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The Christmas Sh*ts

PopIcon
PopIcon Posts: 5,970
edited December 2020 in Not Sports Related
Mine normally start on Christmas Eve. Just as my annual two week diet of cheese, twiglets and booze starts. This year it started a little earlier, possibly June.

This year Christmas gout is a high possibility.


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Comments

  • Arsenetatters
    Arsenetatters Posts: 5,975
    After the Christmas pudding 
  • golfaddick
    golfaddick Posts: 33,628
    After about the 4th day of eating leftover turkey, ham & salad.
  • Blackheathen
    Blackheathen Posts: 6,655
    When the in-laws arrive
  • paulie8290
    paulie8290 Posts: 23,344
    edited December 2020
    "The Christmas Shits"

    Is that the collective name for when all of Mr Hankeys family get together 
  • oohaahmortimer
    oohaahmortimer Posts: 34,147
    edited December 2020
    2.30 to 5.30 off the pan 
    back on ffs 
    the marks I get on arse and backs of legs a joke 

  • LargeAddick
    LargeAddick Posts: 32,561
    I feel your pain @oohaahmortimer. 
  • MStuartPerm
    MStuartPerm Posts: 611
    The only plus point of Christmas is I won’t have my Dad round on Boxing Day ( day after If we could have gone to the Valley). He’s a bloody nightmare after sprouts and stuffing on Christmas Day. I swear my sister gives him extra as she knows the side effects. 
    The only warning you get is him sniggering like a teenager.
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,246
    All that rich food we indulge in over Christmas carries a price tag and the man must be paid in full 

    I have begun my period of abstinence from eating anything hot or too exotic so my colon can handle whatever I give it to deal with on Christmas day and will not let me down until new years eve when I will probably shit myself as big Ben chimes 

    @oohaahmortimer God speed my friend, I know you pay the price everyday I hope Christmas day itself isn't too loose and your body gives you a window of peace before the inevitable heavy metal onslaught and mayhem 
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  • charltonkeston
    charltonkeston Posts: 7,362
    Go veggie and enjoy predictable, quality dumps. And if you want to speed things up Christmas Day, go for the apricot stuffing 
  • guinnessaddick
    guinnessaddick Posts: 28,628
    Huskaris said:
    Mine normally start at about 4am but if I give them one present each they tend to go back to bed until about 7


  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,825
    Popicon and the Christmas Sh*ts sounds like a late 70s punk band 
  • man_at_milletts
    man_at_milletts Posts: 5,620
    oohaahmortimer said:
    2.30 to 5.30 off the pan 
    back on ffs 
    the marks I get on arse and backs of legs a joke 


    Forget the bog brush, go back to using paper. Best thing I ever did.
  • thai malaysia addick
    thai malaysia addick Posts: 18,334
    oohaahmortimer said:
    2.30 to 5.30 off the pan 
    back on ffs 
    the marks I get on arse and backs of legs a joke 

    Is that what the ooh and aah in your name refers to?
  • Wheresmeticket
    Wheresmeticket Posts: 17,304
    edited December 2020
    Huskaris said:
    Mine normally start at about 4am but if I give them one present each they tend to go back to bed until about 7
    20 minutes after midnight and Post of the Day already.
  • Uboat
    Uboat Posts: 12,195
    I have the opposite problem. If the country runs out of toilet roll it won’t be my fault. 
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,601
    Carter said:
    All that rich food we indulge in over Christmas carries a price tag and the man must be paid in full 

    I have begun my period of abstinence from eating anything hot or too exotic so my colon can handle whatever I give it to deal with on Christmas day and will not let me down until new years eve when I will probably shit myself as big Ben chimes 

    @oohaahmortimer God speed my friend, I know you pay the price everyday I hope Christmas day itself isn't too loose and your body gives you a window of peace before the inevitable heavy metal onslaught and mayhem 
    I always have a bowl of bran or porridge and a few satsumas for Christmas Day breakfast to try and combat the onslaught of stodge for the rest of the day.

  • MuttleyCAFC
    MuttleyCAFC Posts: 47,728
    The problem is we have a Millenium dome bowl we fill with chocolates and they get refilled as fast as I can eat them.
  • DaveMehmet
    DaveMehmet Posts: 21,601
    MuttleyCAFC said:
    The problem is we have a Millenium dome bowl we fill with chocolates and they get refilled as fast as I can eat them.
    Your house must be fucking huge and cost a fortune to heat.
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  • blackpool72
    blackpool72 Posts: 23,677
    charltonkeston said:
    Go veggie and enjoy predictable, quality dumps. And if you want to speed things up Christmas Day, go for the apricot stuffing 
    Apricot stuffing is the most unusual supositary I've heard of.
    But haho I'll give it a try.
  • AFKABartram
    AFKABartram Posts: 57,825
    In case it wasn’t clear, you’re meant to eat it @blackpool72  :-) 
  • soapy_jones
    soapy_jones Posts: 21,353
    Blissfully regular the whole year around.  In fact Great Western Railways set their clocks by me.
  • blackpool72
    blackpool72 Posts: 23,677
    AFKABartram said:
    In case it wasn’t clear, you’re meant to eat it @blackpool72  :-) 
    It's too late now 😣
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 52,006
    oohaahmortimer said:
    I’m currently living on the bog , in between eating copious amounts of Cadbury’s and chocolate digestives , with the odd bit of sleep thrown in , I’m disgusting 
    Obviously you know that chocolate is bad for IBS?
  • oohaahmortimer
    oohaahmortimer Posts: 34,147
    Covered End said:
    oohaahmortimer said:
    I’m currently living on the bog , in between eating copious amounts of Cadbury’s and chocolate digestives , with the odd bit of sleep thrown in , I’m disgusting 
    Obviously you know that chocolate is bad for IBS?
    Yep , I did a year off 3 years ago and 6 months off I think start of this year.

    It helps but not massively , my constitutional action is mainly mush whatever the diet 
  • Covered End
    Covered End Posts: 52,006
    oohaahmortimer said:
    Covered End said:
    oohaahmortimer said:
    I’m currently living on the bog , in between eating copious amounts of Cadbury’s and chocolate digestives , with the odd bit of sleep thrown in , I’m disgusting 
    Obviously you know that chocolate is bad for IBS?
    Yep , I did a year off 3 years ago and 6 months off I think start of this year.

    It helps but not massively , my constitutional action is mainly mush whatever the diet 
    I have ulcerative colitis so I understand.
    I was having a bit of a recent flare up and decided it may be a combination of too much caffeine, wheat, chocolate and alcohol, so reduced the intake and am much improved.
  • lolwray
    lolwray Posts: 4,900
    I always get an attack of the chalfonts at Christmas 
  • Carter
    Carter Posts: 14,246
    lolwray said:
    I always get an attack of the chalfonts at Christmas 
    Nasty business 

    A mate of mine suffers with what he calls IDS (itchy dirtbox syndrome) which is brought on by grapes of wrath. Says the only cure is the anusol or some pretty innovative sounding tablets that go into said dirtbox and work their magic 


  • Curb_It
    Curb_It Posts: 21,221
    Seriously. Does anyone know more  about any other person’s bowel movements than they do about OohAahs? Every time he tells us he’s on the loo reading... too much thinking of his gold plated shite in his palatial Essex barn conversion. Stop!!  We don’t want to know you don’t have solids. Please. 😊

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