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What is your idea of hell?
Comments
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Trying to walk out of the Den 3-0 down, only to be told that we was being held in for 30 mins after the game - then hearing the 4th Millwall goal go in. Awful14
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My idea of hell?
Imprisoned on an overcrowded South Eastern Train which has been stationary next to Millwall's ground for over an hour, whilst stuck next to a teenager playing garage music on speaker and an unattractive but heavily made-up woman having a loud conversation on the phone about her lovelife. As I stand there trying to think of something else whilst pressed up against the window, I am for some reason unable to prevent the image of Mick Hucknall squatting naked over a glass coffee table from entering my head.
My phone beeps twice in quick succession, providing a brief distraction from my ongoing nightmare - I manage to prize it from my pocket and see two notifications from Sky Sports:
1. Roland Duchatelet has decided to relinquish his ownership of Charlton Athletic and give the club away..........as a wedding gift to Katrien Meire and Thomas Driesen.
2. Crystal Palace have been taken over by Jeff Bezos, the richest man on the planet.
As my mind moves into a Mick Hucknall-addled blind panic, I suddenly become aware of a slight ache in my stomach and a twitching around my hoop, reminding me with increasing urgency of the prawn madras I devoured the night before.
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Films
Anything with annoying wet blanket Adam Sandler. Plus points if it's got simpering "I always look like I'm about to sneeze" Keira Knightly in it.
Tv
The X Factor, The Voice or any other talent show featuring the desperate and deluded.
Music
Abba
Food
Chinese (gloopy, bland lethargy inducer)
Drink
Ouzo, Sambuca or any other aniseed flavoured booze.
Sport
Rugby
American Football (which is rugby but with sillier outfits and more ad breaks)
Place
Barnsley.1 -
Some of us might put that on the "My Idea of Heaven" thread.Chris_from_Sidcup said:
What about going on a shopping date to Chatham with Gemma Collins, then back to hers to watch a horror film whilst snacking on some roasted parsnips and drinking red wine, then off to the bedroom where she puts on some rap music and asks you to smell her sweaty downstairs area?ForeverAddickted said:Films: Horror, only genre I dont have the balls to watch
TV: Anything type of reality show, has made a mockery of the term celebrity of late!!
Music: Rap!!!
Food: Parsnips / Marmite
Drinks: Red Wine!!!
Place: Chatham, parking in the pentagon centre and the smell of piss is just disgusting!!0 -
To be fair @cafcdave123 does tend to have no filter it seemsMrLargo said:
Some of us might put that on the "My Idea of Heaven" thread.Chris_from_Sidcup said:
What about going on a shopping date to Chatham with Gemma Collins, then back to hers to watch a horror film whilst snacking on some roasted parsnips and drinking red wine, then off to the bedroom where she puts on some rap music and asks you to smell her sweaty downstairs area?ForeverAddickted said:Films: Horror, only genre I dont have the balls to watch
TV: Anything type of reality show, has made a mockery of the term celebrity of late!!
Music: Rap!!!
Food: Parsnips / Marmite
Drinks: Red Wine!!!
Place: Chatham, parking in the pentagon centre and the smell of piss is just disgusting!!1 -
For legal reasons I can't say a Southeastern train.1
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What about a SsouthEeastern train?cantersaddick said:For legal reasons I can't say a Southeastern train.
Or a SarfLondon one?0 -
Close the thread - we have a winner.Chris_from_Sidcup said:
What about going on a shopping date to Chatham with Gemma Collins, then back to hers to watch a horror film whilst snacking on some roasted parsnips and drinking red wine, then off to the bedroom where she puts on some rap music and asks you to smell her sweaty downstairs area?ForeverAddickted said:Films: Horror, only genre I dont have the balls to watch
TV: Anything type of reality show, has made a mockery of the term celebrity of late!!
Music: Rap!!!
Food: Parsnips / Marmite
Drinks: Red Wine!!!
Place: Chatham, parking in the pentagon centre and the smell of piss is just disgusting!!0 -
Having a flappy bit of skin next to the thumb nail and never being able to rip it off.2
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Films
Fantasy/Superhero
Tv
Any Reality TV
Portuguese TV until about 10PM
Music
Autotuned pop , breathy twenty-something American girls, songs "written" by committee, anyone from any "talent" show.
Food
Jellied eels
Drink
Commercial ciders. Anything that (mostly) women claim is "...the only thing I drink", when it wasn't even in their vocabulary eighteen months ago.
Sport
Horse racing
Place
Albufeira in August
Overall. Finding I am one of only two men left on earth, and the other one insisting the destruction of the human race was down to the EU...
