiming for the top of the market, so my neighbours in quick succession were a sacked fireman, a couple of junkies then an extended/fluctuating family of halfwit pisshead scumbags. I met Raj and Raj jnr a few times over those first couple of years, 'did I know where (insert name of rent dodger) was, had I seen them lately? Sorry for the disruption' etc. The landlords were nice enough but their tenants had all been twunts and absconders.
Mr & Mrs Raj had a rethink and decided to spruce up No.43, aiming for a better quality tenant.
Work on no.43 was sporadic and slow, suited me fine cos I had no neighbours for months. R or R.jnr came and went doing odd jobs but peace reigned.
1am one Sunday morning I am awoken by the rhythmic shrieks of a female voice, emanating from nearby. Nearby turned out to be the adjacent bedroom in the recently unoccupied no 43. An unfamiliar car was parked in next door's drive. Praps new tenants moved in today, thought I. Couple of hours later, next door's front door slams and the unfamiliar car departs.
Daylight provided no evidence that 43 was actually occupied.
Similar scenario a week or so later. Same soundtrack, same vehicle.
One blazing Sunday afternoon, the shrieking was audible over the sound of my lawnmower, admittedly they had opened a couple of windows.
Mystery cleared somewhat later that day, when a late teens/early twenties female, strongly resembling the Raj family, left no 43 accompanied by a strapping chap who wouldn't have looked out of place in the starting 5 for London Towers. Speculation on my part was that a Raj niece or granddaughter had found the keys to 43 and was sharing some enthusiastic private time with a companion of whom her family may not have roundly approved.
I never thought it necessary to share any of that with Raj or Raj jnr.
The better quality tenant the Raj's sought soon followed and the early hours outbursts ceased. A divorcée with teenagers arrived, 'That's the peace and quiet gone' I mused. For the most part this was true, not without certain compensations for me at 41, relations were most cordial, especially weekends when the kids were at their father's. Subject of how soundproof our homes were never came up...9 -
Alternatively, if you're feeling cruel, put on stuff that has a much higher than usual tempo ("Hey Ya" by OutKast maybe) or messes around with time signatures (several of the tracks on "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck, but I appreciate that jazz isn't everyone's cup of tea). If they're the kind of people that tend to synchronise with the music they're listening to, then they'll wear themselves out pretty quickly or keep on losing their rhythm. This also has the advantage that you have plausible deniability about it being a "we can hear you shagging" playlist, and is less likely to feed an exhibitionist tendencies they might have.razil said:deffo put some obviously suggestive music on when they do, so they can hear, and see if they get the hint, of course there are some risks to this..
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Put a letter through their door saying you can hear them and you don't even live next door. Say, I don't know what it must be like for your immediate neighbours. Then they won't know it is you and it might stop them being so noisy.3
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Or say/do nothing & drill a hole in the wall ;-)aliwibble said:
Alternatively, if you're feeling cruel, put on stuff that has a much higher than usual tempo ("Hey Ya" by OutKast maybe) or messes around with time signatures (several of the tracks on "Take Five" by Dave Brubeck, but I appreciate that jazz isn't everyone's cup of tea). If they're the kind of people that tend to synchronise with the music they're listening to, then they'll wear themselves out pretty quickly or keep on losing their rhythm. This also has the advantage that you have plausible deniability about it being a "we can hear you shagging" playlist, and is less likely to feed an exhibitionist tendencies they might have.razil said:deffo put some obviously suggestive music on when they do, so they can hear, and see if they get the hint, of course there are some risks to this..0
