I used to work with a lady in Malaysia who regularly said to me, "Can I have a quick one?" She meant in case you are wondering, a quick chat. I could never bring myself to explain to her the innuendo.
Is that honestly what you thought?
Well, yes, actually. She had different sexual preferences to me.
Yeah, well I’m guessing you were into women and she was into men. What a shame.
Get a load of this. This is what I have stored in my archive...
MICHAEL
Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE Ryder covering the US
Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! **My Favourite**
US
PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that,
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the
Cox of the Oxford
crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"
I've seen this list on this site before but none of them is the worse for being repeated.
Get a load of this. This is what I have stored in my archive...
MICHAEL
Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
STEVE Ryder covering the US
Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard! **My Favourite**
US
PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that,
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"
Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the
Cox of the Oxford
crew."
Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"
I've seen this list on this site before but none of them is the worse for being repeated.
Yes, I’ve posted the list before. I’ll like to get it out and show it to everyone now and again. It seems to make everybody laugh.
This morning i tossed off my bed covers and stood proud by the bed looking down my passage as the sun gently stroked and played with the poofie in the living room which came to me from an old family friend who used to take me up the Valley...
Comments
Why don't you just say what you mean ?
Stop Fannying around & give it to me straight up !
" It's all in the wrist action". Then demonstrated the wrist movement.
…. another Messi moment
Bargain. Much better than half an orange.