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Sponsored links:
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Kent being bowled out for under 40 against Essex.0
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I was on the beach yesterday and got talking to a couple from Croydon. He was Palace and he didn’t stop going on about them. I’ve completely avoided him today and sitting at the other end of the beach. Stuck with a Chelsea fan today reminiscing about his hooligan past ... running out of places to sit at this rate. I certainly know how to pick ‘em13
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Roland and Pardew in sexy underwear dancing provocatively in front of me with the Red Hot Chilli Peppers playing in the background and the Halifax choir advert playing on the TV. Outside thousands of people dressed in Crystal Palace full kits are counting down to New Years Day using hair brushes as pretend microphones as it rains sweetcorn and as it strikes12, an unabated 9 hours of Chas and Dave music is pumped through specially mounted speakers in Croydon.2
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Films:
- No Reservations (a truly godawful "rom-com" that was neither rom nor com, starring Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart as chefs)
- Most Adam Sandler films, exceptions being the Wedding Singer, Click, and maybe Happy Gilmore
TV:
- Anything like Geordie or Jersey Shore, Made in Chelsea, TOWIE, all that rubbish
Music:
- ... not very much, really. Maybe Kenny G and the like.
Food:
- Coriander (can't taste it due to genetic misfortune)
Drink:
- Dogh. It's grim.
Sport:
- Don't think I could ever get into hockey/ice hockey.
Place:
- Selhurst Park!0 -
A Frankie and Bennies restaurant playing Adele over and over on loop
With Bobby Sands on toilet duty and Hitler front of house, Abu Hamza head waiter and only their truly disgusting macaroni cheese being served
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Studio 338 have just taken over Sugar Hut, I think you'd struggle to find a worse place on earth than that.1
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Top crumpet thoughCroydon said:Studio 338 have just taken over Sugar Hut, I think you'd struggle to find a worse place on earth than that.
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Woodstock - all the 50 year celebrations dodge the main issue of being stuck in a quagmire with 300,000 hippies, one bog per 800 people and no doubt a sound system that was awful, that is when the performers weren't getting electrocuted.
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Working in any kind of shop between Oct & Jan when Christmas Carols are played on a loop. 5 years of working in the Welling co-op while doing A-Levels & Degree brought years of punishment.
Ex-wife winning the lottery.
Not seeing my kids, got a few friends in that situation right now and its unbearable for them.
The obvious losing to Arsenal and them winning anything...
Everything else is reasonably bearable.
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Glastonbury. Having to go camping, far too many people, not enough sleep, drowning in mud or absolutely baking. Would far rather watch it on the telly.
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Sponsored links:
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Watching duel screens of Man U under Fergie score in the 95th minute and The English patient, while trapped inside a polystyrene room (while some evil bastard rubs the wall) listening to Celine Dions greatest hits while being forced fed the fat off of ham.
Sorry I couldn’t be more specific
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No matter just wish I could have been there !Big William said:Woodstock - all the 50 year celebrations dodge the main issue of being stuck in a quagmire with 300,000 hippies, one bog per 800 people and no doubt a sound system that was awful, that is when the performers weren't getting electrocuted.0 -
Currently sat in an aeroplane getting ready to take off. I'll nominate hell as finding out that the extended family getting in now are staying at my hotel. I could feel the plane dip as they got on. Thunderously obese matriarch with a voice like a macaw with piles sitting on gravel is summoning on her brood, all look like pugsley from the Addams family (even the girls) all have those neck cushions, socks and sliders and a chain. Oh and bum bags round the shoulder. The grandparents are cackling wildly and I think I've just been whacked by a copious yet heavily deflated tit. The depressing thought is that will be the nearest I come to action for the next few days.17
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Charlton in league 1, nigels in the Prem.1
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Having a sudden dose of the trots and stuck on a flight for hours.0
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Films
Sentimental American comedies
Tv
Most reality - Strictly is ok as it requires work and talent
Music
Rap
Food
Pretentious
Drink
Coconut water
Sport
Horse racing
Place
Crystal Palace
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abattoirs
vivisection laboratories
being in the Den with the scum winning
any tory government - especially this one!
Trump as President
Charlton losing and Millwall & Palarse winning
being stuck in the middle of the Med in a rubber dinghy
my shitty neighbours when they have their loud all night parties
having no job, no money and stuck in a council flat in somewhere like Jarrow3 -
Films - Any Fast and Furious
TV - Any reality show (maybe except I’m a celebrity)
Music - Genesis
Food - Cheese
Drink - Tomato juice
Sport - Horse racing
Place - Anywhere I’m not with my family (and West Bromwich)0 -
FilmsMost things with Tom Hanks
Tv
Any reality TV but particularly Love Island. Also Mrs Browns Boys.
Music
Death metal
Food
Trout
Drink
Jagerbomb or Vodka Redbull
Sport
American Football
Place
Lloret de Marr0 -
Bus stations, full of lost luggage and lost souls.0
